


Haunted

by jeejaschocolate



Series: Jidaigeki: Historical AUs [4]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Alternate Universe - Historical, Backstory, Blow Jobs, Character Development, Cock Worship, Cultural References, Discussion of Death, Explicit Sexual Content, Fight Scenes, Ghosts, Heian Period, Hurt/Comfort, Imperial court politics, Light Bondage, M/M, Massage, Public Hand Jobs, Rituals, Romance, Stalking, Switching, Torture, Violence, Wet Dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-06-05 06:52:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 85,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6693913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeejaschocolate/pseuds/jeejaschocolate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Heian Period, 900s AU) Kira works tirelessly as a servant for an aristocratic family. He is constantly teased by one of the family’s guards, a puzzling but bizarrely attractive man named Gin Ichimaru. Kira just wants to stay alert and do his job, but rumors are spreading about a cursed spirit plaguing the noble family’s castle…</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hole in the Screen

**Author's Note:**

> Feels good to have another one of these up! This is working out to be a romantic ghost-story type fic (heavy on the romance, no small amount of sexy times). Mostly this is a way for me to work through my feelings about Gin--who I love so much--and Kira, another underrated character. 
> 
> NOW FOR ALL THE NOTES IN THE WORLD!!!! 
> 
> *About the Heian Period: Though mostly a time of peace (hence the characters, 平安), the Heian Period was the height of the imperial court’s power. As such, there are some references to court customs and things in this fic, nothing too major. It’s mostly a story about the servants—of whom not much is known historically speaking. Their stories were either never written down (due to the fact that servants were not literate at the time) or have been lost. So I took some liberties with what I think life would have been like for a servant in the Heian era. Hopefully that works—(and how fitting is it for Kira to have a story that no one bothered to write down?).
> 
> *The Fujiwara Clan - the most influential aristocratic family in this time period. Realistically they had just as much (or more) political power than the emperor because of intermarriage from Fujiwara daughters to existing emperors. So, Momo is part of the Fujiwara family here to make her an asset to Aizen. Access to power, etc. 
> 
> The majority of this story takes place in a Fujiwara castle (a self-contained estate, as it would have been) near the capital city. These castles had their own guards, servants, farmers, and imperial reception halls (hence the ladies and lords). Life in this time period revolved around these estates (shouen); they were economic and political centers as well as breeding grounds for art and literature. Essential parts of Heian society. 
> 
> In addition to court culture and art, the Heian period was when esoteric Buddhism made its way to Japan from China. This all paints the picture of a very aesthetically pleasing, mystical atmosphere. Makes for a great ghost story! 
> 
> Japanese:  
> aniki 兄貴 - term for older brother. Common among brothers close in age, or sometimes members of the same gang.  
> Heika 陛下 - an honorific title meaning “Your Majesty”  
> kitsune; inari spirit - Fox spirits. Inari spirits specifically are fox-like gods that can be summoned by humans to fulfill a purpose (dark or otherwise).  
> kawaisou かわいそう - A Japanese expression meaning “poor thing” or “it’s so sad.” An expression of pity. Gin says this a lot in reference to Kira.

**Chapter One - Hole in the Screen**

Kira scrubbed as hard as he dared on the soft cotton in front of him. The washbasin was already mirky with expensive soaps that clouded the water, making it impossible to see the soft brown color of the kimono. He had to constantly take the soaking kimono out of the basin and inspect it near his face to check the cleanliness. This small action sent soap suds and water droplets repeatedly flying in random directions.

_Four, five, six, seven…_ Kira counted scrub strokes in his head, trying to follow Nanao’s advice. She said that a precise number of strokes could lead to an immaculately clean garment without even having to inspect. But Kira had difficulty keeping the numbers straight in his head. Every little thing caught his eye today and made him lose count.

Busy footsteps pounded the soft wooden floor in the adjacent corridor. Servants scraped and fussed while attendants barked orders at them.

"Put this here!"

"Make sure the white cotton does not touch the floor!"

"Shake out the screen before you set it up…!"

The usual commands. 

The castle was abuzz today because of the Lord Aizen-sama’s return after a month of absence. The personal attendants he had left behind were marching up and down trying to make sure every small detail was in order—even the tiniest mistake could cost them their position (and the servants their jobs, or perhaps some of their fingers depending on the lords’ moods…). So every corner was scrubbed and polished. 

The lords Aizen took with him on his trip would also be returning, meaning that their attendants were on edge as well. By contrast, the ladies in waiting seemed to glow with excitement. They lived for the opportunity to catch a glimpse of Aizen-sama. A slight nod or comment from the lord of the castle was enough to elevate their status considerably among the courtly ladies, so it was prime time for them to showcase their appearances. Time to put on all the brand new seasonal kimonos, show off their splendor, don their faces with make-up, blacken their teeth accordingly…

As such, Kira had been at work for a solid five hours straight scrubbing kimonos and layers of fabric. His mind completely lost focus after about three hours, which was much less than Kira knew himself to be capable of. But today, his ears helplessly picked up every sound coming from around the castle. Even the early summer evening made his eyes wander and forget about the soaking garment in his hands.

A golden sunset, Kira thought absentmindedly as he looked out the open door to the washroom. Wasn’t the sun supposed to be red as it set? He frowned, suddenly forgetting which was a better omen, a golden sunset or a red sunset. He squeezed his eyes closed and tried to remember…the nearby chirping of the cicadas lulling him into meditation…

“Kira!” 

Opening his eyes frantically, Kira found himself staring right into his superior’s bespectacled face. She had on her sternest look, pointing her fan right at Kira’s pounding chest.

“Take it out, now.” Nanano’s eyes skirted over to the still-soaking kimono. “Before you ruin it with your carelessness.”

“Yes, ma’am. My apologies, Nanao-san, I lost track of my thoughts—”

Kira hurriedly pulled the dripping wet kimono out of the basin. Nanao immediately snatched it from his hands and laid it down on the drying rack. She stretched out the sleeves with a practiced hand, tutting as she went, pulling the fabric close to her eyes to investigate every little thread, it seemed.

“Lost in thought, once again, Kira,” Nanao chided. She carefully rolled a hot stone over the kimono to dry it, taking care not to leave any creases. “Is that why I have to do your job for you?”

The thin blonde man bowed deeply at the waist, running a list of self-admonishments through his head. “No, ma’am. Not at all. I assure you I can still work. Please, let me do that—”

“Enough, Kira.” Nanao sighed and continued drying the garment. “This kimono is to be worn by Lady Rukia herself tonight. We can hardly afford to let you soil it and cause problems for her ladyship.” 

The tired servants quartermaster wiped her sweaty brow on the back of her hand. “Just go take those towels to the cupboard in the east wing. Shuuhei told me the cupboard was bare the last time he checked. Can’t afford any mistakes like that tonight—”

Nanao never had time to finish her sentence, because right at that moment servants started running into the castle from all directions.

“The carriages are here!”

“Aizen-sama has arrived!”

“To your posts, make haste!”

“Call the ladies and lords for an audience! Immediately!”

And so, all thoughts were whisked away in a flurry activity for several long minutes. Kira felt his hands shaking, his heart beating furiously as he imagined the face he had been dreading to see for the past month. It was a nice reprieve without that man for a bit, Kira reflected hastily, getting to his knees outside the washroom with the rest of the servants. He bowed his head in respect to Aizen-sama, whose carriage he recognized immediately. The thick red doors and sleek black ox—how could anyone not know that as Aizen Sousuke’s very own entourage?

And sure enough, several men on horseback rode behind him. Those closest to the carriage itself were Aizen’s personal staff—the men who served as his exclusive body guards. His small band of warriors. Most people just called them the Espada (a foreign word taken from a poem written overseas. The name just seemed to fit). 

The Espada rode in with their heads held high. For the most part. Some of the more gaunt looking ones kept their faces down, staring inscrutably at their hands, eyeing the katanas dangling from their sides. Such a sight they made. No one in their right mind would take the Espada on—their looks alone kept all dissenters away! Not that there were any dissenters to begin with, or at least, none anyone knew about. Aizen just kept his Espada around as a show of power, and an effective one at that.

Kira let the ominous, highly anticipated sound of clomping horse hooves wash over him. He kept his head bowed, trying his hardest not to give in to the itchiness in his eyes and scalp that demanded he look up. _Ignore it_ , he thought, _ignore that feeling…_ The cold rush of air across the back of his neck that meant he was being stared at—

“Hmmmm.”

Kira was sure he heard it: The sound of that man chuckling. It haunted him in sleep, rang in his ears every waking hour. He was laughing at Kira, of course, for something—the hell could it be this time?

Control broken, Kira glanced upward without raising his face. From underneath his brow, he saw him. That man, pale silver hair looking almost lavender in the fading sunlight…his eyes closed, perpetual smile glued on his face. Kira squinted to see if Gin had just been laughing, if he heard correctly. Unfortunately, Gin always (without fail) appeared to be in the middle of a cruel fit of giggles. Now was no exception. 

But Gin stared in the opposite direction of where Kira sat kneeling. The solider was looking (probably, hard to tell) at the east wing kitchens instead. 

Kira blushed and lowered his eyes again. Had he simply imagined Gin’s laughter? Had he also imagined that horrible shiver he always felt when that man looked at him? Impossible, his body could not replicate such a unique feeling, but then…maybe his mind was just playing tricks on him. 

The blonde man swallowed hard and let out a quiet breath. The entourage was passing now, headed to the stables to unload their carriages. The lords’ horses trailed dutifully behind, as proud as their masters to be part of the display. Kira let himself look up as he watched them trot away. 

So. He had successfully avoided contact with Gin upon his immediate return. A small victory. 

No, he shouldn’t call him Gin, Kira thought. He was Ichimaru-dono. A man above his station who held direct counsel with the lord of the castle himself. In fact, most people referred to Gin—that is, Ichimaru-dono—as Aizen’s right-hand man. Just because the solider seemed to make it his personal pastime to dog Kira’s steps and harass him did not mean they were at all able to speak casually.

Regardless of how many times Gin asked Kira to call him by his first name.

_“So polite…”_ That southern province accent thick on his voice. Kira could recognize Gin’s speech in a room full of clattering dishes. _“Why don’t we get a little friendlier, hmm? Just call me Gin. Or Gin-kun, if you prefer. Though I would like it if you called me ‘aniki’…”_

Kira shook the memory out of his head. He had enough on his plate today without the added nerves that came thinking about Gin. Err, Ichimaru-dono. 

Without needing to be told, Kira rose with the rest of the servants and went back to his washroom duties. Nanao was already busy ordering around a fresh batch of servants with laundry yet to be laid out. So, the blonde man thought he would just finish the task his superior had given him earlier. He scooped up a freshly folded pile of towels and starting walking, quickly and quietly, over to the east wing.

It took a lot of care crossing from one side of the mansion to the other. Servants were not allowed to use the main pathways outdoors (not permitted to cross over bridges, nor traverse the gardens). These were reserved for the lords and ladies. It was unsightly to see a servant walking by carrying a load of laundry while one was sitting meditatively in the gardens, conjuring poetry…so therefore, Kira and the rest of the servants needed to use several unseen paths whenever they went outside. 

It was alright for servants to walk in the same hallways on the inside of the estate, as long as the servant was careful never to be caught walking down the middle of the hallway. If a lord or lady past, the servant was required to bow their head and cease all movement, in case the noble individual needed to assign some task to the servant on their way across. Other times, a servant could be safe walking hurriedly along the walls, feet as quiet and unobtrusive as possible.

So, Kira shuffled through the small, hidden grass area outside, noting how the sun had already almost completely set. He crept inside a small door and whisked himself through the corridors of the east wing, trying to find the cupboard Nanao had spoken about. The corridors smelled clean and fresh, no doubt recently scrubbed. The faint scent of pungent incense wafted outward from underneath a closed screen door. Inhaling the strange sweet smell made Kira’s nose twitch and his mind swim. 

Several servants passed him, lighting the essential lamps along the corridors for bare visibility. It was certainly unnerving how quickly it got dark in this estate—as soon as the sun went down, all trace of light disappeared from the castle, making it seem as if the castle itself were isolated in its own dimension. A dark dimension, sealed off from the rest of the world.

As a result, most servants scrambled to their well-lit posts as soon as it became night. The same was true now and Kira rapidly found himself the only soul in a dimly lit hallway. 

Finally, the cupboard appeared at the far end of the hall. Kira breathed a tiny sigh of relief, hating how it felt to be alone at night. The typically reassuring sounds of the bustling castle became muffled—as if the darkness had a kind of smothering presence. The air was colder, thicker.

_Put the towels away and go to kitchens,_ Kira told himself. True that the kitchens were not his designated post, but at least there he would find other people to chase away the eeriness of being alone. 

Hastily, Kira opened the cupboard drawers, forcing himself not to shiver as the drawers made a strange creaking sound, and laid down the fresh towels. Duty bade him to make sure the towels lay flat (on the off chance Nanao would check later and scold him for not being thorough). His finger caught on the unfinished wood and he hissed in pain. His hand shot out reflexively, as did his tongue as he licked his finger to ease the sharp stinging. 

In the darkness, Kira could not tell if he had given himself a splinter. But the stinging subsided as he licked the irritated skin, and he thought it would be good enough. He turned his head to the side to soothe more of his cuticle, berating himself for being so foolish in the first place (he was an adult still scared of the dark, how shameful)—

A small golden pinprick caught his attention from the corner of his eye. He turned around fully, staring confusedly at a small speck of light splayed across the wooden floor. Only because the castle hallways were so dark did Kira even notice the thing—the yellow stood out in such harsh contrast that Kira wondered how he could ever have missed the sight.

Now to figure out where it was coming from.

Glancing around, Kira spotted a small (barely visible) hole in a screen door. The door faced out into the hallway, and the troublesome hole (could have been made by anything, a small mouse nibbling, a careless servant brushing the door on their way past) cast light from inside the room onto the floor of the hallway. Kira sighed in irritation, hating how such an unsightly mistake could have been missed! But, all the better that he was here now so he could fix it with some spare cloth until morning. Probably the entire screen would need to be replaced, now…

Kira got down on his knees in front of the screen. He made sure not to make any noise as he carefully ripped off a piece of cloth from his greying yukata. He licked the cloth and bent down to cover the hole with precision. 

Shifting shadows across the cast light made Kira stop dead in his tracks.

He watched the pattern of the shadows as they swayed back and forth for a moment. Then, he heard a low grumbling sigh coming from the room, clearly a man’s voice, with a higher pitched chuckle in response.

Kira closed his eyes, completely unsure what to do. Now it was obvious that there were two people (at least) inside this room. And here Kira was, bent over on his knees to try and fix a hole that—if caught now—he would most certainly be blamed for! Should he crawl away? Shift backwards and pretend he had never been here? Or should he just casually continue fixing and then move away like this was all the most natural evening of his life?

“Ah, yes, my dear…” 

Kira almost gasped as he heard that voice. The soul-rumbling deepness of it. Unmistakable. That was Aizen-sama’s voice…but this room, was not Aizen’s personal chambers. He slept with Momo- _heika_ in their master bedroom, far from the east wing hallways where minor lords and ladies idled away their afternoons in leisure—

“Quite the pleasant welcome.”

Still. That was definitely Aizen-sama. Kira wanted to cry suddenly, to run away as fast as he could and pretend he had never been here, that this terribly unfortunate noticing had never crossed his horribly unlucky path…

…But Kira was already on his knees, and the hole was already at eye level. A demon call of curiosity ravaged Kira’s unprepared body, begging him to look closer…to see…after all, the only thing he needed to do was turn his eye a little to the left…

And so he did.

What he saw made Kira clasp a hand over his mouth to keep from screaming. Even from such a tiny pinprick, Kira had a remarkably good view of everything happening inside the room. Or at least the most important parts. 

Aizen stood, his back to the screen door, and his majestic robes parted halfway off his body. The strong, bare, muscled back of his lordship was enough to make Kira want to cry right away—never had he seen something so breathtaking before. Such smooth skin, such clear power in those shoulders and arms…his brown hair crimping at the edges where they made contact with his sweaty neck. Kira licked his lips unconsciously, fighting the blood in his body that swam ever downward to his nether regions…

But Aizen was not alone. That much was clear from the way he canted his hips forward, groaning small sounds of exertion and pleasure as he went. His robes hung precariously around his hips, covering what was sure to be a tantalizing backside and…other parts. Furthermore, a pair of small white hands wrapped around Aizen’s waist, pointing obviously towards what was going on here.

Sucking noises and wet thrusting sounds invaded Kira’s ears like a rush of fire. He lost his breath, forgetting himself and widening his eyes. The servant was unable to stop his manhood from hardening. Lord Aizen was—well. Fucking someone in the mouth. A scandal on its own, besides the fact that this was clearly not Momo- _heika_ , his wife. Her majesty’s nails were long and lightly painted, quite unlike those of the person currently…servicing the lord. 

(A man or a woman? Impossible to tell from this angle, as Aizen's body blocked all of the person he was with except their hands. But Kira rather thought it was a man…the shape of those hands, the way the person took all of Aizen’s thrusting without flinching or gagging…this felt like a manly presence—)

“See anything good?”

Nearly jumping out of his skin, Kira jolted backwards on his hands and knees. He would have screamed—he did scream, actually, for only a moment—but the sound was muted by a spindly hand clapped succinctly over his mouth.

Trapped in the arms of this man, Kira’s skin crawled with anxiety as he laid eyes on Ichimaru Gin. The solider was smiling, of course. He had approached the hallway silently, without so much as a candle to light his way. In the darkness, Gin looked like the vision of a _kitsune_ , or a stray _inari_ spirit sent to devour him. His silver hair and slit-like eyes looked unearthly. Surely this could not be a human person…

“Shhhh…” Gin said with a slight chuckle, raising a finger to his lips. “Don’t want to get caught now, do you?”

Kira breathed heavily through his nose. He struggled in Gin’s arms, trying to wiggle his face away from underneath the man’s hand. Why was his skin so cold…?

“Easy, easy,” Gin spoke barely above a whisper. His taunting voice curled like tendrils of incense around Kira’s ears, immobilizing him against his will. “Why do you have to struggle so much, you poor thing? _Kawaisou…_ ” 

Hearing Gin’s mock pity disgusted Kira. Beyond that, he was horribly ashamed at being caught looking through the hole—this was punishable by immediate dismissal, or maybe death…

Fear gripped Kira’s chest as he stared helplessly into Gin’s unreadable face.

“Be good now, won’t you?” Gin asked, leaning in to speak directly in Kira’s ear. 

Why did that voice make him shiver? Why was his stubborn hardness refusing to subside, even as Gin pressed up against him, surely able to feel it on his stomach by now…?

Slowly, Gin released his grip on Kira, chuckling all the while. The blonde servant immediately took several steps backward, creating some space between them. 

“Ichimaru-dono—”

Sighing in frustration, Gin grabbed Kira by the hand and led him silently to the opposite end of the corridor. He opened a spare sitting room, pulling both of them inside. With the sliding door safely closed, Gin turned to Kira in the darkness and clicked his teeth in admonishment.

“Naughty, naughty, spying on the lord like that.” Gin shook his head. “Then having the balls to speak in a normal tone right in front of the door.” He paused. “It’s bold, I’ll give ya that.” 

Shaking, Kira tried to bow from the waist. He did not know what else to do—Gin was blocking the exit with his body so that was out of the question. Here again, this man had him trapped. Their never-ending game of cat and mouse was in full swing again, as much as Kira had hoped for a break today…

“Ichimaru-dono,” Kira tried again. “Please, f-forgive my impudence. I…was trying to fix the small hole in the screen when I happened to see—”

“But you didn’t see anything now, did ya?” Gin leaned forward. “There was nothing to see in that room. Just a bunch of furniture, right?” 

Confusion crept into Kira’s face. He could not be sure if Gin was threatening him to stay quiet (especially since they both knew what was really going on in that room), or else trying to pretend like nothing had ever happened.

But did it really matter when his life literally lay in Gin’s snake-like hands?

“Of course, Ichimaru-dono. Unoccupied writing desks and nothing more.” Kira bowed quickly to show his acquiescence.

“Naturally,” Gin tossed out. “No one goes into those boring old sitting rooms at nighttime. You were just doing your duty as a servant, putting away some towels in the cupboard across the hall. Right?”

Kira blinked rapidly. Gin had seen him do that? Or was he just guessing? Most likely he had been spying on Kira for some time…

“Yes, Ichimaru-dono.” 

“Hmmmm.” There it was. That fateful laugh. “Good boy, Izuru-chan. You learn fast! And so respectful to your superiors, so thorough in your duties…” 

Gin leaned forward, leaning his hand on the wall next to Kira’s head and thereby caging the smaller man against his arm. So near to the blonde man’s face, he whispered, “Though I wish you were a little less respectful to me, and a little more thorough in your kindness…”

Kira caught the insinuation. Loud and clear. He felt smothered by Gin’s presence. He screamed inside his mind, begging for freedom…but there was still another part of him (there always was) that wanted to lean forward and comply with Gin’s unspoken request. 

A vision of that flashed through his mind. He would lean against Gin’s sturdy chest, inhale his strange sweet, woodsy scent and relinquish all control. _“Yes, Gin-sama, I will be kind…”_

Clearing his throat loudly, Kira moved cautiously to the side. “Ichimaru-dono, I must return to my duties. There is still so much to be done in response to Aizen-sama’s arrival. Please, excuse me.” 

Kira thought he saw Gin’s smile fade for only a second. Then he blinked and it was back twice as strong. “Yes, yes, Izuru-chan. You busy little worker bee. Go on about your duties, I won’t keep you.” 

Thankfully, Gin moved back to make way for Kira Breathing a sigh of relief, Kira went to leave. As he passed the soldier, Gin unpredictably plopped his large hand on top of Kira’s head, mussing the blonde’s hair like an older brother would.

“Don’t forget our little talk now, yeah?” 

Grunting at the unexpected contact, Kira forgot himself entirely and fled from the room at full speed. It was an unthinkably rude thing to do to a superior, but Gin had caught him off guard! Kira ran as fast as his legs would carry him to the beckoning warm light of the kitchens. He jumped into the side door, closing it behind him with a resounding snap. The familiar clatter of the kitchen workers, their amiable hum of conversation and chores, helped Kira focus on calming his heart rate. He breathed slowly in and out, telling himself that nothing was amiss.

Even though he now owed Gin twice over—once for keeping his secret about spying on the lord, and now again for forgiving him running away from his presence like that. Well, if Gin even would forgive him…

“Kira-kun! Don’t just stand there! Clear these plates and wash them! We’re understaffed as it is, damn cowards…” Shuuhei called to his friend as he busily scrapped food off a plate. “Lady Momo is almost ready for her dessert now.” 

One last steadying breath and Kira rushed over to help. “Yes, Hisagi-san. Right away.”

Shuuhei sighed. “All this foolish talk of ghosts running about the palace has servants cutting out left and right as soon as the sun goes down. Ghosts, of all things! Wait until Nanao-san hears about this…then they’ll have something real to worry about…”

Kira nodded silently, only half hearing over the persistent beat of his heart. Thank goodness his erection had gone down slightly. All it really took was one sure rush of anxiety and he flagged. An unlikely godsend…

“Hey, Kira-kun. What happened to your hair?”

Startled alert, Kira raise a hand to the top of his head, feeling electrified where Gin had just touched him. Sure enough, fly-away hairs stuck out from his ponytail at all ends. The solider had left his mark this time. Purposefully.

Kira sighed and fixed his hair. Surely this would not be last time Gin would leave a mark on him…which would be something Kira could work on accepting, if only he knew exactly what kind of mark Gin wanted to leave. Did he want to kill him or fuck him? …Both?

Such thoughts made Kira’s heart feel weighted with uncertainty and dread. Gin caught him again today. Nothing had changed in the past month. Of course. Kira always knew it would be like this.

How could he steel himself for whatever came next?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for trying this out! I know it's a little different, but I love the atmosphere and feel of this stuff. So I hope you continue reading! Much love and pillow books for you if you decide to keep going!


	2. Golden Leaf Silk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kira realizes a few things about life in the castle, and the castle itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right now, this story is everything! In the best way haha.
> 
> sokutai (束帯) - complex attire worn by members of the imperial court. Comes in several parts, including the layered kimono itself, the shaku (笏) which is a flat ritual baton, and a hat called kanmuri (冠).  
> jūnihitoe (十二単) - an extremely elegant and highly complex kimono that was only worn by court-ladies in Japan. Literally translated, it means "twelve-layer robe.” (Seriously, look this up, it’s crazy: http://www.junihitoe.net/taiken/price/price_list.html ). 
> 
> *The name of the castle, Rakka Hana no Saibansho 落下花の裁判所, is taken from a chapter in the Tale of Genji. Because yeah.*

** Chapter Two: Golden Leaf Silk **

It was not the first time he had dreamt of Ichimaru Gin and it would certainly not be the last. 

In his dreams, Gin looked the same except a little taller. Kira was always shorter, wearing clothes that were either too big or too small for his ungainly body. (In real life, it had taken Nanao-san some time to find clothes that could fit his unusually shaped figure, wide but lean as he was. The whole affair humiliated Kira enough to leave an indelible mark, apparently.) There were several other slight differences between Kira’s dream world and his waking world, but most of the details mimicked reality down to the last.

They were in the castle, of course. It was night. Kira opened several doors rapidly, searching for something on assignment, and was met each time with horrible messes that needed to be cleaned. Kira would tut and clean them all to the best of his ability. Finally after each room was cleaned, he would walk away with a sense of bone-tiredness weighing him down, aching for sleep (even in his dreams, Kira was exhausted)…only to bump headfirst into Gin.

Gin never wore what he did in life (which was only a plain black soldier’s kimono and _hakama_ ). He wore instead a billowing white kimono with light turquoise peakig out from the underside. The material was so soft…as soon as Kira ran into the man, he felt himself relaxing immediately, wanting to take a nap right there on his feet. He realized that he was leaning inappropriately against his superior, but, Gin’s sturdy form was just so comfortable. 

The taller man would wrap his arms around Kira and whisper something deceptively kind in his ear. “There you are. Ah, _kawaisou,_ you must be so tired…” 

Just as Gin embraced him, Kira would feel a rush of desire and nod helplessly. At this point, all his ill-fitting clothes disappeared and he would be left naked, covered only by the billowing cloth from Gin’s sleeves. He felt embarrassed right away, of course, but Gin would only laugh in that way of his, trailing his thin fingers down Kira’s spine, tickling the sensitive skin on his backside….

“Oh, Ichimaru-dono…” Kira moaned, reaching up and wanting to tangle his hands in Gin’s hair. But his arms were too short. They could not reach.

As soon as Kira realized he was too short, his body immediately begin to shrink, pulled down to the earth by some invisible weight that crumpled his body. He always cried out, expecting there to be pain, but there never was. Instead, Kira just collapsed, a tiny speck on the floor next to Gin’s massive, intimidating figure. 

From there, Kira looked up pathetically at Gin, still so unfortunately aroused. Smiling impassively, Gin leaned down and scooped Kira up in the palm of his hand. Completely exposed, Kira could do nothing but hug his knees as Gin devoured his tiny, defenseless body with his eyes.

“Ah, Izuru-chan. Don’t hide from me…”

That’s when Kira felt a tongue prodding along the side of his body. When he opened his eyes, he saw Gin licking him, lapping long stripes over Kira’s tiny body—with a serpent’s forked tongue.

The licking only served to arouse Kira even more. He knew he should be afraid of the fact that Gin was part serpent, and he was certainly more than a little frightened for his life, but really…all Kira wanted was more of that hellish tongue tasting every bit of him.

“Nnnh, G-gin-sama….” Kira cried, unfurling his body so Gin had access to all of him. 

From there, several more snakes emerged from the sleeves of Gin’s kimono. They slithered up Kira’s body, caressing him in a strange way with their scaly skin. Kira was disgusted by the slimy feel of them, but the way they moved, rubbing against his starved skin so perfectly…one snake teased the tip of his cock with a forked tongue, another lapped confidently at his exposed asshole…Kira cried out in pleasure. He stared into Gin’s amused face, losing himself to ecstasy and fear as the snakes curled him in a tight grip, squeezing him, licking him, bringing him close to the edge of orgasm. Kira knew he would climax or die, not caring which happened first as long as he was given some relief from this torturous pleasure and mindless fear—

And so, Kira awoke tangled in a mess of blankets. He fought against the rough touch of the cotton, still imagining it to be the sensual, deadly grip of a snake—until his heart rate calmed and Kira realized he was in bed. Next to him slept a row of five other servants, piled into the small quarters three rows across. The fifteen of them shared this space in a small shack on the outskirts of the castle. 

It was not, of course, the best place to have a reoccurring nightmare. By this point, everyone had gotten used to Kira’s cries, his reflexive thrashing. A few people turned over and mumbled in their sleep heedlessly. 

Kira was sure—or at least, reasonably sure—that no one knew his nightmares were also sex dreams. 

When he awoke, Kira found that he had already climaxed in his sleep, right before wakening. Now his _fundoshi_ were sticky and ruined. He would have to sneak into the washroom and clean them right away. Luckily, Kira slept closest to the door.

So, with a sigh and a withering acceptance, Kira crept out of his room to the washroom a few steps away. This washroom was specifically for the servants. They kept spare clothes there and water basins to do their own laundry. Fortunate for Kira in this case.

Loosening the ties on his yukata, Kira stepped out of his _fundoshi._ He winced as he felt hot wetness slide down his thighs, leaving a smear of semen. Once freed, Kira dropped his _fundoshi_ in the water basin and scrubbed with the cold standing water. Still half asleep, Kira realized how sensitive the head of his cock was; he hissed every time it accidentally kissed the edge of the wood basin. He scooted back on his knees, waking up slightly at the cold breeze all around his exposed nether regions.

So dark. Kira threw some water on his legs, wiping away any evidence of his orgasm, and rang out his washed _fundoshi_. He left them to hang on the nearby post and pulled out a fresh pair from the shared cabinet underneath. Hastily tying his new _fundoshi_ around his waist, biting his lip as he tucked his cock in the clean white cloth, Kira fought a shiver of fear running down his spine.

He just wanted to get the hell out of here. Back to the rest of the servants. He had had no time to light a candle and now he was basically just bumbling around in the dark. (Half asleep that was fine, but now…)

Kira took a breath and reminded himself not to be foolish. He pushed his unkempt blonde hair off his face into a quick ponytail. One more breath, and the servant tiptoed out of the washroom for his quarters.

Out of the corner of his eye, Kira saw the east wing of the castle in the nearby distance. It was completely dark, of course, as the lords and ladies slept in the main chamber or in the west wing. Just the sight of that darkness made Kira break out in goosebumps. He hated seeing the castle so eerie like this…

A loud banging sound startled Kira out of his wits. He gasped and tripped over his own feet, falling face first on the grass as he scrambled to turn around and defend himself. The sound had come from the east wing…

Staring in the waning darkness (it was beginning to turn to dawn now), Kira saw that the door to one of the sitting rooms had been thrown open. Those screen doors made a horrible clacking sound when they were pushed open so carelessly, and this had been loud enough for Kira to hear all the way from the servants quarters.

He looked around on instinct. Who was sneaking around in the dark, throwing open the doors of the castle that led outside? Kira could not see anyone sneaking off, no sign of someone holding a candle, no footsteps on the grass…

But there was that open door. Kira squinted his eyes as he tried to make out what was going on in that room…

Nothing but heavy stillness. The silence itself was almost deafening—there _should not_ have been silence, because someone needed to be there to open the door. They should have been running away or hiding inside doing some illicit task. And yet, Kira saw only thick blackness inside that room. He learned forward, unsure what to make of that—

The sound of footsteps on a tatami mat made Kira inhale sharply. Not light footsteps, but heavy stomps that Kira could make out from his reasonable distance. They came at regular intervals. 

_One…two…three…four…_

Then they stopped. Kira scrambled to his feet and inched further towards his quarters. Someone was definitely inside that room now, if there was that banging sound. Someone who did not mind the dark. And someone who had probably seen Kira bumbling around by now—

_One…two…three…four…_

That banging again. The patterned quality of it struck cold fear in Kira’s heart. What could such a strange, regular stomping sound mean…?

He broke out into a run, turning his back on the strange open door and horrible thudding noises, racing all the way back to his quarters. He did not stop until he was safely inside the bedroom, throwing the door open and closed behind him without care. He huddled inside his threadbare blankets like a child.

Kira was no coward, but the thing in that room scared the hell out of him. His body seemed to reject that presence on its own. And Kira knew when to listen to his instincts. He did not want anything more to do with whatever was going on in there. 

Some people groaned at the unexpected noise of Kira's graceless re-entry. Shuuhei turned over and mumbled, “Hey, what’s your problem…?”

Kira said nothing, just wrapped the blankets tighter around his panting form. He was wide awake now, no hope of going back to sleep. No matter, he just wanted to shake the feeling of fear—and the strangeness of that metered rhythm—out of his mind.

_________________________________________________________

The sun rose on the next day bringing warm summer air and a pleasant mood over the castle. Everyone was happy lord Aizen-sama had returned. He was, besides being the highest authority, the life and soul of the castle. 

This particular estate belonged to Genryusai _-heika,_ Momo’s father and the patriarch of the Fujiwara clan (also the oldest member). Genryusai had given the castle to Momo upon her marriage to Aizen. It was called “Falling Flowers Court” ( _rakka hana no saibansho_ ), or “Falling Flowers” for short. Genryusai himself coined this name. The reason being, Momo and Aizen were married in this castle and on their wedding day the nearby sakura trees shed all their blossoms at once. They showered the newly weds in a rain of falling flowers, making young Momo raise her hand in delight as if she were catching snowflakes. Everyone looking on was pleased, especially Genryusai. He was known to have composed a short poem about the castle on that very spot. Something like, “Falling flowers grace us with their own gratitude. May my daughter be forever showered in happiness. So it is.” 

Something to that effect.

As such, Falling Flowers bustled with happiness from the very start. Aizen and Momo were known to be a very happy couple despite their difference in age (Momo was fifteen when they married. Aizen was already at least twice that, and had been married before). The older lord treated his wife with the utmost respect and graciousness. He never raised his voice or tutted at her youthful foolishness. He just smiled—always seemed to be smiling warmly—and nodded in understanding.

Needles to say, Momo hung on Aizen’s every word.

And so, the Lord Genryusai looked upon the place with love in his heart. That love stemmed from his sincere love of Momo and his fatherly respect for Aizen. The old man liked his son-in-law ever since Aizen came out of nowhere one day to ask for his daughter’s hand in marriage. 

There was some tension between the two men in the beginning—of course, because Aizen came from a relatively unknown family. All his lordly power had been obtained through marriage; his late wife was a sister to one of the emperor’s concubines. This woman, her name was not well-known, met with a somewhat confusing end. Apparently she drowned in a river. People talked of suicide, but there was never any proof. 

Why any woman would be filled with such melancholy after obtaining reasonable wealth through her sister’s success and then being married to a doting husband like Aizen was anyone’s guess.

Regardless, Aizen had done his best to prove to Genryusai that he was worthy of Momo’s hand. He spent his time composing poems about the young girl’s beauty and kindness, her earnestness for life. He offered free advice about how to best manage the lord’s estate—came up with his own unique method of rice growing and sowing at half the usual expenditure with twice the gains. He often practiced swordsmanship, but swore to have never been in an actual fight himself.

Slowly, Genryusai became impressed with Aizen. As did everyone else. He consented to let his daughter wed this man and loved him as his own son ever since. 

Which was fortunate for Aizen, because Genryusai had no biological son of his own. He had two daughters—one married to the emperor himself, and the other was Momo. As such, Genryusai was the highest ranking male of the Fujiwara clan, the mind and willpower of the entire family. He gave direct advice to the emperor wherever needed. When Genryusai died, that privilege of being the emperor’s closest counsel was supposed to go to the old man’s firstborn son. In the absence of such a son, the privilege would go to the next highest ranking male whose allegiance was only to the Fujiwaras. 

In this case, that would be Aizen.

But the kindly lord showed no impatience about being next in line for the patriarchy. Aizen seemed content to carry on with the business of managing Falling Flowers, maintaining the estate’s prosperity, and making appearances in the imperial court whenever necessary. Right at Genryusai’s side.

Unfortunately, the old man’s health was fading. His imminent death—though absolutely unable to be discussed in open conversation—loomed ever closer. These days found Aizen traveling by carriage every other month to the capital city. There he met with the other Fujiwara clan heads and carried out the last of Genryusai’s wishes.

It was all a rather sad business—especially for Momo, who loved her father dearly—and Aizen’s absence had an effect on Falling Flowers. There just seemed to be something missing without him. And his…unorthodox…bodyguards added their own flavor to the castle.

…Mostly everyone just stayed out of the Espada’s way. That was the best way to handle such unsightly, unknowable men. Even if it was still a mystery where Aizen had attained such characters and why he felt they needed to travel with him wherever he went.

“Can’t you allow an old man his foolish superstitions?” Aizen openly pleaded. “These men have been with me half my life and I have never met with any unpleasantness. It’s…a habit of mine to keep their company.” 

Genryusai allowed it, and so everyone else followed suit. Even if that meant cleaning up after them and their band of horses, laying out food and drink for a group of foulmouthed warriors like they were lords. The servants grumbled about it, so did the other lords and ladies in waiting, but that was the end of it.

Warriors had no business in court, but the Espada made sure never to be entirely out of Aizen’s earshot. This was a known thing. 

The only Espada members actually allowed to trail Aizen into the imperial reception halls were Gin (Aizen’s most trusted member) and a man named Tosen Kaname. Tosen was blind, but he kept a katana at his side and nothing more, walking without the aide of a cane. People were put off by his white-eyed stare, so sometimes (when appearance was more important than anything else) Aizen left Tosen with the rest and took only Gin. Gin was a strange looking fellow, with that creepy smile, but people tolerated him. He did not carry a katana, just a small _tanto_ blade hidden somewhere in the confines of his kimono. 

Stories of Gin’s prowess with that dagger spread wide, but most people thought these were just silly rumors. Surely no man could throw a dagger with deadly accuracy across a whole rice field of distance? No man had an arm that long or that fast. …Surely.

The day after Aizen-sama’s return, the lord called a reception in the main chamber to officially address his attending lords and the ladies in waiting. It was to take place in the morning and Kira had been assigned to lay the screens along the reception hall. The ladies in waiting sat behind the screens in the presence of the lords, to retain their dignity. 

The reception hall looked grandiose in its small but compact splendor. Falling Flowers was by no means a large court, but those who presided there took pride in it. Lord Aizen decreed that all the screens should be made of golden leaf silk, a beautiful but fragile material that meant Kira needed to use his utmost care to arrange them. 

Shuuhei and several other servants rustled around the hall with him, dusting and primping accordingly. Shuuhei scraped a broom loudly across the tatami mats, making Kira’s nerves stand on end.

The blonde had not fully recovered, after all, since this early morning’s strange occurrences in the dark. More than a little lacking in sleep, Kira’s nerves bristled in agitation as he thought about being caught by whomever had opened that door last night. Beyond that—he was extremely worried about Gin keeping his word. He had not meant to see Aizen…like that, with some other person. He hoped beyond hope that Gin would keep his secret!

Relying on such a man… Kira shivered as he remembered his dream from the night before. If he saw Gin today, he would need to take care not to look too closely at the man’s mouth and inadvertently steal a glance at his tongue—

“Careful with those screens, Kira!”

Nanao’s sharp voice made Kira jump slightly. She was looking at him with the eyes of a hawk. 

“Y-yes, ma’am!” Kira bowed and went back to carefully unrolling the golden leaf silk. 

“Any marks on those and I’ll be rolling your head out there instead of a screen,” Nanao warned. 

Kira hardly thought she was kidding.

“And you, Hisagi!” She pointed at the other man with her fan. “Sweep the dust out, not in, please. You do remember how this works?”

“Yes, Nanao-san.” 

“When you're done, help Kira with those screens.” With that, Nanao turned on her heels and marched out of the hall. Shuuhei made a face at Kira behind her back, and the blonde man smiled. He was, in spite of everything, rather glad for Shuuhei’s friendship. 

They had been friends ever since Kira first came to Falling Flowers. Shuuhei had grown up here, raised by other servants who were ostensibly his parents. Kira, on the other hand, came to Falling Flowers when he was about thirteen years old. His parents were farmers on the estate and they simply could not take care of him any longer. Luckily, Kira’s aunt had worked in the castle at that time and she had agreed to take him on with Nanao’s permission. His aunt passed away since then, but Kira was still lucky for the opportunity to be a servant in the castle.

A castle servant was still higher ranking than a farmer on the same manor. And being a farmer was still infinitely better than toiling away outside the confines of the estate. Those poor people did they best they could. Kira pitied them, but was grateful in his heart that his life was much better—in all truth, Kira had made a rather decent living for himself in the castle. He wanted to keep it that way. 

Kira sighed as some of the golden leaf shimmered in his hands. Such fine silk. This one was painted with a heron taking flight. He loved the beauty of this place, would never stop admiring that part of his life. He could not read or write, therefore was unable to enjoy whatever wistful poems had been scribbled on nearly ever surface of the screen doors. But just the sight of those delicate swirls of calligraphy made Kira happy—

“Make way.”

The servants in the hall jumped in unison. Tosen Kaname walked proudly into the entrance, standing stock still as he barked more orders. “All servants to the right or left. Leave the main path clear for his lordship and her ladyship.”

Although the servants were immediately prone to grumbling about being ordered around by a warrior (why didn’t Aizen just give his orders to some lord instead? He only seemed to entrust his bodyguards with any actual power), they scrambled hastily to the sides—practically diving behind the thin walls on each side of the room (easy enough to do by squeezing through the gaps in the blinds). It would be blasphemous for them to still be at work when Aizen-sama himself arrived—

“Ah, yes. So good to be home.” 

Sure enough, Aizen strolled behind Tosen, who walked forward (precariously as ever, due to his lack of sight, but still so skillfully) before his lord to clear the path. Aizen wore an orange _sokutai_ ensemble, shuffling along in the heavy material with an air of comfortable regality. Kira and the other servants could see him from behind the shimmering beads of the blinds. 

Momo- _heika_ padded delicately at his side. She was wearing a red and purple _jūnihitoe_ , with several other summer colors bursting forth beneath the other eleven layers of her garment. The long train on her _jūnihitoe_ ruffled softly against the mat as she walked. Several servants stood around her from every angle, gathering the heavy material in their hands to help her. Most of Momo’s _jūnihitoe_ were too heavy for her bear on her own and the servants had worked out a system of assisting her whenever she moved.

“It is good to have you back, Lord Aizen-sama,” Momo assured, reaching out with one delicate hand towards Aizen.

Paying no mind to the servants surrounding his wife, Aizen took her hand and escorted her to the front of the hall, remaining standing while the servants fixed her _jūnihitoe_ so that Momo could sit down. Finally comfortable, the servants lined up behind Momo’s chair and Aizen sat at his place by her side.

“Your duties keep you away far too much, husband,” Momo tutted.

Aizen smiled warmly, brushing his fingers along Momo’s hand. “I know, my dear. But such is the necessity of this life. I hope it is not too great a burden on you, though.”

Momo sighed, a small shadow crossing her face. “I’ll be fine. But make sure to write more regularly.”

Aizen chuckled as if speaking to a child (which he was, in a way). “Is twice a week not often enough for you, my love?”

“It is not,” Momo asserted, no joke on her face. “Every second we are apart wears on me terribly. You know that. A wife has no reprieve when her husband is away…”

The lord raised Momo’s hand and pressed a soft kiss to her fingers. “My dear Momo, you have no reason to worry over me. Our absence only makes me think of you more fondly. You can be sure I count the hours until we are reunited.”

The conversation was lovely to hear—exemplary of a wife and husband. But in his heart, Kira could not help but think about the person Aizen had been…entertained by the night before. That was not Momo, Kira was certain of it in his very bones. So then…?

Kira held himself together and forced himself to think on what Gin had said. _You saw nothing, there was nothing in that room…_

The entrance way was crowded again as several ladies in waiting filed in, taking their assigned spots behind the silk screens. Several minutes later, the lords marched in behind them and sat across the aisle, bowing respectfully to the lord and lady of the house. 

Sure enough, Ichimaru Gin brought up the rear and soundly closed the reception hall doors with a quiet clang. He leaned against them with his arms folded, smiling at everyone in his way. The picture of casual. It would have been out of place if this were not so normal.

Kira took the opportunity to hang his head and stare pointedly at the floor. _Don’t look at him…_ But even still, the air closed more tightly around the room with Gin’s presence. 

Aizen and Momo looked out at the crowd with expert placidness. Aizen wore his usual warm small and Momo looked bright but dignified. 

The lord turned to his wife and quietly asked, “Shall we begin the reception, my dear?”

Momo nodded once. “Yes, husband.” 

It was something they did. To honor each other. The rest of the court hummed in admiration for them.

“My lords and ladies,” Aizen began in louder voice. “It is with a hopeful heart that I greet you today. I spoke with our Lord Genryusai just yesterday evening and he seemed in better health than he has been quite some time! His face shone with the health of a man half his age as he told me several things he wishes to see done to our dear home of Falling Flowers.”

Some women fanned themselves behind the screens. It was growing rather humid. Not to mention, everyone was anxious to hear what would come next.

“Our Lord Genryusai dreams of expansion! He wants us to continue our prosperous work within Falling Flowers so that we can grow the influence ever outward, spreading within this province like roots of a tree.” Aizen paused, smiling harder as he thought about such a thing. “We will further the boundaries of our estate, spreading the gates wider so as to attain more farmland therein…”

And so, Aizen went on to describe how this would be done. He spoke for hours, most of the day in fact, going on about land acquisition and several mundane matters (birth order of the emperor’s newest children, etc.) The reception hall seemed lulled into a state of calm serenity by his voice.

They would have been happy with any news from his mouth, Kira realized. 

Meanwhile, Kira reflected on what Aizen had said to Momo. How did Aizen really feel about his wife, the servant wondered? Surely a man could find things to love about her—in her own right, perhaps. And if he was not strictly satisfied, it would be no great thing for a lord of his caliber to take a mistress.

But taking a mistress needed to be an open matter, with public liaisons and approval from the rest of the court. Sneaking off into the night to fuck some random person (a man, Kira was sure it was man!) was a huge scandal—not to mention, a horrible slap in the face to Momo. She would lose face in front of the entire court if they found out. And Aizen would be ridiculed for his carelessness.

Did Aizen not even care about that?

Kira frowned the more he thought. Momo seemed so dedicated to him. Everyone was. But how much of Aizen’s words were the truth and how much were woven to be convenient for the world in which they lived?

Such things were slightly out of Kira’s depths. He could not weigh in on the realness of court life or whether Aizen was a righteous man or even a good man. He just knew how to clean, wash, sew, and cook. These were his purview.

When Aizen finished, he adjourned the court and the crowd dissipated quickly. Aizen and Momo were the first to leave (the servants and Tosen haloing them as before). Then the lords and ladies. Finally, the servants were permitted to leave quickly so they could prepare dinner for the court. Kira had a lot of work ahead of him, regardless of how sleepy he felt after that reception…

He yawned and took his time putting away the screens. Everyone else rushed to the kitchens, but Kira knew Nanao would be furious if he left the screens out where they could get dusty. He rolled up one screen and took a break, rubbing his eyes sleepily as the afternoon light darkened to evening.

“Stay awake, now.”

Really, Kira should have been beyond jumping in surprise. He fought the urge to whip around, knowing who faced him.  


“Good evening, Ichimaru-dono,” he said curtly, continuing to roll up the screens.

“Is it evening already?” Gin chuckled and walked up beside Kira. “Man, that guy sure can talk, can’t he?”

Kira’s ears burned at the impudence. “Th-that’s…the Lord Aizen-sama speaks as much as he needs to.” He glanced over at Gin. “You know that.”

It was dangerous for anyone to insult his lordship. But then, who was above Gin except Aizen himself…?

“Sure, sure,” Gin replied. 

He sauntered around to face Kira on the other side end of the screen. To the servant’s great surprise, he actually took hold of that end and rolled it forward, meeting Kira in the middle and helping him with his task.

“Y-you…” Kira stammered, flipping his blonde hair out of his face and staring up at Gin in shock. “That is, Ichimaru-dono does not need to lower himself to help me with such a task—”

Gin ignored him, inspecting the next screen up close. (Were his eyes still closed though? Kira’s head swam as he thought about that.) “Hey, these screens are pretty fancy, aren’t they?”

Kira stood in stunned silence.

Gin traced the silk with one hand and whistled in appreciation. “Yeah, that’s nice! It sparkles like gold but it’s soft like silk.” He turned around to Kira with a subdued smile. “What do you call this kind of material, Izuru-chan?” 

“It’s…gold leaf silk, Ichimaru-dono.” Did the man really not know? Perhaps that made sense. Warriors were not necessarily bred in the lap of luxury after all…

“Gold leaf silk,” Gin repeated, rolling the words in his mouth like he was tasting them. “Hmm, yeah. That’s real pretty.”

The silver-haired man turned around with a mischievous smirk. “But not as pretty as you, Izuru-chan.”

Kira felt the power from that sideways stare right down to the soles of his feet. He shivered in place, forcing himself not to think about his dreams…not the feel of those fingers sliding along his skin.

_That’s not real…it’s not real!_ Kira told himself again and again.

“Gotta say, though.” Gin approached him again, walking forward unhurriedly. “You look more worn out than I’ve seen you in a long time. What happened? Can’t sleep at night?”

Kira sighed, looking down at the floor. He could hardly say the reason for his lack of sleep was Gin himself and _this._

“Mm, mm. Tsk, tsk.” Gin clucked his tongue in admonishment. “You need to get more beauty sleep. Otherwise that frown of yours is gonna stop being so cute and it’s gonna start to make you look…old.”

Kira’s eyes cut back up to Gin at the insult. “I do not—” he began in earnest. Then he cleared his throat and continued calmly. “…I don’t frown all that much…”

Gin’s smile spread dangerously wide. “You don’t think? You, ah…look in any mirrors lately?” Then he chuckled in one long rush, like a question. “Hmmmmm?”

At that, Kira could only sigh. He knew Gin was playing with him, trying to get a rise. Well, he would not play. “As you say, Ichimaru-dono.”

“Aww, don’t be like that.” Gin crossed his arms across his chest. “It’s actually a compliment, ya know? I really do think that frown looks good on you.” 

“Yes.” 

_Don’t bite. Don’t give him the attention…_ Kira walked over the front of the next screen, crossing Gin’s path uninterestedly. He ran his hand across the front slowly, clearing any dust. He would just go on about his business like Gin wasn’t even there—

Gin was at his side, a hand wrapped around his wrist before Kira could even move. He gasped in spite of himself, feeling Gin press up against his back. Trapping him.

“But I’m just wonderin’….” Gin began, speaking softly, directly into Kira’s ear. The servant could not help but tilt his head slightly, suddenly at the height of his arousal to feel Gin’s soft breath so close to his sensitive skin. “…why can’t you sleep at night? What’s on your mind, hmm?”

“Ichimaru-dono…I…” Kira twisted to free himself, but Gin wrapped his other hand around Kira’s waist, making the younger man shiver. 

“Can’t you at least call me ‘Gin’? If you have something against _aniki?”_

With that, Gin leaned forward and did the unthinkable. He pressed a soft kiss against Kira’s neck. As soon as he felt those lips, the blonde man gasped and shook hard, trying to keep control of his body as he yearned to escape this hold.

But it was no use. Gin pressed kisses all along Kira’s neck now, nibbling gently at the sensitive flesh on his ear. The silver haired man was so gentle in his touches…so _teasing_ …

“G-gin…s-sama…” Kira managed, holding Gin’s hand on his waist. 

“Hmmm.” Gin licked along the shell of Kira’s ear. “I guess that’ll do.” 

That tongue on him. Kira felt his cock at full attention now, straining against his barely worn _fundoshi._ His eyes rolled back in his head as he felt Gin’s warm breath, that tongue even better than his dreams, setting his skin on fire. 

Gin curled his hand across Kira’s waist, fishing in the folds of the younger man’s yukata. Gin’s fingers were long—cold as ever—and confident. They passed along Kira’s stomach, making him twitch, then moved down to play along the waistline of the blonde man’s _fundoshi._

“W-wait…Gin-sama!” Kira cried, holding onto the warrior’s hand. 

His body was crying for more touches. His attraction to this man, the way Gin had a hold on him (not just physically, but…sexually, yes he would admit)…Kira knew he was losing this fight. And in truth, in his heart of hearts, he had already accepted that this was to happen. _(Yes, just let him do it!_ His mind screamed.) But still, he would fight to the last. 

“Want me to stop?” Gin asked, his voice a low rumble, vibrating against Kira’s body. His fingers froze in their position right above Kira’s twitching cock. 

It sounded like he was actually asking for permission.

“I…” Kira leaned his head against Gin’s shoulder, inhaling that scent as hard as he could. It made his heart leap in excitement. “…I don’t. ...I want you to keep going... But still…we mustn’t…”

“Hmmm…Now, why mustn’t we, my dear?” Gin took his time dragging his fingers across the bulge between Kira’s legs. The younger man men knew Gin could feel how ridiculously hard he was right then, how he was already throbbing….

“B-because…” Kira tried to hold onto to reason. So hard to do in Gin’s arms. “Because, we’re in the middle of the reception hall. Anyone could see…”

“No, no, Izuru-chan,” Gin said, opening the folds of Kira’s yukata so that he a had a view of the other man’s covered cock. “They’re busy with the dinner. And the talking. And…all that stuff. They’re not gonna know we were here…they’re not gonna know…about this.”

As he said that last word, Gin squeezed Kira’s dick tightly. The younger man moaned out loud, head lolling on the older man’s shoulder. 

Yes, that was it, Kira realized. That was the last of his control. Everything else was up to Gin now.

_Oh yes, please, take care of me, Gin—_

The words in his mind threatened to spill out of his mouth. How long had he been holding onto those words? He covered his mouth with one hand to stop the sound.

Chuckling softly, Gin pulled the strings of Kira’s undergarment, opening them slightly on one side. He slipped his hand beneath the material, cracking open one eye from above Kira’s shoulder, smirking at that delicious sight. Kira’s cock squirted some pre-cum as he cupped that burning length. One stroke and the younger man was a complete mess.

“Ah, _kawaisou,_ ” Gin said, stroking softly a few more times. He ran his thumb across the tip, gathering the pre-cum to make the sensations all the more torturous for Kira. “You seem to want this way more than I thought you would. You’re hurtin’ bad…” 

Kira nodded, clenching his eyes closed. His fingers had an almost painful grip on his own mouth, but every touch from Gin sent his mind reeling. If he were not careful like this, he would be drooling and begging to be touched by now…

“So let me make it all better,” Gin cooed. 

He stroked faster on Kira’s member, pumping the servant in quick measured pulls. Kira rocked his hips forward, pounding himself into Gin’s hand. At this rate, they both knew Kira would not last.

“If you’re gonna cum now, I'm gonna make sure you cum hard, so you won’t regret it later.” 

With that announcement, Gin squeezed tightly and licked the back Kira’s neck. It was obvious how turned on the blonde got by some tongue action…reduced to a pile of moans from just a little licking. 

The wetness against his neck combined with Gin’s deft, beautiful hands on him made Kira climax hard—he bit his own palm to stifle the sound. In his complete abandon, the servant forgot where he was standing. His cum went everywhere—and unfortunately, several thick globs of semen landed in the middle of the silk screens. 

“Hmmmmm,” Gin laughed as he watched it happen. “Your cum looks like it’s shining…”

Panting, feeling like he might collapse in the wake of that intense orgasm, Kira opened his eyes weakly. Immediately he saw what Gin was talking about—his release dripping down the gold leaf silk!

“N-no..!” 

Kira scrambled out of Gin’s embrace and rushed to his knees, trying to blot the liquid before it stained. But cum did not wipe off easily, and even after he swiped several times, licking a cloth from his yukata and dabbing, the stain still remained.

Shame and honest fear rippled through him. How could he have let this happen?!

“Just leave it there, Izuru-chan,” Gin said, sinking down to sit alongside Kira. He brushed the hair off the younger man’s neck and kissed the skin there to calm him. “It looks good.”

Kira felt like he might cry. Not only did he give in to Gin, but he had ruined the silk screen with his own filth. Nanao was sure to kill him— 

“Relax, it’s fine, it’s fine,” Gin murmured. He rubbed Kira’s back reassuringly. “Don’t worry, no one’ll notice. Besides, you were really sexy, coming hard like that. More than makes up for any…slight damages.”

Either he was going completely insane, or Gin was actually making him laugh right now. Perhaps both were true. Because Kira smiled in spite of everything and looked back at Gin with an unsure half smile.

Exactly what kind of man was Gin? To comfort him like this…? Was this the man who had made his life hell for the past few months? His hand felt so good on his back like that…

“Ichimaru-san. Aizen wants us in the meeting place. Now.” 

The sudden presence of another man in the room startled both of them for a moment. It was Starrk, another of Aizen’s Espada. One of the more powerful members, but a generally lazy man overall.

Kira, humiliated more than he had ever been in his life, curled up against Gin’s chest—hiding both his exposed cock and his near hysterical face. 

Gin, on the other hand, turned to the intruder with a slight frown. He looked entirely displeased. His smile had faded into a thin line.

“Little. _Busy._ ” Gin words sounded somewhere between a hiss and a bark.

Starrk glanced down at Kira, shriveled against the silver-haired man’s chest, then shrugged and walked away. “Aizen’s orders…” he said on his way out.

Gin sighed and wrapped his arms around Kira. “Shh, shh. Don’t let that guy worry you.”

Taking a deep breath, Kira looked up at the warrior with a searching look. “But he…saw us…?”

Gin shrugged noncommittally. “Yeah. Oh well. Starrk’s been fucking his own servants for a while now. He likes ’em young and pretty from what I hear. So he’s not gonna tell anyone about this.”

He looked down at Kira with confident smile. “I’ll make sure of it.”

Seeing that smile appear back on Gin’s face was surprisingly reassuring. Kira nodded and re-tied his _fundoshi,_ straightening up his appearance lest anyone else walk by. 

“Sadly, I do have to follow orders. Sounds like I need to go to that meeting, actually.” Gin sighed in annoyance and struggled to his feet, dragging Kira up with him. 

“But, don’t think I’m gonna go and forget about you, now.”

Gin took the opportunity—the moment shining in perpetuity—to lean down and press a light kiss against Kira’s lips. The servant gasped and stood still, electrified by that small touch. Even though Gin had just gotten him off, a kiss felt so intimate…

“Bye now.” 

And just like that, Gin was gone. Before Kira even re-opened his eyes, Gin was out the door, leaving only the soft echo of his feet on wooden floor. 

Kira’s eyes swept over to where Gin had just left. While they had been…occupied, the sun sufficiently set. Already nighttime. Kira took stock of himself and realized that he was a complete and utter mess. His lips still burned from Gin’s kiss, cock still throbbed in the aftershocks of pleasure.

He looked back at the stained silk screen. His cum had formed a small circular pattern—it could have been a pond where the heron made it’s home….Kira shook his head. How was this part of his life? Why was it?

Well, either way. 

One last glance to make sure no one had seen, then Kira rolled up the silk screens at once. Maybe Gin was right. Maybe no one would notice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how long this might end up being, we'll see! But I like the pacing so far.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this last installment! Stay tuned for more.


	3. Night on the Veranda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kira explores more of his relationship with Gin, and the goings-on at Falling Flowers estate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just going keep to adding chapters to this thing. Can't stop, won't stop!
> 
> Notes:  
> Tachibana clan - One of the prominent Japanese families in the Heian Period (alongside Fujiwara, Minamoto, and Taira). The Tachibana clan served as the main adversary for the Fujiwaras in the mid 900s. They were constantly struggling with each other for political power in the courts, and sometimes these conflicts became outright violent.  
> yurei (幽霊)- Japanese ghosts, the spirits of dead people come back to haunt, etc.
> 
> *Note on time - Hours in the Heian period were marked by the twelve zodiac animals in order, beginning with rat and so on. I’ll just use the animal names here, if you want to look up the actual time here’s a link to the chart: http://www.onmarkproductions.com/html/12-zodiac.shtml . For reference, this is part of the “twelve-branch animals / signs” (Jūnishi 十二支).

**Chapter Three: Night on the Veranda**

Kira’s dreams changed after that. No longer sex dreams about Gin (which Kira would soon find himself missing terribly), they became long, harried, and disorienting. Mysterious visions. 

He dreamt of walking down a dirt road, a seemingly endless path flanked on either side by trees that loomed down upon him eerily. He felt small—shorter, perhaps—and it was hard to describe, but in some ways…Kira did not feel like himself. 

He felt like someone else.

Sometimes, out of the corner of his eye, he would catch a wisp of orange hair curling around his face. In the dream this felt normal. But how? 

He walked on and on. Constantly. There was always someone next to him, but they were either very quiet or very underwhelming because Kira could never remember their face upon waking. Still, Kira remembered being comforted by this person’s presence. If only just because it soothed the unbearable loneliness of this never-ending journey—

Where on earth was he going? And why?

He walked until his feet could go no further, then he collapsed on the side of the road. The person’s small presence curled up next to him made him feel like a rest was a fine thing to do. This person was young and needed breaks. He knew that.

But then several loud men came wandering into their midst. They seemed drunk, or else just generally crazy. Kira knew that he feared them as soon as they crossed his path.

Then his vision went red. Dark red and throbbing, ears pounding. There was a burning sensation in the back of his throat, horrible enough to make him try to scream, but he felt paralyzed…choking…

Until suddenly everything went black. 

For some reason, that blackness scared Kira more than anything. He awoke in tears, longing to be free of that all-consuming blackness and find his way home. 

Needless to say, it took Kira some time to calm himself after waking. He would rub his skin, feel the realness of his flesh and sigh, reminding himself that the blackness could not harm him. It was all a dream. All for naught. Even if the dreams themselves were horrible omens no matter how you looked at them.

But Kira was not worried about omens. The most unsettling part was that those images felt less like dreams and more like memories.

__________________________________________________________

Lulled into a sense of security by Aizen’s return, life on the estate went back to normal. People bustled about their daily chores, lords and ladies lounged, composed poetry, and attended court as necessary. Kira was assigned the rather tedious task of wash-room duty, again (Nanao said it was his specialty, which Kira took as a compliment before he saw her sarcastic sneer). So he spent most of his days trapped in the confines of laundry, scrubbing and soaking while his mind wandered. 

He thought about Gin constantly.

Ever since their…exchange in the reception hall (Kira never needed a word for it, his body reacted vigorously enough every time the thought crossed his mind), Kira had run into Gin only a handful of times. Each time was in passing. Several times while Gin was flanked by a number of other Espada, and once while he was shadowing Aizen on the lord’s weekly tours of the estate. Gin remained entirely impassive while Kira observed him from the corner of his eye, head bowed respectively as necessary. 

A few times, the young blonde could have sworn he saw Gin’s smile spread a few inches on his face when he caught sight of Kira, but then…it was really impossible to tell with such a man.

It made Kira feel many things. 

First of all, his life had become much more predictable now that Gin seemed to be haunting his steps less. All it consisted of: Daily tasks. Washing, cleaning, eating perfunctorily, and then returning to sleep at the end of a tiring day. It should have been an immense relief—this was the life Kira had hoped for after being tormented for so long!

And yet…

In his heart, Kira knew he was unsatisfied. On many levels. First of all, his body never stopped pining for Gin—his touch, his scent, the feel of his strange presence, his arms comfortably enclosing him…all these things made Kira shake with want if he let himself think on it for too long. Getting one taste of Gin’s attention (as much as he had wanted it the first time) only made him hungry (starving) for more. 

Which was infuriating, of course, that he would be so needy for such a capricious man. But Gin had surprised him that time by being…not exactly what Kira expected. Gin had been assertive but gentle; he asked for permission when the blonde felt unsure, coaxed him to a quick much-needed release, and then comforted him afterward. Such kindness was…not something Kira himself had ever really experienced before. 

After all, he had never been with someone. Never had a lover. Sure, women found him attractive, but, their coy flirting and whispering behind fans made him blush and hurry away in uncertainty. It made him nervous to be the center of attention. When Gin started making advances, Kira felt like he was trapped in a never-ending nightmare of constant attention—all he wanted was to fade into the background of the estate as he was meant to…right?

But now…

Ever since Gin touched him, Kira realized that in a way he loved the attention he got from Gin. More than loved, he _craved_ it. Gin had an aura about him that made Kira want to understand him, to know him, to explore things (both his own sexual feelings as well as Gin’s)…he just wanted more. 

Accepting this change in him was difficult, but Kira eventually found that he could not ignore it any longer. He hated how Gin had suddenly decided to give him the cold shoulder (why now? Just when Kira was starting to actively want him back?). He longed for some surprise attention from Gin now, like in the old days! 

_“Don’t think I’m gonna go and forget about you, now,”_ Kira thought, remembering the words Gin told him before he left that night.

So then why…? 

But Kira had no answers. All he knew was the strong steady pulse of desire that thrummed him whenever he thought about Gin’s hands on his body…his tongue licking him so delicately but so thoroughly…

His hands shook as he washed the kimono, skin flushed against the cold water of the was bin. Kira realized he would not survive like this for very much longer. The tension of walking around the estate, hoping he would run into Gin but also dreading the very same interaction, not knowing what Gin would ask of him…but still wanting to see him so dearly all the same…

“There you are, Kira-kun! So this is where you’ve been hiding.” 

Closing his eyes as he remembered reality, (the washroom, the clothes, the other servants), Kira sighed and turned to Shuuhei with a light, but fake, amiable expression on his face. 

“Yes, I’ve been assigned to the washrooms again, as you can see.” Kira rang out a kimono and laid it out to dry on the washboard accordingly. 

Shuuhei sighed. “Well, yeah, but…you haven’t been eating with us at dinnertime the past few days. Lately the only time anyone sees you is when you’re asleep!” Shuuhei started pressing the kimono with a stone to make himself useful. “What time have you been getting up?”

Kira tucked some stray hair behind his ear, out of his face, and went back to the washbasin. He did not want to say he had been waking up long before anyone else to creep around the estate in the early hours, hoping to run into Gin when there were not many other people around…

“Oh, I’ve had so much work,” Kira explained. He hoped none of the other servants were listening—he had just as much work as they did, so complaining about his workload would sound ungrateful, not to mention boastful if he were getting up early just to do it. “Just want to get an early start.”

A servant nearby clicked her tongue in irritation and Kira blushed. So they were overheard.

Shuuhei heard the sound but paid it no mind. “I mean, sure, if that’s what you want to do, Kira-kun. …But, don’t you miss hanging out with us? Toshiro thinks you hate him at this point.”

Guilt wormed through Kira. He had been so preoccupied with Gin that he had neglected his friends—and these friends of his were more like family. After all, Toshiro was like a younger brother to most of the servants at Falling Flowers (no matter how much the boy himself hated it). Kira did not like to make Toshiro upset, especially considering how contentious Toshiro was most of the time anyway…

And Shuuhei had long since taken up the place of Kira’s closest contact. He fell out of touch long ago with his own parents (they were not on good terms to begin with, really. They did not understand Kira’s mysteriously terrible lack of skill when it came to farming matters). His aunt died early. Shuuhei was the only one Kira could rely for basic human interactions most of the time. Everyone else in their small circle of friends tolerated Kira, but Shuuhei seemed to generally like him most of the time—which Kira was eternally grateful for. He liked Shuuhei a great deal as well.

They met as young boys, back when both of them first began taking on servants duties throughout the castle. Shuuhei had gotten into a rather pointless fight with a tanuki dog—over something as frivolous as a spare rib with meat still on the bone. Young Shuuhei was eternally hungry, not having been raised with proper nutrition due to his parents’ low status in the servants’ hierarchy (they were possibly no higher than slaves, Kira reckoned). So the young Shuuhei fought the tanuki dog and got a mean three-clawed slash to the side of his face.

Young Kira saw this and immediately went over to help him. He had learned some basic medicinal skills from his aunt (who was the servants’ reliable source of medical advice). As soon as he saw the gashes on Shuuhei’s face, he went into action collecting nearby herbs (Falling Flowers was naturally ripe with healing herbs, a coincidence that made it more valuable by proxy). Before Shuuhei could even utter a thank you, Kira was pressing herbs to his face and giving advice on how to keep the wound from getting infected (“going black” as his aunt called it). 

Ever since then, Shuuhei had taken it upon himself to look out for Kira. The blonde had a special place in his heart, and vice versa, as Kira would never stop admiring Shuuhei’s stalwart strength. 

Which meant, of course, that Shuuhei knew how to guilt him. He also knew that guilt worked remarkably well on Kira. It was his unending point of leverage—which he respected most of the time, but…sometimes it was too effective to pass up. 

“I’m sorry, Shuuhei-kun…” Kira muttered, looking down at the washbasin. “I hope you all know that it’s not to do with any of you. I’ve just been so…focused on my work…”

The same servant next to them sighed loudly and cut her eyes to them. They were starting to get on her nerves. Better to the end conversation before any more servants got in on the complaints.

“It’s no problem, Kira-kun,” Shuuhei said quickly. “But you have been missing some goings-on! Have you heard who Uryu-kun is courting these days? Let’s take these dried kimonos to the west wing bedrooms and I’ll tell you everything.

Nanao-san!”

The quartermaster turned sharply to Shuuhei. His clear, loud voice irritated a bunch of people, including Nanao herself, who found such displays obnoxious. 

“Yes, Hisagi?” 

“Kira-kun and I are going to take these folded kimonos to Kuchiki-dono. We will return before the horse-hour* strikes!” 

Nanao sighed and dismissed them by turning her back. “On quick feet,” she demanded. 

“Yes, ma’am.” Kira bowed respectfully and trailed after Shuuhei, who was already loading kimonos onto his arms and heading north along the corridor. 

It felt good to be alone with Shuuhei again. At this time of day, most of the servants were either hard at work on their assigned duties or else preparing tea for the lords and ladies. As such, Shuuhei and Kira were able to walk slowly, Shuuhei setting the pace. They rubbed shoulders as they squeezed themselves closer to the wall, making way for busy servants carrying trays of tea. 

For a moment, Kira felt doubly guilty. Such was his way; his heart relaxed in one breath and in the next he was wracked with anxiety over some nearly-forgotten affront. This time, Kira felt bad that he not told Shuuhei about Gin yet. He did not want to get the warrior in trouble (nor himself for that matter) but Shuuhei was his closest confidant…it felt like a betrayal not to mention the truth behind his recent distance.

_It’s for his own good,_ Kira thought sadly. If Shuuhei found out, his name would be dragged in the mud along with Kira’s should the blonde’s sins ever come to light.

“So,” Shuuhei said, hiding his mouth behind the stacked kimonos so no one could see him talking. “You’ve heard about this governor from the northern prefecture coming here, or what?”

Kira blinked stupidly. Well clearly this was not about Uryu or any of their friends. Naturally. “Umm…”

Shuuhei cut his eyes around the hallway to make sure they were not overheard. “Yeah. This guy from one of the Tachibana clan’s prefectures is coming to Falling Flowers either tomorrow or the next day. He wants to meet with Aizen-sama to discuss trade agreements. But…”

The black-haired man fell silent as a servant brushed past them on his way to the pavilion

Safely out of earshot, Shuuhei continued. “…but, a lot of people have been saying that this Tachibana minister had some reservations about Genryusai _-heika_ allowing Aizen-sama into the Fujiwara family.

Kira’s ears pricked up at. Some ill will towards Aizen? It was exceedingly rare. Most of the visitors who actually came to Falling Flowers were sycophants, people bringing gifts hoping to gain favor with the incumbent lord.

“Some of the servants have been on edge lately,” Shuuhei went on. “They say they don’t trust this Tachibana fellow. He has been known to keep ill-favored consorts in the past. And his friendship with Genryusai- _heika_ was mostly to keep up appearances. Actually the Tachibanas have despised us for years…I don’t know, Kira-kun…” 

The black-haired servant stopped dead in his tracks, pretending to refold the kimonos in his arms. He looked at Kira out of the side of his eye and Kira immediately felt his sincerity.

“…Don’t you feel like something’s going on? I feel like there’s a strange mist everywhere these days. Like…Falling Flowers is covered in a haze of serenity while something happens behind the curtains…Sometimes I wake up afraid for my life and I have no idea why…”

Of course, Kira felt the same way. He stared at Shuuhei full on, forgetting to hide his face. 

“When Aizen-sama is around, I find it hard to think and use my better judgement. It’s like, he smiles and then I think everything is going to be okay. But at night, that peaceful feeling goes away and I…”

Another servant brushed past and the pair were forced to continue walking. This time, Kira took up a slow pace directly behind Shuuhei so the black-haired man could speak into his ear.

“…Every time I pass the east wing these days, I get a weird feeling. …Have you noticed anything, Kira-kun?” 

“Well, I…” In truth, Kira would not soon forget what he had seen in the hole of the screen that night. Nor the strange banging sound in the dead of night from that bizarre, unoccupied room… 

“Never mind. Don’t say anything.” 

Shuuhei’s harsh tone of voice startled Kira for a moment. He looked and saw that Shuuhei was staring straight ahead, as if he had seen a murderer in the flesh. When Kira followed his gaze, he saw Tosen Kaname standing along the hallway. He seemed to guarding a closed door (Kira recognized it as Momo _-heika_ ’s room). 

The blind warrior turned his head casually to the side, looking as if he were staring directly at Shuuhei and Kira. That was impossible, of course, but his white eyes looked so penetrating combined with Tosen’s stone-like face…

“Quiet,” Shuuhei commanded. “Just walk.”

In silence, they passed Tosen and continued on their way to Lady Rukia’s room. The ladyship herself was currently at tea with some of the other court maidens, so Shuuhei and Kira took the opportunity to duck into her room to unload the kimonos. 

As soon as the door closed behind them, Kira let out a breath he had not realized he was holding. Was Tosen’s presence truly so intimidating? …Yes it seemed so. His heart raced in his chest, palms sweaty. It was a wonder he could put the stack of kimonos down without ruining their folds.

“You must always be on your guard, Kira-kun,” Shuuhei warned, holding onto his friend’s shoulders for a moment. “Tosen-dono calls on me for strange tasks sometimes. He asks me to bring him several sharpening stones for his katana, then tells me to sharpen the blade for him myself. In his presence. I know not why he needs to ready his blade, nor why he cannot do it himself…surely, if the man can fight, then…”

Kira reached up and held onto Shuuhei’s shoulders. Seeing the distrustful look in Shuuhei’s eyes was enough to make Kira want to slap himself for not listening to his friend any sooner. 

“Shuuhei-kun,” Kira said softly. “I hear your advice. I am, these days, more aware of things myself. Things that…trouble me…”

“What troubles you, Kira-kun?”

“I…” Kira shook his head sadly. “I cannot say. But, I think you need to listen to yourself just as much.” The blonde’s voice turned serious. “If Tosen-dono asks you to do something, you must do it without hesitation. He is calling on you for a reason; perhaps he already suspects you do not trust him. So please. Be succinct and be cautious.” 

Shuuhei nodded. He tilted his head to the side and smiled slightly. “Are you taking care of me, now?”

“That was always how it was, Shuuhei-kun.” Kira gave the other a smile of his own.

They shared a look for a moment, each one feeling better that the other had their back. Then they quickly stored the kimonos in Lady Rukia’s cupboard and prepared to leave.

“When this Tachibana minister arrives,” Shuuhei began. “You must pretend you see nothing. Whatever happens. And, please, don’t go into the east wing at night. There is something strange going on there…I can’t explain it.”

“A ghost?” Kira said, trying to sound like he was teasing.

But Shuuhei stared back at him in all seriousness. “I cannot say. But just…be careful, Kira-kun.”

“I will. You do the same.”

Whatever it was that had Shuuhei so ill at ease could not bode well. Shuuhei was not one to believe in superstitions, nor to get his feathers ruffled by a suspicious character. So then…Kira would need to get his head out of the clouds and stay alert.

____________________________________________________________

The sun fell on Falling Flowers that day with whispers buzzing through the castle. Kira heard them more clearly now, thinking about something other than Gin for once. Everyone was talking about Tachibana-sama’s arrival, getting ready to prepare the pavilion for an audience.

It was a matter of pride that all visiting aristocrats should be entertained in the pavilion. There, the lords or ladies would have a clear view of the neighboring gardens. They could bear witness to the natural splendor that was Falling Flowers. Everyone, even the servants, took pride in this and made sure the gardens looked especially beautiful on days like these. 

Kira found himself skirting the pavilion that night. On orders, of course. He hated being out, especially after such a foreboding conversation with Shuuhei. The cool evening air showed it was somewhere near the end of the rooster-hour, soon to be the hour of the dog. An ill-fated time. The darkness felt heaviest then, prickling sensations abound as the light left the estate. 

But Kira had been charged with the task of making sure the screens in the eastern pavilion were changed with more decorative ones. Screens and kimonos, were these to be his eternal charges? And Nanao-san seemed to be punishing Kira for something by giving him this task after the sun already went down, meaning that he would need to do this at night. Probably a silent admonishment for Shuuhei’s loud behavior the morning before…how unfortunate…

Sighing, Kira approached the doors of the pavilion and gently removed the screens. He had a case full of decorative silk screens (not golden leaf, thankfully, for Kira would have been too aghast with memories to touch such material again) that needed to be re-strung into the framework. As soon as the doors were bare, Kira took the opportunity to stand back a bit and admire the beauty of the gardens. Even at night, the gardens were so lovely, sprawling wide from the veranda at the far end of the pavilion…

Which was why, he almost had a heart attack finding Ichimaru Gin standing on the edge of the veranda. 

The warrior’s silhouette was unmistakable. In the moonlight, his silver hair shone bright lavender, the rest of his slender frame bathed in shadow. He seemed to be just standing still, staring out into the garden. The water of the pond gently stir with koi fish. The small red foot-bridge across the pond seemed lonely but elegant at night, and Gin stared at it curiously with an unreadable face.

After Kira got control of his heart, he needed to figure out what to do. Should he leave before Gin recognized he was there? Or should he…

After all, they were finally alone…

Kira felt excitement stirring from the tips of his fingers to his whole body. He wanted to reach out and touch this man—

“Just gonna stand there?” Gin asked, without turning around.

Ah. Of course he would recognize Kira’s presence on his own.

“Good evening, Ichimaru-dono,” Kira said automatically. As if the man in front of him had not recently had his hands on the most intimate part of Kira’s body…

Gin sighed. “Still so formal?” He walked forward and sat on the edge of the house, resting his socked feet on the grass.

Kira thought all at once about everything Shuuhei said to him that day. Clearly Shuuhei did not trust the Espada, nor even Aizen himself…and here was Kira, trying to get closer to one of the chief ranking members. 

But then…Gin was Gin. A strange, snake-like man, for sure. But Kira could not easily forget how Gin had wrapped his arms around him so protectively. Was Gin really so…unsavory? Was he anything bad at all…?

So, Kira ignored his better judgement and approached the warrior slowly. Taking one of the bravest moves of his life, he sat down alongside him on the veranda, staring out into the dark garden. 

“It really is beautiful here,” Kira commented, feeling comforted by the greenery and the flowers. Sitting next to Gin made his hair stand on end, of course, for a variety of reasons but…there was a pleasant kind of calmness here as well.

Gin breathed out through his nose. It was such a quiet sound that Kira was almost startled to hear something like that from the other man.

“Why do I get the feeling you’re a guy who likes pretty things, Izuru-chan?” 

Kira brushed the blonde bangs from his face and risked a glance over at Gin. In the pale moonlight, he saw the face of the man he had been so desiring over the past few days. It felt like an eternity since they had been this close. His heart ached. 

That feeling alone scared the hell out of him, but then…it was a beautiful feeling as well. Bittersweet, painful but so satisfying in the depths of his soul. 

“Does Ichimaru-dono not care for beautiful things?” Kira asked.

Gin shrugged. “Not really. I guess I’m…not really a guy with opinions about any of that.”

An uncommon piece of honesty. Kira turned so that he was facing the other man, his knee propped on the edge of the house. “But you seemed to appreciate the gold leaf silk that night, Gin-sama.” 

The silver-haired man’s grin stayed plastered on his face, but his eyelids crinkled around the edges in something like a frown. The look disappeared quickly, as always.

“Only with your cum on it, Izuru-chan.”

Blushing, the servant swallowed hard and stared out into the garden. What the hell was he doing here?

“Don’t get me wrong though,” Gin continued, before Kira could react. “I thought that was pretty. Just the way it was. Real nice…” His voice faded into a hiss, then he chuckled again. “Hmmm.”

Kira sighed. So many questions raced through his mind. Why had Gin decided to touch him like that? Why had he been ignoring him? All these thoughts…

The servant shook his head. Either he would leave Gin now with a polite bow, respecting Shuuhei’s advice and remaining on his guard. Or else, he would take a chance and lay everything on the table for Gin. All of his desire, his feelings…how would Gin—the unfathomable fox-faced warrior dog—react if he knew?

And so Kira decided to take a chance. He wanted to _know._

“You’re right, Gin-sama,” Kira said softly. “I like beautiful things. …Maybe that’s why I am so…enamored with you.” 

At that, Gin turned around and faced Kira. He looked very amused, grinning wildly and even showing some teeth this time, but also surprised. “You’re what now?” the warrior asked.

“Forgive me for being so bold, Gin-sama, but…I thought you knew how I felt. Ever since…our last encounter.”

“Huh…” Gin looked back out into the garden. “Wasn’t sure how you felt, actually. You, ah…didn’t say much.”

The night air seemed to have taken over Kira’s sanity. He pressed on—pressed on, even in the face of something so shameful! He wanted an answer from Gin. And so he would get it.

“Perhaps not,” Kira admitted. “But I…you remember how I was, don’t you? How badly I…wanted you.”

It burned to admit that. Everything burned. Hopefully in the morning Kira would find this night had been an illusion after all…

Gin reached out and stroked the side of Kira’s face with the backs of his fingers. “Yes, I remember, Izuru-chan. That was…really cute.” 

Kira shivered under the touch and held his own hand on top of Gin’s. “So then you must know that…my feelings have not changed.” 

“I know your feelings, Izuru-chan,” Gin said calmly. It made the other man feel like Gin could read him in some way—that same way he always had. “But what I don’t know is…what exactly you want. Sure, it’s one thing to let me feel you up, but if you want to go any further than that, well…” 

Gin grabbed Kira’s hand and dragged him to his feet. The man was grinning with full force, almost all of his teeth showing now. His closed eyes made two perfect semi circles of mirth against the rest of his face. He pulled Kira into the garden, leaning the younger man up against the side of the house. This way they were out of sight. 

“If you want anything more, then…” Gin leaned down, resting his hands on either side of Kira’s head. Overwhelmed by Gin’s presence, Kira sighed and curled his hands onto Gin’s shoulders. “You’re gonna have to tell me. Real clear. So that I know what I can do to you.”

“What…you can do to me…?” Kira repeated, losing his breath as desire filled him. 

Gin kissed Kira’s neck and face. He moved slowly, teasing him with his lips as he had last time. Every time those lips touched him, Kira felt electrified with heat and arousal. He let his hands wander upward, feeling along Gin’s smooth neck, tangling in the back of his hair. The man’s silver hair was so shockingly soft, like down feathers in his fingers…he tugged on it lightly, wanting to bring Gin’s mouth against him all the more.

“Mmmm…” Gin rumbled. “Yeah. So…you gotta know that I need your permission for anything we do together. If you want me to touch you, then you have to ask me first. I’m not going to just creep up on you and fuck you from behind, you know…”

“Oh…” Kira moaned, an image of that making his cock stand at full attention. Gin, pinning him face first against the wall of some spare room, slipping into him from behind and fucking him smoothly…

“Hmmm…” Gin laughed, licking Kira’s ear. “You like that? Me whispering dirty things to you?”

“Y-yes…” Kira managed. 

“So then…what do you have to ask me?” 

It all clicked in Kira’s mind. It was true, he had been entirely passive up until this point, letting Gin do whatever he pleased. But that…did not constitute any kind of give and take between them. Gin needed to hear that Kira wanted him. He wanted Kira’s willing consent first.

Kira knew that Gin was good in that very moment. He must be good, to want something like that from him. To refuse to abuse his power of authority (warrior over servant) or even the sexual power he inherently had over Kira. Yes, Gin was trustworthy. Kira felt it in his soul—

“Ah, Gin-sama, please…I want to hear your voice, telling me all the…dirty things…you’ll do. I want you to touch me again…please…”

“Oh, _kawaisou_ …” Gin murmured, wrapping a hand around the bulge between Kira’s legs. “You’re such a good boy, you barely even know how to ask for what you want. That’s so sad, Izuru-chan.” 

He squeezed Izuru’s erection, making the other man thrash wildly against his him, curling a leg around Gin’s waist. The silver-haired man kissed Kira’s Adam’s apple and then brought his face down to the hollow of his throat. He lapped the skin there, rubbing his palm against Kira’s hardness, somehow finding the tip of the younger man’s cock beneath all those layers of clothes.

“Ah..ha!” Kira cried, worried that he was suddenly so close to orgasm, feeling his control over his body melting away at Gin’s fingertips.

“Feels good?” Gin murmured, his voice deep and dark now, right in Kira’s ear.

“Oh, yes, Gin-sama…” Kira could feel Gin’s touch from the tip of his cock all the way to his toes and the ends of his hair. 

“So ask me to keep going.” 

“G-gin…sama…” 

Kira could barely managed words. Gin had stopped palming him and now was rubbing the outline of his erection between his thumb and forefinger, pinching lightly at the head….Kira’s balls clenched as his body prepared to release, but he held on, not wanting to appear like such a complete virgin.

Even though he was. And Gin’s fingers made that all the more obvious.

“Come on, you can say it,” Gin coaxed.

“Ah…” Kira forced himself to hold back from his orgasm, taking short tight breaths where he could. It took so much willpower that he could not focus on anything else besides Gin’s freely given commands. “G-gin…please…keep touching me…don’t stop…”

“Oh, I won’t, don’t worry,” Gin cooed. “I’m gonna keep touching you, my sweet little thing.” 

He snaked his fingers into the folds of Kira’s yukata, past the _fundoshi_ , to squeeze his bare cock lightly in the same way, right between his two fingers. Kira bit his lip, breaking the skin in his carelessness as he fought back the blissful pleasure cresting inside him…

“Has anyone ever touched you like this before? Besides me, I mean.” Gin rubbed his thumb along the head of Izuru’s cock. Some tears of frustration and concentration built up in the blonde man’s eyes. 

He shook his head no, feeling embarrassed but completely unable to lie.

“Ah, I see. _Kawaisou,_ you poor man…denying yourself these things.” 

Then, Gin covered Kira’s mouth with his own, kissing him hard and fully, slipping his tongue inside and devouring him. Kira moaned at the kiss, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes.

When Gin pulled away, he sighed in enjoyment, licking some blood from Kira’s bottom lip. “So sweet. You can cum now, by the way. Don’t hold back anymore.”

Kira heard the words, but his mind screamed at him not to comply. He had climaxed so quickly last time, he needed to last longer than this! It was only minutes since Gin started touching him…he needed to be stronger, to be more in control…

So Kira shook his head violently from side to side. He refused to let himself come.

“Come on,” Gin crooned with a chuckle, wrapping his whole hand around Izuru’s cock. “Just cum. I know you’ve been wantin’ to for a while. So go ahead and do it…”

“Nuh…no…” Izuru cried, fisting the clothing on Gin’s shoulders. He was better than that!

“Aww.” Gin kissed him again, stroking Izuru faster. “It’s alright, Izuru-chan. Stop worrying and just cum already. I’ll be here to catch it this time, and I can’t wait to see the look on your face up close…”

Kira panted heavily. Gin’s encouragement worked on him. If the other man wanted him to let go, if he truly did not care how long he lasted…then perhaps it was alright…

“That’s it. Let go and cum for me…”

“Gin-sama…” Kira moaned, thrusting shallowly into Gin’s hand now. “…don’t stop…” 

“I won’t, I won’t…you can hold onto me if you like.”

At that, Kira squeezed Gin’s shoulders and waist with everything he had and climaxed in one long rush. He cried out into the night, banging his head against the side of the house almost painfully. Gin caught all of Izuru’s cum in his clenched fist, and he held it there until Kira had spent himself thoroughly.

When he was done, Kira went limp in Gin’s arms, still lightly fisting the other man’s clothes.

“There we go,” Gin murmured before pulling back a little to create some space. He let Kira hang onto him still. “I could tell by your adorable little face how good that was. I’m almost jealous actually…”

With that, the silver haired man raised his hand to his mouth and licked a long stripe up his own palm, cleaning off Kira’s spend. The servant watched that tongue helplessly, already feeling himself beginning to twitch again at the beauty of this man’s long tongue…the thing he had been fantasizing about forever…that felt so good on him…

Gin smacked his lips at the taste. “Mmm. Quite good, Izuru-chan. You must eat very healthily. Not that I’m surprised…” 

He gathered Kira into his arms like a limp doll and pressed their mouths together for a kiss again. Kira moaned, getting some feeling back as Gin’s mouth brought him back to life little by little. The younger man stood up straighter and pulled away on his own, needing to breathe.

He could taste his own cum on Gin’s lips. 

“What do you think?” the warrior asked, fox-like grin looming curiously.

“…yes.” Kira nodded, giving the other man a small smile. He was, in all honesty, so relieved to hear Gin’s true feelings (that he had only been holding back because he was waiting for further permission), and to know that Gin was not going to make fun of him for coming so fast again. 

Something un-clicked in Kira’s heart. He stared at Gin and saw for a moment someone he could trust…even though…this was an Espada, for sure…but no.

_This is Gin,_ Izuru thought. _Just him._

They stared at each other for a moment, stroking softly here and there along each other’s bodies. Then Kira held his hand against the side of Gin’s face. 

“Can I…?” Kira’s eyes trailed down the warrior’s body until they rested on the dark outline of Gin’s _hakama._ “That is…was there…something you wanted me…to do…?” 

The words sounded so clumsy from his mouth that all Kira could do was blush.

Gin laughed low in his throat. “Hmmmmmm. Was there something else you wanted to ask of me, Izuru-chan? Something you might like to taste for yourself, perhaps?”

Feeling himself burn in shame and desire, Kira nodded silently. He wanted to see what Gin had between his legs, to feel it, take it in his mouth if he could…his started salivating as he thought about it. 

He wanted this man so badly it hurt, Kira realized.

“Then go ahead and ask me,” Gin offered, taking a step back and undoing the front ties of his warrior’s garb. Some white flesh peeked out from where the cloth parted and Kira stared at it, mesmerized.

“Gin-sama…can I…?” He took a deep breath and dropped to his knees on instinct. The ground was cold against his legs, even the summer grass. 

“Go on…”

Why were the words so hard to say? Kira, unable to say anything else, reached out for the hem of Gin’s _hakama,_ fumbling with the small ties there. He tried to lower them, but Gin stayed his hands forcefully. 

“I know what you want, Izuru-chan, but…I would so much rather you ask first. For me, okay?” 

Kira looked up at the other man pleadingly. He silently begged to be released from this responsibility…for Gin to just let him work quietly, without needing to give words to any of this sinful desire that made it hard for him to focus on a daily basis—nonetheless when the object of his desire hung right in front of his face, covered by just a thin layer of black cloth…

But Gin just grinned. “It’s a game now, you realize that.” 

The younger man sighed. Yes, he realized that. And once it turned into something amusing, he was sure Gin would never let up. An obvious point of Gin’s personality. 

So Kira sighed and took another deep breath. He could say this. After all, they had already been so intimate…the words should come easily…

“I…” he began. “Gin-sama, would you please let me…see you?”

“You’re seeing me now, aren’t ya?” Gin drawled. 

“Yes, but…” Kira ran one hand down the front of Gin’s _hakama,_ feeling a tantalizing hardness (of no small girth) beneath his hand. Gin laughed harder in response. “…I would like to see…your cock.” 

“My what?”

A flash of frustration shimmered through Kira. So, this was how Gin wanted to play their game? Then fine. Kira would say everything he needed to say until Gin was just as aroused as he was, until Gin wanted him just as badly.

Oh how Kira wanted Gin to desire him. It sent shockwaves of need throughout his body as he thought about Gin, his smiling face clenched in pleasure…

So, Kira palmed Gin harder (delighted when he heard the silver-haired man’s breath hitch slightly) and spoke up. “Gin-sama, let me see your cock. Please. I want it…very much…I want to take it in my mouth…”

“Oooh…” Gin sighed, his voice noticeably darker. “So good, Izuru-chan. Yes, you can have this, if you want it so badly.” 

With that, Gin dropped his hands and let Kira undo the ties around his pants. Working quickly, the blonde pulled down Gin’s _hakama_ (not very surprised to see that Gin was not wearing _fundoshi_ , but still somewhat curious by the idea itself). When Gin’s cock sprang free, Kira heard himself mewl a little in desire.

Gin’s manhood was long and thick, not so thick as to be frighteningly large, but very…pleasing to the eye. A substantial cock (much, much longer than Kira’s own, he knew), that seemed to grow longer by the second as Kira looked upon it. Now, that was really almost too long, perhaps…? Gin needed to take a step back so that he did not hit the top of Kira’s nose with his cock, but the blonde would have none of that. He inched forward and rubbed his cheek along Gin’s length, deeply inhaling the scent of it.

Ichimaru Gin smelled like green tea and salt. A savory, lightly bitter scent that went right to Kira’s core and forced him to swallow lest some drool spill out the side of his mouth.

“Gin-sama…” Kira continued to stroke Gin’s cock with his face, not minding at all when some pre-cum wet his cheek. He moaned at that wonderful smell, rubbing his lips lightly along Gin’s shaft.

The warrior cursed under his breath. “…You…look so damn good doing that…mmmm, Izuru-chan…”

Kira smiled at the praise, nuzzling Gin’s length in happiness. It felt amazing to be down here, staring up at Gin from right between the man’s legs. Framed against the rest of him, Kira finally felt as if he had seen through the heart of Gin—this was Gin’s manly prowess itself brushing against his face, and it lit such a fire in Kira that he wanted to stay on his knees in front of Gin for as long as he could. Forever, perhaps, if Gin would let him…

“Ah, please, let me suck you.” Kira planted a kiss on the head. He moaned as it twitched against his lips. “My mouth waters for you, Gin-sama…it burns to look upon you, wanting to taste your cock so badly…” 

“Fuck,” Gin whispered, pressing the tip of his dick to Kira’s lips. “Where did you learn to say shit like that, huh?” He sighed, collecting himself. “But yeah, sure, do whatever you want, Izuru-chan. You have free reign from here—”

Gin was stopped short with a quick shout as Kira suddenly engulfed a full half of his length inside his mouth, sucking hard to get a good taste. The younger man’s tongue lapped at every inch it could reach, Kira moaning all the while, clenching his eyes closed in pleasure. He licked and sucked, pulling in more of Gin’s cock until his nose brushed along Gin’s feather-light pubic hair. He smiled as those silky curls tickled him, feeling intensely satisfied to be surrounded by Gin’s musk. 

“Ea-easy now…” Gin muttered, pressing his palm against the side of the house to lean his weight on something. His form visibly shook, smile gone from his face.

Kira glanced upward to see him. Indeed, Gin’s mouth was pressed into a thin line, eyes open slightly, staring down intently at Kira while he worked. It made him moan harder and drive the rest of Gin’s length down his throat to see those eyes watching him. Those beautiful, rarely seen eyes…a mix of blue, green, and yellow. They almost appeared to be glowing as they reflected the moonlight…

Gin hummed and shifted his hips forward, sinking his dick deeper inside Kira’s throat. He let out a growl that was almost a laugh, but really, sounded more like an animal’s cry…

“Izuru-chan…you’ve…got a tongue that just won’t quit, huh?” Gin murmured. 

Kira lapped harder, rocking his face forward and backward to create some friction for the other man. Gin moaned, leaning his entire forearm on the side of the house now as he doubled over in pleasure. 

“And a throat…fuck, your throat…” Gin’s eyes widened in pleasure, shining down on Kira. “…feels sooo good…”

The blonde servant felt bathed in the light from Gin’s eyes. He felt like he was shining from the outside in, happier than he could ever remember being, wanting nothing else than for Gin to come hard.

“Gonna cum, Izuru…” Gin was panting now, hips stuttering forward. “…Can you handle that?”

Kira nodded vigorously around the cock in his mouth, doubling down on his sucking and pressing his whole face against the scratchy hair. He could take in one of Gin’s delicately hanging balls with his renewed effort. So he teased the sensitive skin there and moaned, giving this his all.

With a low string of curses and a swift cry, Gin climaxed in Kira’s throat. He rode out his orgasm without hope of holding back. Even though that made a mess, (Kira could barely keep all of Gin’s spend inside his mouth with the other man fucking his face in such a way), the blonde man was intensely happy, even as semen and saliva dribbled down his chin. 

Finished, Gin pulled out slowly with heavy breaths. He tried to stand upright, faltered, and caught himself again on the side of the house. Kira had the pleasure of actually watching Gin blink himself back to reality. The blonde servant smiled and wiped his chin proudly, never taking his eyes off Gin’s surprised, satisfied face (and those two beautiful eyes). 

“I…” Gin began, getting his breath back. “…Have no idea how the _fuck_ you’re so good that. But…damn…” His smile returned slowly. “Was that…really your first time giving head?”

Kira nodded bashfully. He was still embarrassed by his inexperience. 

“My god…” Gin whispered. He ran his fingers through own hair, then rested his hand on top of Kira’s head. “Where the hell did you come from, huh?”

Their eyes met, Kira looking up at Gin while the warrior stared down at him. There was such warmth on Gin’s face when he looked at the younger man…Kira thought that look was more praise than anything Gin had said so far. It was a look that burned itself in Kira’s memory. It made his heart sing, it felt almost like—

To ignore the word jumping to the forefront of his mind, Kira acted on impulse and leftover desire. He wrapped his lips around Gin’s cock again, even though it had gone slightly limp, and began sucking in earnest. He wanted to get Gin off one more time if he could, to experience that wonderful sensation again.

Gin cried out sharply and pulled back, pushing Kira’s away.

“S-stop that!” Gin cried, shaking Kira by his shoulders. “Jeez, don’t you know that it gets sensitive after…?”

“I’m sorry!” Kira replied quickly, realizing he had made a mistake. He barraged himself with a long list of admonishments. “I just…”

Gin sighed. “It’s okay. Come on, get up here…"

He pulled Kira up by his yukata, until the blonde man stood in front of him like before. Face back to normal, Gin fixed his clothes quickly and regarded Kira with a small grin. “Man, I’m gonna have to teach you everything, aren’t I?”

Seeing that Gin was not in fact angry (if anything, he looked somewhat amused) Kira smiled. The silver haired man brushed some bangs away from the servant’s face and kissed him gently on the lips. That warm, comforting feeling spread through Kira again and he wrapped his arms around Gin’s shoulders.

“You are,” Kira agreed, pressing their foreheads together. “But I welcome any instruction from you, Gin-sama.”

“Mmmm, that’s a good boy.” Gin traced Kira’s cock-swollen lips with his thumb affectionately. Then he took his time rearranging the servant’s clothes until they both looked presentable.

They sat on the veranda for a little while longer, saying nothing, just taking in the night air. Kira rested his head on Gin’s shoulder, enjoying his wonderful woodsy smell and the pristine beauty of the garden. Gin let him do it, even wrapped his arm around Kira’s waist to make it more comfortable. So embraced, Kira immediately forget everything he had spoken about with Shuuhei earlier. He wanted to be with Gin now, to enjoy this sweet comfort that he surely did not deserve…to give Gin whatever the other man desired…

Somehow Kira fell asleep.

Later, Gin gently shook the servant awake. He awoke with a start, a little embarrassed to have nodded off like that. But Gin just smiled—that constant grin was starting to feel strangely reassuring—and said, “Time to go back to your room, Izuru-chan. It’ll be dawn soon, and we can’t be here.”

“Oh…” Kira blinked sleepily, and stared at the sky. It was coal black, indeed the precursor to dawn. He rubbed his eyes and struggled to his feet, blushing when Gin needed to steady him before his legs crumbled again from tiredness. 

As he turned to leave, Kira saw that he had forgotten to replace the screens. The very thing he was here to do! 

“The screens!” He cried out in anguish and raced to the chests, cursing his sleep-leaden hands as he fumbled with the clasps on them. “I need to—”

“Stop, stop.” Gin appeared by his side and put his hands on Kira’s shoulders, smoothing away the worry. “You’re exhausted. Just go to bed. I’ll take care of this.” 

“Y-you, Ichimaru-dono?” Kira stared up at Gin in complete surprise. “You mustn’t…you can’t—”

“It’s replacing a screen, Izuru-chan,” Gin said with a sigh. “Not exactly brain work. I’ll get it done.” 

Kira shook his head stubbornly. “No, at least let me help you, Ichimaru-dono.” 

They went back and forth until Gin eventually relented. The work went quickly with both of them doing it. Now the screens were sufficiently decorated for Tachibana’s visit the following day.

Satisfied, Kira bowed deeply to the other man in gratitude. “Thank you so much, Gin-sama—”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. Let’s meet here again okay? Or else…” Gin’s grin widened menacingly. “Maybe I’ll come find you.”

Kira stared back at him, undaunted, but feeling himself shiver in excitement at that promise. He bowed curtly. “Come find me anytime, Gin-sama.”

“Well then. Bye, bye.” Gin waved and went on his way—strangely headed through the gardens. Kira tilted his head curiously, unsure how that path would get him back to the Espada’s quarters—

“Oh, one more thing.”

“Yes?” Kira fought the compulsion to bow. He had a feeling his constant politeness actually did annoy Gin.

“What’s your given name, Izuru-chan? I guess I don’t actually know it.” Gin chuckled, looking almost playful as he asked.

“Kira. My name is Izuru Kira.”

“Hmmmm…” Gin raised a finger to his lips thoughtfully. “I like that name. It’s got spirit. Good to know, Kira-chan.” 

Then he turned and went off into the darkness. 

____________________________________________________________

By the time Kira reached the east wing corridor, it was already well-past the hour of the ox. He was elated from his time spent with Gin, feeling several pounds lighter. He forgot, for a moment, about the darkness surrounding him on all sides. Perhaps, he thought, all the eeriness at Falling Flowers was just useless superstition after all. The darkness seemed thinner now to him in his post-coital glory. 

Knowing that he had Gin’s desire was the best feeling he could ever remember feeling.

He walked cautiously but unhindered down the east wing corridor. The farther down he got, the air seemed to get a little colder. He rubbed his forearms for warmth and kept going. 

A slight breeze wormed its way underneath Kira’s collar. He shivered in response, his flesh breaking out in goosebumps. Where was this wind coming from? There should not have been any open doors at this hour… He looked around curiously. 

Sure enough, there was one open door on the side of the hallway. It was dark inside, of course, but the darkness there gave Kira pause for a moment. This was…he blinked, the image remained. 

No doubt in his mind. This was the same room (and the same darkness) he had seen the other night on his way back from the washroom. Here again, the door was swung wide open. Only now, Kira stood much closer to it. He had a clear view of that yawning darkness, squared off at the doorway.

He blinked once more and when he opened his eyes, he saw that in fact there was a candle lit on the inside. It gave off a flickering orange glow that reflected in all corners of the room. Kira took another step forward, craning his neck to the side to make sure such a room was really empty.

Out of nowhere, Kira heard a desperate sob ringing throughout the corridor. It was such a sad, human sound. Someone was crying. It sounded like a woman. Kira looked all around him, trying to see where this crying came from—it was hard to pinpoint with how much that sob echoed around the hallway. 

As he looked on all sides, Kira found the darkness suddenly much darker than before. Now he couldn’t see anything! The only visible light came from the candle inside that room. Fearing the darkness on instinct, Kira took a few more steps forward, toward the candle, the only source of light that could combat this all-consuming darkness…

He crossed the threshold of the room in haste. Inside, the sobbing became much clearer. It sounded very near to him and he could tell that it was definitely a woman now. Besides that, the air in this room felt stale and hot—very much unlike the air outside this room. The candle light flickering on the wall was disorienting and Kira needed to blink several times to orient himself.

When he opened his eyes, Kira saw a figure standing in the opposite corner of the room. A woman, bent over slightly with her face in her hands. He took a step back as he saw her, not remembering her being there when he first came in. But yes, the more he strained he eyes now, the more clearly he could see her.

And this woman was crying hard. She rocked herself back and forth, creaking the tatami mats underneath her feet. The creaking sound combined with the unsteady candle light made Kira’s hair stand on end.

She continued to sob. It was only getting louder.

Kira swallowed and summoned his courage, unfreezing his muscles. He backed towards the door to try and escape (not really wanting to get involved in this). His hand met with screen and wood—and then his heart sank. 

The door had closed.

When? Kira could not remember hearing it close. But then, it was getting hard to hear anything except the unending crying from this desperate woman…

As his hand fumbled for the indented handle, Kira started to feel a little bad for this person. Her sobbing was so sad that it made even Kira (as frightened as he was) start to feel an empathetic sadness. 

He swallowed again and spoke up. “Are…are you alright?”

The woman cried for a few seconds longer then stopped abruptly. Silence thrummed throughout the small, enclosed room. The candle flickered and almost went out. When the flame resurged, Kira could see the woman lowering her hands from her face. 

Her body moved with a strange awkwardness. Each movement from her limbs seemed jerky, in a stop-and-start kind of way that was sheerly unnatural for most people. Kira thought her joints might be stiff (her hair was pale, he could see that in the light, maybe she was old?). But then he realized, this kind of awkward motion could not be explained by anything natural.

Her figure shook. Her body seemed to phase in and out of being. That was the cause of the jerkiness; reality seemed to distort around her, making her movement seem stuttered. Like the pages of a book flipping in slow motion.

She turned her face slowly in his direction. 

Knowing on instinct that he did not want to see her face, Kira reached out for the handle on the door. He found it, thankfully, and pulled hard.

The door was stuck. It would not open. Gasping audibly, Kira pulled again, trying to force it open—

“Why…you…”

The woman (thing) spoke between heaving sobs.

“Why…you…no…I…” 

Her voice sounded like muffled talk overheard from behind a closed door. Kira could make out words here and there but they did not make sense. 

She spoke louder and louder, taking slow steps toward Kira. Her feet hit the tatami mat with finality. How could such a slight woman create such a loud sound? Then her steps fell into a rhythm—a strange, familiar pattern. Kira’s every nerve lit on fire with the need to flee once he recognized the rhythm.

_One…two…three…four…_

Kira pulled as hard as he could on the door, banging his fist against the screen should anyone hear him in passing. He could feel her now…her unearthly presence, like the darkness itself, looming toward him.

“Why…you…no…I…”

“Help me!” Kira cried. All thought left him as he feared for his own life and sanity in the face of this thing. “Help me! Please!”

He squeezed his eyes closed and screamed, feeling trapped—he was sure to die here—whatever this was—

Then the door gave way under his touch and flew open. Kira fell unceremoniously into the hallway, flailing his limbs in self defense. Breathing hard, he opened his eyes when he felt that the presence had…passed.

Early dawn light shone in through the windows along the corridor. Kira lay, half in and half out, of the strange room. He scrambled on his hands and knees, crab walking until his back hit the opposite wall. 

Panting, Kira saw only a regular sitting room. The screen door was pushed ajar awkwardly, almost off its track. Only a small writing desk and plant (of which previously there had been none) sat in that room now. Innocently. 

What…what could that have possibly been?

A ghost. _Yurei._

Kira hoisted himself to his feet. Pale, still shaking. He walked quietly and slowly to the servants quarters, knowing it was already time to wake up. But that seemed insignificant against the weight of exactly what had just happened to him. His mind reeled, unable to come up with any other conclusion. 

He had encountered a ghost.

…Or maybe he was just exhausted, his dreams bleeding into reality. Even though all of that felt more real than any dream. 

Forcing himself to remember the comfort of Gin’s embrace, Kira gathered his nerves and made it back to his rooms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Spooky and sexy. Yes, all the things. 
> 
> Also, I have re-discovered me intense love of Gin from writing this. So good :)


	4. Meeting in the Pavilion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some of the darker goings-on at Falling Flower are revealed and Kira has to make a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so, the chapter limit is basically just a formality at this point. I have so much left to write for this story! But I want to keep some kind of limit to keep myself focused. 
> 
> Also, yes, I obviously had way too much fun coming up with Gin's nicknames for Kira.
> 
> Notes:  
> kirakira キラキラ - glitter, shining. A play on Kira’s name. Hence the term kirakira hikarimasu キラキラ光ります, which translates to something along the lines of, “Oh, look how you sparkle and shine!”  
> itazurana いたずらな - naughty. A play on “Izuru.”  
> nantaimori 男体盛り - body sushi with a male model. The Japanese art of eating sushi off of someone’s naked body.

**Chapter Four - Meeting in the Pavilion**

The Tachibana clan ambassador did not end up arriving at Falling Flowers until three days passed. There was a heavy bout of rainfall in those days which delayed his trip. Word spread about mudslides along the route as a result, and some people feared for the worst.

That is to say, other people did not fear in the slightest.

Gin used the three days spent languishing indoors to torture Kira to the fullest extent—dogging his steps as he had in the past, but this time, not holding back from molesting him whenever he could. Kira, for his part, loved all the attention (could not get enough of it, really). He did his damnedest to carry all the laundry from the washroom before anyone else could volunteer. He spent more time roaming the halls with arms full of clean clothes than he did in the washroom itself.

No matter where Kira walked, Gin always managed to find him. 

They spent the three days in what was basically one prolonged tryst—or, to be more accurate, a clandestine fuck every time they managed to be alone together. Gin grew remarkably good at this, making Kira wonder if Gin ever stopped stalking him (which he honestly hoped the silver-haired man did not. It made him shiver in excitement to think that Gin was watching him from somewhere, all the time).

Gin would come up behind Kira in the cellar, or by the west wing cupboard, or near the dining room closet, or in an unoccupied bedroom. This was all strictly forbidden, of course. That made it all the more exciting. 

“It’s a good thing you get off quick, Kira-kun,” Gin said once, after bringing Kira to another earth-shattering orgasm with only his fingers and tongue. “Otherwise we might get in trouble doing this.”

Kira caught his breath, ignoring the permanent blush on his face, and replied, “Well then, it is a good thing you know how to use those…hands of yours.”

“And this tongue?” Gin asked, sticking his tongue out as far as it would go, wagging it back and forth for show.

Kira moaned at the sight and nodded. 

“Hmmm…” Gin pinned Kira up against the side of cupboard again. “Let me show you what I can do with this tongue.”

That was the first time Gin pleasured Kira with his mouth, and it was a groundbreaking experience for both of them. Gin did not suck so much as he just licked, constantly, running his teasing tongue over every engorged vein of Kira’s manhood, making Kira buck his hips futilely in an attempt to get more contact. All that licking did not feel satisfying when Kira was enduring it, to have the head of his cock delicately prodded and lapped with vigor…but he got to a surprising climax nonetheless when Gin nipped his foreskin lightly. 

Shaking and panting (never having felt a sensation anything like that before), Kira looked at Gin with amazement. The silver-haired warrior gave him one of his self-satisfied grins (eyes open to small sky-blue slits) and tucked Kira’s penis away safely. 

Needless to say, Gin could bring Kira to orgasm several times during one of these trysts. Kira needed to work hard to return the favor—only really able to get Gin off once or twice at a time. But the enjoyment they felt for these little meetings was obvious, and each man knew how much the other wanted this. 

Almost as good as the sex was the certainty of being needed. For both of them.

Still, never once did Kira and Gin ever go beyond oral and manual stimulation. They knew that they were never quite…alone enough to go any further (into, well, actual sex). But Kira did fantasize about it constantly. At night, before going to sleep, he would imagine Gin’s cock and wonder endlessly how it would feel to be fucked on such a glorious organ. He would even hold his hand up to his face, tracing the imaginary length of that cock and shuddering. 

When would Gin finally take him? He wanted to come apart on Gin’s dick more than anything. Kira wondered if there was a way he could force it to happen…

But such an opportunity never arose. The Tachibana ambassador arrived promptly after three days spent luxuriating in suspended time. 

The three days also gave Gin plenty of time to come up with a variety of nicknames for Kira. He found Kira’s given name to be hilarious and seemed to have a new way of saying it every time they saw each other. 

‘ _Kirakira’_ was the most used nickname. It made Kira blush to be referred to as something glittery—he wasn’t a woman, after all! But the way Gin said it (“ _Kirakira,_ can’t hide in the dark,” or “Come here, _kirakira_ , where I can see you shine,”) felt somehow…appropriate. Coming from the fox-faced man, anyway.

Beyond that, Gin called him ‘Kira-chan,’ ‘Kira-bou,’ ‘frowny-faced Kira,’ ‘Izuru _itazurana_ ,’ and sometimes ‘ _kirakira hikarimasu._ ’ That last name Gin once used in front of other people, making Kira turn his head so fast he got whiplash, and making the lords and ladies present peer around curiously to see exactly what was so shiny. 

Mostly, Gin and Kira acted neutral around each other in front of other members of the estate. For Gin and Kira to be in an open relationship would be unseemly (though not unheard of it), and Kira might get abuse from the other servants about it. For people to find out they were…intimate in places around the castle? That would be anathema. So, better to leave well enough alone. 

However, Gin being Gin meant that he did his best to tease Kira when they were in the presence of others. One, he was at table with the other Espada and Kira had been assigned to serve them. Gin ate his food slowly, licking the ends of his chopsticks in an unspeakably lewd fashion, torturing Kira with a view of his tongue. He licked around the rim of his sake cup, sucked up the soft fish meat with an overly expressive mouth, and then turned to look in Kira’s direction with that constant smile. 

Kira knew the other Espada could see. He knew they were watching…but his cock twitched to life all the same. 

_What if…_ And so, a vision came into his mind of Gin laying Kira down on the table and fucking him boldly, without preamble, dishes and cups clattering to the floor in the process. Or perhaps, Gin would call Kira forward with a wave of his hand and guide him to suck him off in front of everyone…or perhaps, Kira would be splayed out naked on the table, blindfolded, while Gin and the rest of the Espada ate sushi off his body… Kira’s cock strained as he thought of that.

Was he becoming some sort of pervert? Kira could never remember having any _nantaimori_ fantasies before he met Gin. Was this submissiveness and exhibitionism always part of his predilections? 

Kira could not say. The only thing he could do was keep on meeting Gin, until his body began to expect such contact on the regular. Not just the orgasms and the pleasure, but the way Gin held him, before and after. The way he felt so safe in Gin’s arms…

He would not think of love, Kira told himself. He had no of knowing Gin if was even capable of such a thing. But really, Kira knew that he did not need to think about it. The feeling was there—on his part anyway—whether he wanted it or not. 

Kira told no one, not even Gin, about the ghost he thought he encountered. Honestly, he felt crazy enough as it was. 

____________________________________________________________

The Tachibana ambassador’s ox-drawn carriage arrived with no small amount of chaos. The ground had softened from the relentless rain. As a result, the oxen, as well as the visiting lord’s attendants (who came on foot), raised up cacophony of mud and grime with their feet. 

The ambassador himself was a regal man, dressed in a green and black _sokutai,_ Tachibana family crest blooming elegantly in white print on his back. His eyes skirted the perimeter of Falling Flowers with scrutiny as his head emerged from the carriage. He looked as if he did not even see the difficult task of walking through the filthy ground through to the castle’s entrance. Indeed, he had no reason to worry because four attendants carrying a palanquin rushed to meet him at the carriage. He was helped (almost carried) into the palanquin without ever setting foot on the ground.

So, the four servants bore palanquin across the mud-strewn threshold of the estate. It was a sight to behold. Unfortunately, one poor attendant sunk into the swampy ground halfway through to his waist, screaming in abandon while Shuuhei and several other servants from Falling Flowers pulled him out.

“Fucking god damn it!” the poor, mud-clad man exclaimed when he was free. Panting, hands on he knees, he nodded respectfully to Shuuhei and the rest. “Thanks for helping me out of that. I wouldn’t want that to be the way I go…”

The Tachibana ambassador looked displeased, and slightly shaken, when he emerged from the palanquin. He had been tossed about a bit during the short ride, but he did not spare a glance over to the man who had almost lost his life. 

The attendant—a slave named Renji, with tattoos painted across his neck and face, hinting at some kind of tribal background (did the Emishi still tattoo their descendants? Kira sifted through all the rumors he heard about those people)—was unduly grateful to Falling Flowers after that. Once he cleaned himself off in the servants quarters, he made it his duty to run errands for both his clan and the Falling Flowers servants.

“No, no, I insist!” Renji cried, shooing Kira away when he tried to pick up a rag and clean the floors. “Let me do all the dirty work. You guys go wait on the lords and ladies in the pavilion. I got this here.”

So, Renji made himself at home ordering around the lesser servants and taking on more than his fair share of work. Because of this craziness, Nanao was forced to manage Renji at the same time she tried to diligently absolve all persistent mud stains on the castle floor. Unable to relegate tasks efficiently, she haughtily shoved a tray of tea and sake into Kira hands and said, “Be civil and be silent. Now go!” 

Therefore, Kira got the job of serving the visiting lord, a task he was not originally assigned.

In hindsight, Kira saw this as fate intervening.

Kira was used to waiting on lords, but mostly the lower ranking lords and the Espada. He rarely ever served important lords, especially visiting court officials. So, hesitantly, palms sweaty, he scraped his way to the eastern pavilion where Aizen and the visiting ambassador were talking. 

Halfway down the hall, he could hear Aizen’s distinct voice. “…for all the trouble you must have had on your way here.”

“You don’t know the half of it.”

Kira knocked politely on the door before sliding it open and shuffling in, tray first.

“Ah, here is the tea and sake now,” Aizen drawled. 

Kira could see, from the corner of his eye, several of Aizen’s most trusted lords kneeling beside him. He also saw Tosen standing far in the back, Starrk on his right. (Gin was not present, which Kira found mildly surprising.)

“Please, take some warm towels to freshen yourself a bit.” Aizen’s warm smile, matched with a kindly apologetic face, glowed from where he sat. “Such a harrowing experience after such a difficult journey. My most sincere apologies, Tachibana-sama.” 

The ambassador huffed and took the towel from Kira’s tray. He wiped his face and hands several times before tossing the towel on the floor unceremoniously. Kira blinked, unsure if he should fold it or not…

“Would you like some tea?” Aizen asked. “To warm yourself? Or perhaps sake, to warm your soul?”

The ambassador sighed wearily. “Is the sake hot?” To answer his own question, he held his hand over the sake cantor, testing its warmth. “Eh, it’ll do.”

Kira placed the tray onto the floor and poured the ambassador a glass of sake, using all the grace he possessed. The ambassador took the glass and downed it before Kira was even finished, which startled the young servant. He was already on edge from having to do this…

Slamming his empty cup back down on the tray, the ambassador heaved a sigh and demanded, “Another.”

So, Kira would need to remain kneeling at the visiting lord’s side pouring sake, until it became clear he was no longer needed.

“Where are Teiko-sama and Hishigata-sama?” Aizen asked, taking a sip of tea.

“They’re not here,” Tachibana replied. “Couldn’t make it in this rain.”

“Indeed.” Aizen closed his eyes as he savored his hot drink. “You must have had such important business to discuss should you choose to make such a journey in person, all by yourself.” 

“Not important,” the minister answered. “Necessary. Another.” He waved his hand in Kira’s direction to indicate he wanted another drink.

Kira poured. He felt the tension in the room begin to increase. Remembering Shuuhei’s words, he thought about the reason for this visit, that perhaps Tachibana held Aizen in ill-regard…

“Well, I’m sure all that can wait until you’ve had a proper tour of Falling Flowers.” Aizen replied. “Would you like Izuru-san here to show you around? This is your first time here, after all, correct?”

Kira was shocked Aizen knew his name. He flinched visibly as he heard the lord say it. 

The ambassador sighed. “No, no. I have no desire for such things. This is not at all my first time at Falling Flowers. I once spent an entire summer here, years ago, at Genryusai-sama’s request. But of course, that was before your time, Aizen-sama.” 

Tachibana’s black eyes looked polite, as necessary, but cold—as if the all the mounting pretense between them had dissolved during his long trip. The man looked uninterested in pleasantries, at the very least.

“Very well.” Aizen set his tea cup down with a quiet clink. “Then perhaps you would like to just speak plainly, get this matter off your chest.”

Tachibana glanced to the side and gestured to Kira again for another drink. The servant noticed his hand was shaking slightly as he poured.

“When did you last speak with Genryusai-sama? How was his health?”

Aizen smiled, closing his eyes as if remembering something fondly. “My father was well the last time we spoke. His eyes looked hopeful of things to come. He talked enthusiastically about plans for the future.” 

Tachibana bristled but nodded, downing another glass of sake. “I see. And…what plans might those be?”

“Well, for one, he wanted to expand the reaches of Falling Flowers to include much un-claimed land to the west. He believes we can bring prosperity to these lands if we assume them into the estate—”

“Wrong.” Tachibana slammed his cup down, shaking Kira’s tray. “Genryusai-sama never spoke about anything like that. He wanted to minimize land acquisition because of the way it over-burdens the estate’s finances. Even I know that, Aizen.”

Aizen’s smile faded slightly. He looked serious, one eyebrow arched low over his eye. “Are you saying you know the lord Genryusai’s wishes better than I do?” 

“I’m saying that because it is true.” Tachibana fanned the sleeves of his _sokutai_ outwards dramatically. “There is no trace of Genryusai’s will in your words. I hear only what you want for yourself, Aizen-sama.” 

Unmoved, Aizen folded his hands in his lap. “I believe you know I have taken the name ‘Fujiwara.’” 

“Not until Genryusai’s death will I call you that.” 

Tachibana’s anger resonated through the room, but his age and power gave him a gravitas Kira had never quite seen before. He was angry, but he looked well-poised all the same, as if his pride as a high-ranking lord held him above any tawdry displays of temper. He kept his tone even, letting his body language speak volumes about his disposition.

“As you like, Tachibana,” Aizen said evenly. “For we both know it is inevitable. Not even the emperor lives forever.” 

“I am aware of that,” the ambassador said with a sigh. He gestured for another drink, but by now the jug was empty. Kira bowed himself out of the room to get more.

Outside the pavilion, Kira finally took a deep breath. The tension in that room was too much for him to handle. It felt as if a physical weight bore down upon them all, even though both men were speaking in civil tones. He dreaded going back in there, but his sense of duty held strong. It would look unseemly for them to change waiting servants at this point, Kira knew. And, if nothing else, his job was to uphold appearances for Falling Flowers. So he would. Wordlessly, he refilled the sake jug (ignoring comments and nosy questions from other servants) and returned.

Gathering every last nerve, Kira willed himself to amble back into the pavilion on his knees. The tension still hung heavily, but the conversation had taken a different turn.

“As you know,” Tachibana continued after downing a fresh cup of sake. “Once the lord’s daughter turns fifteen, she will be of marrying age. We plan to wed her to Kuchiki-sama as the matchmaker said it would be fortuitous.” 

“Fortuitous for whom?” Aizen asked, seeming almost bored. “Certainly not just little Hisana. Merging the Tachibana and Kuchiki clans would solidify your clan’s presence in the north, making trouble for Taira-sama who wishes to inherit that land naturally once his father dies.”

Kira could not keep track of all the names and places these men were talking about. It was all above his head. He stared out into the veranda, looking at the sparkling red footbridge and thinking of the night he spent here with Gin. They had sat on the edge of this very spot, Kira resting his head on Gin’s shoulder…thinking of how comfortable it felt to be so near the other man. Even now, his body sorely wished it could be nearer to Gin…the chilly evening wind and cloud-darkened sky made Kira long for a warm futon and deft, searching hands…

Consequently, Kira zoned out for much of their conversation. He looked only for the wave of Tachibana’s hand as he requested more sake. Circumstances required him to leave and re-enter the room three more times with fresh sake. In the back of his mind, Kira thought the lord was drinking rather much, but lords were capable of such things. They sometimes spent days drinking sake and staring at sakura flowers as they bloomed, Kira had heard of such things. Sakura viewing parties.

Would Gin like to attend such a thing? Kira imagined his odd-looking lover lounging in a garden, sipping sake, while sakura petals danced above him in the breeze. The image almost made him smile, thinking about Gin staring at the petals like they were something foreign. 

_“What do ya call these, kirakira?”_ Gin might ask. _“Sen bon zakura. One thousand sakura trees blooming at once,”_ Kira would answer, as if explaining to a child. Then they might undress and tussle amongst the flowers, reveling in the feeling of skin against skin.

“…Not once my men encountered your Espada.” 

Hearing the familiar name, Kira perked up and began listening again. 

“Is that so?” Aizen asked, head tilted to the side.

“It is indeed.” Tachibana had not asked for sake in some time, making Kira feel like perhaps he should excuse himself. The mood in the room had become almost dark—in a way that crept up on Kira when he wasn’t paying attention.

“Mmm. Well, it sounds like your men were rewarded with a rather helpful explanation on how to get back to the city.” Aizen straightened his head and added, as an afterthought, “I presume.” 

Tachibana’s look again turned cold. “They received as much. And one of them also returned with a broken arm.” 

“My word, I’m sorry to hear that.” Aizen’s face looked warmly apologetic again. “He must have tripped in the dark on his way back.”

“Another came back with several gashes on his side, looked like they had been made with a sword.” 

“Oh dear,” Aizen’s face returned to normal, smile still evident. “Were there any errant rogues on the road to the city?”

“None except your men.” Tachibana said the words with finality and Kira watched Starrk shift his weight on his feet.

“But my men are not rogues,” Aizen explained calmly. “They are hired warriors. My personal guard, if you will.” 

“What need does a lord have for a personal guard?” Tachibana asked. He gestured to the lack of people beside him. “I have no such men with me tonight. It is unbecoming of a man of our station to rely on such brutish force.”

Aizen smiled thinly. “Indeed, you do not have any men with you. Not here, no. But what about the group of warriors stationed two miles down the road? Are they not yours?”

Tachibana froze. His eyes went wide and Kira saw sweat beginning to form on his temple. 

“I…have no such…men. I do not know what you’re talking about.” Tachibana gestured for more sake.

“Oh, that is good, Tachibana-sama,” Aizen said with a nod. “For these men were victims of a landslide not one day ago.”

“L-landslide?” Tachibana sputtered, choking on his sake. “What do you mean landslide? There was no—”

“Do you know, then, where these men were stationed?” Aizen’s brown eyes did not relent for a second. His kind face looked…intimidating. “For if you don’t, how could you know the place I’m talking about?”

“I was just on the road, Aizen!” Tachibana exclaimed, raising his voice for the first time. “There was no landslide for miles, I’m sure of it!”

Aizen took a sip of tea, undeterred by Tachibana’s display. “How sure are you, Tachibana-sama? Sure enough to make accusations? To call me a liar?”

The ambassador swallowed and looked down. He made a pained face towards the ground, one that only Kira could see.

“H-how many men…survived this landslide?” Tachibana asked eventually.

Aizen took another sip of tea. “None, I’m afraid. A terrible tragedy.” He set his tea cup down. “I have already volunteered to pay for their burials. It will be something small, but dignified. Perhaps a mass grave along the side of a hill, with a modest shrine and seasonal garlands—”

“Aizen…you bastard…” Tachibana growled between clenched teeth. 

“Harsh words.” Aizen’s face looked impassive. “Especially from a man of our station. I would say it is…unbecoming.” 

Tachibana sweated where he sat, visibly controlling himself. After some time had passed, with Kira on the edge of his seat ready to jump up at any moment, he gestured for another cup of sake. Kira poured quickly, surprised he could still move at all.

The tension broke with Tachibana’s momentary surrender. So Aizen sighed and began talking at length. 

“You really should think more about the future, Tachibana-sama, instead of ruminating on the past. I understand you regard your time spent with Genryusai-sama…dearly…” The slight pause there was nothing short of an insult. Tachibana drank more sake to quiet himself. “But times are changing. I believe that in the future, the government will be run not by emperors and courtly men but by warriors who operate at the emperor’s behest. For you see, men of action know the most efficient ways of obtaining a desired result.”

“You…” Tachibana thickly swallowed more sake. “You mean by using force. Fighting and bloodshed.” 

Aizen tossed his head to the side, dislodging one stray strand of brown hair to lay across his face. “Yes, but not so simply. For you see, a warrior knows when to use force and when to make a display of power. Sometimes these are the same thing, sometimes they are not. It all depends on the circumstances. That is why I believe warriors are the most fit to govern.”

“You’re…” Tachibana shook his head in disgust. “You’re insane. I won’t be party to these ridiculous notions of yours.” 

“Fine, fine,” Aizen said with a graceful wave of his hand. “We can talk about something else if you like. Perhaps…Genryusai-sama’s idea for more private consultations with the emperor. When they last spoke, it was just Genryusai alone with his majesty—”

“U-unbelievable!” Tachibana cried, slamming his sake cup down on the tray. “Genryusai-sama would never make such an affront to the Tachibana clan. He would have notified us first at the very least—”

“Were you not notified, Tachibana-sama?” Aizen asked, tilting his head in confusion. “Hmm, that can’t be right. I was certain Genryusai gave orders to notify you…I wonder what could have happened to such a request. Surely it was carried out, I gave it to my most trusted man, after all.” 

“Wh-who…did you give it to…?” Tachibana asked, looking staggered and shocked.

“Hmm, let’s see…what was his name…” Aizen pondered for a moment, then shrugged his shoulders. “You must forgive me, Tachibana-sama. I must be getting old. My memory is not what it used to be—”

“Enough!” Tachibana sat up straight, sleeves billowing out alongside him. “Enough of these insults, Aizen-sama! I will go to his majesty myself and demand a conference, with or without Genryusai-sama’s attendance!”

“You are free to ask his majesty whatever you wish, Tachibana.” Aizen curtly left off the honorary at the end, making Kira’s hair stand on end. “But of course, it is entirely up to his majesty whether or not he accepts your request. None can make his decisions for him, I’m afraid…”

Kira blinked in disbelief. This was a new side to Aizen he had never seen before. This was an Aizen who outsmarted other diplomats. In a way, Kira felt proud to be employed by such a man—clearly the more intelligent of the two lords present. But it was eerie, that such a typically warm-hearted man could use his own kindness to appear unmovable. He had out-foxed Tachibana about those men down the road, claimed the upper-hand in every argument—not by saying things that were particularly offense or egregious. It was all in what Aizen did _not_ say, but what he implied…these were the true forces at work in Aizen’s narrative.

Even now, he was implying that he alone could influence the emperor. Such a thought made Tachibana rise to his feet. Aizen did not grant him the same courtesy. He merely reached for his tea cup and drank a slow sip. 

Some servants shuffled in to light the candles. Kira turned and saw it was already night. The servants glanced at Tachibana, clearly confused why he was on his feet looking so agitated. The interruption seemed to calm Tachibana for a moment. He remained standing for a while after the other servants left, but his face looked more composed.

“I see where the Fujiwara clan is headed, Aizen-sama.” Tachibana spoke mostly to the floor, but the gravity in his words made him seem headstrong all the same. “I can predict the path this clan will walk. It is the way of personal gain with an eye towards domination. An unwise path, for any family.”

He paused. Aizen continued looking at him as calmly as if they were talking about the weather. 

“Though it pains me to be reduced to a rivalry with this clan, I can say only that the fault lies with Genryusai-sama.” Tachibana raised his head and met Aizen’s stare harshly. “Yes, Genryusai-sama. He was foolish to put his faith in you. The shame is that he will not live to see his clan turned to ruin because of you and your outrageous ideas.”

Tachibana sighed. He looked like a man resigned to something, Kira could only guess what. But the servant knew something was about to happen.

“The only path left for me is to minimize the damage. Your damage, Aizen-sama. Because, left unchecked, you will do so much harm to the imperial family, perhaps all of Japan if you are not stopped. By my honor, I cannot allow such a thing to happen. So, may my wife forgive me—”

In seconds, the pavilion erupted in chaotic force of violence. Kira watched in horror as Tachibana pulled a small sword from the folds of his _sokutai—_ the silver of the blade gleaming like venom in the flickering candlelight. Moving with the speed of an ill-practiced killer, Tachibana lunged towards Aizen with a cry, dagger pointed outwards with the intent to murder him…

Kira could not be sure if he screamed or if one of the lords screamed, but all it once, it was over. Tachibana froze several feet away from Aizen, still not remotely within killing range of the man. He just stopped, as if he hit some sort of wall. Kira watched the ambassador stagger for a few moments, gurgling and clutching at his chest. 

Then, as if pushed over by a feather-light breeze, Tachibana fell on his back. Kira saw why he stopped—there was a dagger sticking out of his chest. 

Blood leaked out of Tachibana’s mouth. His eyes searched the ceiling for something, mouth moving painfully as if trying to speak. The rest of the lords in attendance lost themselves to panic and scrambled out of the way.

Tosen and Starrk flanked Aizen, covering him from both sides, hands on their weapons. Both men looked unmoved, both by Tachibana’s betrayal (which even Kira could admit he saw coming) and by the fact that Tachibana had just been murdered in front of a small crowd.

Aizen stood up with a sigh. He put his hand on Starrk’s shoulder and looked out into the pavilion—that same small smile plastered on his face. Not a muscle in his face twitched, even as Tachibana’s blood spilled out onto the floor.

“Good shot, Gin. As always,” Aizen said into the night.

“Yeah, yeah.”

Kira spun around as he heard Gin answer from somewhere in the gardens. Sure enough, Ichimaru Gin emerged from the darkness and walked into the pavilion via the veranda. Kira’s mouth fell open, ice shooting through his veins as he realized Gin was the one who threw that dagger. 

He had been stationed…out there…in the same spot they had…

Kira’s face filled with horror and he felt immediately sick to his stomach.

Stepping into the light of the pavilion, Gin kneeled down beside the dying ambassador. He wore the same grin as always, staring into Tachibana’s face.

“Bye, bye.” Gin waved at the man and said a quiet goodbye, in his usual tone, as Tachibana stilled.

The man was dead. Gin killed him.

Kira put these two facts together in slow motion, unable to do anything except hold his mouth before he broke out into a scream. He had never seen anyone die before—never seen human blood spill onto the floor from a knife wound…it made reality itself seem like a much more horrible place to live. 

Inside…there was so much blood inside a man…

Heedless of Kira’s predicament, Gin reached down and pulled his dagger out of Tachibana’s chest. Some blood splashed out with the movement, splattering the side of Gin’s face with thick red splotches. 

“Don’t make a mess, Ichimaru,” Starrk muttered where he stood. “Remember, that guy was a person after all.”

“Right, right,” Gin answered, wiping the blood off his dagger with the discarded towel. 

“My dear friends,” Aizen began, turning towards the lords currently cowering in the corner. “I am so sorry you had to bear witness so such a gruesome display. It pains me that Tachibana-sama would betray us so, but I cannot say it was unexpected.” Aizen stepped over Tachibana’s legs and approached the lords slowly. “Did any of you know about this betrayal beforehand?”

“N-no, Aizen-sama.”

“Absolutely not, my lord.”

“We had no idea.”

The lords all confirmed they did not know. Aizen’s smile waned for a moment, then returned with a weary, morose look. 

“Well, then,” he said. “I assume we can all agree to the tragedy of this man’s death. Tachibana-sama came to our estate looking unwell, weary and ill from his terrible journey. We tried our best to help him, offering medical assistance and blood letting where possible, but he succumbed to his illness tonight all the same.”

Aizen sighed his way through the end of that lie. The nearby lords nodded their hands and bowed, clearly willing to go along with it.

“A heavy drinking man who took such poor care of himself was bound to meet an end like this. We can only be more mindful of our own drinking habits, and remember to eat well. Love our families. Enjoy life, as it is.”

“Yes Aizen-sama.”

“Indeed, my lord.”

Kira searched around, feeling like the world had tilted on some strange axis. They were going to cover up this murder without any hesitation? How would they…dispose of the body…? Was this all so commonplace among lords, for Aizen? For Gin…?

“Don’t you agree, Izuru-san?” 

Startled at the sound of Aizen saying his name, Kira jumped and came back into himself. He was still kneeling where Tachibana had sat, holding onto the sake jug stupidly.

“I-I…” Kira stopped, closed his eyes. He felt all eyes in the room glued to him. 

He would need to agree. He had to, or else he would be a betrayer just as much as Tachibana…and then they would surely…

“I agree, of course, my lord Aizen-sama. It is…as you say.” (What was Aizen’s lie again? Kira had already forgotten.)

Aizen was staring at Kira with his usual warm-hearted smile. It was the first time Kira could remember ever making direct eye contact with the lord. Even though Aizen looked kind, the servant could hardly maintain the pressure of meeting his gaze for any longer…He bowed down at the waist, resting his palms against the ground.

“Good.” Aizen turned and headed towards the door. “So, then, Izuru-san…as the only servant present for poor Tachibana’s death, you will be one responsible for cleaning this pavilion to make sure there are no…remnants. Of anything. You understand, yes? It is necessary to uphold the appearance of Falling Flowers as a cleanly estate.”

“…yes, my lord Aizen-sama.” Kira shook as he stared at the ground. 

“Gin, you are responsible for arranging Tachibana’s body in his bedchambers.” 

“You got it, boss,” Gin said slowly, tucking his dagger somewhere in his clothes.

“Tosen, with me. Starrk, inform the others.” With that, Aizen opened the door and walked out into the hallway, Tosen shadowing his steps as if it were any normal day.

They could all hear Aizen talking as he left, speaking to the various attendants waiting in the hallway for requests about dinner. “Tachibana-sama is not feeling well, so I will be taking dinner with Momo- _heika_ like always. I have men already escorting Tachibana-sama to his rooms…”

One by one, the lords walked out of the pavilion without so much as a glance back to Tachibana’s body or any of the Espada. It seemed each man wanted nothing more than to leave all of this unpleasant business behind. They wanted the privilege of standing by Aizen’s side just as before. They would do anything to uphold that.

Starrk walked out behind them without a word, ambling off in the direction of the Espada’s quarters. It left Gin and Kira alone in the pavilion.

Gin was not looking at the servant. He was busy binding a towel against Tachibana’s chest wound to staunch the bleeding. Of course, the ambassador would not be bleeding very much longer, but no doubt Gin wanted to stop any blood from leaking as he carried the dead man across the castle to his chambers. He folded the ambassador's _sokutai_ around the cloth to hide the appearance entirely.

“Better get to work if you want to clean all this up.” Gin spoke suddenly, making Kira flinch in surprise. “This stuff tends to stain, if ya know what I mean.” 

Kira rose to his feet quietly, feeling his own queasiness rising to the surface. He knew that Gin was talking about blood, that Gin was telling him how to hide the rest of this blood…

“So, you’ve…done this all before.” Kira said the words blandly, not really feeling his own mouth moving as he spoke. 

Gin sighed and straightened up. His smile had died. He looked at Kira with a serious face, eyes closed. 

“I’m a warrior, kid. Someone else’s fighting dog. This is what I do.” 

Saying nothing else, Gin wrapped Tachibana’s arm around his shoulder and heaved the dead body up. Once again, Kira was surprised by how strong Gin must be (he had seen him do similar feats of strength that such a slim body ought not be able to do). Gin carried what was left of Tachibana out into the veranda, across the garden into the night.

Gin must know how to get around everywhere, Kira thought. He knew the silver-haired man would arrange it so that Tachibana was discovered at just the right time in just the right way. Such a thing was so…like Gin. 

As was murder, it seemed.

____________________________________________________________

Kira got up and called for a servant from outside the door. He asked the kitchen girl for a mop and some wet rags. As soon as she left, Kira turned away from the door and vomited all the contents of his stomach onto the floor.

He had been holding that in for a while. Now, he just let himself retch. 

Finally done, Kira wiped his mouth and sat in thought. He longed for some water, but there was only sake left in the room. So he poured himself some of that. 

The cool alcohol settled his nerves somewhat. It made him feel more comfortably detached from everything that had just happened. He gulped down a second cup and sighed around the burn. The sweetness of the sake washed away the acidic aftertaste of vomit, and the alcohol hit his head hard, making him feel like he had some strength left to face the rest of this night.

The kitchen girl returned with all the cleaning supplies. Kira thanked her and got right to work.

It calmed him even more to be at work doing something he was so comfortable with: Cleaning. The water of the wash rags and the scent of soap put his mind into the best state for deep thinking.

Which was exactly what Kira needed to do. If he squinted, he could pretend the blood on the floor was some errant water color paint, no matter how coppery it smelled. 

Gin. An image of his lover, smiling up at him from his knees, licking his lips after swallowing some of Kira’s cum. He blinked again and there was another image of Gin—this time, with blood staining the side of his face while he smiled and pulled a knife out of someone’s dead body.

_These are both Gin._

Kira knew that was true. After all, what did he think Gin did for a living? He was Aizen’s warrior, a commander, a fighter. Aizen had not employed Gin for his looks or personality, he had employed him because of his ability to throw a dagger from far away with impeccable accuracy (seriously, even Kira was impressed by that kind of aim). Gin had certainly killed before—most likely would again.

_He’s a murderer._

Yes, very true. Gin was a killer. In a way, that was so obvious! It was literally his whole job! But Kira had never thought about this part of Gin before, the part that killed for a living. He had always seen Gin as his own person, someone who acted based on his own wants. The person who wanted to touch Kira and give him pleasure, to hold him gently and smile down at him while he slept…

But no. Gin could kill. He had even smiled while he did it, waving goodbye to the man as if he was simply going away for a bit. Such a thing, such disregard for the sanctity of life, was simply…unnatural. Gin was unnatural. He looked like a crazy person, smiling with blood painted all over his face.

The deeper question, why was Gin like this? Was he born this way, a murderer? Or did he…become this way? And how?

Kira sighed and stopped scrubbing for a moment. If he was smart, he would distance himself from Gin right away. Cut all ties from him, refuse any more trysts. (No matter how much his body complained.)

…But Kira knew he was not that smart.

Gin has a place in his heart, in his soul. It pained him to accept that fact—even more so now that he realized what Gin truly was. But he could not change that. No matter how hard he tried, he knew that Gin’s face would haunt him for better or worse. He knew that Gin’s touch had ruined him for anything else—would it ever be possible to enjoy the touch of another man?

Kira thought for a moment about sleeping with someone else. But who? A woman? The thought made him shiver with distaste. No, no woman could give him what Gin did—that feeling of being captured, of being overpowered… So then a man. Who else?

Shuuhei perhaps? A wave of guilt flooded the blonde man. No, he could never touch Shuuhei the way he touched Gin. Shuuhei was too good of a person for all that. He deserved a faithful wife and a good family…not some ill-fated romance with his childhood friend. Kira could never bring himself to want Shuuhei.

Who else? Perhaps Renji, for Kira had found the strange man attractive. And there would be no attachments between them; Renji was bound to leave after a week. 

Kira thought about getting on his knees for Renji. It turned him on to think about Renji’s strong, calloused hands on the top of his head, forcing him to his knees. Renji would tell him to suck it and Kira would comply without hesitation. He would moan and reach into Renji’s clothes to pull him out—

The fantasy ended there. As soon as he imagined Renji’s cock, Kira’s arousal fizzled out and his heart turned cold. Sure, Renji probably had an impressive cock, ith the way he carried himself. At the very least, Kira might be able to count on him for a good fuck, but…

Renji’s cock was not Gin’s. After seeing Gin’s manhood, evidence of the strange man’s considerable prowess and beauty, the essence of what he was—Kira felt he could not substitute anything else.

No. Kira shook his head and started cleaning again. Gin’s cock was the only one for him. And he had not even truly felt it yet…

Kira shivered despite himself, thinking of Gin holding him down. The same fantasy as always, but this time, Gin had a knife in his hand, cutting Kira’s clothes off while Kira lay tied to the bed, aroused and helpless…

He bit his lip to stifle a moan.

Knowing that Gin had left an indelible mark on him, on the inside, Kira needed to find a way to accept this part of his love. 

And after all, killing was sinful but Gin had clearly acted in defense—he was defending his master, the master of the castle! It would be chaos if Aizen were killed. The fate of the Fujiwara family would be cast into doubt.

Besides, everyone had a way of making their living. Gin’s way was fighting in defense. He was not some cloak-and-dagger rogue, stealing into people’s houses at night to murder them. No, he was a hired guard. And as such, he would kill to protect his lord if needed. In this case, it was certainly needed. 

Gin had acted out of loyalty, duty. His smile showed impassiveness—that same smile he wore all the time. It showed that Gin had no other motive. He had not killed Tachibana out of spite, nor for money, or greed, or even enjoyment. 

Or…had he? Did Gin enjoy killing? 

The question stuck in Kira’s mind. He needed an answer before he made any more decisions.

________________________________________________________________

As it turned to the hour of the dog, Kira snuck out of the pavilion and into the corridor. He moved towards the west wing this time, across the main chambers (no desire to run into that ghost at a time like this). Most of the servants and all the lords and ladies were asleep. Kira was not interrupted.

He went to the guest bedchambers on the far northwest side of the castle. He carefully checked each one for Tachibana’s body, hoping to find some clue about where Gin might be. 

It felt…bizarre, to say the least, that he was literally searching the castle for a dead body. In hope of finding his lover, no less! Kira could not be certain how he had gotten to this point, but he knew there was no going back from here.

He found Tachibana’s chambers rather unceremoniously. He recognized the man’s face instantly and tiptoed into the room, holding a candle at arm’s length. At first glance, Tachibana just looked like he was sleeping. But when Kira held his candle closer to the man, he saw that indeed Tachibana was not breathing. 

The stench of death had not yet permeated the room. Kira was thankful for that. He glanced around for signs of Gin, hoping that perhaps Gin might be lurking as he was wont to do—

Which was way it should not have frightened him when he turned around and Gin was already behind him. But still, he jumped all the same.

“Sneaking around the castle now, Kira-chan?” Gin asked. His whole body was bathed in shadow. 

Kira held his candle out to bring some light to Gin’s face. “I…was looking for you.”

“For me?” Gin smiled wider and tilted his head. “Whatever for? I can’t imagine you’re lookin’ for what we usually do…I heard ya throw up in there, by the way. Bet you’re still feelin’ a little sick, huh?”

Kira felt ashamed at his weakness, but he shook his head and tried to pay it no mind. “No, you’re right, Gin-sama, I’m not here for…whatever. I just wanted to ask you a question.”

“Questions, questions,” Gin drawled. 

The warrior walked around and sat on the open windowsill across the side of the room. Kira watched in fascination as Gin bounded up the ledge as if it were nothing, sitting with his feet swinging like a carefree kid. 

“So curious, _kirakira._ ” He took a deep breath and shrugged. “But sure, you can ask me whatever you want. I guess I owe ya that much.”

Even though Gin was smiling, Kira thought those words sounded so sad. It appeared Gin had already written off Kira’s affections, like he knew Kira would not want to continue their relationship (or whatever they had been doing). 

“Gin,” Kira began, speaking softly but earnestly. “Did you want to kill that man?”

Gin’s smile flickered. “Did I what?”

“I mean, did you want to kill him?” Kira sighed, speaking barely above a whisper lest anyone hear. “Did you enjoy what you had to do just now?”

Silence hung heavily between them for a moment. Gin’s smile had effectively disappeared, giving him that displeased look he wore without it. 

“Enjoy?” Gin said at last. “You mean, did I like killing him?”

“Yes, that’s what I mean.” Kira’s heart beat wildly in his chest.

Gin looked out the window for a moment, then back at Kira. “I guess…uh…hmm. I never really thought about it like that.”

Kira’s mouth hung open. He did not expect that answer.

Gin went on. “Honestly, Kira-bou, you’ve got to understand. I’ve been killing for a while, okay? Like, a while. Ever since I was a kid even.”

It hurt to hear that, but Kira nodded and listened all the same.

“It’s different when you’re growing up on the outside. I lived in the south on the road in between two dying estates. It was bad, you know? People came and went. Bandits lined the streets, waiting for people carrying stolen stuff from the estates to come along. I don’t remember my parents because they weren’t around from the beginning. So, I started killing to stay alive.” 

Night breeze ruffled Gin’s soft hair. He looked sideways out the window, remembering. 

“The only person I cared about, well she…”

Gin looked back at Kira suddenly, the words dying on his lips. “Anyway. Like I said, I’ve been killing a while. So for me, it’s not about enjoying or not enjoying. It’s just…a thing I do. Keeps me alive. Keeps the boss alive. Everyone’s happy. The end.” 

Kira glanced at the flame in his candle. It was about to go out. He looked up at Gin and decided he would have to go by the light of the moon when it died, as Gin did. 

He was not sure what to make of the warrior’s story. It sounded real, and it was certainly believable. Gin would hardly be the first to endure such a life. The thing that stuck out in his mind was when Gin mentioned the only person he cared about. She? Why did that scenario sound so familiar to him?

Regardless, it sounded like Gin did not kill for pleasure. He killed to stay alive. 

Kira nodded in acceptance. Looking up at Gin, he saw the man who harbored such affection for him (Kira knew he did, there was no reason to lie with the things they did with each other), the man whom he showered with intimacies and pleas (oh the things he had begged Gin for). 

This was still him. More…completely. 

Kira blew out the candle and walked over to the window.

“Alright, Gin-sama. I think I understand…That it’s…not the first time you’ve killed and it won’t be last, and yet…” Kira reached out and put his hands on Gin’s knees. “I can’t help but admit…it changes nothing.”

Gin flinched for a moment. His smile slowly crept back into his face. “Nothing?”

“Yes.” Kira nodded. “I…still feel the same way about you, Gin-sama. At this point I…don’t know that anything would change that.” 

In a rush of movement, Gin jumped down from the ledge and tackled Kira. He grabbed the younger man by the shoulders and pushed him hard into the other wall. Kira gasped in surprise, never having been handled so roughly before. But then Gin was kissing him passionately, with more strength than ever, and Kira was lost. 

He moaned into the kiss and wrapped his hands around Gin’s head, digging his fingers into the other man’s hair. The kiss was rough and violent, but it felt like an affirmation.

Kira could withstand this. He even liked it. 

Gin pushed his whole body up against Kira’s, flattening him against the wall. Kira moaned softly, loving the feeling of being pinned. Once again, Gin’s inherent strength aroused him and all Kira wanted to do was submit—

But when he turned his head, he saw Tachibana’s body laid out on the bed.

“G-Gin…” Kira mumbled between barrages of kisses. 

“What.” Gin barely stopped long enough to ask.

“Th-there’s…unh…can we…go somewhere else?” 

“Why.”

“Because!” Kira grabbed Gin’s shoulders to stop him. He physically turned the other man’s body to look at Tachibana. 

Gin stilled finally. “Oh, right. Him.” When he looked back at Kira he was smiling. 

The silver-haired man reached out with one hand. An offer, obviously. Without question, Kira took it and accepted. Gin held his hand firmly, skin cool to the touch but so reassuring.

“Come on, let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, I finally get the chance to write bastard Aizen! It feels so good. (For non-bastard Aizen, check out my other story, "Ruthless." Because there's going to be more bastard from here on out.) 
> 
> *Post-note: So, when Aizen was talking about a form of government run by warriors, he was actually referring to what would eventually become the shogunate. The first technical shogun came about in 1192 with Minamoto no Yoritomo, and this story takes place in the 900s, so Aizen was just a little early with his ideas! But not by much. 
> 
> Also, I really REALLY want to write a fic where Kira's nantaimori fantasy comes to life. That may need to happen.


	5. Ohaguro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are several matters on the estate that need attention. Constant attention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A double update! I don't know if I'll have time to write for the next few weeks, and I really wanted the story to get to this point. :) To sexy times, I mean.
> 
> Notes:  
> Ohaguro お歯黒 - Japanese custom of dyeing one’s teeth black. Mostly done by married women, it was used for a variety of purposes: a young woman’s coming of age ceremony, during a wedding ceremony, or during a funeral. Many superstitions arose around this practice, especially in the modern age.  
> hoshigaki - dried persimmons. This is the fruit Gin gives to Rangiku when he meets her for the first time in the manga/anime.

**Chapter Five: _Ohaguro*_**

Gin and Kira walked hand in hand down the west wing corridor. The warrior knew where he was going, even though the halls were completely dark. Kira could not see even an inch in front of his face, but he was giddy with excitement about wherever Gin might take him. 

Here in the west wing where the corridor took a sharp left turn at the northern-most point…Kira knew where they were, but he had never been here before himself. Only their feet echoed against the wooden floor, but the sound grew almost obnoxiously loud in Kira’s ears as he struggled to keep up with Gin in the dark.

“Where are we going, Gin-sama?” Kira whispered.

“You’ll see. It’s nowhere scary, I promise.” He could hear Gin’s smile. “This is just the fastest way…”

All of a sudden, Kira could have sworn he heard a third set of footsteps echoing from somewhere down the corridor. He whipped his head in that direction, surprised for some reason when he could not see anything. He stood stock still in his tracks, pulling Gin to halt as well.

“What?” the warrior asked, his silver hair becoming visible in the darkness. Kira welcomed the sight, holding tightly onto his hand.

“I thought…” 

Sure enough, as they stood still, Kira heard another pair of footsteps pounding quickly across their path. He jumped in response, clearly alarmed.

“Did you hear that?” Kira asked his companion, heart pounding.

“…Hear what?” Gin’s pale skin shown in the darkness and Kira shuffled closer to him.

Sure enough, Kira heard the footsteps again, this time accompanied by a strong breeze brushing over his body as if somebody was running past him. Kira gasped and shivered, suddenly very cold.

“Did you…feel that?” Kira asked, clinging to Gin’s arm now.

“No…” Gin answered. “But you sure felt something. What is it?”

“I think…” Kira knew he sounded ridiculous but under cover of darkness it made sense. “I think it’s a ghost…”

“Hmmmmm…” Gin muttered, chuckling under his breath. “Well, let’s keep moving. I’ll keep you safe from the scary ghost. Ok?”

Kira nodded. He walked forward with Gin and promptly ignored the flash of white in the corner of his eye, the creepy tension he had felt in the room that night coming back at him full force. Even the strange crying sound, that Kira tried his hardest not to understand.

“You…no…I…”

_Don’t listen_ , Kira told himself. _That’s not a real person, you can’t help that person anymore—_

Suddenly, Kira saw a figure standing across the hallway. The figure—a woman, pale haired and sobbing—looked exactly as she had the last time he encountered her. Except now, Kira thought she looked slightly clearer. He could see that this was not an old woman but a rather young woman, just leaving girlhood perhaps….

“You…Gin-sama, do you…?” Kira looked at the woman with dread in his heart while Gin kept pushing him forward.

The _yurei_ rocked back and forth where she stood. She was not oblivious to their passing. As soon as they walked by, she turned slowly to face them. As last time, she moved in that same jerky stop and start way.

From his angle, Kira caught a glimpse of her mouth before he closed his eyes in fear. Her mouth looked black—teeth painted in _ohaguro—_ and her lips looked like they were dripping…dripping with something dark, black goo from the teeth dye or perhaps…blood… 

He screamed and shut his eyes, holding tight enough onto Gin’s wrist to leave a mark.

The warrior all but carried Kira across the corridor, through the north-facing door, and out into the night air of the garden. 

Once outside, Kira sucked in a deep breath and collapsed against the soft grass. Gin let him get to his knees, but kept his hands firmly on Kira’s shoulders to steady him before the servant collapsed completely. 

“You, ah…okay?” Gin asked hesitantly. 

Gin’s smile hung in a state of uncertainty. It looked for a moment like Gin legitimately did not know if he should be smiling or not.

“Yes…I…think so…” Kira struggled to his knees and looked at his companion. “Did you…see that woman just now?”

One of Gin’s eyebrows lowered in seriousness and confusion. “I didn’t see anything, but…I thought I heard something…”

“You did?” Kira scrambled to his feet, amazed that perhaps Gin had heard something after all. “What did you hear?”

“I thought…” Gin had a pensive look on his face. “I thought I heard someone calling my name. Someone I knew…”

“You know this person?” This time, Kira grabbed one of Gin’s shoulders. “A young woman?”

Slowly, very slowly, Gin shook his head. “No. Not really.” Then his smile returned full force and he looked at Kira like nothing had happened. 

“Ready to go, Izuru-chan?”

Saying nothing else, the warrior walked forward into the night. Kira sighed and watched him, clearly seeing that Gin did not wish to reveal this part of himself, whatever it was. 

Still the face of that _yurei_ was horrifying! Even if Gin had not seen her, why was he not more upset…?

Massaging his forehead in tiredness and confusion, Kira realized there was still so much more he did not know. He glanced back at the door and shivered, hoping never to meet this ghost again. (And figuring, in his heart, that he would probably see her at least one more time.)

Perhaps next time, Kira would ask her what she wanted. Maybe then…he could get some answers. Even if it riled his skin to think about talking to that black-mouthed ghost…facing her otherworldly figure framed in darkness…

No. Kira shook his head to clear it. He would face that only if he absolutely had to.

The servant looked toward Gin’s retreating figure in front of him. With dawn beginning to break, Kira saw immediately where the man was taking them: The Espada’s quarters. 

The Espada resided on the far outskirts of the castle’s gardens. They were even farther away from the castle than the servants—the result of an undisguised snub from the caretakers at Falling Flowers. No one wanted those roguish soldiers anywhere near the castle, especially not once night fell and anything was likely to happen. It would be…unseemly for such men to sleep in close proximity to ladies of the court. So, the Espada lived in the farthest outcropping possible: A medium-sized shack with an open veranda spread across the back end, their only luxury. A small washroom stood off a ways, barely within the limits of what was comfortable.

Kira had never been to the Espada’s quarters, naturally. Every time the servants needed to make a delivery there, they asked the lower caste slaves to go. Very few people desired to see how the Espada actually lived.

Now though, Kira knew had a reason to be here. In a way, this was Gin’s personal chambers. It made him wonder, did Gin sleep fifteen to a room like Kira did or else…did he have his own personal bedroom…?

Pulse racing, Kira caught up to Gin and walked alongside him. The mood between them was strange, quiet now, as if a wall had arisen in just a few short minutes. Gin smiled in perpetuity, as always, but Kira did not know what to say to him. 

Mostly, Kira found that he was tired. Extremely, unceasingly exhausted. The events of the day (Tachibana’s visit and…everything else…) compiled with his search for Gin in the dark, then another ghost encounter…all these things combined made Kira just long for sleep. He could feel himself beginning to sag a little bit as he walked.

He hoped that Gin had a personal chamber. Not for fucking, which Kira could barely even bring himself to want at this point, but just for laying down…maybe he could curl up next to Gin and steal some sleep before needing to rise and attend to his duties. 

Sidling up next to the warrior, Kira tried to paint that image in his head as they approached the door to the Espada’s quarters. 

Gin knocked twice, then knocked again. On the third time, he slid the door open on his own and ducked inside, gesturing for Kira to follow him. The shed was dark, but long. There were about four or five rooms lined up alongside the single hallway. 

At the end of the hall, the corridor opened into a small pavilion. There was a table there and some writing implements. Kira could make out a man sitting at the table, furiously writing something in a notebook while his candle burned down to a nub beside him. Kira thought he had seen this man before, he must have, but he could not remember the name…a slight man with pink hair coiled underneath the tips of his fingers as he gripped the hair along his scalp in thought…

“You’re coming in so late, Ichi.” 

Another man popped up beside them from one of the rooms. Gin continued walking, ignoring him. The silver-haired man seemed to be leading Kira through to one of the inlaid rooms on the far side. 

Kira turned back and looked at the man who had approached them. He knew him; a ghastly looking warrior by the name of Nnoitra. Nnoitra’s face spoke volumes about his heartless personality. On top of that, he wielded a scythe across his back without ever even hiding it. In truth, Kira was very afraid of Nnoitra, as were most of the servants. They all did their best to just stay out of his way. 

Gin, it seemed, could care less. He pulled open the door of a large room in the very back and ushered Kira inside with one hand on the servant’s back.

Nnoitra stared at the two of them until Gin soundly closed the door behind them. It made Kira shiver to think of that awful stare from that wide-toothed man…

But then, he saw the inside of this room Gin had brought him to. There was a large, fluffy futon in the middle of the floor. Kira had never seen something so luxurious outside of the lord’s and ladies’ chambers. Even though it was unfolded and uncared for, the futon looked wonderful…

Kira felt his weariness down to his very bones as he laid eyes on that small bed. He wanted more than anything to just lay down, but his politeness would not allow him such a thing until Gin told him it was alright.

“What do ya think?” Gin asked, lighting some candles along the top of a short cupboard. 

With more light, Kira could a see a small weapons rack in the corner. There laid several katana and _wakizashi,_ sheathed within their scabbards. It made Kira shudder to think of how deadly those weapons must be…especially with Gin as their master…

Other than that, Gin’s room looked fairly plain. No artwork on the walls. The only personal affect Kira could see was a small jar on top of the cupboard filled with dried fruit—it looked like _hoshigaki._

“Is this…your room, Gin-sama?” Kira managed to ask.

“More or less.” The fox-faced warrior spread out the corners of his futon, fluffing the sheets and making it look all the more tantalizing. “Aizen let’s me keep my things in here. But really, these rooms belong to all the Espada. It’s not like I got anything in here the rest of them haven’t seen or used before.” 

Kira thought for a moment that sounded a little sad. That Gin would not have any possessions he held dear…

But then, neither did Kira himself for that matter. Such things were luxuries, after all. Most of the time, Kira felt extremely lucky just to have a place to lay his head. He figured Gin felt the same way.

“So, come on.” Gin stretched out along the futon and gestured for Kira to sit next to him. “Sit down already.” 

Kira silently offered up a prayer in thanks that Gin wanted him to sit. Immediately he crawled on his hands and knees to the waiting cushion and blankets…

“Wait, wait.” Gin held up his hand to stop Kira just as he laid his hands on the material. 

The servant stopped abruptly and stared at Gin in anticipation.

Smiling furiously now, teeth showing, Gin explained, “I have a rule about this futon: No. Clothes. Allowed.”

Kira blushed and sat back on his thighs. (Quite an unfair rule, considering Gin was still wearing his clothes. But such it was.) “A-alright, Gin-sama,” he said cautiously, slowly untying his yukata.

He felt Gin watching him as he tossed the tie to the side and slipped out of his clothes, baring his slim body for the other man. He took his time taking off his socks and started crawling back to the futon, embarrassed to be wearing only his _fundoshi._ The sun was beginning to rise after all, and Gin had lit some candles. He was sure Gin could see all of his body…

“Uh uh uh.” Gin held up his hand again. Kira stopped with a sigh of frustration. “You gotta take off those too.” 

Kira licked his lips hesitantly. Sure, Gin had…seen these parts of him before, but they had never been completely naked in front of each other. It felt so inherently sinful to be naked in another man’s bed…to undress while Gin was watching so intently.

But he knew he would comply. After all, he wanted to show his body to Gin, really…and he wanted Gin to watch him (he always wanted that. It got him off thinking about Gin chasing his footsteps in the castle).

So, Kira slowly loosened the strings of his _fundoshi_ and unwrapped the cloth from his body. He sat on his knees in front of Gin, without a stitch of clothing on him.

The cold air and the feeling of Gin’s relentless stare made Kira feel vulnerable but also…very turned on. He was not sure what to do with his hands, so he just held them in his lap.

“That’s much better, _kirakira_ ,” Gin cooed. “My, my. _Kirakira hikarimasu…_ I can’t believe how you shine…”

Kira blushed under the compliment, feeling his body heat rising. He closed his eyes and lifted his head, wishing that Gin’s stare was a physical touch for a moment, tracing along his neck…he wanted to feel those graceful hands on him…

“May I…come join you now, Gin-sama?” 

“Of course. Come here, Izuru.” 

So Kira crawled, naked, over to Gin’s bed, shifting into a sitting position once he reached the other man. 

“Lay down.” Gin pushed lightly on Kira’s shoulders, guiding him to lie on the futon. 

More than eager for that, Kira let out a long sigh once he was finally horizontal, cushioned by the soft, silky cloth of the futon. It felt like something other than cotton, but Kira did not know the name of such a fabric. He leaned his head to the side to feel the soft material against his cheek, rubbing his face in the wonderful sensation—and the overwhelming smell of Ichimaru Gin that lingered there.

“Like it?” Gin asked, moving to straddle Kira’s hips.

Kira ran his hands up and down the covered futon. “Yes, I do. It’s…very nice, Gin-sama. Is this…silk, or…?”

The more Kira stayed motionless, the more his energy seeped out of him. Now he was struggling to keep his eyes open, fighting the glorious relaxing feeling of being immersed in such a bed.

Gin shrugged. “No idea. But I liked it, so I bought it.” 

Chuckling slightly, Gin ran his fingertips across the side of Kira’s face, parting the blonde bangs so he could see all of Kira’s normally well-hidden face. Kira sighed under the touch, trying to remind himself not to blink for so long.

“You look tired, Kira-bou,” Gin said softly, stroking Kira’s cheeks up and down.

The blonde nodded. “Yes…I am…”

“So then you should go to sleep.” Gin leaned down and kissed Kira’s forehead. 

The feel of his lips spread warmth throughout the younger man. He moaned quietly in sheer comfort. “Can I…here? Is it…alright?” 

“Hmmm.” Gin chuckled and kissed Kira’s mouth to silence him. “Yes, it’s alright, my dear. You can sleep now. Just rest…”

So, with Gin’s gentle weight on top of him, Kira let his eyes close. Feeling Gin’s lips and fingers easing his nerves, his body sank into the futon while he promptly fell asleep.

For the first time in a very long time, he did not dream. His body was lulled into a true rest. 

_______________________________________________________________

Rolling his head from side to side, trying to inhale more of that amazing scent (Gin’s scent that set his soul at ease and his skin tingling), Kira slowly opened his eyes the next day. He was disoriented at first, not remembering where he had ended up. Then, he saw the weapons rack and the _hoshigaki_ jar and he remembered.

This was Gin’s room. 

All the goings-on of the previous day hit Kira with full force. He had seen a man die, had waited on Aizen-sama himself, seen that _yurei_ again…all these thoughts drove another wave of exhaustion crashing down around him.

The futon really was comfortable. He thought he might just close his eyes again for a little bit…

When Kira next woke, his eyes were blinking in a room full of hazy twilight. A sharp gasp escaped him as he looked out the nearby window and saw the position of the sun. Already late afternoon! 

He sat up in a panic, tossing about on the futon in futility (he could not seem to straighten his body for some reason), while his mind screamed at him to get up, get dressed, and get his ass over to Nanao before he got kicked out of Falling Flowers! He had never missed a day of work before, and here he had gone and slept the whole day, without notice—

“Take it easy, Kira-chan.”

Flipping his hair out of his face, Kira saw Gin sitting across from him on the wide futon, polishing a small dagger. Immediately his heart seized as he saw the weapon, but then, his libido kicked into gear…remembering Gin’s power and ability with such a blade…

…But now was not the time!

Kira gulped and regarded the other man in disbelief. “G-gin-sama! How long have I been asleep?”

“Mmm…about a day or so. It’s already dinnertime.” Gin tucked the dagger to the side and stood up, his back facing Kira.

“Wh-why didn’t you wake me up?!” Kira cried, close to tears now. He struggled into a sitting position. “I can’t neglect my duties! Nanao-san will be furious, I could be dismissed—”

“Whoa, whoa, easy…” Gin sighed and started untying his own warrior’s kimono. Angry but confused, Kira could not help but stare at Gin’s pale torso as it was revealed inch by inch…that bone-white skin…

“I already got permission for you. From Aizen himself. He told Nanao that you overworked yourself tending to Tachibana yesterday and to give you a break. Of course, coming from the boss, Nanao had to agree…”

With that, Gin removed his top completely, standing naked to the waist in only his black _hakama._ Kira’s mind shorted out as he took in the sight of Gin’s bared chest. His arms and shoulders were…surprisingly muscular, and the rest of him was rather filled out as well. Underneath his black clothes, Gin was actually very well-built. The inward dip of his waist, accentuated by the tie on his kimono, belied this fact. However, the rest of Gin was all bone and muscle, pointy but strong….

Kira’s quivered and shrank back into the futon at the sight. Gin was so beautiful…

After several moments admiring the other man, Kira finally registered his words. Gin had gotten permission—from Aizen himself? The servant sat up, flabbergasted. He had no idea what to say! Was that even possible?  


“It’s alright, it’s alright,” Gin said, kneeling back down on the futon. “Don’t thank me. It was nothing, after all.” He cupped Kira’s face with one hand, peering down at him in mirth. “And Aizen owes you anyway.”

“…owes me?” Kira said in confusion, letting Gin guide him back into a laying position. 

How could the lord of the castle possibly owe him? It was ludicrous!

“N-no, Gin,” Kira shook his head, even as his body screamed in protest, wanting to feel more of Gin’s hard body covering his own…his hand on his face. “I…can’t. I just can’t. I have to get back to work or the others will start to worry about me…” (Or hate me, he thought to himself. No one ever got out of work.)

“Relax,” Gin said with a chuckle. “You can stay here for a bit longer. It’ll be fine.” He combed his fingers through Kira’s messy hair, making the servant eyes flicker closed in comfort…

“But I…” Kira struggled, shaking his head to dislodge Gin’s hand.

“Hmmm.” Gin sat back on his knees and waved his hand over Kira’s body. “Insistent, aren’t ya? Well, anyway, how are you going to go to work like that?”

“Like…?” Kira looked down at his body for the first time since waking and finally saw what Gin was talking about.

His hands were bound together at the wrist in tight rope. Underneath the rope, Gin had placed some soft silk to minimize any unpleasant burning and make the sensation of being tied almost…comfortable. In addition, Kira looked down and saw that his feet were also tied to the cupboard, ankles wrapped in silk and rope in the same fashion. His legs were spread wide to accommodate the length of the cupboard—no blanket to cover him, Kira was on complete display. 

He blushed over every inch of his body, straining futilely against the ropes. No wonder he had such a hard time righting himself…he couldn’t even close his legs like this…

“G-gin!” Kira cried, twisting his legs to try and free himself. “Untie me, please…”

Gin sat in silence for a moment, just watching him struggle. Kira closed his eyes, knowing what was going to happen. Sure enough, the more Kira realized he was truly bound, his cock began to harden (in full view of Gin). His muscles twitched as they came alive with arousal…being tied like this was one of his fantasies…

“Hmmm…” Gin said, running his hand down Kira’s chest and marveling at the blush spreading across the younger man’s torso. “I knew you wouldn’t mind. Besides, I had to do this. If anyone came in here, they might try and steal you. Can’t have that. So, I tied you down. Now everyone knows, if you disappear all of a sudden, I'm gonna know.” 

“Umm…” Kira tried to think about that. It was…kind, in a way, that Gin would try and keep Kira safe from…possible kidnapping (which was scary to think about, anyway). But it also made Kira feel kind of like cattle to be bound when his master was away. He…was not sure how he felt about that.

“Besides, you look damn sexy when you’re all tied up, Izuru-chan…” 

Gin leaned down and nuzzled his face into Kira’s hair, inhaling deeply. He ran his hand over Kira’s abdomen and tangled his hand in the feather light blonde curls near the younger man’s groin. Kira’s toes curled as he withstood the feeling, unable to move his legs. Gin was studiously avoiding touching his cock, but the more his fingers danced along the rest of his body, the harder he got. By this point, his cock was twitching against his own stomach, leaving a smear of pre-cum.

Of course Gin did not fail to notice. He swiped his fingers through the pre-cum and brought them to his lips. Licking it so Kira could see, he ran his devilish tongue over his fingers in a way that would have looked strange to anyone but Kira—who just found the sight so incredibly arousing.

The blonde man bit his lip as he watched, pivoting his hips slightly to try and reach Gin. 

Smirking, Gin stood up abruptly. Kira watched in rapt fascination as the warrior began to untie his _hakama._

“This is really the best time for you to be awake, anyway, _kirakira._ ” Gin stepped out of his _hakama_ unceremoniously. Not surprisingly, he was not wearing _fundoshi._ So, naked, Gin continued to talk as if he were just headed to the baths. “All the other Espada are at dinner, and they’ll be drinking tonight. So they won’t be home for hours…”

Gin kneeled down and straddled Kira’s hips again. The blonde sighed, beginning to accept what was about to happen. (He had already accepted this, after all, long ago, when he longed for Gin to finally take him…oh how he hoped Gin would just do it…) 

“We have the place to ourselves.” Gin buried his fingers in Kira’s hair. “Just you and me, kiddo.” 

“Mmm…” Kira said, unable to say much more than that.

Gin sighed, a look of frustration flashing across his face. “You’re always so tense, Kira-chan. I don’t know how you do it. But,” His face broke out into that snake-like grin. “I know something that might help you relax.”

His fingers starting rubbing soft circles into Kira’s scalp, nails scraping against the roots of his hair in the most delicious way. Gin’s fingers roamed the expanse of Kira’s head, massaging his scalp gently, making Kira’s body break out into goosebumps. Every part of him seemed to come alive. He gasped and closed his eyes, enjoying the way Gin’s fingers forced his body to relax.

No one had ever touched him like this before…it felt so good…

“There. Better right?” Gin asked, combing Kira’s hair with his fingers, straightening out any errant knots. 

Kira felt like he was being petted, coddled almost. But, so bound and vulnerable, it felt wonderful. He nodded underneath Gin’s hand.

“Here, let’s get you nice and comfortable, Kira-chan.” 

Gin scrambled away for a moment and began untying Kira’s feet from the cupboard. The younger man was thankful, especially considering how gently Gin was stroking his ankles underneath the silk, just to make sure there were no ropes burns (which of course there were none). Once both his feet were free, Kira closed his legs to give himself some dignity on instinct.

“Thank you, Gin-sama.” Kira looked at the other man with passive gratitude. He really was glad to be untied.

“Hmm.” Gin reached into the cupboard and pulled out a small cask. “So polite, Izuru-chan. So, so polite.” 

Setting his hand on Kira’s shoulders, the other man flipped him over so that he was laying on his stomach. From this angle, Gin reached down and untied Kira’s wrists, rubbing soothingly on the skin there in apology. Finally free, all Kira wanted to do was spread himself out underneath Gin and let the other man do whatever he wanted.

So, he did. He stretched his arms up and laid his palms flat on the futon. Biting his lip in shame, the blonde man even spread his legs a little to let Gin kneel between his thighs.

“That’s it, _kirakira,_ ” Gin said softly. Kira heard the sound of the cask opening. “Let me make you feel good, alright?”

Kira nodded silently, face pressed into the futon. Even though his cock had gone untouched so far, the soft blankets felt good against him. He canted his hips into the futon to get some friction, moaning and stilling right away lest Gin see what he was doing and laugh—

Gin chuckled. “I know you’re hurtin’, Kira-chan. Just let me get you loose first, okay?”

Of course Gin had seen. Burying his face in the blanket, appropriately embarrassed, Kira nodded again. 

In a few moments, Kira felt slick fingers running across his shoulders. Gin’s hands were lathered in some kind of oil, a soft lubricant. The warrior pressed down on Kira’s neck and shoulder muscles, rubbing the lotion into his skin and loosening the muscles underneath. Humming quietly, some tune Kira did not recognize, Gin massaged Kira’s shoulders thoroughly. He kneaded the muscles there like they were soft noodle dough—making the rest of Kira’s body relax in response.

The onslaught of those oiled hands, making his muscles tingle as all the tension flowed out of him, replaced by a pleasant warmth. Kira could not hold back a moan as Gin started on his neck, pinching the muscles near his spine between his thumb and forefinger. It sent a wave of electric stimulation all through him. His permanently tense muscles were forced to yield under Gin’s gentle but assertive touch. 

“Ah, _kawaisou,_ ” Gin murmured, voice close to Kira’s ear. “You’re very tight here, Kira-chan. Hmm, that’s no good. You shouldn’t carry around all this anxiety, you know? It’s not good for you…” 

Kira rolled his head in pleasure as Gin pressed all ten fingertips down hard on his back, running them over each muscle in turn. Blood began flowing through his loosened muscles and Kira felt a rush of happiness—a strange, chemical kind of happiness. The natural response to being forced to let go of some of his tension.

Next, Gin dug the heel of hands into each of Kira’s ass cheeks. The younger man cried out sharply at the sensation—no one had ever touched him there except his parents, to spank him when he was little. Now Gin was rubbing small circles into the flesh of his ass, making his torso curl in on itself slightly in pleasure. It felt so strange, to feel a tingling radiating outward from that part of his body..

“Mmm, yeah…” Gin murmured, kneading his cheeks with nothing but dedication. He started humming a new song and moved down to massage the backs of Kira’s thighs.

“Ah…ha…” Kira cried, feeling Gin’s thumbs ghost along the inside of his thighs, dangerously close to his balls. The sensitive skin on his balls bristled in response, sending a hair-raising shiver across his body. 

Gin watched and chuckled slightly. He paused for a moment to re-apply lotion to his hands, then he went back to massaging Kira’s legs. Moving down to the younger man’s calves, Kira had to bite down on the futon to keep from screaming. Something about the way his calves probably carried all the weight in his body—Kira felt his legs singing in release as Gin worked all the knots out of his calves and ankles. 

“Guess that’s where you keep most of your tension,” Gin observed, pressing harder into the flesh there until Kira thought he might cry. 

Finally moving on, Gin massaged Kira’s feet with a fresh swath of oil. Covering every inch with his hands, Gin did not stop until he had carefully rubbed each one of Kira’s toes. When he was finished, he pressed a light kiss to the soles of Kira’s feet, pleased when Kira flinched at the tickling sensation.

The last thing Kira had been expecting was an amazing full body massage, but…it made sense. Gin could do…all kinds of things with his hands, it seemed. Including this.

Turning over onto his side, Kira watched Gin stand up and retrieve a small jug of sake. The blonde man felt giddy, light-headed and fluid. Gin smirked when he sat back down next to him and Kira giggled in response. 

It surprised him to hear such a sound from his own mouth—Kira could not remembered the last time he actually giggled, like a child—but Gin just smiled wider and poured some sake into a lacquered cup. 

“Drink this, my dear.” Gin held the cup against Kira’s lips.

Fighting down another giggle, Kira opened his lips and let Gin tilt the contents of the cup into his mouth. He gulped the sake down dutifully. Some dribbled down his chin inevitably.

Kira broke out into a laugh as he felt the sake dripping from his mouth, not even blushing anymore. Before he could wipe it, Gin leaned down and lapped up all the stray liquid with his tongue. 

This close, Kira held Gin’s face between his hands and kissed the man. He had never been so bold, but he felt good in that moment. Honestly happy. And he wanted to kiss Gin, to feel his lips again…honestly, he wanted much more than that.

They kissed each other for a while. Gin snuck his hand onto Kira’s waist and pushed their bodies together. The blonde man moaned around the kiss and stroked Gin’s bare chest reverently. He found Gin’s prominent, hard length and teased it with his fingers. Gin breathed harder in response and Kira felt himself smile so wide his cheeks hurt. 

He squeezed Gin’s long cock only once, and Gin pulled away quickly, eyes open to slits. 

Panting, the silver-haired man began, “What do you say we—”

“Yes.”

Before he could even finish, Kira was on his back, hands under his knees, forcing his legs up and apart for Gin. “Yes yes yes…” Kira said in a rush. “I’ve wanted you for so long, Gin. Take me, please.” 

At that, Gin’s eyes opened wide. His jaw hung down as well a little. It was…truly a sight to behold, seeing Kira abandon all his hesitations and bare himself for Gin. The younger man was moaning and begging to be fucked. 

Gin ran a hand over his mouth in disbelief. “Well,” he said eventually, smile returning. “If I knew you would get like this, I would have brought you in here for some massage therapy way sooner.”

“You should have, Gin. Ah, you should have…” Kira knew he was babbling, but he could not stop the words anymore. 

His cock was leaking in arousal, feeling Gin eyes take in all of his exposed entrance. Kira could barely wait as the warrior spread some more oil on his fingers. More words tumbled out of his mouth as he waited for Gin to finally touch him.

Licking his lips, Gin ran one of his lubed fingers over Kira’s entrance. The boy’s body seized in response. He glanced up—sky blue eyes searching for any sign of discomfort or hesitation—and saw Kira moaning in pleasure. So, the warrior stroked his hole again, this time rubbing small circles into the tight flesh and entering him a little.

“Nnngh…” Kira cried, biting his lip, raising his legs higher for Gin.

“Shh, shh,” Gin said, sticking his finger all the way in. “It’s gonna feel good soon.”

“It already feels so good, Gin-sama,” Kira cried, rocking his hips as he felt Gin’s finger buried in his ass, exploring him from the inside. 

“Really?” Gin was surprised at that, but then again…it was clear how much Kira wanted this. He shrugged and put in another finger, flexing them back and forth to loosen his muscle.

“Oh…” Kira felt a wave of pleasure from that touch. 

His loosened body seemed to amplify all feelings of pleasure, as each sensation rippled throughout his whole figure. Gin’s fingers in his ass were making Kira feel like he might dissolve into a puddle of pure bliss. All his mind could think about was getting more of Gin inside him, feeling Gin’s glorious near-holy hands on cock…

“This is what you wanted, right Kira-chan?” Gin asked, pulling his fingers out and lining his cock up with Kira’s entrance. 

The younger man nodded furiously. He draped his legs over Gin’s shoulders and pulled the man closer to him with his ankles. Gin gasped in surprise at that, needing to adjust himself before he just entered Kira without any preamble at all—

“Come on, Gin. Let me have it…”

Staring down at the mewling pile of desire that was Kira in that moment, Gin grinned like a Chesire cat and shoved his cock deep inside in one thrust.

Kira’s eyes flew open and he choked on a scream. Gin’s dick was so long, so full…it was practically splitting him apart—but the feeling of finally being connected, of having Gin’s glorious organ buried inside him, all the way to his soul…

“Y-yes, Gin!” Kira cried, throwing his head back in abandon.

With that, Gin took control. He held onto Kira’s hips and pushed in and out of the blonde man, building a steady rhythm. He rolled his hips this way and that, sometimes gyrating in a circular motion so that Kira could feel his dick rubbing against every inch of his inner walls. 

Kira’s heart was beating faster than ever. His cock throbbed with each beat. “Gin, you’re…amazing…” he said, knowing he sounded like a mess. But it was the truth.

Feeling himself beginning to lose it, Kira reached for Gin’s hand where they grasped his thighs. He brought one of the man’s hands down to his cock, where Gin—through panting growls—got the idea and began to stroke him in time to his thrusts.

The other hand, Kira just held. He laced their fingers together and pressed their clasped hands to his chest, wanting Gin to feel how fast his heart was beating. All for him. His body felt like it was burning up in pleasure and honest joy. He loved all the grunts and snarls Gin made, even though the man sounded like a wild animal.

He knew Gin was wild. He always knew that. But he didn’t care—this was the man he needed, his man. The one who could give him everything he secretly desired and everything he knew he had always wanted. 

_My love—_

As soon as the words resonated in his mind, Kira climaxed hard. His body arched into Gin’s, meeting the man’s final thrusts as he released as well, deep inside Kira. Riding the waves of an intense orgasm, it felt quite satisfying to be filled with Gin’s spend, even if some trickled out of him by necessity. Kira wished that some of that cum would stay inside him long after Gin had pulled out, so that he would always have an intimate piece of him within. 

Catching his breath, Gin grabbed Kira’s chest with one hand. Rubbing his palm against the blonde man’s sternum, he said, “I could feel your heart beating, Izuru. I could feel it here, and inside. Everywhere…”

Kira smiled up at him and nodded. It was just what he wanted.

Gin sighed and pulled out, laying down beside his lover. He kept his hand splayed possessively over where Kira’s heart resided in his chest. It seemed both of them knew the same thing then, but neither could figure out how to put it words.

How did you explain what it felt like to be connected by a rush of blood through your veins, by your life’s essence?

Kira did not know, but he was content to let them both recover from the sex while Gin's sparkling eyes drank in Kira’s ruined form. Silver locks stuck to Gin’s sweaty forehead and Kira lovingly wiped them away with his fingers.

They said nothing for a long while. By now, the crickets were chirping in the cool night breeze. A calm summer night. Kira forgot all about ghosts and dastardly court plots. He did not think of Aizen nor Falling Flowers. He let himself enjoy the moment.

Eventually, he felt his eyes closing again. He wanted to sleep here, just like this. Tomorrow’s duty would come, surely, but that did not matter yet.

“If you’re going to fall asleep,” Gin said quietly, sitting up for a moment. “Want me to tie you up again? You know, just in case?” 

The warrior held the discarded ropes up questioningly, head tilted to the side. He looked more like a kitsune than ever. 

Kira looked at him and suppressed a laugh. “No, no, it’s fine, Gin.” He reached out and pulled his lover back down to the futon. “Just hold me like this…”

“Hmm.” Gin shrugged and complied with the request. “Ok.”

____________________________________________________________

Kira left Gin’s rooms the following morning. It was difficult to say goodbye—first because Kira honestly felt like he could stay forever in that little hovel of a room, in the shed at the back of the castle. Secondly, Kira wanted to time it so that he did not run into any other Espada on his walk back.

He had no idea how he would ever be able to face the other Espada now, when they knew what he and Gin had been doing the night before. (They had to know right? Gin himself admitted that they probably already did.)

But, it turned out that he met Tosen Kaname on his walk back to the servants quarters that morning. In some ways, Kira reflected that it was better Tosen than anyone else, considering that Tosen could not see and therefore might not know what Kira had been up to… As he walked passed, Tosen leaned towards Kira and sniffed apprehensively a few times.

“Hnnh.” He made a guttural sound and walked away.

Kira stood (on considerably wobbly legs) and felt part of him die of shame. Even Tosen knew, apparently. No reprieve there.

That day, there was a lot of chaos thrumming throughout the castle as people began making preparations for Tachibana’s dead body. After all, propriety necessitated that the ambassador be buried on Tachibana clan soil. But that meant his attendants would have to lug his cadaver all the way back to their estate. There were some…logistical problems with this.

Aizen spearheaded the campaign to offer up several Falling Flowers servants to assist the Tachibana attendants in delivering the body. He gave Nanao reign over who she would pick and the caretaker just picked the most burly ones she could think of. Shuuhei and three others.

“It’s a hardship to spare them,” Nanao said with a sigh. “But our honorable friendship with the Tachibanas requires us to make the sacrifice. Now go on, help these poor men deliver their ambassador.” 

Kira could not help but notice how Shuuhei and Renji stole glances at each other the entire time they prepared for the trip. It warmed his heart to think that perhaps these two were on the edge of (or had already started) some kind of relationship. He wished Shuuhei well in private and slipped him several vials of lubricant. With a wink, ignoring Shuuhei’s blush, Kira waved them off in good spirits.

The rest of the castle needed to grieve for the customary amount of time. Ladies at court painted their teeth black in _ohaguro_ fashion. It was nothing but strictly proper, and yet…Kira could not help but remember the ghost and her awful, frightening mouth whenever he stole a glance at the side of a woman’s mouth.

He pondered the question that had arisen after meeting her with Gin that time. Was this ghost somehow connected to Gin? He said he knew her, but… “not really.”

The more Kira thought, the more he began to believe the ghost had more to do with Aizen than anything. Perhaps this woman was the ghost of Aizen’s first wife, come to haunt the estate where her former husband had attained a much higher position without her (and where, ostensibly, Aizen philandered about with whomever he pleased, in addition to his child bride). A jealous ghost. It would explain all the crying. And Gin was bound to have run into this woman before, so it also explained why he might have known her in passing.

Kira was sure of it. Women became _yurei_ more often than men because their souls burned hotter with vengeance. Especially when it came to love. So, he tried to think of a way to appease this ghost. 

He left garlands of seasonal flowers on the unoccupied writing desks in the east wing room. He hoped this small offering might appease the poor ghost in some way. Perhaps she could appreciate the natural beauty of Falling Flowers instead of focusing on her wrongs.

At the very least, it eased his guilt to try and help her.

For a few weeks, Kira felt happier than he could ever remember being in his entire life. He and Gin managed to steal away to either the servant’s quarters or the unoccupied Espada quarters (depending on the time of day) for some alone time. These were mostly, unfortunately, quick fucks that left Kira wanting more. But he could not really complained about anything with Gin’s dick buried in his ass. Even when Gin bent him over the side of a windowsill and fucked him fast and hard, bringing them both to short release, Kira was happy. Unreasonably so.

Everyone noticed Kira’s improved mood. He walked around with a lightness to his step. Sometimes he would even start humming a tune (the same one Gin seemed to sing whenever he was most relaxed) while he worked. Never before had anyone seen Kira in such high spirits.

“Looks like you found your ray of sunshine, Kira-kun.”

“I want whatever you’re drinking at night, man.”

“Sure, sure, it’s another great day for this kid!”

All the servants made comments. But Kira would just smile and nod politely. At this point, he almost did not care if people found out about his relationship. What reason did he have to worry over a few rumors? 

He was secure.

___________________________________________________________

The next earth-shattering news came to Falling Flowers about a month after Tachibana’s passing. Aizen returned from the city with a grave report: Genryusai-sama was on his deathbed. The medical sages advised he would not last longer than a few weeks at most.

This dealt a crushing blow to the older population of the estate, who regarded the Fujiwara clan head as highly as (perhaps higher than) the emperor himself. People began laying out memorial shrines already, praying openly at court for his well-being. It was all as much of a necessary show as it was real.

The news of Genryusai’s imminent death also brought Momo down to a rather low point. For days, the young girl refused to leave her room and would not accept visits from anyone but Aizen. Whenever Aizen left her room, he would look grave and say that his wife regretted her condition but felt too laden with grief to show her face. The rest of the court tsked appropriately and began praying for her well-being as well. Some of them wrote poems to her ladyship. The servants designed several brand new kimono to lift her spirits.

Kira felt the mood at Falling Flowers change into a dour, tense affair. He himself was saddened about Genryusai’s imminent death, especially sad for Momo who loved her father so much. But he honestly hated the way other things seemed to change little by little.

For instance, the Espada began taking meals in the dining room with the rest of the lords and ladies. Some of them even sat right at Aizen’s side. This was anathema to the court members and they grumbled behind their fans. Snide whispers buzzed around the palace about how such things would have never happened under Genryusai’s watch.

Aizen, for his part, pretended not to hear this and continued to do as he pleased. He cared for Momo and rode tirelessly back and forth from the estate to the capital, bearing news of his lordship each time. Kira began to feel bad for Aizen-sama. He must have been feeling the strain.

Gin was required to ride with Aizen on these times, as well. He was the lord’s right hand man, after all. This meant he and Kira had considerably less time together. Now Kira saw Gin only once a week, if that, sometimes less. He felt physically pained to be away from Gin for so long, even if he told himself to stop acting like a little kid. 

_Gin is an adult, he has duties,_ Kira told himself. _You need to be patient and let him work._

So Kira tried to keep busy at the castle. He ignored all of his body’s persistent complaining, and even swore off masturbating for a while because it only made him think about Gin even more.

The worst part was, when Gin was back at Falling Flowers, he seemed…different. More distant. Sometimes, he would not even ask Kira for sex when they were together. He would just kiss Kira on the tip of his nose and tell him to run along.

“Go on, _kirakira._ I’m sure you have work.” Then Gin would walk to another part of the castle, grin plastered all over his face.

These words hurt Kira a lot. Work? Yes of course, but…all he wanted was for Gin to hold him a little. If the man was too tired for sex, that was fine, but…he still missed being together terribly.

Finally, Kira confronted Gin about all the distance. He cornered the man in the veranda one night, after learning that Gin was often stationed here at the turn of nightfall. For some reason. 

Gin listened to everything Kira had to say, his smile faltering for only a moment. Then he grasped Kira’s hands and laid kisses to each of the blonde man’s fingers.

“Ah, _kawaisou_ , you’ve been feeling abandoned, huh?” Gin wrapped an arm around his lover and kissed the side of his face. “My poor Izuru, I would never forget about you. Didn’t I tell you that before? It’s still true.” 

Gin smiled and pulled Kira up against the side of the house, where they had frequently made love. Kira’s heart raced as he thought Gin would probably take him again. He hoped that this time Gin would hold him afterwards, maybe take him to his bed where they could lay down together…

Suddenly, Gin pressed his face hard against Kira’s neck. The younger man startled in response. He heard Gin whisper violently, straight into his ear:

“Don’t. Trust. The boss.”

With that, Gin pulled back with a smile as if nothing was amiss. Kira eyed him suspiciously, about to ask what on earth that was about—but Gin quickly silenced him with a fast, rough round of sex that had Kira’s eyes rolling back in his head, biting into his forearm to keep from screaming.

He would admit, he loved when Gin was rough with him. Almost as much as when he was gentle. Both were so satisfying.

Yet again, that night Gin did not take Kira to his rooms. Instead, he left him with a tender kiss on the lips and told him they would meet again the following night.

It comforted Kira to know that Gin was truly trying not to be neglectful. And yet, his behavior was so odd. What was the meaning of all this? His lover’s words felt seared into his brain.

_“Don’t. Trust. The boss.”_

Such an ominous thing to say. Still, he trusted Gin to know something, even if everyone else did not. So he kept that advice locked tightly in his heart and was wary of Aizen’s movements from then on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mmm, I love these characters so much. So many issues, so much to work through. Good story material!
> 
> Thanks for reading, as always! Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon.


	6. The Towering Gates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The true nature of Falling Flowers (and several others) is revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the new chapter! Sorry for the wait. But it is a long one (with kind of intense stuff going on...), so I suggest taking breaks if you need to!
> 
> Thank you for all the comments, guys! I love all of you! It means a lot to this crazy jidaigeki obsessed girl.
> 
> Notes:  
> All the stuff about death rites I got from the Tale of Genji.
> 
> So, I’m finally putting some poetry in this thing! The type of poem I put here is a jisei, a death poem. I plan on putting more poetry in here since it was such an important way of communicating back then. Be that as it may, I wrote them in English imitating the Japanese style. So sorry if it doesn’t look like what a normal Japanese poem might look like, especially considering the style! (A million sorries and weeaboo tears as payment.)  
> Aizen’s poem in characters:  
> 彼は比叡山に沿って咲く / ラベンダーを通過したが / 彼が住んでいたことを思い出させてくれる。
> 
> WARNING: TW for violence, dark themes, some torture, and non-con related subject matter. That said, this chapter is not that bad, I promise! Just mind the tags :)

 

**Chapter Six: The Towering Gates**

Fujiwara no Genryusai died early one morning in the tail end of summer. It was unseasonably cold that day, leading some people to believe that when the heavens opened up to take Genryusai into his cycle of rebirth, the gods inadvertently took all the warmth of the season along with him. 

“Wherever he is, the warmth of our court is with him.”

“We can only offer our earthly prayers to aid him now.”

“No doubt it will be more than enough for a kind, mighty soul like Genryusai- _heika’s._ ” 

Such were the things people said.

The court descended into a panoply of black. All the ladies and lords wore black, they covered the mirrors and tapestries with black silk to prevent Genryusai’s ghost from getting trapped. Incense hung heavy in the air, everywhere, along with the thick smoke of offerings being burned throughout Falling Flowers. All to wish Genryusai’s spirit the best passing possible. 

In accordance with tradition, Genryusai’s body was posthumously returned to Falling Flowers, where most of his still-living family resided. He was to remain there, for 49 days, on exhibit in the main chamber for one day out of every seven days, as was customary. On these seven days, weeping could be heard throughout the castle.

Kira did indeed shed his tears for the lord. But he could not help the goosebumps that assaulted him whenever he heard uninvited sobbing during his daily chores. It reminded him too much of that _yurei._

He could only pray that more spirits did not appear because of all this mourning. Kira left some of his daily rice in the main chamber as an offering, hoping to keep the spirits occupied. He worried they would be attracted to the scent of death and linger further. 

Momo was, of course, inconsolable. She spent all 49 days at Genryusai’s side (which even for a royal relative was unseemly), weeping and holding his sleeves. Aizen offered what comfort he could. He even composed a poem in honor of Genryusai’s memory, hoping to give her some condolence.

Talk of the poem spread quickly:

_Kare wa hieizan ni sotte saku /rabendā o tsūka shitaga/kare ga sunde ita koto o omoidasa sete kureru._

_Though he has passed / The lavender blooming along Mount Hiei reminds us/that he once existed._

The poem was meant to remind everyone of the natural beauty of life, calling upon images of the seasonal lavender blooming on the sacred mountain. As such, lavender was suddenly in high demand throughout Falling Flowers—the scent, as a painting subject, and the flower itself. Several weeks into the mourning, some priests came straight from the capital with lavender wrapped in silk. They explained that the silk was meant to keep the flowers fresh after being plucked from the very side of Mount Hiei. Such a high honor! 

The light purple blooms were placed by Genryusai’s side, who Momo clutched their stems with all her might. During his weekly sweep of the main chamber, Kira stared at these flowers like he was staring at Buddha himself—never having seen something from the sacred mountain. He swore he could feel colder, slightly tingly, whenever he looked at them.

They burned lavender with Genryusai upon his cremation. The thick smoke of his body rose up into the sky on a grey day in late August. The whole castle—all two hundred servants, the Espada, and the Fujiwara family members—stood in attendance around the burning site. Kira teared up as he watched the smoke of Genryusai’s earthy form ascend into the heavens. Through the heavy lavender scent and burning black smog from the pyre, Kira caught a glimpse of Gin—standing ever at Aizen’s side. But Kira thought he saw Gin frowning…a serious, unfriendly look that made Kira blink in confusion…

Of course Gin did not weep for Genryusai. He expressed sympathy, in a realist sense, (“Guess it was his time to go. Ah well.”), but not sadness. In fact, he smirked and teased Kira when he saw how glum his lover became after the death.

“Why are you sad, hmmm? You barely even knew the guy.” Gin ruffled Kira’s hair playfully from where they lay, naked, on the servant’s unoccupied futon. 

Kira sniffed. “I don’t know…it’s just…he was such a good man…” 

In truth, (perhaps it was because of the lavender) Kira equated everything holy with Genryusai. That old man was the be all end all of a righteous, dignified lord in Kira’s mind.

Gin sniffed, his grin spreading wide. “But you didn’t know him,” the warrior pointed out. “How could you know what he was really like?”

“Well, I…” Kira blinked, never having considered that Genryusai would be anything less than perfect behind closed doors. “…He must have been a good man to have raised such a wonderful person like Momo- _heika_.”

Gin chuckled long and slow in response. “And what do you know about Momo? That girl is just a kid, ya know….”

True. Kira shrugged his bare shoulders and wrapped Gin’s arms around him, very comfortable to be lying in his lover’s embrace. He kissed the pale skin on the inside of Gin’s bicep, running his lips over the soft flesh in admiration.

“I suppose…” Kira said absentmindedly. “This has been a very nice place to work. I have no complaints about Falling Flowers, nor about the Fujiwaras as lords. They have treated me well enough. And I’m thankful for that.”

Gin nodded contemplatively. He kissed the side of Kira’s face and stroked the blonde man’s bare chest. “I like how little you complain,” Gin whispered in his ear. “And you’re always so… _appreciative_ …”

To make his point, Gin flicked the side of Kira’s manhood, just to make him jump. Then he chuckled and wasted no time making up for his teasing in long, tender touches that made Kira sigh in pleasure.

It was the first time they had been alone together in quite a while, the first time they got to lay naked in the castle and enjoy the sheer pleasure of each other’s company. 

Kira had no way of knowing these times were coming to an end.

____________________________________________________________

A few months after Genryusai’s death, in the heart of autumn, everyone’s focus naturally shifted to the matter of Aizen’s ascendence to the regent position. Being that the Fujiwaras had held strict dominance over the position for decades, everyone in the clan felt that Aizen should be the natural successor to Genryusai and accept his job as the young emperor’s prime consultant. 

However, because Aizen was not a blood relative of the Fujiwaras, several rival clans saw an opportunity to disrupt the hegemony. It was necessary for there to be several meetings—between Aizen, the rest of the Fujiwaras, and the emperor himself—discussing the process of succession. In the end, the matter came down to “the emperor’s own opinion,” meaning the opinion of the highly esteemed empress dowager who held sway over most of the goings-on in the absence of a regent.

Word was, the empress dowager held Aizen in the highest regard. No one knew exactly how he had convinced her of his merit, but she became loyal to Aizen long since before Genryusai’s death. Now that the matter of his ascension was up for debate, the empress dowager was only too happy to throw her support to Aizen whole-heartedly.

She set down her feelings in writing, which was known throughout the capital (and certainly Falling Flowers):

“Never have I met a man more capable of guiding my son through the difficult matters of ruling the empire. Kind, thorough, and far-sighted, Fujiwara no Sousuke-sama is a wonderful successor to Genryusai, and has my blessing above any other candidate.”

The Tairas, the Minamotos, and (certainly) the Tachibanas were left gaping in response, but they could hardly do anything against her majesty’s wishes. So, grumbling under their breath, they had no choice but to bow before Aizen as he donned the thick blue _haori_ emblazoned with the Fujiwara’s family crest—a sure sign that he had become the family’s patriarch.

Kira thought Aizen looked regal, and gorgeous, like a prince himself but…sexier, with more authority, when he saw Aizen in the blue _haori._ And he had plenty of chances to gaze at him, because Aizen wore the _haori_ everywhere now, strolling about the castle with a new air of dominance about him. He did, however, keep his original surname—Aizen—within the walls of Falling Flowers, to make it easier for the servants to address him. 

The ladies in waiting discussed him endlessly. As did the lords, honestly. Aizen was truly a sight to behold. Kira never told Gin how attracted he was to Aizen, because he was ashamed of it himself in a way, to be pining after the lord of the house like some dim-witted coquette. Also because he would never forget Gin’s words not to trust Aizen. So he ignored these thoughts pointedly, staunchly refusing to acknowledge how his knees twitched with the longing to kneel before Aizen and take the place of whomever had been pleasuring the lord that night…

Well. Such it was.

Furthermore, it became rather urgent that Aizen produce an heir. Now that he had accepted the regency, the family would need a Fujiwara male to fall back on should anything happen to Aizen, or else the regency would fall to some distant relative. An inconvenient thing to have happen. 

So, some specialists in Chinese herbal medicine were consulted. The servants began removing all dairy products from Momo’s diet and putting more red meat into her dishes, with a side of pickles at every meal. She drank tea brewed with apricots, figs, and peaches. Such things were said to help conceive a boy. 

Sure enough, by the end of the tenth month, Momo announced that she was with child. She appeared only once at court, making her announcement public before the eyes of everyone. Then she donned the traditional silk sash of pregnancy and whisked herself away to her mother’s house. There she would remain until the baby came to term.

Kira stood behind the beaded curtain the day Momo addressed the court. She glowed with a quiet kind of pride, looking more full in spirit than she had since her father’s death. Afterwards, Aizen stood by her side, while the attending lords bowed and clapped him on the back in congratulations. He nodded, smiling with his full face. The lord admitted to being proud but nervous, as this was his first child. The men drank sake while the women braided Momo’s hair and peeled apricots for her to eat. 

Kira was happy for Momo, but he thought it inauspicious for a pregnancy to happen on the tail end of a death. Indeed, Momo’s big brown eyes still shone with a lingering sadness, the shadow of mourning. A strange thing for a pregnant woman to hold onto. 

Without Momo around, Falling Flowers slipped into a lull of inactivity. Momo took all of her ladies in waiting with her, so most female presence vanished from the castle altogether. In its place was a variety of men—some court officials, some Buddhist lay priests as was typical of a court. Other…less known people. Some with…questionable looks.

It seemed that Aizen had at his disposal not just ten Espada as previously thought. No, instead the man had been building a private army all of his own that extended throughout the empire in all directions. Each Espada member had their own group of underlings, and each group varied in size and disposition depending on the member. 

Kira saw such characters that he had never thought it in his purview to see—a man dressed seemingly like an eagle, a man who pranced about in woman’s clothes with long hair to complete the ensemble, and a man with light hair and one eye, who seemed to be mocking everyone that came near him. Some of them had guttural, unpronounceable names that members of the court found offensive—Findorr Calius, Abirama Redder, and Ggio Vega (a man who looked more like a cat than anything). 

Word got around that Aizen was amassing these warriors and everyone began to talk about how the Fujiwaras were becoming a warring people. At this, Aizen just laughed and said,

“War? But this is a time of peace. How can we advance as a people if we do not take up arms as a matter precaution?”

And yet, no one saw how taking in miscreants amounted to advancing the empire. The atmosphere at Falling Flowers grew more serious—almost scary—by the day. If Shuuhei had been around to see it (although he was not, as the Tachibanas refused to return their servants, much to Kira’s dismay), he would have had a lot of things to say.

Many times, Kira wished Shuuhei were there to give him advice. He knew that sooner or later he would say the wrong thing, slip up somewhere…these men were not like the men he had known before. Kira needed to be on his guard at all times.

Gin grew more and more distant. Sometimes, when they were together, Gin would not say anything at all. He would just sit and stare into the distance. Kira became quite worried, knowing that something was about to happen but unable to get any answer from Gin as to what.

“The fall nights are growing cold,” Kira said to Gin one night, as they sat on the the veranda they had come to see as theirs. “Soon we will have to take out the padded kimonos and wait for spring to come again.” (In truth, Kira liked the padded kimonos; they never changed because no one could be bothered with re-making something so intricate. So in a way, these were like old friends…but Kira kept all this to himself.)

Gin sat next to Kira, staring up at the near-full moon. He said nothing, smile gone from his face.

Such a brooding expression was simply unnatural for the fox-faced man! The servant’s heart leapt in his chest, his pulse racing as he felt Gin pulling away from him in the realest sense.

“Gin-sama, won’t you make conversation with me? As we used to…?” Kira asked, brimming with anxiety. He turned his face to hide his tears, not wanting to feel like a woman next to Gin (even though…yeah, that hardly mattered at this point.)

Gin’s pale skin shone in the moonlight. His hair hung off the sides of his face like downy fur, wisps fluttering in the gentle breeze. Slowly, the kitsune-like man turned his face toward Kira. His eyes opened slightly at the bottom, revealing the gorgeous blue orbs underneath.

Although the other man could not see, Gin broke out into a smile.

“ _Kirakira_ , so bright in the dark.” Gin’s head rolled to one side, resting on his own shoulder. “What’s not to love about your conversation?”

Kira shook his head, brushing away his tears to face his lover again. “Gin-sama, please tell me. What’s going on? I feel like I’m losing you and I have no idea why—”

“Shh, shh.” Gin placed one long, cold finger against Kira’s lips to silence him. “Don’t get upset. I’m…” 

But Gin trailed off. His face dissolved slowly into what appeared to be a shadow of itself: A faint smile on the backdrop of a white mask. That’s what Gin looked like in that moment—a white mask. 

Suddenly Kira realized how much Gin’s face was itself a theatrical display. He saw then how much Gin hid. A world of…something…underneath that Kira could not touch. He longed to reach behind his lover’s ear and pull off Gin’s face like it was a _noh_ mask…but such things were impossible. This was, after all, Gin’s real flesh. This was the face he gave to the world.

“I’m…”

The night hung in silence around them both. Kira held his breath as he watched Gin search for words somewhere inside of himself.

Gin blinked, a very small movement only visible at the very bottom of his eye sockets, and his smile returned full force.

“I’m fine, Izuru-chan.” Gin ruffled the top of Kira’s hair again. He left his hand there, pouring warmth throughout Kira’s body through the weight of his palm. “Don’t worry about me, alright? You’re happy here so that’s all that matters. This is where you belong, isn’t it, my little worker bee? Yeah, it is…”

Gin cupped the side of Kira’s face. The servant felt like he was burning. Why did Gin’s words sound like a goodbye…?

“So you just stay right where you are. Nothing has to change for you. It shouldn’t. You’re…” Gin lips moved but no sound came out for a moment. He stopped, then spoke again. “Ah, you’re a great guy, Kira-bou. Mmm, yeah.” 

He kissed Kira on the lips. The servant stayed perfectly still, feeling as if he had turned to stone after that last comment. He was…a great guy?…What the hell was that? What did it _mean_?

Gin pulled away and smiled. For a moment, Kira was tempted to be reassured, as he loved the space next to Gin’s adoring face. Right here, in front of this strange warrior, was where Kira loved to be more than anywhere else. 

“Hey, listen,” Gin said suddenly. His old charm was back, but it rang hollow. “I’ve got something for ya. I’ll leave it in your room, okay?”

“What…do you have for me, Gin-sama?” Kira asked sadly, knowing that he would not get any more information out of the man.

“It’s just some _hoshigaki_ I made that I haven’t eaten yet.” Gin shrugged. “Thought you would like to have it.”

“Why does Gin-sama not eat it himself?” Kira asked, looking down at the ground, running his socked foot over the grass.

“Hmmmm…” Gin looked back at the moon. “Who knows?” 

They departed that night with nothing more than a kiss. Kira could not console himself as he tried to fall asleep. He rest uneasily, having confusing dreams of walking…walking endlessly down a tiring road…so hungry…so hungry…

In his dreams, he heard someone’s voice: _“If you can be hungry that means you’re still alive. Here, eat this.”_

A boy reaching out, offering him food. Kira took it, fighting the leaden weight in his arms to accept the small morsel. His whole being ached for something to fill his stomach, anything—

Kira awoke several times after having the same dream. He sighed, rubbing his eyes in exasperation. How could somebody dream about starving to death? Why would they? 

Also, why did Kira feel like he knew these people in his dreams? He knew that boy, that face (which he could never remember upon waking) was so familiar. He knew who he was, he knew the person he was in those dreams…didn’t he?

________________________________________________________________

The following day was tiresome, as usual. Kira and the rest of the servants had their work cut out for them as they prepared for the annual Moon Viewing ceremony. It was a seasonal event that took place at court. A small room with a wide window in the ceiling had been installed at Falling Flowers so that guests could participate in the Moon Viewing just as they did at the imperial palace. 

Kira supposed he enjoyed looking at the moon, (in the traditional sense, maybe?). But he hated cleaning up the endless rounds of hot sake, hated cooking the flat, round moon cakes that were customary. These days the moon just made him think of Gin. A pale, slender face…high in the sky, as untouchable as the man himself…

After a long day of work, Kira trudged back to his rooms as it fell on the hour of the dog. He made it safely; strangely, no incidents of ghost sightings had come up since Genryusai’s death. Perhaps all the prayers said in accordance had really worked. 

Already, most of the day-working servants were in bed, fast asleep. Kira made his way to his own futon in the dark, wishing sorely for the umpteenth time to be sleeping next to Shuuhei in all this mess. 

He nearly stepped on a glass jar, one placed precariously in the middle of his bedding. Startled for a moment, Kira reached down and fondled the jar carefully. He recognized the shape, remembering Gin’s words from the night before.

Sighing, Kira held the jar up to his face. Sure enough, there lay the orangish brown persimmons of Gin’s telltale _hoshigaki._ He rattled the leathery pieces around for a moment, ears honing in on the _click-clack_ the fruit made against the glass. For some reason, Kira found himself sorely tempted to eat one of the slices…

Without a doubt, nothing could remind him more of Gin than the sweet-sour taste of a sun-dried persimmon. Kira nibbled on the fruit, intense emotion welling up inside him, making his eyes sting at the sourness. How he longed for the first time Gin fucked him, in the barren comfort of his room, all laid up in silk. To be tied down, and be able to rest assured that Gin was there, taking care of him…

A harsh rapping on the door startled Kira out of his reverie. 

His head whipped towards the door, nearly jumping out of his skin at the sound. Who on earth could that be, knocking on the servants’ quarter door at this hour? None of the servants themselves ever knocked…

A few other servants awoke sleepily. Kira, being the one still fully dressed, felt it was his duty to answer. So—very unnerved—he made his way towards the door, sliding it open slower than he ever would had this been one of his chores…

Tosen Kaname stood in the darkness, staring back at Kira from the doorway with his white, dead eyes.

Kira gasped despite himself, covering his mouth at the last minute out of politeness. “T-tosen-dono,” Kira began quietly. “What…brings you here?”

“Kira Izuru.” Tosen spoke in a monotone, uninterested voice. “Just the man I came for.”

At that, the servant’s heart stopped dead in his chest. He stood, dumbfounded.

“Lord Aizen _-heika_ wants to speak with you. Come with me.” Without waiting for a response, Tosen turned on his heels and start walking off in a northernly direction.

It took several blinks for Kira to come back into himself. Lord Aizen? But…what on earth for…?

Unable to do anything else, Kira mindlessly slipped on some shoes and followed Tosen out into the night. 

They walked in complete silence. Tosen was not a talkative man, after all. Never had been. Kira felt the harsh pang of the cold autumn air on his skin and just followed Tosen through the gardens. It seemed that Tosen (though blind, yes) knew many secret paths through the outdoors passageways and he took Kira through all of them. Some of these were actually hidden, requiring Tosen to brush back the long branches of a willow tree in order to access. Whatever happened, Kira kept his mouth closed and followed.

_What does Aizen want with me?_ Kira thought, again and again. Could this be about the Tachibana incident? Was he finally going to be reprimanded (or…harmed…his pulse beat rapidly in response) for his handling of that? But Kira had made sure to clean all the blood to the best of his ability! Regardless of how much it disgusted him!Surely Aizen recognized that…

Before long, Kira realized where they were headed. The distant Espada quarters materialized in the dark before him. Sure enough, Tosen led them straight to the door of the far off shanty the Espada at Falling Flowers called home. The blind warrior knocked once, then knocked again as Gin had the last time.

This time, the door opened on its own. There to greet them was a sallow-faced, green-eyed man Kira had seen many times before. He could not remember his name, but this man was one of the top ranking Espada as well. He had scars running down both sides of his face, like tear drops flowing from each eye.

Tosen and this Espada said nothing to each other. The green-eyed man merely stood aside and let them both pass. Kira bowed respectfully to the nameless Espada, noticing right away that the gesture was not returned. 

The hallway in the Espada’s quarters was dark this time. At the end, where once Kira had seen a writing desk, lay all the light in the place. Several shadows loomed outward from the orange light, shifting eerily as they stretched out against the wooden floor. A high pitch voiced Kira recognized as Nnoitra’s stood out.

“Like that?” Nnoitra cried. “Take it! Fuck, yeah, like that!” 

The sound of metal singing through the air accompanied this man’s strange cries. Kira’s skin crawled as he heard that ominous sound, knowing just from his brief experience that it had to be blade…

As they approached, Kira could make out several figures standing in the lamplight. First, he saw the pink haired man from the night before, his lithe body standing out clearly in the doorway. In his hand he held some kind of pipe, but his back was to Kira and Tosen as they approached, so the servant could not make out any more details. Other than that, there was a huge, bulky man named Yammy standing next to him. He was generally regarded as the muscle of the group, not smart but deadly from strength alone. He held something in his hands, but the pink haired man blocked most of it from view.

Nnoitra’s cries continued on. “Like you can’t feel that. I know you can, you son of a bitch! Come on!”

Such vile language! Kira shivered as he heard the words, never having been exposed to things like that before now.

“Alright, alright, Nnoitra.” 

The world shifted on its axis. That was Aizen’s voice.

“Enough already,” Aizen continued. “If you keep going like that, he’s going to die. And then you’ll have disobeyed my orders.” 

“My lord,” Tosen emerged into the light and bowed from the waist. “I’ve brought Izuru, as requested.” 

“Bring him here.”

On Aizen’s bidding, the green eyed man emerged from behind Kira and pushed him forward. Instinct—every shred of natural intuition Kira had been born with—told the servant he did not want to go there. He did not want to go into the light and see.

Somewhere, he heard a scream. Either it came from his own mouth or his own mind, but Kira only heard the sharp, ear piercing sound of a scream carried toward him on the night air—

Pushed into the light, Kira bowed his head right away, not making eye contact with Aizen. As a result, he looked at the feet of everyone present instead. Tosen’s socked feet, padding off to the side out of view. Nnoitra’s long-limbed calves and ankles, next to the pink-haired man’s small, delicate feet. Yammy’s tree-trunk like legs, framing the bare, unsteady and bent legs of another man…

That sight Kira knew. Those long, pale limbs...lithe but wiry, an odd combination... His eyes stuck on the sight, trailing upwards in panic.

There, in Yammy’s beefy hands, hung his lover. Ichimaru Gin stood, slumped over, wrists bound behind his back, held up only by Yammy’s firm grip on his wrists. All of Gin’s clothing had been stripped away and what was left there, a naked scrawny-looking man Kira recognized from many trysts, was badly bruised. Many thin crimson lines ran along his sides and stomach, branching in all directions—open gashes from knife wounds.

Kira opened his mouth, but no sound came out. Reality itself crumbled around him, his vision narrowing only to where Gin was, blocking out the rest of the people present. Gin’s head bobbed up and down, but he looked barely semi-conscious. He was not smiling, his eyes were fully closed. Kira had never seen such a blank, expressionless look on his face.

Like there was nothing left of the man within. 

“Wha…no…” Kira fought a wave of nausea, knees trembling and threatening to collapse. “G-gin…what…?”

He surged forward, arms outstretched, ready to scoop Gin up within his arms. Cradle him back to life—

The Espada behind him grabbed his shoulders, stopping him dead in his tracks. Kira halted, turning around in confusion.

“Hold him, Ulquiorra.”

Following the sound of Aizen’s voice, Kira forgot himself and looked questioningly over at the lord of the house. Aizen sat on a chair—a wide, low chair that would have been more appropriate in the imperial palace…more of a throne than anything. He was not wearing his blue _haori,_ nor any kind of _sokutai._ Instead he wore simple black robes fit for a lowly bureaucrat. 

Kira had never seen Aizen in something so plain. But his face, that constantly smiling, lordly look…he would recognize it anywhere. 

And yet, here, surrounded by murderous men, sheathed in black, Aizen looked like a god of death.

“Good evening, Izuru-san,” Aizen drawled, as if he were merely allowing Kira into his home for an afternoon of tea. “I hope this fine autumn night finds you well.”

All moisture had long since evaporated from Kira’s mouth. His tongue felt like a heavy, useless slug against his teeth, not able to form words. He struggled for a moment, causing some of the Espada present to snicker. 

“That’s alright,” Aizen replied calmly. “No need to answer right away. I’m sure you’ll be more comfortable soon.” He paused, brushing one thick strand of bangs behind his ear. “Now, sit.”

Kira’s legs wobbled, precariously. He looked back over at Gin, feeling his heart shatter into pieces as he realized this was all happening. Gin was there, captive and wounded, bleeding right before his eyes—

“I said, sit.” 

Ulquiorra pushed Kira down to the floor. He landed with a hard thump on his hands and knees. 

Aizen sighed. “Yes, good. So.” The floor boards creaked under the weight of everyone present. Kira heard the sound so loudly for some reason, as if each sensation was heightened in his hyper-active state. “Let me tell you about my evening, Izuru-san, as I’m sure you’re anxious to hear.” 

A small, quiet moan came from in between Yammy’s hands. Kira’s eyes darted back to Gin, ready to cry out (uselessly, of course) that someone should help him, but Nnoitra beat him to it.

“Shut up!” The incensed, skeletal man yelled. He swished his blade in Gin’s direction, hoping for a reaction. But Gin was too far gone to notice. Nnoitra  growled in irritation, cocking his knife-hand back for a real strike. 

“Easy, easy,” the pink haired man cooed. He had a small, effeminate voice. 

After he stayed Nnoitra’s hand, he took a long drag from the pipe and bent down towards Gin like he was going to kiss him. Instead, the Espada exhaled a thick cloud of smoke into Gin’s face. Kira could smell the stuff from here, distinctly opium, but piqued with something else… He watched helplessly as Gin inhaled the smoke where he stood, unaware and moaning again as his body absorbed the reaction from that drug. 

“Yes, keep him calm, Szayel,” Aizen bade. “Him and Gin, I mean.” 

All the Espada—except Nnoitra—laughed coolly at that slight dig. Kira could not be sure what was happening. He saw only his love. Gin seemed to wake up for a moment, only to blink his eyes, clearly unseeing, and wag his head back and forth uselessly. 

“As I was saying,” Aizen continued. “About my evening. It started well enough, like any other. I spent some time in my chambers crafting a letter to Momo _-heika,_ asking after the well-being of the baby. Just as I laid out to sleep, I took a sip from the sake cup Gin brought for me.” He reached down and raised one green lacquered cup, which had been nestled at his feet. “This sake cup.” He held it out to Kira. “Would you like to see it?"

Only processing about half of what Aizen was saying, Kira blinked. He tried to work his tongue back to life, but all he could think about was Gin. He felt wave after wave of persistent heat from where Gin stood trapped. He longed to go to him with every fiber of his being.

Tears fell down Kira’s face, unheeded.

“Well, perhaps not,” Aizen said, tossing the cup back to the ground with uncharacteristic carelessness. “For you see this cup held a rather large amount of poison earlier tonight. Poison which I drank, I’m afraid.” 

Kira heard those words and broke into a frown. “…poison…” he repeated in tiny voice, unable to give a real thought.

“Yes, poison,” Aizen said, as if speaking to a child. 

Nnoitra clicked his tongue in impatience. He tapped the edge of his blade against nails, pulsing out an ominous metallic sound.

“Such a terrible end to such a peaceful night. And on the eve of the Moon Viewing.” Aizen shook his head. “Ghastly.”

Brown eyes sharpening to a point, Aizen nodded over at Nnoitra. Smirking, Nnoitra flicked his wrist in one long swipe, dragging the edge of his blade along the exposed skin on Gin’s hip. Blood rushed to the surface right away. Some dripped onto the wood floor.

Kira watched his lover bleed, beginning to sob a bit now. “No, Gin…” he moaned, all his thoughts and desires narrowed down to those drops on the floor. That was Gin’s blood. Kira fought a strange desire to rush out and wipe it off with the corner of his sleeve—as if cleaning it would erase the damage done to the man himself.

“Fortunately for me,” Aizen continued, speaking over Kira’s sobs. “I have long since prepared myself for a poisoning attempt by—secretly, of course—ingesting more than a fair share of antidote on a regular basis. As such, my body is now immune to most poisons. So, the dastardly plot to kill me was cut short.” Ain shrugged, tossing his hand to the side to show the uselessness of the idea. 

“However, I knew the would-be assassin was probably lurking somewhere nearby to make sure his attempt had been successful. So, I pretended to be afflicted. Grasped my throat and started choking, all to lure out my enemy.” Aizen held onto his throat in a slight mimic of what he had done in the moment. “And sure enough, my attacker lunged at me from behind, trying to drive a dagger straight through my ribs into heart.” 

Aizen trailed his fingers over his own chest to indicate his heart. Kira watched those fingers—transfixed in spite of everything—and said nothing. He remembered, somewhere in the back of his mind, his latent attraction to Aizen. That memory now made him sick to his stomach, feeling like he might vomit until all of his soul came to the surface and was purged.

“However, being that I was, in fact, perfectly fine, I was more than able to intercept the strike and redirect it. Gave my attacker a fine jab through the shoulder. I was aiming lower, of course, but my assassin was…slippery.”

“Hmph.” Nnoitra flashed his blade again in irritation.

“So.” Aizen shrugged his shoulders in exasperation. “Imagine my surprise when I turned to find that my attacker was none other than this man here.” He gestured outward with his hand. “Ichimaru Gin. My former protege. My right hand man.”

Kira knew the words were coming. But he cried harder when he heard them, all the same. Gin had attacked Aizen tried to kill him. All came into harsh focus. Gin’s distance for the past few months. His inability to focus, the weirdness. He had been planning to assassinate the lord of the castle himself— 

A crime punishable by death.

Kira shook his head no, unable to speak. He wanted to ask why. Why had Gin tried to kill him? Why the fuck?! And even so, why couldn’t Aizen show mercy…why…why any of these things…

Aizen rubbed his forehead in what appeared to be tiredness. It was impossible to tell if he was pretending or not. “It puzzles the mind,” Aizen began slowly. “How such a thing comes to pass. This man, Ichimaru Gin. A man even I did not expect to betray me.”

The lord looked up again, a deadly smile plastered all over his face. “And yet a man who was, in the end, capable of doing absolutely nothing.”

Aizen rose to his feet in one fluid motion. Everyone present stood still, waiting for what he would do. Calmly, the lord strode over to Yammy, looking down at where Gin hung between his heavy hands. He reached out with one long-fingered hand and cupped Gin’s chin.

Holding the silver-haired man by his jaw, Aizen lifted his face upward to inspect. He even brushed some of Gin’s hair away, in mock-loving way.

“You, Ichimaru Gin,” Aizen said softly. “That day I found you in the streets. Covered in blood.” He clicked his teeth. “Hmm. I practically raised you. And now, after all these years, you want to betray me? No, no I don’t think so. That’s not like you Gin.” He tightened his grip on the warrior’s face. “No, I think killing me is what you had in mind from the beginning. It must be. That’s the only way a beast like you knows how to live. You only have one goal in mind, don’t you? Kill the strongest. Kill or be killed. That’s all an animal like you understands.” 

Gin opened his eyes for a moment. It seemed for a brief flash of a second that he understood what was happening. 

“An animal…?” Gin croaked, voice broken. The side of his mouth twitched into a smirk. “…Yeah…that’s me…”

Kira gasped and tried to stand, but Ulquiorra pushed him back down to his knees. All at once, Gin’s eyes closed again and he passed into unconsciousness.

Any trace of a smile had disappeared from Aizen’s face. He wore a look of pure disgust, dropping Gin’s face as if he were discarding some unnecessary thing. 

“I think,” Aizen said with a sigh. “More than anything, Gin, I am disappointed. I had high, well-founded hopes for you, as your mentor. I saw you becoming one of my strongest soldiers. And now, this. A shame. A waste.” The lord shook his head. “But, I suppose such things cannot be helped. Not when one is dealing with creatures like you.” 

Smile returning, as if all reason had once again returned to him, Aizen reached out towards Nnoitra. “The knife,” he said simply. 

The gaunt, one-eyed Espada blanched. “What? Ah, come on…”

“The knife, if you please, Nnoitra.” 

Grumbling, Nnoitra handed his wakizashi over to Aizen. The lord took it—more than well acquainted with the handle of a blade, it seemed, from the deft way he adjusted his grip. Unflinching, Aizen held the blade against Gin’s throat. He watched, waited. A second passed and then—

“No, please don’t, Aizen-sama!!” 

The plea burst forth from Kira uncontrollably. He was aware of his sobbing now, his shaking, the way his voice sounded more like a scream than anything. He kowtowed to Aizen, desperation thick in his veins as he imagined Aizen running the blade across Gin’s throat, killing him.

_No, not my love! My love, my love, my love. No please!_

“Lord Aizen-sama, please don’t kill him. I beg you.” Kira knocked his forehead against the ground, digging his fingernails into the cracks on the floor. “Please! I’ll do anything, but please…spare him…don’t kill him, my lord, please…” 

Kira’s mindless begging went on for some time. Everyone stopped and stared at him, surprised at such a display, all of sudden.

Eventually, Nnoitra stomped his foot very near Kira’s face to silence him. “Shut up already! That shit is getting annoying!” 

Flinching and fading into silence, Kira bit his lip. He looked up at Aizen beseechingly. His green eyes shimmered with more tears, his normally pallid face gone red from emotion. 

Aizen took in the sight of him with a twitch of his eyebrow. Finally, he said, “My. It seems you have found your voice after all.” 

Yammy and Ulquiorra sniffed an appreciative laugh at that. Kira, for his part, was losing his grip on things like pride and shame. The only thing he knew was the absolute need to keep Gin alive.

_I can’t lose him. Anything but that…_ His own thoughts sounded like screams in his head.

“So. This Ichimaru Gin,” Aizen continued. “You know him, yes?”

“I do, my lord—”

“Yes, of course you do. I think we all know how Gin has taken quite the fancy to you. If your screams in the middle of the night are any indication.”

Kira’s bottom lip quivered as the Espada erupted in laughter.

“Yeah,” Nnoitra threw in. “That’s Ichi’s bitch, alright.”

“Indeed.” Aizen’s smile flashed brighter. “That is why we brought you here after all. So Gin could see you and know how you were made to watch his demise. And, as a lesson to you should you harbor any of the same notions. Yet, it appears to me you did not know about Gin’s intentions. Is that true?”

Kira nodded once. “It is, my lord. I…didn’t know what Ichimaru-dono was planning…”

“Hmm, I see. So he protected you. Well, alright.” Aizen dropped his knife from Gin’s throat. Kira breathed out a short puff of air in relief. “I’m a reasonable man. I can be persuaded towards other things. But that all depends, Izuru. What exactly…do you have to offer?”

The way Aizen was looking at him, the heat of his relentless gaze. Even so far beyond the reach of shame, Kira blushed at that look. It was obvious what Aizen meant. Everyone got it, Ulquiorra even released his hold on Kira’s shoulder, allowing him access to move. 

As would be necessary for…the next part.

Licking his lips against the tension in his heart, Kira bent down again. He kept his mind blank, crawling on his hands and knees to where Aizen stood. Snickers, and some derisive comments met his ears.

“Trained already?” 

“He broke like that…” 

“Now he’s all yours, huh, Aizen?” 

“Hope you want to share him…” 

The Espada had their fun. And still, Kira sat obediently in _seiza_ position at Aizen’s feet. Breathing heavily (hoping that Gin would stay unconscious for this), Kira fought back a sob of protest and reached out for the ties on Aizen’s _hakama._ In some ways, he felt a rush of erotic tension—to be finally kneeling before such a dominating man, the situation itself—but more than anything, Kira hoped this would be over quickly.

He laid one hand on the thickness between Aizen’s legs, shuddering inherently…but then Aizen touched his wrist lightly to stop him. Kira looked up in surprise, at a loss.

“No, no, my dear,” Aizen crooned. “I believe I have a far better use for you. Stand up.”

Shocked, registering slowly that Aizen was allowing him off the hook…Kira dropped his hands and tried to put some weight on his legs. As expected, they buckled under him on the first try and he fell back to the floor. The Espada were amused, Aizen himself just stood and let Kira fall, as watching with some interest the first steps of a baby deer. 

“That’s it, on your feet,” Aizen encouraged once Kira managed to amble into a standing position. The servant’s knees still quivered, hinting that they might give out at any moment. 

Kira glanced back at Gin with a worried expression. Gin’s breath was coming slowly, his body beginning to shiver and go unnaturally white from loss of blood. Kira panicked when he saw that, reaching out towards Gin once more—

Aizen caught his hand and held it before he made contact with his love. Trapped, Kira looked up at Aizen, very aware of how close they were. They were standing like two people about to be intimate, after all, and Kira had just touched Aizen’s manhood…the servant felt completely immobilized in Aizen’s grasp.

The lord reached out with his knife-hand and cupped Kira’s face. He wiped away some of Kira’s tears with his thumb, brushing back the stray blonde hair to see the young man’s face fully. 

“My, my,” Aizen mused softly. “You’re a sweet little thing. I can see why he likes you.” 

Aizen’s soft breath tickled Kira’s face as the lord spoke. The servant shuddered in response, breaking eye contact. In the pit of his stomach, Kira suddenly felt such intense disgust and hatred—he loathed the feel of Aizen’s hands, any part of this lord on his body. Now he saw the true face of this man—if he could even be called as such. Surely this could not be a human person and was instead some kind of demon…a predator…

Kira knew he would despise Aizen forever after this moment trapped helplessly in his arms.

“Now,” the lord continued, either not perceiving or not caring about Kira’s intense feelings. “Take this.” 

With that, Aizen pressed the knife into Kira’s hand. Calmly, he guided Kira to press the knife against Gin’s throat. Realizing what Aizen wanted from him, Kira burst into tears again.

“I want you to kill him, Izuru-san,” Aizen said softly. 

Several reactions rippled through the band of Espada. Kira could barely hear against the rush of blood in his ears, trying to control his shaking hand as it quivered against the weak pulse on Gin’s neck. His arm hurt from the effort of controlling each movement, the muscles spasming hard in response.

Kira was so afraid. He cried as he saw his blade inadvertently knick the side of Gin’s throat, some more blood escaping. 

_No…why…Why, Gin? Why did you have to…? I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to kill you. I love you more than anything…_

“It’s better if you kill him,” Aizen maintained. “For you see, myself and the other Espada here would be likely to torture Gin some more before finally ending it. So, better that you give him a short, clean death now instead of allowing him to suffer more later. Don’t you agree?”

Tears and snot spilled down Kira’s face. For a moment, he considered Aizen’s words. Perhaps it was the kinder thing to do, to let Gin die here. His warrior’s pride was utterly broken, for sure. And he would not be allowed to leave here regardless… At least, by Kira’s hand he would die quickly, with as little pain as possible.

How hard did you have to press against a man’s throat to kill him? Kira wondered…

Then he felt Gin’s smooth skin against the backs of his fingers. Glancing up, Kira saw again Gin’s face. His eyes were partially open, still unable to register anything probably, from the unfocused look and his wide-blown pupils, but…Kira’s resolve fell apart as soon as he saw that face. He remembered Gin, leaning in to kiss him. Gin, kneeling in front of him lapping cum off his face. Gin, hovering over him during sex, face contorted in pleasure as he wrecked Kira’s body with a whirlwind of ecstasy. 

Gin, holding Kira in his arms and looking down at him with a legitimate smile. The warmth of his embrace…

No. Kira took a step back and dropped the knife onto the floor with a clatter, effectively startling everyone who watched. No, he could not let Gin disappear from the world. Not by his own hand anyway.

To do so would be destroying everything he thought to be beautiful and good in the world. 

Kira fell to his knees again, easing into a kowtow without putting up a fight. “No, my lord Aizen-sama. I cannot kill him. I…won’t…” Kira sucked in a heavy breath. “I will not do it.” 

“Oh?” Aizen asked, annoyance radiating through his voice. “You would prefer him to suffer more, then?”

“I cannot change that, Aizen-sama. But…” All thought left the servant here. “…If you do kill him, then…my lord Aizen-sama, you must kill me too. Whatever you decide to do to Gin you must do the same to me! Because it is the only thing I can abide. …Such as I am."

That word “must” sizzled the air like the crack of a whip. Silence fell over the onlookers. Somehow, with that word mixed into such a noble sentiment as Kira’s in that moment, the servant had managed to take away all the power from Aizen’s torture. As if the control Aizen and his gang had over the sheer physicality of the situation—as in, murdering and making them suffer—meant nothing to Kira against the weight of his own heart. 

Aizen’s mouth hung open slightly. He closed it quickly and sighed again. “I see, Izuru. So you’ve gone and staked your life on this man’s destiny, have you?”

Kira nodded. 

“Well, then.” The lord bent down and picked up the knife. He handed it back to Nnoitra and continued. “I see only one option for the two of you. If you refuse to end your lives quickly, then I must grant you the opportunity of a long life. As far away from danger as possible.”

Aizen sat back down on his throne/chair. “You will be banished from Falling Flowers. For the reminder of your life, under penalty of death, of course. Never again shall you work for a member of the Fujiwara family, never again will you be able to step foot on the land where you were born and raised. Any note you try to send in here to your family will be burned. As for Gin, he will be branded a traitor and released with you, for whatever good he is to you now.”

The man named Szayel nodded enthusiastically, hurrying over to small wood-burning stove in the corner. He stuck a metal poker in the flame, readying the branding iron, apparently. 

Kira swallowed hard and felt a rush of relief mixed with a rush of dread. Banished…the worst fate a servant could ever ask for.

But alive. And alive was better than dead, surely.

______________________________________________________________

Ulquiorra held Kira down while Szayel branded Gin on the side of the warrior’s face. It looked horribly painful, the smell of burnt flesh filling the air. But Gin merely stirred slightly in his state (moaning a little in pain). The warrior did not even need to be braced. 

“Pitiful,” Nnoitra spat.

“All done,” Szayel answered happily.

Aizen, for his part, had left for his own bedchambers long ago.

They threw a worn, servant’s summer _yukata_ at Gin, tied his hands around the front and dropped him in front of Kira. Immediately, Kira grabbed the threadbare garment and started wrapping Gin in the clothes, hoping to trap as much of his body’s natural heat as possible. He begged for some extra bandages, but the Espada just laughed at him. So, Kira had no choice but to tie the _obi_ of the _yukata_ tightly against the deepest gash Gin had, hoping it would stop the bleeding.

After that, Ulquiorra approached Kira with a length of rope. Face showing no emotion, he tied the rope around Kira’s neck and pulled slightly, fashioning a type of leash that one might for an ox. 

“Let’s go, lover boy,” Yammy groaned, shoving Kira forward with one hand (he almost toppled over under the weight of that hand). 

The servant looked down at Gin’s lifeless body. He held Gin in his arms and looked beseechingly at Yammy. 

“Heh.” The bigger man smirked. “He’s all yours.”

So, Kira (beyond any real sense of emotion besides panic now) lifted Gin onto his back and started walking. Gin was heavy, heavier than expected, but probably because he had no life force left in him. It took a long time to balance Gin just right on his shoulder. As soon as he managed to find some workable position, Ulquiorra pulled hard on the length of rope and Kira lurched forward again, floundering to make sure Gin did not fall to the ground.

Like this, the Espada (Nnoitra, Szayel, Yammy, and Ulquiorra) walked them through the estate. They left the castle grounds by outside passage, the same way Tosen led him in. First stop was the stables, where Kira thought they might mercifully let him ride on a horse at least until the left Falling Flowers….but no. The Espada saddled up their own horses, leaving Kira on the ground.

Nnoitra grabbed the rope and tied it to his stirrups. Now Kira would be forced to keep pace with the horses, while on foot, trying to manage Gin’s weight at the same time.

Kira honestly did not think he would be able to do this. Especially after Nnoitra stirred up his horse into a brutal pace right at the onset, making Kira run to keep up, holding onto Gin for dear life.

Indeed, Kira fell once. He was dragged along by the horse for a few moments, before somehow managing to find his footing again. Then he fell again, this time unable to regain his footing. For some minutes, Kira was left screaming for mercy. 

Nnoitra laughed whole-heartedly, but Ulquiorra rounded up the horses to a stop. 

“Enough, Nnoitra,” the green-eyed man said, staring down his fellow Espada. “Aizen said he wants them off the estate alive. You drag them like that, they’ll die.”

“Alive, dead, alive, dead—what the hell’s the difference?!” Nnoitra cried. “The point is, we ain’t ever gonna see these guys again! So if they die here we can just dump them, end of story.”

Ulquiorra trotted his horse forward in warning. “I won’t allow that, Nnoitra. It is within my purview to kill anyone who disobeys Aizen’s orders. Allowing these men to die would be clear disobedience.”

“Tch.” Nnoitra snorted and trotted forward as well. Kira, who was very thankful for the opportunity to get to his feet and catch his breath, rushed forward to keep pace. “Think you can kill me, Ulqu-y? I damn well don’t think so…”

“Alright, alright,” Yammy moaned from atop his thick-set errand horse. “Guys, let’s just get this done. We’ve got miles to go before we reach the gates. We keep moving. I’m tired as fuck already, want to get some shut eye for tomorrow’s party.”

“You mean the after party where you fuck that blue-eyed girl servant into the ground,” Szayel added.

“Yeah, obviously that’s what I mean. So let’s get the hell on with it!”

After that, Yammy kept pace. He made sure the horses never went above a fast trot, but he did not keep them to a walk either (not wanting to take too much time, as he mentioned). Still tied to Nnoitra’s stirrups, Kira gathered all of Gin’s weight on his shoulders and moved along.

They walked the entire length of the estate this way. After the castle grounds ended (a clear delineation of well-kept gardens and unkempt farmland interspersed with farmers huts and storage sheds here and there), Falling Flowers estate had a rather vast, somewhat marshy land. In the dark, Kira saw familiar things he had not seen since childhood—for instance, the hut his grandmother used to live in, the old boulder up the creek that balanced the weight of the estate’s cotton storage. Even…Kira saw it and a wealth of tears sprang to his eyes...

His parents’ farm.

…Kira had not left the castle grounds since his parents left him with his aunt. He had lost contact with his parents since then, never coming back to this place. Now, he never would again.

Eventually, as the miles wore on and Kira was driven past the point of exhaustion, past the point of thinking about his burning body being crushed under the weight of Gin on his shoulders…eventually Kira found he did not feel so wretched anymore. His body felt loose, moving on its own. In some ways, he was able to separate his body’s suffering from his mind’s perception. 

And his pain was nothing to compared to Gin’s, after all. He thought about the gashes, the bruises ad finally…the burn to his face. The right side of Gin’s face was inflamed now, and Kira could not tell how bad it was. He tried to keep Gin’s head next to his own so he could hear and feel if Gin was still breathing.

“Don’t die, my love,” Kira whispered to Gin. “Not now, we’re almost there…”

But he shuddered to think where “there” was. Still, every puff of wheezy air from Gin sent a surge of energy through Kira. Each breath he felt from his lover, every time he held onto Gin’s wrist and felt a pulse, Kira thought that perhaps he could keep walking like this a little longer.

They rode deep into the night. 

In truth, Kira had seen the gates at the very edge of the estate once before. As a child, playing where he ought not to. The experience had frightened him, seeing those taller than tall wooden gates looming above him. His parents said there was nothing beyond those doors except woodlands and dirt road for miles and miles. 

At the time, young Kira had thought those gates were the end of the world.

When he saw them again, now, alongside the Espada with Gin on his back, Kira thought that perhaps those gates were as tall as the entrance to the castle. Maybe a bit taller. What lay beyond? He had not the slightest clue.

Still, he held onto Gin’s wrist, feeling for a pulse. There it was, feather-light and uneven, but it was there.

“…Almost there…Gin…” Kira panted, his legs unsteady beneath him.

Yammy and Ulquiorra pulled open the gates together, exposing nothing but a dark stretch of trees and muddy ground. 

“Here you go,” Nnoitra announced. “Your new home."

Pure fear spread through Kira as he realized this was about to happen. He would be banished here in this darkness, this wilderness…this…? 

“Let’s walk them down the road a ways,” Szayel suggested. “At least until we get passed the checkpoint.”

“Yeah yeah…” 

Hearing those towering gates clang shut behind him made Kira realize the finality of this whole thing. There went his life as he had known it. 

After taking about five steps out of the estate, Kira collapsed. He lost control for a moment, unable to calm the rapid panic in his heart stepping forth into this barren wasteland, combined with the sheer exhaustion of everything all at once.

“Hey! Get up!” Yammy and Nnoitra rounded on him. “We don’t have time for you to die here!”

But Kira could not move.

So, they got off their horses and started kicking Kira’s sides, ordering him to get to his feet (along with a variety of other obscenities). Each kick knocked some of the air out of Kira’s lungs, making him think that perhaps he would die here after all…

But then one of them kicked Gin in the ribs, sliding the unconscious man off Kira’s back. All at once, Kira found his strength and got to his knees. He might die, but he could not allow Gin to die here. 

That had already been decided.

So, resolve firm, Kira stood and continued walking. He held onto his lover, making sure even the bottoms of Gin’s feet did not drag along the ground. (In his mind, he could not risk Gin getting another chill from the muddy ground.) 

Seeing that, the Espada left him alone for the rest of the trip. 

They walked about a mile past the checkpoint. After that, all four men agreed they had sufficiently exiled Kira and Gin, job well done, and that they could just leave them there. Nnoitra untied the rope from his saddle unceremoniously, not even caring to make some snide remark. 

Kira stood on the side of the road, still holding Gin in his arms, unsure what to do next.

The Espada began to ride away. Ulquiorra brought up the rear. He approached Kira and held out something short and thin, without making eye contact. Kira took it and stared confusedly before realizing this was the lacquered sheath of a wakizashi. He slid the blade open and saw it was real, quite sharp.

“For survival,” Ulquiorra stated. “As part of the deal with Aizen, you are to stay alive.”

That was it, and the green-eye man rode off into the distance. Kira was left alone with Gin in the waning darkness. 

Sheer panic and loneliness hit him. He allowed himself a sob (just one) before remembering that they were completely exposed here, and that Gin was still mostly dead.

What did they need? What could they do? 

_We need shelter. We need herbs to heal him…_ Kira made a list of the important things. He decided to go off into the trees, which at least could provide some cover from the open night (even though he knew not what dwelled in the forests here). Steadying Gin on his shoulders, Kira trudged into the forest, not knowing which way to go.

Despite the oncoming dawn, it was much darker in the forest. Kira went in a ways and immediately found he was lost. Which direction had he come from? All directions looked identical now, some nondescript trees and moss…that’s it…

He heard and felt his breathing come in heavy pants, starting to panic again. He blinked hard to steady himself, fighting back another sob that he was not sure he could handle at the moment.

Then, suddenly, when he opened his eyes, Kira saw a pale figure in the distance. He rubbed his eyes and looked again, but the figure remained. A ghostly white glow. 

A woman. She was…Kira knew her. The _yurei._

The usual fear gripped him when he realized it was her. But then he saw that she was not moving nor sobbing. She was just standing. In fact, Kira could make out her face for the first time. This ghost was actually a beautiful young woman, curls and big eyes…was he seeing this right?

Then, the ghost extended a hand to the left. She pointed with one finger and stared back at Kira. 

For some reason, Kira felt an urge to see what she was pointing at. Not noticing Gin’s heavy weight again, the young blonde man walked forward in that direction.

“Is that…?” he asked, speaking directly to the ghost now. Or something.

She kept pointing, saying nothing.

So, Kira followed the path she indicated, walking forward a few more steps. Suddenly, the sound of trickling water rushed to meet him. A stream! And where there was a stream, there were usually plants. Kira practically ran towards the stream, heart leaping in excitement when he saw that rushing water with his own eyes. 

Indeed, there were several patches of herbs near the stream. Kira laid Gin down on the grass and looked—yes, some of them would work quite well for medicinal purposes! An excellent find. And all because of…

He immediately turned around to thank the ghost. “ _Onee-san_ , thank you so much!” 

But of course, she had already vanished. 

Unable to focus on that, Kira quickly collected some herbs and began applying them to the worst of Gin’s wounds. There was enough flora here that he could actually staunch the bleeding, chewing and spitting on the grass to make it stick. He could do nothing for the burn mark on Gin’s face though, except to apply some cold water. 

Kira wrapped Gin in the _yukata_ when he was done. He gathered the silver-haired man in his arms and laid him down against his chest, trying to preserve as much warmth as possible. If he pressed hard on Gin’s sternum, he could feel the man’s heartbeat ever so faintly.

“Please, Gin,” Kira whispered, kissing the side of his lover’s face. “Don’t die here. Just stay alive…stay alive..”

Suddenly a wild dog howled in distance. Kira sat up, alert, reaching for the wakizashi Ulquiorra gave him. He unsheathed the blade and held it upright, leaning his own back against a tree. Gin was still safely in his arms. Here, surrounded by the cover of this thick tree, blade exposed, Gin as warm as possible…this was the best he could have hoped for. A small comfort, but Kira offered a prayer in thanks that they had even gotten this far.

Now if only that dog would just stay wherever he was for the night…

Kira stayed on guard for about five more minutes. Then, the weight of everything collapsed him and he passed out. Even in sleep, Kira held tightly onto Gin, his grip on the wakizashi as firm as ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Post note:  
> So, banishment and exile was a very common form of punishment back in this time period. For lords of the court, it usually meant exile to some remote island or province far removed from the capital. For servants, banishment could sometimes be a fate worse than death. Think about it, for a person whose entire family (everything they've known) lived on that estate. So it's relevant in that way. 
> 
> Anyway, this story just got a little longer! Still have a lot left to go from here (obviously), so I'll just keep adding to the chapter count. Heh. Drop a comment if you like! I enjoy hearing people's theories about where this might go, especially with the reveals this time around :) <3


	7. Tanpopo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Survival is a complicated thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit this is a long chapter. In my head it was all so simple...then there was character development and I had to just keep going with that...
> 
> So, lot's of conversation and emotional processing in this one! Take breaks, if you need, these guys aren't going anywhere :)
> 
> Notes:  
> About maps: To refrain from going into the whole explanation of Heian Period maps, I’ll just say that Falling Flowers resides somewhere in what was then the Yamashiro Province, a few miles out of Kyoto (Heian-kyo as it was called then). Directly south is the city of Nara, in the Yamato Province. Fukuhara (to the west in Settsu Province) would be near present-day Osaka.
> 
> About medicine: So, in the Heian Period, all medical belief was based on either known illnesses (such as the pox, which was rampant throughout the 900s on and off), herbal remedies (as related to Chinese Daoist beliefs, like yin and yang), and spirits. Most unexplained sicknesses were attributed to spirit possession or demon affliction. Exorcism was still a common practice. So, give these guys a break here when it comes to their nursing skills! They’re doing pretty well considering.
> 
> kodama 木霊 - tree/nature spirits, prevalent in Japanese myths and Shinto  
> *tanpopo タンポポ - dandelion  
> nanshoku 男色 - lit. “man colors,” the term used (from ancient to modern times) to describe homosexual male relationships, particularly male-on-male sex.  
> onnagirai 女嫌い - lit. “woman hater,” an old-fashioned slang term for an exclusively gay man

**Chapter Seven - _Tanpopo*_**

All things considered, Muguruma Kensei felt he was having a good morning. Three small saplings already, he got! So he decided to continue walking along the stream for a few more miles. 

The saplings that grew near the water were the best for maintaining the fires in his clay oven, and this time of year offered a prime harvest. The small maple trees he collected now would be succulent enough to last him through summer, probably. 

Every time Kensei cut down one tree, he made sure to mutter a small “banzai” prayer of good will; his way of thanking the trees for their sacrifice. And in case there were any _kodama_ living inside. (But damn if he would let Mashiro find out about those little prayers of his…)

Inhaling the crisp autumn morning, taking a long breath to keep up his much-needed strength, Kensei caught something strange in the air. A too-familiar scent that made the small hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

Blood.

The wood-cutter’s small eyes sharpened to a point. He braced himself and walked a little further. Instinct told him to head home now (probably the smarter thing), but his heart told him he needed to see what it was. Most likely, some wild dog had been hunting in the night and he was just smelling the aftermath of a kill. But, there was always the off chance someone was hurt and needed help… It wouldn’t be the first time Kensei had found a wounded person out here, lost in the woods.

So, staying on his guard and fingering the small _tanto_ blade near his hip, Kensei followed the scent of blood into a small grove of trees. He saw bunches of grass pulled from the good, evidence of fight perhaps…but then footprints. Clearly human footprints. Kensei sped up the pace and followed them to a large maple—

There against the tree, Kensei saw two figures. One was a toned but thin-looking silver-haired man wearing a blood-soaked _yukata_ (that explained the smell). His head hung down, listing to the left, but Kensei could clearly see a raging burn mark against his cheek. So, some kind of warrior cast out from his clan then, with a traitor’s mark like that (Kensei had seen it before. More than once). The other man was a gaunt looking blonde wearing a too-thin cloth kimono, feet and body stained with mud, various cuts here and there. Other than that, he appeared unharmed. In his hand, the blonde was clutching a wakizashi. 

The most interesting thing about these two men was by far the way they were sitting. The blonde was holding the silver-haired warrior in his lap, against his chest, one arm wrapped firmly around the warrior’s shoulders. With that wakizashi in hand, the young blonde man looked tough…but not that tough. After all, there was hardly any muscle on him. And that girly kind of hair. 

Were these brothers? They had to be some kind of close family to be holding each other like that.

Regardless, these two were clearly beaten up quite a bit. That burn mark looked fresh. Also the warrior was covered with hastily slapped on herbs to staunch several deep gashes along his body, some hidden by the _yukata,_ some not. Was that guy even alive? He looked to be barely breathing. At least the blonde was snoring away, a little worse for wear but clearly living!

Kensei softly out the saplings on the ground and kneeled in front of this strange pair. He took out his _tanto_ and held the flat side up against the warrior’s nose. Ten long seconds passed before the blade’s metal fogged up from a puff of air. Still alive then, but maybe not for long. 

Just then, the blonde man began to stir. He grunted quietly as he awoke, flipping his hair out of his face to get a look at Kensei. 

Alright, Kensei would admit: With that flap of girly hair out of the way, the kid wasn’t bad looking…

Kira’s eyes landed on the _tanto_ blade in Kensei’s hand. Instantly terrorized, he screamed and lashed out with the wakizashi. 

“Get away from him!!” The blonde man shouted, on instinct.

Kira gathered Gin further in his arms, swishing the wakizashi in front of him. His green eyes throbbed with fear, taking in all of this stranger’s muscles and the gleaming blade he had been holding to Gin’s face. An instant memory came to mind of Nnoitra holding a blade to his throat, the silver metal shining in the shack’s candlelight—

“Whoa, whoa, easy!” Kensei backed off immediately. 

The wood-cutter held up his palms. Unfortunately, moving his knife hand only made Kira swing his wakizashi once again. (Fuck, that kid’s warrior cry sounded more like a cry for help. Clearly not a fighter. But Kensei was never one to judge a man swinging a sword in his face.) 

“It’s ok, I’m not…trying to do anything with this.” To demonstrate, Kensei tucked his _tanto_ away in its sheath. He figured, after sizing up Kira, that this young man would not be fast enough to land a strike on him. So he was not worried about disarming himself.

Kira watched Kensei put his hands up again. He saw now the thick woolen glove he wore, scattered with small pieces of bark. Those were wood-cutters’ gloves, Kira recognized them. He glanced around and found a pile of saplings on the side along with an axe. The axe made him flinch for a second, but then he put two and two together.

Breathing heavily, Kira lowered the tip of his blade slightly. He kept the wakizashi in between Gin and Kensei, making sure there was something there to protect his lover. 

“Wh-what…” Kira said slowly, trying to put together a rational thought. He could not bring himself to trust this burly-looking man, even if he supposed a wood-cutter in a forest made sense. “…are you…? Why are you…here?”

Kensei sighed, leaning his elbows on his knees and ambling into a cross-legged position on the ground. The kid had startled him for sure there a little, lashing out like that. 

“That’s what I wanted to ask,” Kensei began. “What the hell happened to you two?”

It occurred to Kira for the first time that they must look rather odd, covered in blood and dirt, laying in the middle of the forest. The former servant blinked hard, fighting the pulsing adrenaline and muscle-soreness leftover from the night before. He needed to think carefully about what he might say.

Before answering Kensei’s question, Kira looked down to take stock of Gin. His lover looked even paler, bone-white now, sickly. Anemic, obviously. The whole right side of his face was an angry red, the brand mark itself pulsing with melted flesh. It was starting to fill with puss. 

“Gin-sama…?” Kira asked quietly, forgetting about the other man in front of him. “Gin-sama, can you hear me…?”

Of course, Gin said nothing. It was quite clear that the warrior was still unconscious, barely breathing. Still, Kira shook the man again to see if he could wake him. He didn’t really know why he tried. After all, he knew it was not wise to shake a wounded man. But right then Kira began to panic that Gin was still hanging on the edge of death, still far out of reach—

Kensei frowned. He watched Kira begin to cry as the kid tried to shake the man in his lap back into consciousness.

“I don’t think that’s going to help.” Kensei hopped to his feet. “Your friend there looks pretty bad. Do you live nearby? I can help carry him back to your house, if you need.”

Tears spilled down Kira’s face. He pressed Gin’s face—the un-burnt side—into his shoulder and hugged the warrior’s head. He wanted to hold Gin just like that, cradling him in his arms, until the man woke up…

Registering that Kensei was talking to him, Kira squeezed his eyes shut. He had no home. Not anymore. He held tighter onto Gin and shook his head no.

“…Ok…” Kensei frowned again, watching Kira fall apart. So they were not from around here then. In that case, they were probably on the lam. Sure, most people who ended up bloodied and wild in the middle of the night were running away from something.

Clearly someone had already tried to kill that branded warrior. Something told Kensei he should try his best not to get involved with these two. No matter how pathetic they looked…no matter how much that kid’s sniffling was starting to make Kensei…well. 

The wood-cutter gritted his teeth and rubbed the back of his head. “Um, if you don’t live nearby then maybe you’re headed somewhere?”

Kira did not know what to say to that. He brushed the hair off Gin’s face, thinking about where on earth they might go. Where could he go that could help keep Gin alive and safe? 

It occurred to Kira that he did not know the name of a single place outside of Falling Flowers. The servants always referred to the other estates by clan name, and the only city he knew was Heian-kyo, the capital where the emperor lived… And they could not very well go there.

“Where…” Kira began, wiping his face on his shoulder, heedless of how it made him look. “…is there…? I don’t know where we…” He couldn’t even finish that last part.

Kensei puffed out his chest, telling himself not to buy into any of this. Most likely these were two swindlers trying to take him for a ride! Hell if Kensei fell for that trick! (“Again…” he heard Mashiro’s voice in his head.)

“There’s an outpost five miles west, if you’re headed to Fukuhara. And the nearest estate is about three miles north if you’ve got family, or friends, or…anyone…”

More tears rolled down Kira’s face.

Damn everything to hell, Kensei thought. What was he supposed to do with that?

Eh, fine. Fuck it. “Look, your friend needs to get inside, out of the cold. I’ve got fresh bandages and a warm fire at my place. Why don’t you come home with me, just for a few hours even? Get cleaned up…”

Light spread across Kira’s face. He dropped his wakizashi right away. This man was offering him…? 

He looked back up at Kensei in disbelief and sudden hope. “I…” the young man began. “I…would you really…offer up your own home? For the likes of…us? I mean, you don’t know us at all and we—”

“Name’s Muguruma Kensei.” He pointed at himself with his thumb. “Now you know me.”

The woodcutter smiled and nodded his head once. He was wearing a disgruntled kind of smile, like he knew Kira wanted to accept his offer more than anything but just didn’t know how to say yes. Kensei understood that, after all. It was hard to trust strangers you met on the road.

But usually it was the natives distrusting the branded, half-dead outsiders. 

Well, no matter.

“Let’s go,” Kensei said, more serious now. “We should probably try and get him inside as soon as we can. Before any spirits decide to get him…” 

Kira was absolutely stunned. But he decided in an instant that he would trust Kensei. What choice did he have? He was basically helpless out here, after all. He slid the wakizashi next to himself on the ground, just in case, while Kensei bent down in front of Gin.

“And…up.” The woodcutter hooked his hands under Gin’s armpits and lifted him like he was a child. He gently eased the wounded man onto his shoulder, just as he had carried the saplings not a moment before. 

The younger man looked up in amazement. He knew how heavy Gin was and yet Kensei could just…?

“Can you stand?” Kensei asked, looking down at Kira without showing any strain.

“I…” Kira spread his hands out and rearranged himself. His legs moved one inch before Kira finally noticed how numb they had gone. They refused to move—he was paralyzed! “M-my…my legs won’t move!”

“Are you hurt anywhere?”

“N-no, but I can’t…” Panic rose to the surface as Kira tried again and again to stand up, his legs flopping uselessly from side to side.

“Alright, alright.” Kensei had an idea what was the problem. “Here, take my hand.”

The woodcutter held out his arm. Kira grabbed it for dear life, gasping in surprise when Kensei pulled him to his feet. As soon as he was upright, Kira felt pins and needles rushing through his legs, blood beginning to flow back into the lower half of his body.

“You’ve just been stuck too long in one position,” Kensei explained. “Been there all night?”

Kira blushed hard, still holding onto Kensei as some of the feeling returned to his legs. He felt like an infant, forgetting what it felt like for your limbs to fall asleep. But everything felt new and frightening here in the wilderness…Kira cleared his throat.

“Th-thank you, Muguruma-san.” Kira nodded in gratitude.

“Heh, it’s been a while since anyone called me that.” Kensei shifted Gin’s weight on his shoulder, stepping out in the direction of the hut he called home. “But don’t mention it.”

Kira had a feeling he would be saying thank you a lot more, regardless. After that, and all this, Kira was beginning to warm to Kensei considerably.

The wood-cutter looked back at the pile of saplings he gathered that morning. With a sigh, Kensei realized he would not be able to carry both the warrior and his hoard. Such a damn shame…

“Oh,” Kira said, following the man’s eyesight. “I can…” 

The blonde man rushed over to the saplings and tried to pick up the three small trees. His back buckled under the weight and he almost fell over. Trying only one sapling, firming his resolve to return the small favor, Kira used all his (considerably worn out) strength to lift the tree about an inch off the ground.

Kensei chuckled. “It’s alright, kid. I can always come back later. Let’s just worry about your friend for now.” 

At that, Kira could only nod in unspeakable thanks. 

He let Kensei walk a few steps ahead of him before rushing over and grabbing the wakizashi. He sheathed it, but kept his hand around the hilt. The blade reminded him of the Espada, of Ulquiorra’s face when he gave it to him. Kira decided he would make sure never to be without a blade ever again.

_____________________________________________________________

They reached Kensei’s hut rather quickly, after only about twenty minutes of walking. The hut was nestled in thick patch of trees, with a decently sized single-roomed hut adjacent to another small shack that boasted a chimney and obvious clay-built oven. Kira believed any outsiders would surely not be able to find Kensei’s home unless they knew where to look. Even if someone were to follow the chimney smoke, they would surely get lost turned around in the trees.

The first sign they were approaching somewhere habitable appeared in the form of a slight, green-haired girl. She was standing near the porch with a wide mallet in her hands, pounding the thing down onto a stone with a thick-sounding smack. Clearly, she was beating rice into mochi.

“Kensei!” the girl called, glancing to the side as she continued to wield the mallet. It made Kira’s heart jump at how unsafe that looked. “We’re going to have _dango_ tonight for sure! I promise you that!"

“Maybe, but you’re the only one who eats that crap,” the wood-cutter replied tersely. “And by the way, we have some visitors here.” 

The green-haired girl stopped the mallet in mid-air. She turned around and froze, puzzlement clear on her face in the form of pushed-out lips and wide eyes. She seemed unsure what to do for a moment—then she dropped the rice-mallet unceremoniously, sending the heavy thing clattering to the porch.

“Hi there!” she called, waving her hand and smiling. “I’m Mashiro! You can call me…” She put her finger to her lips in thought. “Ummm…Mashiro-chan, I guess!”  


Kensei sighed and walked past her through to the inside of the shack.

“Uh, yes, hello…” Kira bowed to the girl swiftly, following Kensei on his heels.

Mashiro stared after them curiously. She blinked at Gin with a question on her face, the same look from before.

Inside the hut there was an inlaid fire in the middle of the floor. Some rice gruel bubbled above it. Two futons lay on opposite ends of the hut, each one against a window. Someone had fashioned a crude screen out of branches and raggedy kimonos, hiding one futon from view. Kira guessed correctly that was where Mashiro slept.

Kensei promptly laid Gin down on the other futon—which Kira realized must have been the man’s own. Together, they rearranged Gin’s limbs so that he was laying flat on his back. Without saying anything, Kira unfolded Gin’s _yukata_ and checked all the wounds he had tried to heal the night before.

“That’s not bad work,” Kensei commented, gesturing to the herbs. “Did you do all that?”

“Yes,” Kira said. He cradled the side of Gin’s face. “Do you…have anything for the burn?”

He lowered his eyes as he asked, unsure if Kensei could recognize the mark for what it was.

“I should,” Kensei answered. He ambled up to look in a cupboard on the far end. 

When he returned, the wood-cutter brought several reams of cloth for bandages and some oily-looking substance. He explained that any kind of oil worked well for burns, so he wasted no time in applying some to Gin’s face. The warrior grunted, his eyes clenching in pain as a response. Although it hurt Kira to see his lover in pain, he took it as a good sign that Gin was alive enough to feel that.

“Here!” Mashiro entered the hut noisily, spilling water from an over-full bucket as she walked. “I brought some fresh water from the well for _kitsune_ - _tan_!”

_Kitsune_ - _tan_? Kira thought. Did she mean Gin?

“Thanks Mashiro,” Kensei said, offering cloth for Kira to soak. “But you shouldn’t go making up nicknames for people like that.”

Kira took his time wiping down Gin’s damaged body with water. The dried blood and dirt came off in clumps, exposing naked white flesh underneath. It took Mashiro several more trips to the well before he had managed to finally clean the man. Meanwhile, Kensei cut the cloth into strips so Kira could apply the bandages where they were needed. By the end, Gin was sufficiently cleaner, with most of his body wrapped loosely in bandages. Kensei also had more herbs around the house, so Kira applied those where he could. 

When he tried to bandage Gin’s face, though, Kensei stopped him and said, “You shouldn’t bandage a burn. The demons from the fire that burned him will get trapped if you do. So, leave it open. Just make sure to wipe away the puss if you see it anywhere. That’s the demons escaping.” 

Kira nodded appreciatively, thinking that Kensei must be actually very wise to know about such things. 

Mashiro returned with cups of water for the four of them. Kira poured Gin’s into the warrior’s mouth before he even touched his own, rubbing Gin’s throat to get him to swallow. He wanted Gin to drink something, even though the warrior obviously needed more yang substance to replenish the blood he lost. Water was made from yin, of course, but Kira thought Gin might be thirsty anyway. He asked Kensei if he had any sake. Kensei nodded and poured the young man a cup, knowing what he was after.

“Seems like you know what you’re doing,” the wood-cutter said finally, watching Kira tilt the cup of sake into Gin’s mouth. “Are you an herbal specialist?”

Kira smiled ruefully. He bowed his head in humility. “No, I’m not. But…thank you. It seems you have some experience as well.”

Kensei nodded. “Yeah. You don’t get to live as long as I have without picking up a few things.”

Mashiro was staring at them both, transfixed, munching on some ill-formed mochi. She had not beaten the rice enough to make it sticky because she had been so busy helping. Still, the girl did not seem to mind. She drizzled brown sugar syrup over each bite and munched on her treat contentedly.

“So where do you come from, _tan-tan_?” 

It took Kira a few moments to realize she was speaking to him. He blinked in uncertainty, choosing to gulp down the water she had given him instead of answering. As soon as it touched his lips, Kira moaned slightly in amazement. This water tasted heavenly! He quickly refilled his cup several times. Why had he not realized how dry his throat was before now?

“ _Tan-tan_?” Kensei asked the girl. “Where did you come up with that one?”

“ _Tan-tan,_ ” Mashiro said, looking angry that Kensei did not understand her. “Because he looks like a _tanpopo_ , but _tanpopo-tan_ sounds silly! So he’s _tan-tan_. Or maybe… _popo-tan_?”

Kensei grunted. “That’s…ugh…fucking stupid. Don’t call him any of those things, Mashiro. I’m sure this guy’s got a name.”

Kira wiped his mouth on his sleeve, feeling a fair amount of his soul return. It seemed his body had no problem taking in any yin today. 

“My name is Kira Izuru,” he explained. “I cannot thank you enough for…what you’ve done today.” An overwhelming sense of gratitude filled him and he bent into a kowtow automatically.

“Oooh, Kira-tan!” Mashiro’s face lit up then fell all at once. “Eh, I like _popo-tan_ much better.” She bit off a big piece of sticky rice and chewed it noisily.

Kira straightened and nodded. “As you like, Mashiro-san.”

“Hm?”

Both Kensei and Mashiro gave him an odd look at that. 

“You’re uh…really formal, aren’t you, _popo-tan_?” 

“…I…suppose…” Kira looked to the side nervously. 

He realized they were mining close to his origins. But could he tell them he was a servant? From an estate? Surely he could not mention Falling Flowers and risk any involvement with the Fujiwara family, should these two happen to have some connection with them. Yet it was highly unlikely word had gotten out about his banishment so quickly…but still it would be unwise to start spreading stories about how a servant of the Fujiwaras had passed through here…

“That’s cute, _popo-tan_! So formal and polite. Not like Kensei here who doesn’t know his ass from his elbow.”

“That’s a great thing to say about the guy who’s feeding you, isn’t it?”

“Whaddya mean? I feed myself around here!”

So the two bickered for some time and Kira was spared. That was the only comment they made on the subject.

__________________________________________________________

Before he knew it, Kira was fast asleep. Nothing haunted his sleep this time. Instead he woke up with a start to pitch darkness, feeling as if mere seconds had passed since he heard Mashiro and Kensei bickering at each other.

He blinked in confusion, startled and disoriented. He felt around for Gin on instinct, making contact with the man right away. It appeared he had laid down almost on top of him somehow when he fell asleep. Immediately, Kira scrambled to rest his head on top of Gin’s chest, listening for a heartbeat. He held his breath until he heard it, the faint _thud…thud…_ of Gin’s stubborn heart.

_It’s a good thing Gin-sama is so stubborn after all,_ Kira thought for a moment, giddy with relief. This was the very same quality he had hated about Gin at first, the stubbornness that drove the man to keep pursuing him in the castle.

Now they were here.

Kira wondered what he would do if Gin died. The thought scared him more than anything. Right now, Gin’s well-being was the only thing moving him forward. Making sure Gin survived gave him a purpose. If that was taken away…? Kira was sure he would descend into the worst kind of ennui, the kind that could drive a man to utter despair.

But he would not think on that. All he would do was work as hard as he could to keep Gin alive.

He cleaned the burn mark on Gin’s face, applied more oil, then fell promptly back to sleep.

The next morning, Kira awoke to the sound of birds chirping. He was comfortably warm for the first time in what felt like forever. Automatically, his hands wrapped around the blanket his body seemed to know was there. Sure enough, there was a warm woolen blanket covering both him and Gin. Kira was extremely grateful for this because he got to share his body heat with the wounded warrior, as well. 

“You going to eat anything?”

Kira looked up blearily to see Kensei sitting in the middle of the floor, spooning rice gruel into a bowl. Steam rose from the mush and travelled to Kira’s nose, making his stomach growl loudly. He blushed and sat up.

How long had it been since he last ate? Suddenly Kira could not remember. He savored every last bite of the rice gruel, tears prickling his eyes at the sheer deliciousness. Even though he knew it was so ungrateful and rude, Kira wanted to ask for more—

“Want some more?” Kensei asked, smiling.

Kira bowed his head and held out his bowl. Where on earth had this man come from? he wondered. Were all people outside the gates this…nice? (Was nice even a fair word to use for a man like Kensei who was basically the only thing keeping them alive at this point?)

“So. Doesn’t that hurt?” Kensei gestured with his chin towards the blonde man while he ate.

Kira forced himself to swallow. “Does…what hurt?”

“That thing on your neck,” Kensei replied with a frown.

Confused, Kira felt along the skin of his neck. He touched something that stung horribly, his whole body seizing up when he felt it. Feeling around nervously, Kira felt the sensation around his whole neck. It was especially bad at the back.

This was where the Espada put the rope around him, Kira remembered. They pulled him from his neck, so it made sense he had some leftover rope burns…He just had not realized it until now.

“You should put something on that too,” Kensei advised. “Some oil at least. Don’t want any spirits coming off your friend to get any ideas.” 

So Kira splashed some oil on his neck, hissing automatically at how bad it stung. His fingers came away slightly pink with blood when he applied the lotion there. 

For the first time since he had left the estate, Kira took stock of himself. He realized he was in fact quite dirty; caked with mud and Gin’s blood all over his body. This entire outfit was probably a lost cause…but it was not like he had any others. 

“Is there…” Kira asked hesitantly. “Somewhere I can get cleaned up a bit?” 

Kensei nodded. “Yeah, we have a tub out back. Go on, I’ll heat up some water for you.”

“Thank you very much, Muguruma-san.” 

“Heh.” Kensei shook his head, looking as if he were remembering something. Then he got up to fill a basin with water and lay it over the fire. The bath was ready in record time. 

Kira found stripping out of his clothes to be an incredible experience. Some of the cloth had actually melded with his skin in the worst parts where Gin’s blood soaked through the fabric. It kind of hurt to take off. Once he was free, Kira felt unnaturally bare. Like he had removed all his defenses, everything keeping him together.

He cried once more as he soaked himself in the gloriously warm water. He could literally feel his skin throbbing in relief as his pores opened in the steam. Once he was finished, the bathwater took on the reddish brown color of unformed clay. He stepped out feeling like he had shed a whole skein of skin. Like…a snake, perhaps.

“All done?”

Kira was startled, holding a hand to his chest as he realized Kensei had come around back to meet him. His whole body flushed—he picked the wrong time to get out of the tub. Now he was standing, dripping wet and naked, in front of Kensei…he tried to crouch behind the opposite end of the basin to hide his lower half, but it didn’t really work.

Unperturbed, Kensei held out a towel and a fresh kimono. “Wear this. It’s one of Mashiro’s old kimonos, something she doesn’t mind sharing. It’s just until you wash that one, I guess.”

“Oh…” Kira said hesitantly. He wasn’t sure how he felt about wearing something that was meant for a woman, but…all things considered, he supposed it hardly mattered. 

He held out his hand awkwardly to take the kimono. He was not exactly confident enough to walk around the basin and retrieve it from Kensei himself…

“You gonna come over here and get?” the older man growled. 

Kira gulped, flushing dark red as he realized how foolish he was being. Here he was, putting Kensei out after everything the wood-cutter had done for him—

“Heh.” Suddenly the gray-haired man broke out into a smile. “I’m just kidding you, Kira. I can tell you’re a little shy…”

So Kensei walked around the tub himself and handed the kimono to Kira. The former servant was hyper-aware of where the man was looking…and Kensei did take a moment to run his eyes over all of Kira’s wet form. It made the former servant grunt in embarrassment. But still. The look was not predatory, really. Just…vaguely curious. At least, Kira did not feel threatened like he did with the Espada that night—

Kensei shrugged noncommittally. “Well, I have wood to chop. You get cleaned up and go look after your friend.”

Once more, Kira bowed. Staring at the ground, he said again. “Thank you, Muguruma-san.” 

A voice came from inside the hut. “Muguruma-san?” Mashiro peaked her head out the door to the back. “Who’s that?”

This time at least Kira managed to put on a towel before the girl barged outside. 

“Ugh, come on,” Kensei answered, picking up his axe and lining up a block of wood. “He means me. Muguruma’s my last name.”

“Oooh, it is?” Mashiro asked, raising a finger to her lips. “Wow, I forgot you had a last name, Kensei! That’s so fancy!”

“Don’t be dumb,” Kensei admonished. He swung his axe down, splitting the log in two. “I’m a person, aren’t I?”

“Well, sure. I mean, I guess. …Technically…”

Kira quickly put on the clothes. Mostly, the kimono felt the same as anything he had worn before. The only exception was the bottom of the garment; it was a little tighter, more strictly funnel-shaped. …Kira also would have preferred a more manly color instead of the soft yellow and white of this one. It looked like something a woman might wear at the onset of spring—

“Oh, now you really look like a _tanpopo_ , Izuru-kun!” Mashiro cried.

Kensei stopped swinging for a moment and took in the sight of Kira, dressed just so in the kimono. “Heh,” he said. “Yeah, you kind of do.”

___________________________________________________________

Somehow, days passed. The three of them settled into a rhythm around each other. Kensei set off every morning to gather saplings, would return by the afternoon to chop wood. Mashiro cooked and took care of getting all the ingredients. She was also working on making padded kimonos for the upcoming winter—it seemed she was rather gifted with a needle and thread. Mashiro worked faster than a lot of the servants at Falling Flowers, even.

_Nanao would love to get her hands on this girl,_ Kira thought.

Kensei and Mashiro would have been the perfect married couple. Except it appeared they were not married at all nor involved in any sort of relationship. Kensei explained that Mashiro had wandered into his hut one winter, about five years ago. She was an orphan, like many, didn’t talk about her family. Meeting Kensei in the forest seemed to have saved her life, in one way or another. And, needless to say, she stayed with him ever since.

As a result, Kensei was more like an uncle to the green-haired girl. Or really, an older brother, as the two bickered like siblings most of the time. Kira found it sweet, in its own way.

Kira stayed on with them, constantly tending Gin. He was able to spoon some rice gruel and water into Gin’s mouth and force him to swallow, it was how he kept Gin alive. Otherwise his lover might have starved to death, being too weak to awaken for days on end.

A few times, Gin opened his eyes and looked blearily around the hut. Kira almost cried in happiness the first time he saw those sky-blue orbs. 

The warrior was understandably dazed, not able to keep his eyes open for more than a few seconds. Once or twice, Gin muttered some unintelligible questions, blinking in confusion as he looked around.

“Shh, shh,” Kira told him, each time. He did not want Gin to use up any of his strength. “You’re fine now, Gin-sama.” Kira would stroke the un-burnt side of Gin’s face soothingly. 

He would kiss Gin’s forehead and say, “I’m here with you. It’s alright.” 

Often, that’s all it took to lull Gin back to sleep. Kira made sure to stay by Gin’s side as much as possible so that the man would not wake up alone, without knowing what was going on.

Kira was happy to do this. He knew Gin would have done the same for him. He remembered the time Gin tied him down in the Espada's quarters. The warrior had been keeping him safe—in his own way—while he was gone. Even though it almost hurt to think about such untroubled times as those were, Kira loved holding onto that precious memory. The silks on the futon and around his wrists and ankles…naked while Gin watched over him… 

Now, Kira held Gin’s hand while the warrior slept, kissing him gently and tending his wounds. Every time Gin kept his eyes open a little more, it meant his lover was slowly getting better! All good signs. 

When he was not looking after Gin, Kira made himself useful by helping with the chores. He tried to help Kensei chop wood, at first—but they both quickly realized he was more of a nuisance than an aide in that department. So, he helped with the cooking and made sure everything was regularly washed.

Kensei seemed a little uncomfortable with how clean Kira kept everything. They were not used to living so refined, he explained, not used to having their clothes washed once a week. It was a little unnatural, they felt.

But Kira insisted. Even if it was not especially necessary, Kira longed to do something to keep himself useful, as small repayment for being kept sheltered, being allowed to let Gin stay in bed (Kensei’s bed, after all, while Kensei slept on a pile of old kimonos and pillow Mashiro made for him). 

The subject of Kira and Gin staying came up only once, by accident.

“ _Popo-tan_ has been here so long,” Mashiro said one day while Kira was washing dishes. “It feels like he wants to be part of our family, Kensei!”

Kira stopped washing for a moment and bowed low. He did not know what else to do.

As always, his formal politeness made the other two tilt their heads a bit. Eventually, Kensei just clicked his tongue.

“And who said we’re a family, you little freeloader?” the older man snapped at Mashiro. “How long have you been here again?” 

“I already told you!” Mashiro raised one finger high in the air, filled with a sense of purpose and determination. “I’m going to stay here until you become a man, Kensei!”

“Tch, yeah,” Kensei ambled to his feet and went off to go chop wood. “Like that makes any damn sense. I was a man long before you got here…” 

That was the only time any of them mentioned his extended stay. Kira thought he would be eternally grateful to them for that. 

Even so, he kept his wakizashi in the folds of his kimono every day. Not because he didn’t trust Kensei and Mashiro, but because he did not ever want to be put in a position where he would not be able to fight. Gin was still depending on him, after all.

______________________________________________________

The first time Gin regained consciousness and was able to sit up on his own, Kira was not there. He had promised Mashiro he would help her jar plums to make candied fruit for the next season, so Kira was busy washing jars and whipping up sugar syrup outside with the green-haired girl while she cut plums into slices.

“These are going to be so tasty, _popo-tan_ ,” Mashiro squealed excitedly. “Just you wait and see, come winter!”

“Mm,” Kira said noncommittally. “I’ll be back, I need some more coarse sugar.”

The blonde man walked into the hut, focused only the cupboard where Mashiro and Kensei kept their ingredients. He took what he needed and was about to head back to the yard—when out of the corner of his eye he saw Gin, sitting upright on the futon, legs splayed out of the blankets and onto the floor, like he was gathering the strength to stand.

Kira dropped the sugar without a second thought.

“G-gin-sama!” 

The warrior turned his head and looked at Kira. His eyes were halfway-open, looking more clear than they had been in weeks. Kira ran to his side, immediately kneeling down and bracing Gin’s shoulders.

“Gin-sama, you’re sitting up today! Are you alright?” Kira kissed his smooth cheek a few times. “You look better than I’ve seen you…”

Slowly, Gin put his hands on Kira’s shoulders in return. A slow smile spread across his face. He slotted his forehead up against Kira’s said, “That’s…a helluva welcome, Kira-chan.” 

They shared a smile for a moment. Kira’s heart was beating so fast, for once he did not register the strangeness of wilds, the unkept trees branching out around them. Gin was awake, smiling at him like in the past. They had truly survived their ordeal—

“So.” Gin pulled away for a moment, looking around the hut. “Where…are we, Izuru? What…happened?”

Kira readjusted his feet, unconsciously laying his head down on Gin’s shoulder. Like always, Gin wrapped his arms around Kira and combed his fingers through the younger man’s hair. It was their typical position and it felt right, but new—Gin’s fingers were shaking slightly, there were dark red scabs running up and down his pale body, peeking out of the _yukata’s_ sleeves. Kira inhaled deeply and could smell a trace of Gin’s old scent, mixed with the surrounding smell of the hut that overrode everything else.

“Well…we…” Kira struggled to find words. He kissed the side of Gin’s neck, skirting a crimson mark with his lips. “What…do you remember?”

Gin frowned then, his smile slowly slipping away. “I…uh. I tried to kill the boss.” 

Kira froze. He looked up, trying to read the expression on Gin’s face. As always, the man might as well have been wearing a mask. 

“Y-yes…” Kira began. He sat upright, kneeling alongside Gin once again. Underneath the haze of excitement and happiness at having seen Gin waken was a deep well of confusion. And apprehension. “You…did try.” 

Gin smirked. A strange half-smile version of his usual fox grin. “Hmmm. Guess I failed, huh?”

Kira nodded wordlessly, his face sliding into a frown.

Gin sighed, shaking the hair away from his face and staring up towards the ceiling. “Yeah. I remember failing. Aizen tricked me. Guess he was immune to that shit I gave him. Hmmmmmm…” Gin’s laugh sounded like a heartfelt sigh this time. “….Probably should have seen that coming.” 

“Aizen tried—well, he wanted to kill you, Gin-sama.” Kira looked away. 

He had not thought how he would explain the aftermath of that—how Aizen had asked Kira to be the one to slit Gin’s throat. Did the warrior remember how it felt to have Kira holding a blade to his jugular? 

“That so?” Gin asked. He frowned, clearly trying to remember something. “I remember him capturing me. Yammy tied me up from behind, they started cutting me. Damn Nnoitra. Thinks he’s a tough-ass when you give him a guy bound at the wrists. But then…”

Gin paused, frowned harder, then shook his head. “Szayel kept blowing smoke in my face. Smelled like opium, but stronger. I…it all gets confused after that. I started seeing things. The walls looked wet and red, everything was shifting around like a dream. There were a bunch of people around. …Dead people?” Gin stopped and looked back at Kira. “I thought I saw ghosts there. Women and men with no feet, blood on their clothes, screaming at me and screaming at Aizen… They were, uh…they were people I knew.”

Kira put his hand to his mouth. Such a terrible omen! Perhaps Gin really had seen ghosts there, in such an altered state as he was.

“They were all people Aizen’d killed before.” Gin’s face looked dark, emotionless. “Screamin’ at me because I failed. And then…you were there. …Were you there, Kira?”

The blonde nodded. “I was. Tosen brought me and they made me watch—”

Gin growled low in his throat. “That fucker. Wanted to torture you along with me because he knew about us.” Gin’s face scrunched up into a harsh scowl. “I’m…so sorry, Izuru.”

“No…it’s…” Kira had never seen Gin look that way before, so angry and upset. “It’s…fine, Gin. They didn’t…hurt me. Not really.”

“I thought I saw you kneelin’ down for Aizen like he wanted you to suck him off. I tried to move, but I couldn’t. Then those things…those things in that room started screaming so loud I couldn’t hear or see anything at all. …I remember—”

Gin’s eyes opened wide. Kira gasped, afraid of that look, and of the picture Gin was painting. He remembered being in that room, remembered what happened, but Gin’s version was in a way much more horrible…

“Damn, it really was like seeing a ghost. I saw…someone I lost a long time ago, right in front of my face. She was talking to me and telling me stuff. But it’s…we both knew she was dead. But she was…there…” 

Gin shook his head. A wave of exhaustion seemed to descend over him and he deflated, wobbling back towards the bed. 

“It’s alright, don’t strain yourself!” Kira put his hands on Gin’s shoulders to steady him. “Don’t even think on it. I…” Kira shook his head. “Aizen was only toying with us. I didn’t…do anything for him, in the end.” 

“So…you’re not hurt? At all?” Gin asked, running his eyes over Kira’s body.

“No, no, I’m fine.” 

“What about this…?” Gin touched the side of Kira’s neck where the old rope-burn mark was still faintly visible.

Kira laid his hand over Gin’s. He needed to tell him their fate. “Aizen decided to let us live but…he banished us. From Falling Flowers and…any of the estates. For good.” 

“Mmm.” Gin sounded as if he had barely heard. “And this?” His fingers prodded the burn mark on Kira’s neck insistently.

“This is…well, they put a rope on me to lead me through the estate, on our way to the gates.”

“Who did?” Gin demanded, sitting upright. “Nnoitra? Or was it Ulquiorra?”

“They all…” Kira frowned, not sure why Gin was focusing on that instead of the big issue—namely, their eternal banishment! “They were all leading me, the four of them. I…carried you to the gates, and then they left us.”

Another shadow passed over Gin’s face. “Those guys are bastards. They made you walk like an ox because it gets them hard to lord power over weak people—”

“Gin.” Kira held his lover’s face in his hands, holding onto the backs of Gin’s ears. “Listen to me. We can’t go back to Falling Flowers, and…they did…this…” 

He touched Gin’s burnt cheek gently. The warrior flinched in pain, then brought up his own hand to inspect the site. He dabbed the thickening burn mark with curiosity, as if he were testing the water in a hot bath. 

“…The traitor’s mark?” Gin asked, his expression vacant but calm.

Kira nodded, giving his lover a look of absolutely sympathy. His eyes filled with tears, feeling his soul overflowing with sadness, wondering how Gin might feel to have his face forever altered in such a hateful way—

“Hm.” Gin sighed and dropped his hand. “That figures, I guess. So how did we get here, Kira-bou?” 

It took several moments for Kira to recover from that flippant reaction. It seemed as if Gin hardly cared about their punishments—the exile, the branding. It was like Gin had just accepted these things as natural, the foreseeable effect of what had happened between him and Aizen.

Beyond that, Kira had not even begun to ask why Gin had tried to kill Aizen. Even though, he supposed he already knew. 

…What kind of man did that make this branded warrior, though? A man who would kill to stop the endless cycle of violence that was Aizen and his quest of absolute power? A man who would kill for…revenge, maybe?

“ _Popo-tan_ , where did you go? I thought you were just going for some sugar—”

Mashiro walked into the hut and saw Gin and Kira sitting and staring at each other. Kira’s hand still rested on one of Gin’s shoulders, as he was afraid to let him go in case he might fall backwards.

“ _Kitsune-tan_!” Mashiro cried, her eyes wide. “You’re awake! Hi!”

Gin tilted his head as he regarded the strange, child-like girl. His face broke out into a typical smile and he waved one hand naturally. “Hi.” 

For the next few hours, Mashiro fluttered excitedly around Gin, giving him pieces of rice cake and dried fruit (not even knowing it was something he enjoyed). Kira explained to the warrior everything that had happened since they left the estate. Gin listened interestedly, telling Mashiro she was indeed a “real nice girl” and that her and her wood-cutter friend must want something in return.

“Nope!” Mashiro stuck out her chest proudly. “We won’t have any of that! Kensei always says you’ve got to help people when they need it, and it’s the right thing to do! So this time it’s Mashiro-saves-the-day!” She pointed her finger high into the air in her usual way.

Gin seemed very entertained by her. He smiled and nodded. Kira made a fuss about Gin saving his energy, so he tucked him back into the futon promptly. Gin allowed this to go on, looking bemusedly at Kira the whole time, as if seeing some new side of him.

Perhaps…Kira blushed. In a way, this was a new behavior on his part. He hoped Gin was not displeased at how forward he was being right then—but Gin still smiled, looking up at him, running his shaky fingers through Kira’s hair…so it must have all been fine.

Kensei returned from his daily journey just then, throwing down his saplings noisily outside. He was surprised to see Gin awake when he came in, but the look on Kira’s face—so utterly relieved—made Kensei smile as well. They were introduced politely and Gin said again that the both of them must want something in return.

“Yeah?” Kensei asked, pouring himself a cup of sake. It amused him that this man, who came to his doorstep with nothing, half-dead, would try to make some offer. “And what do you have to give me, son?” 

Gin sat up a little on the futon. His smile widened. “That depends what you’re askin’ for.” 

Hearing that, Kensei’s eyes narrowed. He looked at Gin with scrutiny, grunting in response. 

He did not like the warrior’s answer. 

But Gin stayed smiling, almost as if he were staring right through the other man. Damn, did that creepy grin ever go away? Kensei decided he would definitely not stop Mashiro if she kept calling him _kitsune-tan._ His eyes flicked over to Kira, seeing how Kira touched the man, how delicate and caring he was with him.

Kensei had seen this all before. How Kira kissed Gin’s forehead and hands…once he even saw him kiss the other man on the lips, to calm him, when he thought no one was looking. …Which, Kensei had not necessarily been trying to look, but it just happened! As soon as he saw that, though, Kensei’s heart started to race in an uncomfortable way. He wished he had not seen that. Whatever was going on between the two of these guys it was…better not to know. 

Even if the thought did make his mind wander at times. Were these guys lovers? Two guys who practiced _nanshoku_ …he knew it was a fact that the men at court were into such things. Those high-born guys didn’t really make a distinction between men and women when it came to beauty. But Kensei was raised differently—he had never been at court, nor lived on an estate, in his whole life. In his village, two men together was just simply unnatural.

So it should have bothered him to have Kira and Gin in here, raising hell and all kinds of spirits with their _nanshoku_ nonsense! And yet…Kensei found himself puzzled when he thought about Kira, a reasonable, clear-minded fellow, doing stuff like that. 

…Did Kira like it? He must enjoy some of it at least, if he had risked his own life to save Gin…

But, having met Gin, heard his answer to Kensei’s joking question— _“That depends what you’re askin’ for.”_ It didn’t sit right with the wood-cutter. Most likely, this guy Gin was a charlatan, and a perv, who either tricked Kira into bailing him out of some slip-up (hence that brand on the warrior’s face), or maybe even blackmailed him. Was he holding it over Kira’s head? Was the sex all part of Gin’s manipulation, as well? 

Shaking his head and ignoring Gin’s odd response, Kensei took his sake out onto the porch. He heard the other three left in the room chatting away, but he spent the afternoon brooding and chopping wood.

Maybe it was time to talk about where exactly these guys wanted to go. Because, all things considered, they would not be able to stay here.

________________________________________________________________

That night, after dinner (which Gin partook of, on his own for the first time), Mashiro went to bed early and Kira made sure Gin fell comfortably asleep as well, urging him to rest up so that he could recover fully. 

Kensei tried to ignore the way Kira bent over the other man. No doubt he was kissing him somewhere… The wood-cutter’s heart did a dance in his chest again, that weird feeling. 

_This damn stupid thing…_ thought Kensei. He pounded a fist against his chest as if he merely had indigestion. 

Kira shuffled over to start clearing away the plates. He took Kensei’s dirty dishes without a word, not even making eye contact in that demure way of his. The wood cutter had already deduced long ago that Kira was probably an exiled servant from the estate up the road. It was the only thing that made sense, fit all the pieces: Kira’s formal way of talking, his cleanliness, the way he had no clue about the world around them as if he had been raised in a bubble his whole life. Even the _nanshoku_ stuff fit the pattern, because men at court fucked their male servants all the time, for sure. 

Most likely Gin, then, was a warrior from the same estate who stepped out of line—maybe he fucked the lord’s wife or something like that. He had heard of warriors being exiled for similar things. Usually they were allowed to take their closest vassal with them when they left. Explained how Kira had helped Gin get to this point. If they were also in some type of relationship that would just be par for the course.

Kensei picked his teeth with his thumb nail absentmindedly, staring at Kira while the young man scrubbed the dishes. How could he explain to this kid that he did not need to go around serving some pervy master the rest of his life? Out here, anything went. If they were already exiled then Kira just go off on his own and start a new life! He didn’t even have to sleep with guys, if he didn’t want to…

“So,” Kensei started, rumbling quietly so as not to disturb Mashiro (even though, that girl slept like a brick). “Where are you and your friend headed to, after this?”

Kira’s hands quivered as he washed the plates. This was the question he had been fearing. “I…well, I’m not sure yet. Perhaps…Gin-sama—that is, Ichimaru-dono—has a place in mind.” 

Kensei sucked his teeth in irritation. “So you’re just going to follow him wherever he goes, huh?”

“U-um…!” Kira swallowed, glancing behind himself to look at Kensei. The older man looked patently upset. “Th-that’s…” 

Hearing that hesitation, Kensei just sighed. “You don’t have to follow him, you know? You can do whatever you want to.”

Kira’s heart started beating wildly. He was not sure what Kensei thought about the two of them—surely he had realized they were not brothers by now—and he did not know how to answer to correctly to such a comment.

“I mean…” Kensei rubbed the back of his neck. It looked like Kira was panicking. Maybe he was being too up front about all this. “…Unless, you want to follow him.” 

Finally an out. Kira sighed in relief. He turned around with pretend cheerfulness. “Yes. Ichimaru-dono and I will travel together, wherever we go next.”

Kensei nodded, frowning to himself. “So…you like serving him, then?”

This time, it was Kira’s turn to sigh. He resigned himself that this conversation was going to happen. He finished the dishes quickly and sat down next to the older man. 

“Muguruma-san, thank you for your concern. But…there is no need for you to be worried about Ichimaru-dono and I. We owe you quite a bit, so please, don’t trouble yourself anymore—”

“No, that’s…” Kensei sat up straighter. “That’s not what I’m saying. I mean, you know you don’t have to do whatever he tells you. Like, if you don’t want to.”

Kira fidgeted nervously, then tucked his fingers against his palm. “Believe me, I’ll be fine.” 

Kensei scratched his head and thought. Maybe Kira really did enjoy whatever Gin was doing to him. He spoke before he had a chance to consider his words, “So, are you…I mean, are you like an _onnagirai…_?” 

At that, Kira’s face light up and he jumped to his feet. “E-excuse me, Muguruma-san, I-I-I don’t think…!”

Seeing the intensity of Kira’s reaction, Kensei blushed of his own accord. He waved his hand and said, “Forget it, forget it. Just…you have choices, alright?”

“A-alright, Muguruma-san. Th-thank you for that…” Kira bowed, refusing to make eye contact with Kensei as the older man walked off with a cold shoulder. 

Whatever happened at Falling Flowers, no one ever accused him of being an _onnagirai_ before. The notion made him almost faint from embarrassment. He was glad Gin had fallen asleep long before, so at least his lover was spared the humiliation. Kira crawled down next to Gin to fall asleep…making sure, for the first time, to leave some courtesy space between him and the other man. 

Gin lay with his back to Kira. Out of sight, one sky-blue eye slid closed in the darkness as Kira snuffed out the lamps.

________________________________________________________

Autumn turned into winter as Gin slowly recovered his strength. Kira needed to help the warrior a lot with day to day tasks in the beginning, but Gin seemed to get better as each day passed. It lifted the former servant’s feelings to have such reassurance that at least he was succeeding at one task: Bringing his lover back to full health.

Gin never really talked about how he felt about their banishment. Every time Kira brought it up, Gin shrugged and made some comment. For example:

“Well, I failed. That’s what happens to people who fuck up their jobs. They get the shaft.” He chuckled at his own joke. “But honestly, being alive feels great. Thought I was dead back there, you know…”

He kissed Kira on the nose and said, “I probably would have died if it hadn’t been for you, _kirakira._ ” 

The servant blushed profusely. He knew it was true, but hearing the words out of Gin’s mouth filled him with such pride…surely harboring such large amounts of pride was a sin.

“Ooh, _kirakira_!” Mashiro shouted. “Why didn’t I think of that name? It’s so perfect for our _tanpopo_!” 

Mostly, Gin and Mashiro got along well, without any conflict. Gin and Kensei…did not have the same luxury. Kensei seemed tense and disgruntled whenever Gin was around and awake. The wood cutter would answer questions in one word responses or grunts, and he never spoke directly to Gin. 

For his part, the warrior seemed unperturbed by this—at least, outwardly. He just wore that same fox-faced smile whenever Kensei gave him a piece of harsh treatment. Gin would chuckle under his breath and defer to whatever Kensei wanted by saying the older man was “the boss.”

Kira was starting to think Gin hated The Boss, in all cases. 

To relieve some of the tension, Gin started going for walks by himself through the forest. Kira was patently against the idea from the beginning. He said it was too soon for Gin to exert himself like that, but Gin assured him he would only be gone for a bit. Then Kira demanded to go with him, just in case, but Gin said it would be disrespectful to leave Mashiro alone in the house when there were three other men around to help her.

In private, Kira pressed Gin that such walks were unsafe. Perhaps the Espada were looking for them around here, making sure they had left the nearby vicinity completely. Gin waved his hand and said, “I doubt it. They wouldn’t waste time on people like us. If we’re already banished then we’re already insignificant. Besides, you don’t have to worry your pretty head over that, Kira-bou…”

Such a glib answer irritated Kira, but he decided that Gin maybe needed some time to himself. To work through such a harsh blow to his pride. So, against his better judgement, he decided to let Gin have his way and said nothing about the increasing amounts of time Gin disappeared as the weather grew colder.

At least he has on a padded kimono, Kira thought. Another thing to be thankful for, especially towards Kensei and Mashiro. 

One night, Gin and Kensei came back at the same time. It was already late, past dinner, and even Mashiro had begun to worry. The two of them walked into the hut together—both thin-lipped and unsmiling, saying nothing of what had kept them all this time.

“Kensei!” Mashiro cried, stomping her foot on the ground. “Don’t you try to run away like that! You’re not a man yet, so you can’t leave me!”

“Shut up already,” Kensei said over his shoulder, pouring himself some sake. “I’m not leaving you, alright?”

“You…met up in the woods, then?” Kira asked, looking at the ground.

“Yeah.” Kensei gave his usual one-word response.

Gin, mouth turned down at the corners, sat cross-legged in the middle of the floor. He stared at the fire in silence. Kira inched his way closer to the the warrior and looked at him. He did not spare Gin a second of his gaze, wanting the other man to feel it. Sure enough, Gin turned around and made eye contact with his lover. Smiling, heading rolling onto one shoulder, Gin cupped the side of Kira’s face, brushing his cheek with his thumb.

Kira relished the touch, wishing they were alone so he could show Gin exactly how grateful he was they had made it out of Falling Flowers alive—

Then Gin abruptly stood up and walked out onto the porch. Surprised, Kira felt it was a cue to follow him. So, he did.

Outside, Gin looked up at the thickening winter moon. His face was bathed in the cold silver light, making him look like a fox—except for that burn mark. That scar gave him away as a man. However, when Gin turned his face to the right and Kira only saw the profile from the left, Gin looked exactly like he did that night in gardens. That night, before Gin tried to kill Aizen…

“Still like pretty things, _kirakira_?” Gin asked suddenly.

Kira was shocked that this time it was Gin who started idle conversation. “Y-yes. I suppose, Gin-sama.” 

The warrior nodded. “Hmm. Then I bet you like lookin’ up at this moon here. Sure is a pretty one tonight.”

Kira regarded the moon in his periphery. In truth, he did not appreciate the beauty of the moon anymore. It reminded him of the Moon Viewing he had been preparing for the night of their exile.

The former servant sighed. He still kept the wakizashi in his kimono and he felt its heavy weight against his chest. It reminded him of the strength of his own resolve. He decided to just be forthright with Gin from now on.

“Gin, if there’s something you’re planning to do, please just tell me what it is—”

“Do you miss the beautiful stuff they had at Falling Flowers?” 

That question surprised Kira. He stumbled over his words for a moment, then thought. Did he miss all the beauty of the castle? The gardens, the silks, and layered dresses…he supposed in some ways he did. 

But mostly he missed the warmth. The feeling of knowing where he was and what he was supposed to do at all times. Outside the gates was nothing but structure-less survival. Kira often felt painfully useless in his day-to-day activities. 

“I miss…some things,” Kira admitted, sitting down next to Gin. “But I don’t think it’s the beauty I miss the most. Honestly, I think I just miss…working.” He chuckled in disbelief at his own craziness, hearing himself say that.

“Heh.” Gin smirked. “I knew you would.” 

This close, Kira did what he always wanted to do when he sat next to Gin. He laid his head on Gin’s shoulder and closed his eyes. Inhaling the man’s scent, Kira suddenly felt like it didn’t matter where in the world he was, as long as he had Gin’s bony shoulder to rest his head upon…

“I’m sorry you…” Gin began, cutting through the silence. Kira raised his head slightly to him out as the silver haired man went on. “…eh. I mean, I’m sorry you…got caught up in all this. All…my shit, I mean.”

Kira rubbed his face against Gin’s shoulder reassuringly. “It’s alright. Looking back, I…don’t think I could have done anything differently.”

“Really?” Gin asked. He sounded amused and surprised.

“Yeah,” Kira said wistfully. “I knew what I wanted. And…I sought you out as well. So, I got myself here as much as you did, I think.” 

Gin frowned. “Yeah but, I have a grudge with Aizen that you should never have gotten involved with. That’s on me.”

“So…” Kira raised his head curiously. “What was your grudge with Aizen, exactly?”

Gin shrugged. “Well…when I was a kid he…” Gin sighed. “I was living with this girl when I was a kid. On the streets, you know? Her name was Rangiku. And back then, Aizen was doing a lot of grunt work picking out guys for his army. His soldiers were always on the road, causing mayhem. Aizen always wanted the best, the most powerful, and the most sadistic. So…long story short, Aizen was the one responsible for how my friend died.”

“She died?” Kira asked, sadly, feeling a harsh pang of empathy.

“Yeah, Rangiku died. And worse.” Another shadow fell over Gin’s face. “So I decided, right there when I was still a kid, I would be the one to kill that bastard. I thought…I was the one strong enough to actually outsmart him and kill him. But…yeah, you know what happened.”

“So you’ve…been with Aizen this whole time, ever since you were little…wanting to kill him?” 

“Yep.” Gin looked at the moon again. His face smoothed into its usual contour. “I joined his army day after Rangiku died. Had to kill a bunch of lackeys to prove myself. I worked hard to always be the one at Aizen’s side, watching him, learning how he ticked so that I could get closer to him. And yet, in the end…well, you know what happened.”

Kira stroked the back of Gin’s head, brushing his soft hair. “I…can’t imagine what that’s like, Gin-sama. But…I’m sorry about what happened. To your friend, as well.”

Gin shrugged again. “Aizen’s killed a lot of people. Innocent people just trying to live, you know? He needs to be stopped.”

Well, all talk of vengeance aside (because, mostly, Kira did not understand vengeance. It went against his nature), Kira could see how much Aizen probably needed to die. He was a terrible man, the first man who made Kira feel real hatred. And he would lead the Fujiwaras to a bad end, if left unstopped.

But, Kira could not bring himself to care enough about Aizen and the Fujiwaras in that moment. He just wanted to spend the rest of his days with Gin. That was the ultimate goal, as far as he was concerned.

“You tried, Gin,” Kira said, kissing the side of his lover’s face. “Now I think you should…live for yourself.”

“Mmm?” Gin asked, tilting his head to the side in question.

Kira smiled. “Like, live the life you want to live, instead of worrying about your grudge. I’m sure your friend doesn’t want you to throw your life away on vengeance.”

They sat a few moments in silence. Then Gin sighed and wrapped his arm around Kira’s shoulders. “Ah, _kirakira._ You’re too good-hearted for things like vengeance, aren’t you? Yeah, you’ve got the best heart out of anyone I’ve ever met. Ah, _kawaiisou_ , it’s sad that you’re stuck here. You deserve to have a lot of happiness in your life, you know that?”

Kira did not know what to say. He stuttered a thank you. Really, Kira was more than happy enough just to have Gin at his side. He felt far from stuck. But, with the way Gin was looking at him, Kira decided to let his lover have his own thoughts. He kissed Gin on the lips and they shared a mutual moment of intimacy for the first time since their exile.

______________________________________________________________

Kensei started dropping hints about Gin and Kira leaving at the start of winter. Mashiro protested that they should stay at least until the candied fruit was ready, putting her foot down remarkably strong. Kira deferred to Gin’s opinion, but the man just looked up at the sky with a critical glance and a half grin. 

“Eh…looks like it might snow. Best stay here for now.” 

Kensei grumbled about freeloading and chopped wood more viciously, but he went along with it. Sure enough, the first snowfall came not a day later. Seeing those flakes pile up heavily on the ground officially silenced all talk about leaving. At that, even Kensei had nothing to say.  He could not very well demand they leave, just so they could go out there and freeze to death. 

So, the wood-cutter relented and agreed to let Gin and Kira wait out the winter with them. The decision made Mashiro immensely happy, and Kira too was relieved they did not need to make plans right away. 

Gin said nothing and just smiled.

One morning, Kira woke up to find that Gin was not lying next to him. He scrambled around for a moment in confusion, sitting up in a harsh panic. Gin was nowhere to be found in the small hut, and the snow had started to pile up some time in the night. All the doors were shut tight. 

It was as if Gin had vanished.

Kira saw Kensei sitting against the wall, carving a piece of driftwood into chopsticks. The wood-cutter’s face was unreadable. He grunted a good morning to the servant.

“Muguruma-san,” Kira said right away, ignoring pleasantries. “Did you see Gin-sama, at all? Did he go for a walk, perhaps?”

Kensei paused, then nodded finally. “Yeah. He went out by himself. Just before the first light.” 

“Oh…” Kira went over to the window nervously. “But the snow has gotten so high…”

At that, Kensei said nothing. 

Feeling something was not right, Kira decided he would go out and look for him. He announced his decision and started throwing on layers of wool with snow shoes.

“I wouldn’t do that,” Kensei said, warning evident in his voice. “Snow’s getting bad. Might be dangerous to go out.” 

“Yes, but…” The next words lodged in his throat. He was too afraid to state how it was more than possible that Gin might have gone out, then fallen or gotten hurt outside, only to be covered by snow immediately afterward. Such a thing could…be fatal even! 

“…I’ll just go for a quick walk and see if I see him.”

As soon as Kira opened the door he saw that any trace of footprints had been more than covered up by the fallen snow. It was impossible to tell which direction Gin had gone.

“Look, you won’t find him, alright?” Kensei said. “Just come inside, close the door.”

Kira was torn with indecision. He should really go out and look for him, but the snow was starting to fall hard. If Kira went out now he would probably just get hurt himself…then he would feel silly when Gin came unharmed and Kira himself was the one stuck in the snow.

But his soul was screaming that he needed to get back to wherever Gin was. He could not stand the fact that Gin had left without even telling Kira beforehand that he was going out for a walk. Now, Kira was left to just sit on his hands and worry.

Caught between two choices, Kira decided to wait until the snow was at least manageable before he went to look for Gin. Besides, the more he stayed back in the hut, the more likely it was that Gin would just come strolling back, as carefree as ever.

Kira closed the door and sat by the window. He told himself that it was possible; he would see Gin coming through the trees any moment now. Even if he knew in his heart that something was different this time…

The snow continued to fall hard into the night. Mashiro rubbed Kira’s back and fed him rice cakes while the young man sat by the window in ceaseless vigilance. He stayed up right through until morning waiting for Gin, only passing out at dawn. 

His dreams were a hazy memory. He was hungry on a dirt road…

Waking up with a start, Kira looked around the hut in panic. Still, Gin was not back. 

Kira decided he would go out and look, now that the snow had finally stopped falling. The snow was up to his knees when he went out, and Kira barely got past the trees before he had to turn back. It was impossible to go searching in this!

_Why, Gin?_ Kira thought. _Why did you go for that walk…?_

He vacillated between thinking that Gin was dead—for sure, having been gone for almost two days—and between thinking that Gin had left on purpose…

Kira wasn’t sure which thought hurt more.

Kensei and Mashiro gave Kira a wide berth while the young man was torn with constant anxiety. Before he knew it, a week had passed and the mounds of snow had shrunken somewhat. Kira went out with Kensei to go look for Gin. 

They were out until dark, but there was no sign of him. No body to be found, no sign of blood or remains. 

Gin was gone. 

Returning home that night, Kira waited again by the window. His never-ending panic had swollen up so large in him that every moment was a small panic attack. Sitting by the window was the only thing he could do.

By the end of the first month, still without any sign of the silver-haired warrior, Kira had to accept it was Gin’s decision to leave. On his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Putting Kensei as a wood-cutter here made me laugh to myself. It reminded me of that character in "Binan Koukou Chikyuu Bouei-bu LOVE!", the brother? Haha, well clearly Kensei is sexually frustrated so I think it does make sense...
> 
> I think the chapter count is finally accurate! These characters are like family to me at this point. As are all of you wonderful readers <3


	8. Yellow Rose Petals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alone for the first time, Kira must figure out how to live. And what he is living for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SUPER LONG CHAPTER THAT IS THE CLIMAX OF MANY THINGS!! (Not sexually, for once.) Just a lot of things going on. Take breaks guys, I'm sorry for doing this. 
> 
> Side note**: I finally wrote a companion fic to this that is exactly Kira's nantaimori fantasy from chapter five brought to life. Check it out! It's a sexy little PWP, to keep you occupied for these past few chapters that have been long and sex-less. It's called "Itadakimasu" (had to) and you can find it on my dashboard, or on the Jidaikei series page. I'd post the link in here but I have no idea how to do that (*is old*). 
> 
> Regular Notes:  
> More poetry, yay! The poem in characters:  
> 十分な花びらはありません / 帝国内のすべての桜の木に / 涙の流れを忠実にします
> 
> About the summoning of ghosts/spirits: I used a lot of previously existing Japanese horror stories to make up the ritual Kira does here. Particularly the famous story of Banchō Sarayashiki (番町皿屋敷) and the ghost Okiku. Honestly, a lot of my thinking about the ghost as a whole came from Okiku (the numbers, the way to summon, the locality, etc.). To be fair, a lot of modern J-Horror stuff (like “The Ring”) is based off Okiku too. Beyond that, this is all made up! As a disclaimer, I don’t recommend summoning spirits at home—unless it’s for a really good cause! Like appeasing spirits, or the reason Kira has here. 
> 
> koto 琴 - Japanese stringed instrument (similar to a zither or a harp). The traditional koto has thirteen strings, but during the Heian period an easier to play seven-stringed version was also popular.  
> kanji 漢字 - Japanese word for the writing of characters derived from the Chinese system of writing  
> bara 薔薇 - rose  
> kiiro no bara 黄色のバラ - yellow rose  
> sal flower* - also known as sakhua or the shala tree. Sal flowers are a type of golden flower that blooms exclusively in India. It is a very sacred flower with significance in Hindu and Buddhist beliefs. The Japanese reading of the sal flower would be 金沙羅, or kinshara, the name of Rose’s zanpakuto in Bleach. His shikai release is designed after this flower :)

**Chapter Eight - Yellow Rose Petals**

Kensei piled more wood into the clay oven and thought. The fire roared in response, flames licking outwards, spitting ashes onto the floor. Kensei paid this no mind, not even bothering to cover his mouth to protect his lungs from the soot. 

That kid was really on his mind these days.

Sure, he had known that Kira would probably be…a little sad when Gin left. At first maybe. After all, any idiot could see how dependent Kira was on the branded warrior. It made sense for him to feel lost or rejected even when the warrior decided to leave.

But this was pushing the limit.

Gin had been gone for over three months. The winter was already waning, slowly warming into spring. It was a wonderful time in the forest (Kensei’s personal, private favorite), with the first sprouts just starting to bloom and the hints of green popping up everywhere. 

In spite of all this, though, Kira remained completely depressed. When he wasn’t absentmindedly staring out the window (hoping beyond reason that his lover would return someday, just out of the blue), Kira went about his chores with a kind of mindless automaticity. He refused food more often now, had certainly lost weight, and spoke only the barest minimum of words necessary. Small grunts to the affirmative, polite shaking of the head to indicate a no. 

Kira had lost all the joy in living it seemed. He was merely keeping himself alive for some purpose—probably to see Gin returning at some point.

Such a thing scared the hell out of Kensei. He had never seen someone like this, so inconsolable and unreachable. Just looking at Kira made him feel absolutely terrible. Not to mention, there was always a small nagging sense of guilt in the back of his mind…because Kensei had, in part, persuaded Gin to leave.

It all happened when Gin and Kensei bumped into each other in the forest that night. Kensei, feeling a strange sense of eeriness partnered with an ominous swishing noise, had practically jumped in surprise and fear when he saw Gin’s pale, fox-like face emerging from the trees. For a second he thought he was being haunted by an _inari_ spirit—only to descend into irritability when he realized it was just Gin.

_“Nice night, isn’t it?”_ Gin had said, carefree smile plastered all over his face.

Kensei grunted in response. Before he knew it, the other man was following him. They walked in silence for the most part, before Kensei lost all control over his thoughts and blurted out what had been bothering him for some time:

_“So when are you going to let that kid make some decisions on his own?”_

The pair crunched through leaves for a moment before Gin said, _“What do you mean?”_

_“I mean, it’s not right what you’re doing.”_ Kensei felt buoyed by the surety that he had rightness on his side. _“Keeping Kira all to yourself, making him follow you around wherever the hell you’re going.”_ Kensei shuddered in disgust. _“Subjecting him to all your…whims.”_

Gin made a sound low in his throat. His smile had faded into a strange looking frown. For a moment, the wood-cutter thought the warrior might lash out at him in defense, try to strike him. It would make sense, Kensei was directly insulting the man, but it would have also been the first time. In some ways, Kensei wanted to fight the man, get rid of this constant tension between them and see what exactly made Gin strong, if he was even strong at all—

But Gin just sighed and said, _“You care a lot about other people’s business, don’t you, Kensei-san? Almost too much, if you ask me.”_

Kensei narrowed his eyes. He was not sure what the man was implying.

_“But don’t worry,”_ Gin continued smoothly. _“If it’s Kira you’re worried about, then I already know what to do.”_

_“Mm,”_ Kensei answered. He paused for a moment then looked the man dead in the eyes (or…what he thought were his eyes? Why did they always appear to be closed?) _“I don’t trust you, Ichimaru Gin. Make no mistake of that.”_

_“Heh, again, you shouldn’t worry so much, Kensei-san.”_ Gin was smiling now. _“There was never any danger of that being unclear. You look like a nice guy, but you’re really a pain in the ass, huh?”_

Kensei bristled, but they were too close to home to start a fight. Damn Gin probably knew it, too. But he fingered the _tanto_ blade in his pocket, wondering if Gin were the kind of person to fight no matter who was around…

Then Gin broke into a chuckle. _“Hmmm, I’m just kidding, Kensei-san. Don’t be so serious.”_ He shrugged in mirth and disbelief. _“I thought you would like that kind of thing, me jokin’ around with you.”_

Then Gin went on ahead and Kensei just walked quietly behind him. What exactly was this man? Now at least the wood-cutter knew all his suspicions about Gin were well-founded. The man was too convoluted to say anything straight. He was clearly a villain. 

A few days later, Kensei woke up early as usual. He watched Gin slip out of bed, moving around Kira deftly so as not to wake him. The warrior put on a few layers of freshly cleaned kimonos then looked around. He met Kensei’s gaze, but said nothing. He approached the door with purpose. Of course, Gin had no shoes with him when he arrived, but he usually wore some of Mashiro’s old sandals. He slipped those on despite the cold.

Realizing immediately what the warrior was doing, Kensei called out to him, _“You going out?”_

_“Yes.”_ That was all Gin said.

_“Coming back anytime soon?”_ Kensei asked, narrowing his eyes in suspicion.

_“Heh,”_ Gin said, looking over his shoulder. _“I’d say not.”_

_“Hmm.”_ Kensei tossed an old, worn pair of deerskin snow shoes in Gin’s direction. _“Here. Keep ‘em.”_

Gin put on the snow shoes wordlessly and opened the door a crack. Just like that, the warrior slipped out into the cold. He did not even utter a goodbye to his lover, the man who helped save his life.

Kensei wondered if that were not the kindest thing Gin could have done. 

Maybe he had judged Gin too harshly. The man might have a touch of goodness within him if he were willing to leave Kira alone, finally. In that way, Kensei gained a modicum of respect for Gin. Begrudgingly.

Yet, when Kira realized Gin was gone, the kid acted like the world as he knew it was over! That just irked Kensei to no end. Didn’t Kira see how this was a new start for him? A chance to make his own life? 

Kensei piled more wood in the fire, settling on a plan. He knew a guy. He knew a place Kira could use the skills he had to make a good living.

It was the best thing Kira could hope for. Kensei wanted to give him that.

____________________________________________________________

Kira pushed his broom from side to side, staring at the small clouds of dust as they rose and fell around the bristles of the broom. He knew, somewhere inside himself, that his sweeping was not actually accomplishing anything, but. It was something to do.

The former servant tried to relegate staring out the window to a nighttime activity. Otherwise it was too easy to waste a day just sitting and looking out at the motionless tree cover—once Kira got started keeping his vigil, it was very hard to stop. He just kept thinking that the next moment would be the moment when Gin finally returned. All he needed to do was wait one more second and his lover would be back…

Needless to say, Kira loathed the passing of days immensely. He tried to ignore the fact that it was turning into spring now, looking upon the sprouting leaves and sakura blossoms with hatred. 

How could time still manage to pass? Kira mused, angrily. Gin was nowhere to be found!

Each second the world kept on turning was a cruel reminder to Kira that he was alone. In the strictest sense of the word. Losing Gin was like losing a vital organ—something necessary for his function. Now that the other man was gone, Kira had re-learn how to live in a disturbed way, clearly lacking something essential. He had to teach himself again how to wake up in the morning, get out of bed (even if all his reasons for doing so were gone). How to put on clothes, do chores, eat food.

It was all so difficult and painful. But Kira knew he needed to survive. He would survive this. He would.

Why? 

Because Gin was still out there, somewhere. And Kira would find him, or else Gin would return to him on his own. He could not give up (even if the wakizashi’s bladed edge looked so enticing sometimes…) if Gin was still alive.

He had already sworn that. Just as he said to Aizen that night: _“Whatever you do to Gin, you must also do to me.”_ Kira would not allow himself to pass if Gin had not died yet. It would go against his oath.

But living seemed a terrifying prospect. Even from a logical standpoint. What would Kira do? Would he stay on indefinitely with Kensei and Mashiro, sweeping this broom back and forth like it meant something? That alone seemed incredibly daunting and horrible in its own right. But anything else seemed worse.

Everything Kira knew about living had been taken away from him. His life on the estate was over and now his love (the man he had, ironically, thrown everything away for…) was gone too. How did people survive out here, in the wild? Kira was sure he could not very well build a hut and making some kind of living trading goods as Kensei did. Kira was useless when it came to manual labor.

Kira knew his skills: Serving. It was what he had been bred for, his only training. How did one use that in the wild? Were there…other places besides this forest? What were they like? 

Such questions made Kira’s stomach turn in anxiety. He had thought about these things all along, but he had always thought he would face them with Gin at his side. Now he needed to figure everything out on his own. 

It made him yearn for a deep sleep. A warm, long sleep, where Kira could dream of the times he spent with Gin on the estate. Their trysts in the castle, nights together, Gin constantly dogging his footsteps… Kira wished he could sleep and never wake up.

But such things were impossible. Kira did not even dream of Gin. For some reasons, his dreams had returned to those of the dirt road, feeling like he might die from starvation. They were, as always, pitiful experiences and it drove Kira to insufferable frustration. 

Not even in sleep could he get any relief!

Kira gripped the handle of the broom harder and scraped the bristles against the floor with so much force they started to bend. His eyes filled with angry tears but Kira refused to let them fall. He would not cry…such a painful waste of time…

“Hey, _popo-tan!_ ” 

Mashiro flounced back into the hut with an armful of firewood. She began feeding it into the inlaid pit where they cooked their meals. As always, Mashiro looked at Kira with a guarded, uncertain look—as she had ever since Gin left. 

“How…are you doing today, _popo-tan_?” Mashiro asked carefully. She always acted as if Kira were on the edge of a breakdown. It would have bothered the former servant if he could spare any energy to care about something else.

“Mm.” Kira said noncommittally. 

“…Good, good,” Mashiro said, laying down more firewood. She clearly had no idea how to treat him and his sadness.

Just then, an angry Kensei burst through the door of the hut. He was almost black with soot and he trailed the stuff all over the floor as he walked in. Mashiro protested angrily at the mess, but Kira just automatically went over and started sweeping away the ashes without a word. As if this happened all the time.

Kensei watched Kira sweep. He had that dead look in his normally beautiful green eyes. It made Kensei furious to see such a thing. He wanted those eyes back to their normal color, damn it!"

The woodcutter grabbed Kira’s shoulders. “You!” he growled, shaking the younger man slightly. “What the hell do you think you’re doing right now?”

“Muguruma-san has…left a trail of soot on the floor from the ovens,” Kira replied, eyes still downcast. 

“Forget that!” Kensei grabbed Kira’s chin and forced him to look up, to look him in the face. “I’m asking, what the hell are you still doing here? Don’t you see it’s spring already?”

A breeze laden with sakura petals passed by the open door, as if to prove Kensei’s point.

Kira said nothing. 

Kensei gritted his teeth, anger settling in his stomach. He was going to have to play dirty if he wanted a reaction it seemed: “I thought you said you were leaving when winter was over.”

Even Mashiro gasped at that. Kira looked up at Kensei of his own accord now, an understanding kind of pain evident on his face.

“If Muguruma-san wishes me to leave…” Kira began, swallowing around his despair. “Then I will…go.”

“Where will you go?” Kensei asked, crossing his arms over his chest triumphantly.

“…Anywhere, I suppose,” Kira remarked. He looked out in the wilderness. Where could he go that Gin would still know where to find him? “…Did Muguruma-san say something about an outpost near here?”

“What the fuck are you going to do at an outpost, you idiot?!’ Kensei bellowed. “Don’t you have any clue what you want to do?”

“I…” Kira faltered, looking down at the floor. He knew what he wanted. The want was burrowing out of him, begging to be made known. “I…wish…”

He felt a shiver as the last of his control throbbed and then faded away completely. Now Kira found himself screaming, “I wish to find Gin-sama! I want to stay here until he returns! Or else, I will go out and look for him myself! If there’s an outpost then that’s where I’ll start and I won't stop until I find him—”

“Enough!” Kensei cried, bulking up to tower over Kira. The servant was cowed into silence.

The kid still had some life in him, it seemed; he had just spoken more than he ever had in the past three months. A good sign. But why did it have to be because of that damn warrior?

“Gin is gone, Kira!” Kensei yelled. “He left! I saw him leave and he told me he wasn’t coming back!” 

Kira gasped, bringing one hand to his mouth on instinct. It felt like his stomach was falling into a fiery pit…

“He’s gone, Kira,” Kensei repeated, not caring that Kira had begun to quiver. “You need to get over it. Gin is not the only thing the world, for fuck’s sake! There’s a lot out there that you don’t even know about yet—”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Kira cried, bursting into tears. “You could have told me you knew he was going off on his own so that I could have followed him sooner—”

“No!” Kensei pounded his fist against the doorframe, shaking the entire hut for a moment. “Don’t you get it? Gin didn’t want you following him! That’s why he left before a snowfall, so that you couldn’t track him! He didn’t want you to go after him, he wanted you to move on with your own damn life!”

Even though Kira had long since figured this out for himself, the words still hurt like a knife to the gut. “What….life…?”

“Stop.” Kensei grabbed Kira’s shoulders again. “Stop saying that shit. You have a life, Kira. You just don't know what it is yet because it’s all new. But you’ll find it, Kira. You need to…"

Feeling helpless, Kira held into Kensei’s hands on his shoulders. The older man flinched in response, surprised at the soft (almost womanish…) touch of Kira’s hands. His old heart started beating rapidly again, his face gone slack with anticipation.

“…How, Muguruma-san?” Kira asked, sniffling around his tears. “How…can I…?”

“I’ll help you,” Kensei said immediately. He cupped Kira’s face before he could stop himself. “I know a guy who lives in Nara. He’s…like you. He used to work in the imperial court in Heian-kyo before being exiled. Now he lives by himself, and he could really use a guy like you…a servant, you know?”

“A…servant?” Kira asked, leaning into Kensei’s hand automatically. It felt unreasonably good to have affectionate contact like that again.

“Yeah.” Kensei smiled down at him. “Like you used to be.”

Kira looked away sheepishly. So it seemed Kensei had always known about his background. Perhaps it was more obvious than Kira thought.

“You need to do this, Kira,” Kensei said seriously. “Come with me to Nara and I’ll make sure you have a place to work. Even if it’s not with him, then…with somebody else. Okay? You’re not giving up. I won’t fucking let you.”

The warm but completely sincere look on Kensei’s made Kira’s tears stop for a moment. This man was being honest with him. And he was committed. 

So that made one person in the world who was determined to see him live.

Filled with gratitude an uncertainty in equal measure, Kira could only nod his head in agreement. He supposed he could go to Nara. It was a city, after all, and maybe there he would find something. Find Gin, or find himself. But fucking something…

Kensei pulled Kira into a tight hug. It was unexpected, but Kira threw himself into the embrace immediately. Kensei’s arms were strong and sturdy, like thick branches encircling him lovingly. Kensei smelled like soot and wood, a comfortingsmell. So, Kira rested his head against Kensei’s chest and returned the embrace.

Mashiro stood off to the side, her head tilted in curiosity. She felt bad for Kira, but it was really fun watching Kensei get in touch with his emotional side like this. Beyond that, the girl was already excited for a trip to Nara! 

It had been ages since they went to visit _bara-tan._

_______________________________________________________________

So it was decided. They left for Nara a week later, not wasting any time. Kira tried to drag his feet, saying they should wait for the weather to get warmer before making such a journey. But Kensei would hear none of it, pulling a wheelbarrow out of storage from the adjacent shed and demanding they leave right on time.

Mashiro filled the wheelbarrow almost entirely with mochi on the first try, before Kensei inspected her decisions and had his say. Kira liked watching the two of them bicker again. In some ways, the winter had been difficult for all of them.

Kensei mapped out their road using a hand-drawn scrap he had kept from years spent traveling back and forth to cities to sell his wares. People in the city spent good money on the kind of pine and birch wood that grew in this forest. It was how he made his living. As such, Kensei knew the way they would take, traveling due south the whole way, skirting some of the mountains on the path. He swore it would take no more than five days.

Wheelbarrow sufficiently packed (with real items this time), the three set out ahead of schedule. With a little help from Mashiro, Kensei pushed up their timeline by a few days, ushering Kira out of the hut like the young boy had become a hermit.

Trying to settle the pain of leaving mixed with the anxiety of an imminently changing future, Kira kept his mind focused on their surroundings. The foliage was beautiful, of course, because it was the onset of spring. When they cleared the forest where Kensei and Mashiro lived, Kira found himself breathless looking at the mountain road, mired with winding rivers and clumps of green forests. It was truly a sight to behold.

At night, Kira distracted himself by tracking the moon. Now in the fourth month, the moon had entered another cycle, waxing fruitfully. Kira found that he actually liked the moon now—it was a constant, anyway. And its lopsided crescent face reminded him of Gin’s smile, which waxed and waned according to its own metrics.

Just as Kensei predicted, they entered the city of Nara after five days on the road. It felt almost like entering an estate, except there were no gates on the outside. Instead, small huts and lines of trees gave way to a bustling hub of activity—houses built right up next to each other, merchants selling wares, people moving through the clutter expertly, on their way from one endeavor to the next. Kira felt immensely reassured by the large amount of activity. Here people were in motion—and motion was a good thing if Kira were to keep himself busy.

Kensei explained that his friend lived on the outskirts of the city as one of the stipulations of his banishment. Kira was naturally curious about this man. He had only ever heard bad or sad tales of people from the courts being exiled, but since going through it himself, Kira could not help but feel a sense of solidarity with him before they even met.

Kira asked why the man had been banished in the first place, but Kensei said he honestly did not know. 

“That was before I knew him,” the wood-cutter explained. “He was introduced to be as ‘that banished minister,’ and I never asked what exactly happened.”

“I bet it’s a boring story,” Mashiro commented.

“Probably,” Kensei agreed.

Kira was not so sure.

“Anyway,” Kensei continued. “I think you two will get along. He’s a nice guy, very…open with people.”

Kensei explained that the banished minister’s name was Otoribashi Roujuurou, but preferred to call himself Rose. He got his name from the extravagant-looking rose garden he tended himself in his backyard, which even Kensei admitted was a beautiful sight in summer. Kira inquired about Rose’s personality, but Kensei just shrugged his shoulders.

“He’s…educated. I guess you'd have to be in the job he had, whatever it was. So he’s, uh…you know…” Kensei blushed a little. “Like a woman, in some ways.”

“That’s really disrespectful, Kensei!” cried Mashiro. “You can’t just say a man is like a woman because he knows more than you!”

“And because he’s got long hair and plays the _koto,_ dresses in silk and knows a lot about flower arranging? I mean, aren’t those things a woman usually does?”

Kira wanted to ask if Rose was an _onnagirai_ , out of spite more than anything, and to remind Kensei of his own words. He also found the idea offensive, equating women and men based solely on habits. …Perhaps because he himself had been put in that box, by none other than Kensei himself.

They reached the banished minister’s home after the bustling city started to give way to trees again. Rose lived in a wide but humble house a few paces away from the road. His home was long, substantial in a sense, with at least two distinct branches of rooms stretched across a half acre of property. But, the building could hardly be called anything more than a cottage, with how dingy it looked and the way there were clearly no servants living or tending the place. There was a wild garden bursting from the back of it. Vines of ivy with unkempt thorns branched out at all angles, sliding up the side of Rose’s house with abandon. Like so many long fingers. Or, perhaps these vines were the rope holding this place together.

“I sent word ahead that we were coming, but…” Kensei trailed off uncertainly as they approached the door.

“Maybe today is the day _bara-tan_ will finally let me try some of his special sake…” Mashiro wondered aloud.

Kensei frowned. “That’s not going to happen."

Without waiting for an invitation, Kensei rapped loudly on the doorframe. “Excuse me, Rose-san? It’s Kensei. You in there?” 

No answer.

Kira shifted his weight from foot to foot, heart beating rapidly as he tried to imagine what this man must look like. Would he even want a servant? (Would he want to take Kira on?) It did not sound as though he was even home….

Kensei ponded harder on the door, enough to rattle the whole front side of the cottage. There was a long, pregnant pause before there came a harsh clattering sound from somewhere inside. 

“Rose-san!” Kensei called again. “Come on, get up. It’s already midday!”

The clattering gave way to several slow footsteps. They padded up to the front of the house and the door slid open with a belabored squeak (clearly it had been some time since the tracks were cleaned). 

A blonde, rather tall, lean man appeared in the doorway. He was shaking out wave after wave of untidy blonde curls, as if trying to brush his hair in haste. The man wore a light blue silk kimono that looked like nothing more than expensive pajamas. One arm of the kimono hung low on his shoulder, revealing the pale, bony side of his chest. 

The man licked his lips several times and wiped his mouth on the back of a hand. He seemed to stagger for a moment, then swept his pale dark eyes over his three visitors.

“Ah,” Rose said, swallowing whatever was in his mouth with a barely audible grunt. His face slid into place: A haughty-looking smile with bemused eyes that looked like the man’s usual expression.“Kensei and Mashiro-chan. And…a guest.”

Kira blinked as he watched the banished minister lean forward, staring him up and down. The intense scrutiny was a little unnerving, especially considering the way Rose’s face seemed completely fascinated with him the more he looked. It had been some time since Kira felt so exposed, all of a sudden—

“ _Bara-tan!_ ” cried Mashiro, pushing past Kensei and Kira to latch onto Rose in a fierce, whole-bodied hug. 

“Ah, my dear Mashiro-chan!” Rose laughed, holding the doorway to withstand the weight of her. He looked pleased, though. “It’s been too long, you sweet girl! How are you?”

“You know me!” Mashiro said, ambling to her feet. She raised one finger high in the air. “Saving people and eating as much mochi as my stomach can handle! Yeah, the usual.” 

Rose chuckled amiably. “Yes, that sounds right. Though I wonder who you’re saving now, besides Kensei here. But no matter, come inside, come inside. Let me fix you all a drink.”

So, Rose led the three of them into his dingy cottage. There seemed to be little natural light in the first few rooms, which Kira found unnerving (like being in a cave), but the minister paid it no mind. He ushered them into a well-lit study at the end of the hallway.

Kira’s mouth fell open immediately.

Sure, there had been a noticeable dank, musty kind of smell in this place since they walked in, but this…was not something Kira had ever seen before. Rose’s study was in a state of complete disarray. At one end there was what appeared to be a writing desk buried under piles and piles of paper, several scrolls lay open and uncared for, scattered around the desk haphazardly. In the middle of the floor lay a few different layers of clothing, some frilly-looking kimonos with sweat stains under the armpits. Rose tucked these kimonos under his arm and bade the three of them to sit.

Mashiro and Kensei sat right away, unperturbed by the mess. Kira however needed to remind himself he was a guest, because the sheer lack of cleanliness made his skin crawl—it was the antithesis to everything Kira practiced and had been raised with on the estate.

“Excuse me,” Rose said with a smile and wink. Dozens of empty sake bottles rolled around the floor in all directions, but Rose merely pushed them to the side with his foot to make adequate room for four people to sit. 

Kira tried not to think about the residue of old, spilt sake surely turning to mold underneath the tatami mat. He nodded politely and sat, as upright as possible, looking as if he were sitting on pins and needles. 

Rose disappeared to put away the discarded kimonos, taking an armful of empty sake bottles with him. Kensei looked at Kira in amusement, knowing how the kid must feel to be surrounded by such a pigsty. 

“This is what I’m saying,” Kensei said quietly, leaning over to Kira. “He needs a servant.”

At that, Kira nodded in understanding. No doubt, as a man of the court, Rose had never been taught to do such menial chores and was not at all used to cleaning up after himself. He supposed it made sense for such a man to fall into disarray, after being banished with no servants to help him.

A twang of sympathy echoed through Kira. He knew all too well what it felt like to find yourself without the comforts you once relied upon without even realizing.

“Here you are.” Rose returned with a tray of chipped cups and a lukewarm sake bottle, this one full with an aromatic kind of wine. Rose spread out the cups and started pouring…Kira forced himself to look away when he saw that the cups had barely been cleaned first. There were murky stains on the insides of the lacquer, washed away when Rose poured sake over them.

Kensei spread his hand over Mashiro’s cup. “None for her, thanks.”

“Hey! That’s not fair!”

Rose nodded and chuckled. He took back Mashiro’s empty cup. “Quite right, Kensei. Looks like you’ll have to wait a few more years, my dear.”

Mashiro folded her arms over her chest indignantly. She muttered something about old men not understanding the yearnings of a young girl’s heart, but Kensei knocked back his sake without the slightest hesitation. Under Rose’s watchful stare, Kira brought the sake cup to his lips and pretended to drink. …He could not actually bring himself to ingest whatever was in that cup.

“Ah,” Kensei said, slamming down his empty cup with relish. “As strong as I remember. Nice work, Rose.”

“Thank you very much,” the minister replied. He eyed Kira’s still-full cup questioningly. “It has been a good year for my batch.” 

“I bet…” Kensei muttered. “So, did you know we were coming?” 

“No, not at all!” Rose said brightly, downing his own drink. “But it is a most welcome surprise.”

Kensei sighed in irritation. “I sent you a letter about two weeks ago, letting you know.” 

“Ah, a letter…” Rose rubbed his chin thoughtfully, glancing around the study. “Hmm…a letter from you. Well, it must be around here somewhere!” 

On cue, Rose got to his feet and began searching around his writing desk, knocking papers aside as he looked. Kensei did not really expect him to find anything, so he just shook his head and poured himself more sake.

The woodcutter decided not to embarrass his friend by asking if he even knew what day it was. By the look of him, Rose had clearly been on a hell of a bender for some time. He wondered if Rose was even sober as they spoke. Probably not.

Kensei scratched his face and decided to drink the rest of the sake on his own, so that Rose could hopefully sober up a little. 

“Hmm…I’m not finding a letter…” Rose called from over by the desk. He pulled out a scrap of paper in excitement nonetheless. “But! Listen to this poem I wrote, Kensei-kun. I think you’ll like it:

_Jūbun'na hanabira wa arimasen /teikoku-nai no subete no sakura no ki ni /namida no nagare o chūjitsu ni shimasu._

There are not enough petals/On all the sakura trees in the empire/To staunch the flow of my tears.”

“Mmm,” Kensei murmured around his sake. Damn, he forgot how quickly Rose’s brew got to him. He was already feeling a little drunk. “And what are you crying about now?”

“Nothing, of course,” Rose said, putting the poem down with a sigh. “It’s just something that came to me the other day. I suppose it’s crap, right?” 

“I thought it was rather good, Otoribashi-san.” Kira spoke up for the first time in their visit. He was being honest; he thought the noble crowd at Falling Flowers would have loved that poem.

Rose turned to Kira with a wicked smile on his face. “Why, thank you, my dear boy. And, who might you be?”

“My name is Kira Izuru. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Kira bowed with his hands on the floor, almost as respectfully as he would if Rose were still a real minister.

“Oh!” Rose cried at the display. “What excellent manners you have! It’s been some time since I’ve had that kind of greeting. Welcome to my humble home. Please do let me know if you need anything.” 

Kira’s stomach twisted at being treated like an equal. But, he righted himself and nodded in return.

“We came here because Kira is looking for work,” Kensei mumbled, hating how much more he still had to drink. “He’s got a similar story to yours, Rose-san.”

“Do you, now?” Rose’s eyes twinkled in excitement. He went and sat directly across from Kira, alarmingly fast, settling into a cross-legged position like he was ready to stay right there. “Please, go on.”

“Um, well…” Kira blushed and looked away. He had not exactly retold his story before…

“Would you like more sake first?” Rose went to pour him some more but came up short when he realized Kira had not even touched his first cup. “Oh…”

“The kid’s much not of a drinker,” Kensei cut in. He waved his hand when he saw Rose’s confused frown. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Hmm…” the minister commented. “Well, no matter. I could make you some tea, if you prefer."

“I’m…quite alright, Otoribashi-san. Thank you.” Kira was not used to being waited on—not by a long shot! He felt like he should be the one scrambling to get the tea. His legs itched as he thought about getting up and serving them…maybe he should make the offer first.

“Anyway,” Kensei continued. “Kira here has some experience working on an estate, if my thinking is right.” 

“Oh, so you do?” Rose smiled and nodded at the younger man. “I thought you might have some experience at court, from your bearing. Tell me, were you a secretary perhaps?”

Kira flushed hotly. “J-just a mere servant, Otoribashi-san.” 

“I see.” Rose nodded in understanding. “That does seem to fit. But please, no need for such formality out here. Call me ‘Rose.’” 

Kira could not help but remember similar words spoken to him, a lifetime ago: _“Why don’t we get a little friendlier, hmm? Just call me Gin. Or Gin-kun, if you prefer. Though I would like it if you called me ‘aniki’…”_

A wave of sadness washed over Kira. Where was Gin right now? Was he safe? He hoped beyond anything that Gin had not gone back to Falling Flowers to settle the score…

Rose picked up on the change in Kira’s demeanor right away. His head tilted to one side, hair falling over one shoulder. 

Kensei sighed and explained. “He got banished, just like you. Found him in the middle of the woods one day, all bloodied up. He needs some steady work if you can offer any.”

“I can cook, clean, and sew, Otoribashi-san. And I am adept at washing clothes without letting them shrink or fade.”

“My, such a nice resume, Kira-kun,” Rose commented. “As you can see, I would be glad to have such help!” 

The minister waved a hand around his messy study, suddenly appearing self-conscious. But then his face fell and he took another long sip of sake. 

“Unfortunately,” he said, looking to the side. “There is not much I can offer you in the way of compensation.”

Kira shook his head in earnest. “I do not need much. Only…a place to stay and whatever food you can spare.” 

Rose looked up. He seemed quite taken aback at that offer. “Such…meager compensation. …Are you sure that is alright with you, Kira-kun? I can hardly see what kind of career a young man could make from just that.” 

“Take him up on it, Rose,” Kensei called, laying down on his back. (Finally finished that damn sake bottle.) “You need the help and he needs a place to live. It’ll work out, I’m sure of it.”

Mashiro curled up next Kensei, more than willing to nap alongside her companion if he wanted. “Yeah, you two would make a great team…” she asserted sleepily. 

Rose turned back to Kira with a questioning look. It seemed like there was a lot he wanted to ask, but Kira beat him to it. 

“Would you like me to…clean your study a bit, Otoribashi-san? So that you can…decide for yourself if my service would be acceptable.”

Very surprised, Rose nodded in acceptance. He went to pour himself more sake, but quickly realized Kensei had finished it all. Nothing else to do, Rose sat back and watched Kira work.

The former servant gave the job his all. He started with sake bottles, picking up each one and depositing them in an empty bucket in the kitchen (which he found on his own) to be washed later. Then he got to work on organizing the writing desk, putting everything into piles, cleaning up the scrolls and placing back on the overturned shelves. He even went so far as to ask for a rag and bucket to begin mopping down the tatami mat.

Rose was more than sold.

“Wonderful work, Kira-kun,” Rose muttered in awe. “My study looks better than it has in years. So!” He stood up and gestured for Kira to follow him, while Kensei and Mashiro slumbered comfortably on the floor. 

“Let me show you to the room I can give you.”

_____________________________________________________________

Kira made dinner that night (assuring Rose that he could do more than boil rice, which it seemed was the only thing Rose himself was capable of doing). The banished minister did not have much in his cupboards, but Kira was able to make do with some fresh salmon, whipping up a light salad for garnish by hunting for greens in Rose’s own disheveled garden.

Presented with a well-rounded meal, Rose ate like a starving man. He forgot entirely to reach for his sake glass throughout all of dinner. Kensei and Mashiro ate with relish, also not aware that Kira could cook this well.

The minister described Kira’s meal like he was writing poetry. “Lightly salted salmon, braised just enough to give it texture without losing any flavor. And I can’t believe you managed to salvage something edible from my garden at this time of year, Kira-kun!”

The servant nodded. “Yes, the ferns that grow on the south side are quite edible, sir.”

Rose waved his hand dismissively. “Not sir, please. I’m just a man living by himself on the side of the road. Call me Rose, please.”

“As you like, Rose-san.” Kira nodded and smiled.

He was beginning to feel like he might able to do some real good in this cottage. And Rose was a likable man, even if his breath forever smelled like sake and his eyes seemed to wander constantly. The minister looked…kind, but raw. There was an overarching calmness to him, but Kira could Rose was hungry for something underneath. He wondered what.

And so, Kensei and Mashiro left Rose’s home the next day, agreeing to leave Kira behind as the minister’s brand new employee. Kensei said they were eager to be on the road in case an out of season snow should fall…but such things were clearly lies.

Kensei wanted to leave quick before he regretted offering up Kira to someone else. 

…Which was ridiculous, of course! Kira was not a child, nor a woman (obviously, they had been through all that before). He had never been Kensei’s at all, in any sense, at any time. But still, Kensei thought he might miss Kira’s sullen, fragile presence in the hut after this. For….whatever reason.

As they said goodbye, Mashiro promised they would come visit as often as they could. “We want to see how well _popo-tan_ and _bara-tan_ are doing! I can’t wait to see your rose garden someday. And to enjoy your special rose-scented sake…”

“All in good time, my dear,” Rose replied happily.

Kira got on his hands and knees in front of Kensei. He had planned a rather extensive goodbye speech, but now, at the moment of truth, the words left him. All he could think about was everything the woodcutter had done for him. Plucking him from the wild, letting him coalesce while he tended Gin’s wounds, giving him shelter for so long, then finally bringing him to Rose where he could do decent work…

“I…” Kira began, knocking his head against the floor. “…don’t know how to thank you, Muguruma-san… Except by saying that I owe you part of my life, since I might have died out there if you had not taken me in. As such, I will try to…live as best I can…I hope…”

“Stop, stop.” Kensei pulled the quivering Kira to his feet. He wrapped the younger man in another hug. “Don’t thank me, alright? Just keep in touch. I want to hear about everything you get up to, all the things a young kid like you does with his life. That’ll be more than enough thanks, okay?”

Kira could only nod, holding Kensei tightly before they both let go at the same time.

Rose and Mashiro could tell there was a slight whiff of tension between them, some awkwardness they had either not addressed or were dancing around. But, either way, it was too late.

They saw off Kensei and Mashiro from the road. As the pair walked away, Kira heard Mashiro begin to needle her companion with questions.

“Sooo…do you…like _popo-tan_ , Kensei?”

“Course I like him. He’s a good guy.”

“Nooo, I mean…like like. In an adult way…?”

“What the hell are you saying, Mashiro. Why don’t you make some damn sense for once…”

“Ooh, it looks like Kensei has gone and become a man without me!”

“Shut up, damn it!”

After they faded into the distance, Rose turned to Kira and smiled. He suggested they go inside and begin to get Kira’s new lodgings clean enough to live in. For it had apparently been some time since another person spent time in there.

Kira held his breath and followed Rose back into the house. It was hard not to feel like he had left everything behind him—Kensei, Mashiro, that old hut where he spent two seasons, Falling Flowers, his old life….and Gin…

But Kira was determined to find his bearings here. This house was not so strange that Kira would lose his way. He would straighten this cottage, try to be a worthy servant to Rose, and perhaps…straighten his own priorities out at the same time.

________________________________________________________________

Kira threw himself into his new life as Rose’s servant. It took weeks before he felt comfortable actually sleeping inside the cottage. It seemed every pile of dirt or upturned clothes or dirty dishes he cleaned only gave way to yet another pile, somewhere previously unseen. Kira needed to wrap a bandana around his face at times to truly unearth the years upon years of caked up dust in some of the less travelled rooms. 

After that, it took several more weeks to launder the bulk of Rose’s wardrobe. It seemed Rose kept most of his kimonos in various rooms throughout the cottage, lacking any kind of consistency with a real closet to keep his things. As Kira went about gathering the discarded robes, Rose seemed to brighten, seeing items he had not seen in several years, he admitted.

It was Kira’s nature to work to his fullest capacity. He had not had the chance to tire himself out since leaving Falling Flowers so he truly enjoyed the project. At the end of the day, it felt good to collapse on his own futon and fall right to sleep, no time in between to worry over the past or unfulfilled desires…

Rose encouraged Kira to take breaks from time to time, saying that the work was not going anywhere. Kira obliged him sometimes, stopping his work to sip tea with him in the blooming garden, or to listen to a new poem Rose had composed. 

The banished minister seemed to enjoy Kira’s opinion on his work. “What do you think of this one, Kira-kun?” He would ask. Although Kira admitted he knew little about the art of poetry (could not even read, he confessed), he offered real compliments on certain imagery Rose used, things that appealed to him.

“It’s very unbelievable that you cannot read or write, Kira-kun!” Rose simpered. “You have such good taste for poems. Here, let me show you a few simple characters, just so you can recognize some of the most-used ones…”

And so, Rose began slowly teaching Kira how to read. They quickly found it was rather difficult for Kira to use a brush competently enough to write actual _kanji,_ so Rose started him off just doing ink drawings at first. To gain control of his brush hand.

“It…seems a waste to use good paper on my lines and scribbles,” Kira protested one day, aggravated with himself for the way even his drawings looked childish.

“Nonsense,” Rose countered. “There is no such thing as waste when it comes to art.” He flashed Kira a contented smile. “And your art is just as important as any other work, Kira-kun.”

With a compliment like that, Kira worked especially hard to master use of the brush. He wanted to create something legible, to please Rose as much as himself. And the day he was able to write his own name in characters (provided by Rose, who used his best approximation based on the way Kira’s name sounded, mixed with a dash of the boy’s own personality) was a day of celebration for them both. 

They drank sake together on Rose’s meager veranda that night and talked of various things. Rose explained readily that he had not had any kind of regular companion since his banishment, so having Kira around was a much welcome change.

“A joy, I daresay,” the minister added. 

Kira blushed and sipped more of the floral sake. It was already going straight to his head. He settled his bare feet on the grass and asked, rather boldly, “Why were you banished from court, Rose-san?”

“Ah.” The long-haired man smiled ruefully. “It was a simple misstep, actually. You see, in my time, the imperial court was divided heavily into support for two other ministers: The minister on the left and the minister on the right. I threw my support behind the minister on the left, an old friend of mine who promised me a promotion should he hold sway over the rest. Of course, in the end, the minister of the right won out and took it all very personally. He banished everyone who had given their support to his rival, myself included.”

Kira’s eyes widened. It seemed like such a little mistake to have such big consequences. “That’s…harsh.”

“Eh,” Rose shrugged, drinking more sake. “That’s the way it is in the imperial palace. Everyone looks for an opportunity to purge their enemies as quickly as possible. And actually, I got off rather easy. The minister on the right was a fan of my poetry and my _koto_ playing, so he offered me this cottage. Everyone else in my position was sent to Echizen up north, or worse, Tsukushi all the way down at the tail end of the empire.” 

Rose shuddered in sympathy. “I try not complain about what happened, because I know I’m lucky. Besides, that was…eight years ago.” He took a long sip of his drink. “Oh my…so long ago now…”

Kira listened to the story, not sure how he would feel eight years from now. Would he be able to look back on his own experiences and see the bright side? 

“How about you, Kira-kun? What was the name of your estate, where you used to work?”

“…Falling Flowers,” Kira answered automatically. So far away, it seemed almost silly to lie. “It was one of the Fujiwara family’s personal estates besides their home in Heian-kyo…”

“Mm, yes, I’d heard of it. Genryusai-sama’s summer home, isn’t it?” Rose nodded.

Shocked, Kira stuttered out, “Y-yes! Or, it was. Genryusai-sama passed away about a year ago. Now it is run by his son-in-law, Aizen Sousuke…”

“I see.” Rose seemed unmoved by Aizen’s name, but saddened by the news of Genryusai’s death. He talked about how he had always known him to be a good man. “But why were you banished, Kira-kun? What were your…circumstances?”

So, Kira told him the story. He tried to tell it piece by piece, in a way that made sense. But it was difficult to explain Gin as a person, or any of the Espada, really. Rose listened intently, asking questions in parts that were confusing.

When it got to the point where Kira and Gin became lovers, Kira faltered in the telling. Luckily for him, Rose figured it out on his own.

“So, you and this fox-faced warrior were lovers, I assume?” Rose asked, eyes twinkling.

“Y-yes we were.” Kira did not know how else to explain their connection. How he honestly had not known love as a thing before he met Gin…but he supposed it was not strictly important. 

It hurt to retell the story of his and Gin’s downfall. But once he got started, Kira found he could not stop—all the gruesome details of Gin’s torture and Aizen’s cruelty came pouring out of him. He only paused when he got to the part about reaching the woods, coming across Kensei at last.

Rose was watching him with wide, abashed eyes. He looked stricken. “You are…quite brave, really, aren’t you Kira-kun?” When Kira began to shake his head, the minister continued. “Or at least, you must have loved this man very much to give up everything for him.” 

At that, Kira nodded. He had. He still did.

“And where is he now?”

Fighting down tears, Kira explained that too.

“Hmm…” Rose rubbed his chin in thought at the end. “A puzzling choice by our _kitsune-tan_. Perhaps he thought he was doing you a favor, giving up the hold he had on you.”

“It’s…” Kira started to speak, but then looked away quickly. He had not wanted to bring his pointless tears to this place, especially not in front of Rose-san who respected him as an equal. But here he was, tearing up all the same.

Rose gently placed his hand on Kira’s shoulder. “I understand, Kira-kun. It’s more complicated than that.” 

Wordlessly, Kira nodded. 

“But you know the expression,” Rose continued, patting Kira on the back. “A goodbye is merely an excuse to reunite, to revel in the joy of another hello down the line.”

“I’ve…never heard that, Rose-san,” Kira admitted, wiping his face.

“Hmm. Perhaps I made that up. …I should go write it down.”

So, in the end, with all the truth laid bare between them, Rose and Kira became easy friends.

______________________________________________________________

Seasons came and went. By the end of summer, Rose’s home was sparklingly beautiful. The banished minister began entertaining friends again, for the first time in years. He finally had a place to show. Everyone commented on how Rose was doing well for himself. They inquired loudly if Rose’s servant was looking for other work, and Rose respectfully deferred to Kira’s will on that.

When autumn came, Kira did take on some extra jobs. Mostly to keep himself busy. He would go out at dawn, work a full day at some other family’s home, and return to Rose’s cottage by nightfall. These families paid him in actual money. So, for the first time in his life, Kira had money of his own to spend as he pleased. The feel of copper coins in his hand made him giddy with power and excitement.

What would he buy, though? The only time Kira went to the market was to pick up ingredients for Rose’s meals. 

The other families Kira worked for had their own little dramas. The servant found himself interested in them. One family had been having considerable trouble with their daughter’s health, so they called in an exorcist to help heal her.

It was the first exorcism Kira could ever remember attending. And a truly horrifying experience. Buddhist priests chanted and called out the demon possessing the family’s daughter. They spirited the monster into the body of a young girl whose job it was to act as a host for the demon. The young girl thrashed around horribly, foaming at the mouth, exposing part of her breast in the process. 

_How embarrassing for her!_ Kira thought. He would hate to have such a job where he lost control of his body for long periods of time.

But still, being in the presence of a living demon piqued Kira’s interest. He remembered, for the first time in a while, his experiences with the _yurei_ at Falling Flowers. Most of those were also ghastly memories; being trapped in the same room as a dead soul, or the face he saw dripping with blood…but there was also the time the ghost appeared to him in the forest, showing him where to go to find the healing herbs for Gin.

Was that the same ghost as the one haunting Falling Flowers?

Kira had a feeling it must be. For some reason, he just knew it was the same person. Not that she looked similar (there was no dark ooze dripping from her mouth that night in the forest, for one), but her very presence felt the same. 

A young, beautiful girl who wanted to help him….?

Kira spent a lot of time thinking about who this ghost might have been in life. Did he know her? She looked too young to be a wife, so he must have been wrong about his theory that the _yurei_ was Aizen’s first wife. But, Kira must be connected to her in some way. Or else, why would she try to help him? To help Gin?

In the winter months, Kira went out less because of the cold. Being stuck inside the cottage was mostly fine. He liked listening to Rose playing the _koto_ , and he practiced his literacy. But, unfortunately, the down time left Kira with a lot of empty space in his life that he tended to fill with thoughts of the past.

He wondered, with increasing voracity, where Gin was. He began asking around Nara if anyone had heard of or seen a fox-faced warrior. Most people just laughed and gave him an odd look. 

How else could Kira find out what happened to his lover? He longed to know where Gin had decided to go that night, how he was spending his days. A full year had passed already. 

…Was Gin even still alive?

These questions haunted Kira in the waking hours. At night, once again, he was plagued with those recurring nightmares of a dirt road and men coming to get him.

What did it all mean? 

Kira asked Rose about the meaning of dreams one day, at the height of despair. The banished minister threw out all kinds of philosophical notions, throwing in some Chinese herbalist beliefs as well, before referring Kira to one of the books in his library on that very topic. He told Kira to read it, to help practice his reading for one, and maybe for some answers as well. 

So, Kira spent the winter perusing this book on the meaning of dreams. All the _kanji_ he did not know (and there were many) he wrote down on scrap paper and showed Rose at the end of the day. In this way, Kira was able to piece together a basic understanding of what the book was trying to explain.

In one of the later chapters, the book talked about the influence of unsettled spirits on dreams. It told of how _yokai_ and _yurei_ were capable of giving their memories to a dreamer, trying to lead the dreamer to do something in life to help settle the spirit’s affairs. 

Such news shocked Kira to his core. Were these dreams, the ones he had had since living at Falling Flowers…the memories of that _yurei_? 

Resolve solidified within the servant. He needed to know. His life was rife with questions that had no answers. If there was something he could solve on his own, Kira felt he had to try.

Maybe the ghost was connected to Gin. He tried to think of someone Gin had a strong relationship with, a young girl. The story of Gin’s friend from childhood came to mind right away. There was a girl, killed somehow through Aizen’s machinations, that Gin had decided to dedicate his life to avenging. She was responsible for Gin’s lifelong pursuit of Aizen…the warrior’s every move, in a way.

Hell, if that wasn’t a strong connection, Kira did not know what was.

Now, what was the girl’s name? Gin told him that night, when he explained everything about his past. Kira knew the name would be important. It took him some time to remember, but then eventually, it came to him.

Rangiku. That was her name. Kira needed to speak with her, if such a thing were possible.

_______________________________________________________________

Spring arrived quickly that year. Kira was hungry for it, this time. He had a plan on how to get some answers. Finally, and hopefully. If he did not screw it up.

He devoted himself entirely to the tending of Rose’s garden. It took weeks of back-breaking work (divided between the two of them, for the banished minister was more than willing to lend a hand), but eventually the rose vines yielded to their masters. By the fourth month, brand new rose buds started sprouting in the long-forgotten garden. By the fifth month, full-bodied roses of several colors burst into bloom. Yellow, red, and pink. It was truly beautiful—and well-earned.

“Mmm, _kiiro no bara_ ,” Rose whispered, inhaling the sweet scent of one especially poignant yellow rose. “My favorite flower. Yellow roses remind me of the golden _sal_ flower* that blooms in India. I have always been particularly in love with that sacred flower. It is my dream to see one for myself, some day.” 

Kira stared at the yellow rose and thought to himself that roses were indeed a particular exquisite flower. He agreed with the minister that there was something…sacred looking about the yellow rose in particular. Maybe it was the striking resemblance to the _sal_ flower from holy Buddhist tales, or maybe it was the bright vivaciousness of the flower itself. 

But seeing so many yellow roses bursting to life gave him an idea. He would act on his plans the following night, after gathering all the necessary materials.

______________________________________________________________

Kira waited until the precise moment it struck the hour of the rat—the first hour of the day. Rose was already long asleep (he usually retired early, especially after dinner where much sake was drunk). The servant took a deep breath, gathering all the last vestiges of his nerves that were sparking around uselessly trying to tell him this was a bad idea.

No. He was doing this. 

Exhaling with resolve, Kira lit several sticks of incense he had bought from the Buddhist temple. He made sure it was the same kind the priests had used in their exorcism. He waved the incense sticks around in the confines of his room, making sure a thick cloud of hazy clung to the room in all directions.

This incense was meant to open the passage between the spirit world and the regular world, Kira had learned. He wanted his room to be as open as possible tonight ( _I’m sorry, Rose-san_ , he thought to himself).

After that, Kira sprinkled yellow rose petals all across the bare center of his floor. Such a holy looking flower would surely help this process along. And a young woman was bound to be drawn to the beauty of such a flower, regardless, so Kira put a long-stemmed intact rose in the center as an offering. 

Then, he dimmed the lights so only one candle was still lit. It offered an eerie, unstable light, flickering across the familiar walls of his room. He purposefully remembered what it felt like to be trapped in the room with the _yurei_ that night. It looked quite like this, after all.

Kira held his palms together, three fingers down, two pointer fingers together pointing up, in the traditional prayer posture. Slowly, he said the only Buddhist prayer he could remember (the one they had chanted ceaselessly at Genryusai’s cremation)—a call to Amida Buddha himself. 

Several run-throughs of this chant and Kira was starting to feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Perhaps it was the low tone of the chant itself (which he had mimicked to the best of his ability) and the lighting, but Kira could swear it felt colder. Like there was a presence in the room with him.

_Please be the one I want,_ Kira prayed.

Now, to call on her—the specific ghost he had in mind. This was the most important part of the ritual. 

Remembering the way the ghost had communicated with him, Kira rapped his knuckles on the tatami mat in a very familiar pattern.

One…two…three…four.

Four times. The symbolic number of death (usually a horrible idea, but…). The same rhythm the _yurei_ had used to make her presence known throughout Falling Flowers. 

He did it again: One…two…three…four. 

Then two more times: One…two…three…four.

Four times four, (as inauspicious as it got), as metered as he was going to get it. Then, feeling the temperature in the room drop to an all time low, a creeping sensation traveling up his neck as if someone were standing behind him…Kira whispered her name:

“Rangiku.”

He waited four seconds before opening his eyes. It took quite a bit of courage to do so.

Two big blue eyes framed by a full set of orange curls stared back at him. A woman was standing, bending down over him, barely an inch away from his face.

“AH!” Kira cried, in spite of everything. He scrambled away from her on instinct, heart thrashing against his chest, mind racing about how such a thing could be possible.

_This is her!_

Breathless and terrified, Kira watched the ghost began to heave in some strange wheezing motion. It looked like she was struggling to breathe, her body twitching in a toned-down version of its usual jerkiness. She held her stomach, gasping for air in a horrifying way—

…then Kira realized she was laughing.

Rangiku straightened herself, winding down from her fit of hysteria with much effort.

“I’m sorry…” she panted out, covering her mouth. “…but your face..” 

Kira was shocked he could hear her so clearly. She spoke just like any normal woman, with a deep voice he suspected was her natural timbre. She did sound somewhat far away, though, as if he were speaking to her from across the hall.

Realizing he was splayed out rather gracelessly, Kira fixed himself into a sitting position and closed his mouth. He blinked a few times to see if the vision in front of him would still stay. Indeed, she remained.

“You’re…?” Kira wanted to say many things all at once, but his brain was shorting out at the sheer force of the knowledge he was sitting in front of a ghost. The exact ghost he had intended to summon!

And she was talking to him.

“Yes, I am here,” Rangiku answered, resting her arms down at her sides. “You worked so hard to summon me, after all.” Then, as clear as day, she winked at him. “I couldn’t help teasing you a little bit.”

Kira’s mouth hung open at that. The ghost from his nightmares, acting like any other woman. He took in the full sight of her: Sure enough, she had no feet to speak of and she was dressed in traditional white burial robes. Kira noticed right away that her robes were heavily stained blood in some places. 

Rangiku looked around the room curiously. “I can see so much like this…” she commented. Then her gaze fell upon the rose in the middle of the floor. “Ooh, is this for me? Pretty…”

She bent down and picked up the rose by the stem, holding her incorporeal hand against the open petals in appreciation. She seemed to smile for a moment, her blue eyes shining with a glimpse of life. Then the rose fell from her hand abruptly, landing on the floor with a scattering of petals.

Smile fading, Rangiku looked back at Kira.

“Let’s make this quick,” she explained. “I don't have much time.”

Kira nodded in understanding. He had so much to ask, where to begin…? “Are you…Gin’s friend from childhood? Do you…know who I’m talking about?”

Rangiku lips curled into a sad smile. “Yes, I know Gin. Quite well. I think I am the friend you’re talking about. Considering that guy didn’t have a lot of friends back then….probably still doesn’t. He’s so unlikeable sometimes…” 

Immensely grateful to have found this person, Kira bowed automatically in a form of greeting. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Kira Izuru.” 

Rangiku seemed rather pleased to be addressed so politely. She puffed out her (strangely large…?) chest and simpered a little. “It’s nice to meet you too, Kira Izuru. I am Matsumoto Rangiku. Or…I was. But, I think I already know you. I’ve seen you many times at Gin’s side over the years, haven’t I?”

“Yes…”

“You were the one in the estate who heard me crying, right? You ran out before I could try to reach you.” 

Kira remembered quite well. He felt strangely bad for abandoning this girl in the room as he had…but then for him it had been a rather different experience. 

“And you left those beautiful seasonal garlands for me in the study, didn’t you?” Rangiku perked up. “Oh, those were lovely! I adored looking at them. Next time burn them, so I can wear them in my hair like a modern woman~!”

“Uh…sure…” Kira tossed out. He did remember making those garlands, thinking he was making them for Aizen’s wife.

“And you…” Rangiku looked at Kira with all the warmth a ghost could. “You were the one who saved Gin that night. The night he tried to kill Aizen. You carried him…” 

She held out her hand to Kira, reaching out in an expression of utmost gratitude. “Thank you. For saving Gin.” 

“Of course…” Kira was already touched by her. She had an extravagant beauty and a good heart, all things that were made into sheer sadness because of her untimely death. “….You helped me, right?”

Rangiku smiled until her eyes closed. “Yes, I did. Or, I tried to. It’s a good thing you have such heightened spiritual awareness, Kira-kun, or you might not have been able to see me.”

Heightened spiritual awareness? Kira supposed it was possible. After all, he did tend to be the one who had the most interactions with Rangiku at Falling Flowers.

“So you’ve been…following” (he was careful not to say ‘haunting’) “Gin for some time, haven’t you?”  


“Yes. Pretty much his whole life.” Rangiku shrugged and nodded.

“Oh. Have you also been…giving me dreams of your past together?”

“Hmmm..” Rangiku seemed to consider that for a moment. “I’m not sure. It wasn’t intentional, in any case. But sometimes, when I have a strong feeling or an attachment to a memory, it can affect people’s dreams. Especially in your case, I bet.” 

Kira explained his recurring nightmare of the dirt road, so hungry he might die, before a boy came and saved him. 

Rangiku nodded proudly. “Yup. That’s the story of how Gin and I met. I was dying, starving, and Gin found me lying in the road. He offered me some _hoshigaki_ and we started traveling together. He was a really creepy kid, but he laughed a lot. Kept our spirits up. I probably would have died a lot sooner if it hadn’t been for him.”

“How…did you die, Matsumoto-san?” Kira asked hesitantly.

The candle flickered and a darkness descended over the room. Rangiku’s face distorted into a shadow, her lips turning black. 

“I was killed,” she explained. Her voice sounded hoarse, the air vibrating with the ethereal, dark quality of it. “Some men passed me on the road when Gin wasn’t with me. They were Aizen’s lackeys, out searching for a recruits for Aizen’s army. When they saw me and how…mature I looked for my age, they…attacked me. Took away my innocence, one at a time, over and over again. Then they beat me and finally stabbed me to death. All for enjoyment.” 

The room descended into utter blackness for a moment. Kira held his breath. Then, slowly, the candle re-lit itself. He looked back at Rangiku and found her returned to how she normally looked, like a regular woman covered in blood. Her own blood, that was obvious now.

“But that’s all over now,” she said seriously. “I died a long time ago, Kira-kun. I try not to dwell on it anymore. It’s not the strongest memory I have, anyway. My strongest one…is the day I met Gin. The day you keeping dreaming about.”

Kira felt a tightness in his chest, so moved by her. “So that’s why…” he started, piecing the thoughts together as he said them. “…you’ve been following Gin. Instead of haunting the men who killed you.”

Rangiku nodded. “That’s right. I’ve been sticking around this world to make sure Gin lives a good life. I just want him to be happy, to enjoy stuff I never could, you know? And he’s done an okay job.” 

“But…he’s obsessed with killing Aizen,” Kira explained. “Out of revenge for you.”

“Yeah…” Rangiku sighed, looking forlorn. “But killing is just…a part of who Gin is. He’s always done that. He was the one who protected us when we were kids. I saw him cut down grown men twice our size. It’s…how he knows how to live.”

She paused, then restarted. “I think, Gin will always be a killer. No matter what I want for him. There isn’t a way to separate that part from who he is as a person. I’ve come to accept that.”

Hearing those words took the air right out of Kira’s lungs. Gin was always just…a murderer?

“But if he can focus his energy on making other people safer, on helping rather than going out and killing at random…then Gin will be able to live a good life. In his own way.” Rangiku gave Kira a small smile. “Don’t you see? Gin wants to help people. It’s all he ever wanted. But he’s like a snake; all he knows how to do is take on prey and devour things bigger than him. It’s where his obsession with Aizen comes in. I don’t like that he needs to constantly hunt that terrible man, to try and take him down for everyone’s sake except his own…” 

Here Rangiku shook her head. “But I have to accept that he will always try to do that. It’s…his best quality, but also his worst. …Do you understand what I mean?”

Kira felt hopelessly confused. “So you’re…fine with Gin being a murderer?” 

Rangiku nodded. “There’s no other choice. It’s what he always was, it’s the only way I know him.” 

That was a lot to take in. But Kira felt like he was beginning to understand. In a way, he agreed with her. The second he had seen Gin take a life, Kira knew that was an essential piece of his lover’s personhood. That being the case, Rangiku was right in saying that Gin’s focus on killing to help save other was the best option for a man like him.

“Are you…” Kira began, seeing how Rangiku was already beginning to fade. “…still following Gin?”

“Sure am!” Rangiku said with pride. 

“Then please, tell me where is! I have to know…” Kira struggled to his feet without even realizing, on full alert.

Rangiku bit her lip. She shook her head sadly. “I’m sorry. I can see him and follow him, and I can feel where his presence is at all times…but I don’t know where exactly that is. Geographically, I mean. I don’t even know where we are right now, honestly. It’s all…part of this deal.” She gestured to her blood-stained clothes.

Kira felt aggravated, cheated almost. 

“Then…can you tell me how he is? What is he doing?” Kira was desperate to know!

“Gin is alright.” Rangiku nodded, her voice starting to fade along with the rest of her. “He’s killing again, of course, but that hasn’t changed really. He…misses you, Kira-kun. You were…really good for him. Gave him something purely good to focus his energy on. I…want you both to be together very badly…but…”

Suddenly, an old familiar passion swallowed Kira’s heart in flame. “I want to see him. I need him to know how I feel about all this—”

“I know, I know…” Rangiku said. “I understand. Don’t worry….I have a feeling Gin will try to find you on his own, eventually. Until then…I’ll look out for him. As best I can, okay?”

Kira ran forward, almost in tears now to see Rangiku’s body begin to fade in and out of existence. “Yes!” he cried. “Thank you, Rangiku! Thank you so much for everything!”

“You’re…welcome…I should be thanking you…You…no….I…”

And she was gone. 

Kira breathed in and out. Now that everything was back to normal, he wondered if he should even accept that entire spiritual encounter to be a real thing, something that had actually happened. 

But the yellow rose was lying crooked in the middle of the floor, surrounded in petals that had fallen out on impact. It was a small difference, but the only corporeal thing affected by Rangiku’s presence. 

He quickly lit the rose on fire, burning it to send to the afterlife as the ghost had requested. As he watched the flower disappear into ash and smoke, Kira thought about everything Rangiku said. 

He would just have to trust her. On everything. Fortunately, she seemed like a trustworthy person (or…ghost). Kira felt like he could at least depend on her to keep Gin safe until they could meet again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Rangiku, and Rose too. Characters that need more general appreciation. :)
> 
> Don't forget to check out "Itadakimasu" (aka the Nantaimori fic that wrote itself)! And stay tuned for the thrilling conclusion to this long-ass story... Shameless self-plugging...


	9. Tiny Pinpricks of Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bleach quote: “If you were to turn into a snake tomorrow and begin devouring humans, and from the same mouth you started devouring humans, you cried out to me 'I love you,' would I still be able to say 'I love you' the same way I do today?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! Finally, the end. Lots of emotions and lots of sex coming up. Enjoy, enjoy! :)
> 
> Notes:  
> Sei Shonagon* “The Pillow Book” - (枕草子 Makura no Sōshi) One of the most-well known texts to come out of the Heian Period (besides the Tale of Genji). It is an account of Sei Shonagon’s personal experience in the imperial court as lady-in-waiting to Empress Teishi. 
> 
> wadōkaichin (和同開珎)- silver and copper coins that served as currency from the early 700s to the 900s. By the mid 900s, the value of wadokaichin had already begun to dissolve.
> 
> wabisuke 侘助 - the name of Kira’s zanpakuto. The given translation in English is “the wretched one,” but the character 侘 (wabi) can mean a variety of things: Lonely, dreary, dejected, miserable, or even apology. The second character, 助 (suke), can mean something like assistant or aid. I have a huge soft spot for Wabisuke, with particular love for the sword in all its forms and even the character as it appeared in the Muramasa arc. So I had some fun with it here :)

**Chapter Nine - Tiny Pinpricks of Light**

Kira decided, all things thoroughly considered, to put his faith in Rangiku. That night with her had certainly been no dream—(Kira was willing to accept that not even his own hauntingly embarrassing imagination could produce such a thing), and it answered quite a bit of his lingering questions.

He prayed daily for Rangiku to be successful in her endeavor to watch over Gin. And he burned more than one yellow rose for her before the season was over.

That summer proved to be a particularly languid one. Rose, not at all a hot house flower it seemed, was largely out of commission for most of it. He holed up in his study with cooled sake, not even bothering to get dressed most days. To keep somewhat busy, the banished minister lazily composed poetry or wrote in his pillow-book-turned-diary.

“These are becoming all the rage these days, Kira-kun,” Rose explained drearily, holding up his diary for Kira to see. “Shonagon-san* has made quite a name for herself! You should consider keeping a pillow book of your own, my friend.”

Kira toyed with the idea, even purchased a blank diary to keep by his bedside (as the tradition went) should he be moved to write in it. But, he still found writing in general to be a very tedious process. And he could barely think of anything worthwhile from his own life to actually put down on paper. 

He did, however, write down several of his dreams. His dreams were still surprisingly vivid, as always. Kira would wake up in the middle of the night to jot down the experiences. In the light of day, he would re-read his account of the dreams and try to determine which came from his own mind and which were some of Rangiku’s memories. In this way, Kira was able to piece together much of Rangiku’s and Gin’s childhood. He came to know how painful and trying their early years were.

As for his own dreams…Kira could spot those quite easily. To be fair, Kira had been entirely abstinent for almost two years by that point. That might explain why he had so many…memorable sex dreams.

_Gin laying him out on the floor of the main hall at Falling Flowers, tying his hands in silk. Kira would be naked, writhing and squirming as his lover kissed every inch of him…already at orgasm as soon as Gin held one teasing finger to his cock—_

_Gin and Kira tussling amongst the wild grasses in the forest. He could smell everything that surrounded them, including Gin’s special woodsy scent that seemed perfectly at home in the natural environment._

_Gin’s cock._ Sometimes just seeing that in his dreams, kneeling before such an impossibly long and domineering member, was enough to make him come.

Kira had no choice but to console himself by masturbating from time to time. He made sure to do so in the dead of night, after he was sure Rose had already retired. It was shameful enough to give in to his body’s needs like this, he did not need Rose to accidentally stumble upon him and ask a variety of questions (as Rose was wont to do). 

While he stroked himself, Kira’s favorite thing to do was imagine that Gin was out there somewhere, watching him. He fantasized about Gin’s pale blue eyes, piercing him with light. He imagined Gin crouched in the darkness somewhere, pinpointing Kira with such painstaking accuracy, staring intently as Kira played with himself…

It was his most reliable way to come. After his release, Kira always felt a wave of loneliness as well as an insurmountable desire to look into the darkness for some sign of Gin’s eyes out there—

Needless to say, Kira went to bed lonely every time.

______________________________________________________________

Because of Rose’s continuing indolence, Kira spent much of his time running errands for the banished minister. Rose was constantly out of ink and paper for his pillow book, so Kira was tasked with going to market to buy more, as well as several other various trinkets his employer required.

It was on one of these trips that Kira ran into someone he thought he would never see again.

The sun felt particularly brutal that day, bearing down mercilessly on the Nara street market. Kira wiped the sweat off his brow and tried to focus his blurry vision on the selection of inks in front of him. Dark red rubbing sticks imported from India, Rose-san might like that…though Kira himself thought the ink would look like blood when wet…

“Six sticks for twenty _wadokaichin_ ,” a voice towards Kira’s left remarked sullenly. “Sounds steep, but then you think about how this coin is worth less than shit at this point. Might as well be on sale for rocks…”

Some vague memory (from a lifetime ago) clicked in Kira’s mind. He turned his head towards the voice and was met with the sight of a rather tall, black-haired man, whose back was to Kira. Just from that, the servant’s stomach clenched in sudden recognition. Then the man turned his face to the side and Kira saw three distinct slash marks—

“Shuuhei-kun…?” 

Kira’s voice was impossibly soft. He barely dared to breathe the name, lest the vision in front of him disappear into the summer haze. But, somehow, the man heard him and turned around. 

Sure enough, Hisagi Shuuhei’s unforgettable form stood before him. Kira’s eyes instantly filled with tears, his throat closing in shock and longing as he saw his friend after so long.

Shuuhei’s mouth hung open as he took in the sight of Kira in return. “Kira-kun…?” he whispered.

Wasting no more time, they ran towards each other and almost hugged. Remembering at the last second that they were in the middle of the marketplace surrounded by people, they grabbed each other’s shoulders and squeezed, exclaiming small noises of recognition.

“I can’t believe…” Kira began, rubbing his thumbs against Shuuhei’s bony shoulders, trying to keep the tears from spilling down his face. “…how are you here?”

“Kira-kun…” Shuuhei remarked, an uncharacteristic smile breaking out across his face. “…you…? I should ask you the same thing!”

Right then, a crimson head of hair slid into view behind Shuuhei. Sure enough, it was Renji, the man Kira had said goodbye to on the same day he said goodbye to Shuuhei. It was Renji’s voice Kira had recognized commenting idly about the price of ink.

“Hm?” Renji asked, confusedly. Then he saw Kira and shouted, “Oh, it’s you!” He joined the awkward three-way embrace, slapping Kira on the back happily.

The three made their way to a small outcropping of forest that stood on the edge of the city. There were benches there, a nice place to sit and enjoy the beauty of nature. Or, in this case, for three old friends to catch up on the variety of circumstances that had brought them here.

“Never thought I’d see you out of the estate,” Renji commented first. “We both thought…well, I’ll let Shuuhei tell the story.”

Kira thought he heard a hint of sadness in Renji’s voice. It pierced him to the core to think his friends had been through some hardship, although he realized that was bound to be the case. 

“What happened, Shuuhei?” Kira asked quietly. “Are you still working for the Tachibanas?”

Shuuhei shook his head. He took a deep breath, staring sullenly at the rocks on the ground as he told the tale. “We haven’t worked for that family in over a year. There was a purge of servants, you see, back around one year ago. After Aizen took up the regency position officially, the Tachibanas became extremely paranoid. They didn’t trust Aizen in the slightest—in fact, they believed he murdered the ambassador who came to Falling Flowers that night. You know, the one who died of sickness?”

Kira nodded. If that’s what the Tachibanas believed, then they were one hundred percent correct. But he said nothing and let Shuuhei continue.

“Well, they bided their time for a while, trying to play out the rest of their hand in the imperial court. Then things started happening all at once. Aizen out-played the Tachibanas again and again, slowly pushing them out of the emperor’s sphere of influence. He used things, private things, some of them lies, some of them truth, to discredit the Tachibana name. As it stands now, they barely have any power at court and their estate began to suffer because of it.”

Renji nodded along, wiping his sweaty brow and remembering the ordeal in his own way. Kira knew from word of mouth what a sorry affair it was when an estate started to lose its wealth and power. Famine among the farmers, piddling insecurities among the lords and ladies, casual murders, servants baring the brunt of it all…

“So finally,” Shuuhei continued. “The Tachibana lord decided to cast out all the servants who ever had any interaction with the Fujiwaras. He was convinced there was a spy among his servants, someone loyal to Aizen who kept feeding him the family’s secrets. Honestly, I don’t know if there was or wasn’t such a spy, but it wouldn’t surprise me if there actually was.” 

“Yeah, that place got pretty shady towards the end of it,” Renji agreed.

“That’s how Renji and I, along with about fifty other people—some of them lords and ladies—got banished from the estate. I thought about going back to Falling Flowers and looking for work, but…it seems Falling Flowers is just as suspicious of outside help these days. We never got passed the gates.”

Kira remembered those gates quite well. He closed his eyes against the memory.

“Now we’re here,” said Renji, throwing his arms to the side to indicate Nara. “This is the best place to find work when you’re off an estate. I’m an apprentice to a blacksmith near here and Shuuhei is a peddler of his wares. Katana, wakizashi, things like that.” 

The two of them fell silent. Kira took a moment to stare critically at his friends, taking in all the slight differences in their appearances since they last saw each other. Renji’s hands were scarred and puffy with healed burn marks in some places, the sure signs of a blacksmith. Shuuhei had some latent cuts running up and down his forearms, indicating that he had been in a fair share of actual sword fights. And of course, besides those cuts, Shuuhei had a tattoo of his own now: A small 69 on the side of his face.

Kira wanted to ask about the meaning of that tattoo more than anything—to mar one’s very face? On purpose? Or was that the brand of a traitor Tachibana had given him…? (That seemed unlikely those, considering Renji did not have the same thing.)

“How about you, Kira?” Shuuhei asked solemnly. “Why are you here?” 

Kira fell silent. He looked away, torn between telling his friend the truth or making up some comforting lie. To admit what really happened would be admitting everything he had hid from Shuuhei since the beginning. But lying seemed so petty…a further insult…

“I can tell from your face that you’ve been through some pretty hard shit,” Renji commented. “What happened? You can tell us.”

Kira turned back to Shuuhei. The serious, unrelenting look on his friend’s face—evidence that he had been through his own hardships—made Kira’s heart turn soft. He could not lie, he would not. His own pride and his respect for Shuuhei demanded the truth.

“I was…not entirely forthcoming with you back then, Shuuhei-kun,” Kira started. “There were…things going on with me that I kept hidden. And I’m so sorry for that. Let me tell you everything now, and I hope you won’t think any less of me.”

So Kira told them the whole story. He started with his explanation of Gin dogging Kira’s steps throughout the castle. Shuuhei was surprised to hear about that—mostly because he had never seen any of it himself. He told Kira that he felt guilty for not interfering, for not putting some distance between Kira and Gin to lessen the warrior’s incessant stalking…

Kira told him to wait until he finished.

When Kira explained how he and Gin had become lovers, Renji was the first one to blush. That surprised him. He had thought Shuuhei would be the most offended, for his friend to take a lover (a very male, very odd-looking lover) without so much as a word. But then, Shuuhei actually did not appear all that surprised.

The black-haired man nodded. “I thought you had someone back then, Kira-kun. You started to look so…happy, all of a sudden. It made sense. I just never thought…Ichimaru…”

He gave his friend a questioning look, up and down, as if imagining for himself the kinds of things Kira and Gin got up to. Which was, of course, better left to the imagination—although Kira wished Shuuhei would not think on it quite so much (the affair itself was embarrassing enough to admit, without worrying about Shuuhei’s own thoughts on what it was like to have sex with a man like Gin).

After that, Kira launched into the whole long story about Gin’s betrayal of Aizen and their subsequent banishment. Renji and Shuuhei were appalled by how violent Aizen himself seemed to be—realizing for themselves what kind of man that lord truly was. They were not, however, nearly so surprised to learn about the Espada. 

“Nnoitra always seemed like such a sadist,” Shuuhei commented. By this point he had shifted to sit next to Kira on the bench, his arm wrapped comfortingly around Kira’s shoulders. “But Ulquiorra…who knows what that guy was thinking.”

“He gave me this,” Kira said suddenly, reaching into the folds of his yukata to pull out the wakizashi. (He still kept that knife with him, at all times. It was beyond a conscious effort now, into the realm of unshakeable force of habit.) “Before they deserted us. I think it was…kindness, actually.”

Renji and Shuuhei stared at that knife with a kind of dead seriousness that gave Kira pause. He regarded his own wakizashi (arguably the only constant in his life ever since his banishment) curiously, wondering if there was something special about it.

“The blade looks dull,” Renji commented. “I doubt you’d be able to cut anything with that.”

Kira sighed at the irony. Well, it was true he had not cared for the wakizashi once in the two years he had owned it (truly not know how such a process went). Perhaps the blade was not quite so dull when Ulquiorra first gave it to him.

“Here,” Shuuhei said, rising to his feet. “Let’s go to our place. We can sharpen that blade for you there, polish it up a bit. In case you ever do need to use it.”

The servant was grateful beyond words, both for Shuuhei’s generous offer and the way they had not seemed overly offended by Kira’s secrets nor his oddly placed affections. Nodding and bowing thankfully, Kira followed them to their home.

Shuuhei and Renji lived in a small hut adjacent to the blacksmith’s shop. Their master was not at home, they explained. It seemed this was fairly common, as the blacksmith was a hard drinker and known philanderer. So, Renji and Shuuhei let themselves into the blacksmith’s work space. Kira was assaulted by the hard soot and molten metal smell, feeling like this was perhaps the most earthen place he had ever been. The well-tended flames of the clay oven, burning with bright orange coals, seemed like something from the center of the earth. 

Kira was transfixed by the smithery. He saw Renji and Shuuhei move about the place as if it were second nature to them, and in that moment he knew these two were where they were meant to be. That thick, ashen smell from the forge clinging to their skin…

He wondered, not for the first time, if they were lovers. He hoped they were. 

“Let me see that thing,” Renji offered, holding out his hand for Kira’s wakizashi. 

Kira handed it over with some irrevocable reluctance. He had never given this blade to someone else before…

But Renji was delicate with it. He tested the weight of the blade in his hand and whistled in amazement. “Damn, Kira, this thing is heavy!” He looked up at Kira with surprise written all over his face. “How have you been toting this around all these years?”

Kira glanced to the side. He was proud to hear that, of course, but he had also not realized his blade was heavier than any other. He had, after all, nothing to compare it to.

“Heh,” Shuuhei grunted, preparing the sharpening stone and belt. “A dull, heavy as hell sword. That does sound like something Kira-kun would own.” 

“You got a name for it?” Renji asked, handing the blade over to Shuuhei to be sharpened.

Kira thought for a moment. “No…” 

“Better think of one,” Renji continued in all seriousness. “That blade is going to start to feel resentful if you don’t name it properly. After all, it’s been laying close to your heart for years. It deserves some respect.”

Kira considered that and decided wholeheartedly that Renji was right. He had been remiss not naming the wakizashi earlier, but still accepting the thing as a part of himself nonetheless. He wondered if Ulquiorra had given a name to it…thinking that probably the Espada had not. 

While Shuuhei took care of the wakizashi, sharpening the inside of it to a nice point, he showed Kira how to polish the blade appropriately as well. When they were done, the wakizashi seemed to shine with a never-before-seen pride. Kira felt a surge of affection for it.

He took it back from Shuuhei and stared at the blade lovingly. _I’m sorry for not naming you,_ he thought, hoping the sword could hear him. _I hope you can forgive me and continue to work with me from now on._

The blade shimmered in the sunlight as if in response.

“Well, there’s nothing we can do to make it any lighter, I’m afraid,” Shuuhei said, sitting down next to Renji (unusually close, Kira thought…). “You might want to think about carrying around something a little less heavy. Something easier to grab in a pinch.”

Kira held tightly to the hilt of his blade. “This will do just fine, I’m sure.”

“You, ah…know how to use it?” Renji asked seriously.

It finally occurred to Kira that he had no idea how to defend himself seriously with a blade. “….No I don’t.” 

Shuuhei and Renji chuckled for a moment. Then the black-haired man stood up with a smile. “Well, you better learn. No sense carrying that poor thing around if you don’t even know what to do with it.”

“Will you…teach me, Shuuhei-kun?” Kira asked suddenly. His thoughts ran wild as he imagined actually learned some swordsmanship from his old friend—he hoped so dearly that Shuuhei would say yes!

Smiling wide, Shuuhei clapped his hand on Kira’s shoulder. “Of course I will. I’m not always going to be around to protect you, Kira-kun…I guess we both know that now. So it’s the least I can do to make sure you know how to keep yourself safe.”

Beaming with pride and love for his friend, Kira cupped Shuuhei’s face, making the taller man blush. “I would be forever in your debt, Shuuhei.”

“Now, now,” Renji said, elbowing Kira away from Shuuhei slightly. “Let’s try to keep this serious. After all, if you ever come up against the Espada again, I’d bet my ass you’d be seriously fucked.” 

Shuuhei wrapped his arm around Renji’s shoulder and kissed him on the cheek. “Who said anything about betting your ass?” he whispered audibly to the crimson-haired man. “I thought that belonged to me…” 

Renji turned a shade very close to his flowing mane. Kira, for his part, laughed whole-heartedly for the first time in a very long while. It felt so good to be with his friends again—and even better to have further reasons to come see them. 

As agreed, Kira spent all his afternoons with Renji and Shuuhei after that. He explained to Rose (who was more of moaning, sweat-soaked shift than a person at this point) what he was doing and the banished minister gave him his full blessing.

“Ah,” Rose said tiredly, “What a good way for a young man to get exercise, learning the art of swordsmanship. I applaud your efforts, Kira-kun. …Just make sure you’re back by suppertime.”

Kira smiled and bowed in affirmation. “Of course, Rose-san. I would never leave you to languish.” 

It was the truth. He needed to be punctual about returning on time so that Rose could stay fed. The minister had just begun to put on weight again, flatteringly enough so that he was not quite so bony. Kira wanted Rose to stay in goodhealth.

Rose shared his smile and nodded respectfully at his servant. 

______________________________________________________________

Kira’s training went rather slowly at first. Shuuhei had him just practice swinging his blade up and down, then side to side, to master the basic skill of lashing out. Because of the heavy weight of his wakizashi, Kira tired quickly and asked for many breaks.

“I told you to carry something lighter,” Shuuhei admonished. Kira tired after the first ten or fifteen swings! “Maybe we should use a wooden sword to practice…”

“N-not at all, Shuuhei-kun,” Kira insisted, rising to his feet and taking a deep breath to keep from panting. His arms felt like loose pudding, wiggling uselessly as he continued to grip his blade. “I am…quite alright.”

“Hmph,” Renji muttered from his seat at the blacksmith’s work bench. He was hammering some metal into shape while they practiced. “You got a name for that thing, yet?”

“I do.” Kira decided to name the wakizashi because of how it had been abandoned by its master, banished along with Kira from the start of their journey together. “Its name is Wabisuke.” 

“That’s a really gloomy fucking name,” Renji threw out. “But I guess it fits.”

Shuuhei nodded, then shrugged. “Well, if you insist on using it, then you better start again with your swings. You’re going to have to do better than that.”

Gritting his teeth, Kira swung again. He was grateful for Shuuhei being tough on him, and forcing himself to work helped strengthen his resolve. The more work something was, the more energy Kira brought to the project. It suited him to have a steep, upward climb. 

From there, Shuuhei taught Kira a few basic combat techniques. “Your Wabisuke is a short blade,” Shuuhei explained. “So you’re going to have to get used to close quarters combat.” 

Kira nodded and did as Shuuhei told him. He did not have that much natural skill, it turned out, but he honed his focus and made sure to at least master a handful of skills in close quarters. Once, after several weeks, he even knocked Shuuhei to the ground during a sparring match.

“Alright,” Renji said, ambling into the fray. “Let me have a go at you.” 

Renji was a much harsher teacher than Shuuhei. He fought with a wild kind of brilliance that had Kira doubling back on the defensive regardless of how strong his resolve was in that moment. Renji bested him again and again, making Kira think that perhaps he was not suited for the blade.

But then he would look at Wabisuke and remember what it felt like to be helpless. He remembered being dragged around the estate by a rope on his neck, falling to the dirt and being pulled along by a horse. It was one of his worst memories, alongside watching Aizen hold a blade to Gin’s throat while Kira looked on uselessly. 

He never wanted to feel that way again.

So, each time Renji knocked him to his feet and shook his head in disappointment, Kira made sure to rise back up. Even if his arms felt sore enough to collapse, Kira told himself to stay firm, to be as unmovable as the ground itself. 

_Even if I fall again,_ Kira told himself. _I can handle it. I’ll just get back up and keep trying…._

Renji always smiled and complimented Kira’s resolve. “You’re actually pretty tough, you know?” the red-head said admiringly. “It feels good to spar with you.” 

Kira nodded in thanks before slashing out with Wabisuke. The two of them sparred until sundown and Kira had to return to Rose. (His cooking skills were a bit weakened, admittedly, as Kira had trouble holding his hands steady after a full day of training, but Rose did not seem to mind.) 

And so, Kira passed the rest of the summer training with his friends. 

__________________________________________________________

When autumn came and the heat finally broke, Rose came back to life a little. It was a relief to Kira, who could spend less time doing menial chores for his employer and more time focusing on his swordsmanship. By the middle of fall, Renji and Shuuhei told him that he had all but mastered the basics of close quarters combat. The next step would be to hone his skills for regular fighting with a katana. 

Kira was happy to be moving on with his training. It was a source of pride for him. Beyond that, Shuuhei and Renji admitted that Kira’s best strength by far was his knowledge of healing herbs and medicinal techniques. 

“That makes you more valuable than ten fighters,” Shuuhei assured him. “Because you can heal your own wounds after taking a hit. Or you can even stand on the sidelines and heal a fallen ally. It’s all worthwhile.” 

Kira blushed in humility and nodded. His healing techniques had saved Gin once, after all. Then he asked Shuuhei how many fights he had been in and Shuuhei admitted there were many. Apparently, people who bought the blacksmith’s wares were likely to offer a fight as payment—hoping to wound Shuuhei enough that they would not need to pay him actual money. 

It seemed a horrible trade to Kira, but then he was also proud of Shuuhei for having emerged so well from the constant ordeal. Shuuhei was tougher now, even more than before, and wiser. 

“So are you,” Shuuhei said quickly, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. “You’re really…different from when I knew you in Falling Flowers. In a good way, I mean.”

Kira thanked him, but the thought stuck in his mind for days after. He was different? …Tougher? In truth, Kira did not think he was any tougher. He still cried easily, after all, sometimes tearing up during a sparring match when his body’s muscles stung with particular fervor. Or at night, after a rough climax when his whole being shivered with want for Gin. 

These did not seem like things a strong person would do.

But Kira held onto Shuuhei’s words. He turned them over in his head, holding Wabisuke in his hands and shifting the blade back and forth in the moonlight. He loved to do this—to reflect the pale moon’s rays over the silver, shiny metal of his wakizashi. It felt like taking a cool bath, in some ways, as if the light from the moon were some kind of water Kira could dip his whole body into. Refreshing. He would stare at his blade’s edge until he lost track of time, thinking idly to himself about a lot of things. 

One night, Kira sat on his futon doing just that. The crisp fall wind came in from his open window and rustled his blonde hair teasingly. It was starting to get a little cold and Kira thought about closing it, but his eyes stayed glued to the metal on his blade instead. He would get up, eventually, in a little while.

The servant tilted his blade forward and back. The moon was especially round today. He could see it as a perfect circle reflected on Wabisuke’s flat side.

Perfect circle? Kira looked back at the moon questioningly. The silver orb in the sky was not quite so round, he thought.

Frowning again, Kira looked at his blade and saw, plainly, a complete, perfect circle. He fiddled with the blade’s angle, trying to see how he could create such a circle, how it could be reflected just so…

As he stared, Kira noticed the silver of that orb looked almost lavender in places. It appeared to be fluttering oddly in the blade’s reflection…a single piercing, clear blue oval shining impossible brightly underneath. Almost like—

“ _Kirakira hikarimasu._ ” 

Heart freezing, Kira tore his gaze upward…and saw Ichimaru Gin leaning into his window as casually as ever.

“….” Kira said nothing at first, blinking several times, breathing heavily and waiting for Gin’s image to disappear. This could not be real, Gin could not be standing there, elbows on his windowsill, smiling as wide as Kira remembered…as if it had not been two lonely years since they last saw each other…

“What’s the matter?” Gin asked, chuckling under his breath. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” 

Kira swallowed hard and rose to his feet. He was not dreaming, that was for sure. Kira’s dreams were never set against the backdrop of his room in Rose’s house, never something so normal. This was reality. 

He took a few steps forward, ice flooding his veins as his heart beat in slow motion. Gin’s amused face loomed closer and closer as Kira approached him. From this distance Kira could see the shadow of the burn mark on Gin’s face. It had shrunken and turn a light brown over the years, less overtly noticeable than before, but now a distinct part of the man’s features. It looked like Gin had been caring the brand since birth.

Kira reached out silently and ran his hands over both sides of Gin’s face. He shuddered and sighed as he felt Gin’s distinct, silk-soft skin under his hands. He traced the side of Gin’s brand, heart soaring as Gin did not so much as flinch in pain. 

The mark had healed. Gin was alive. And well.

Without thinking, Kira grabbed Gin’s face and pulled him in for a kiss. He kissed the warrior roughly on the lips, moaning behind closed mouths as he tasted Gin again for the first time in so very long. Gin tasted just like he remembered—that faint green tea taste combined with the scent of pine trees. His lips felt like the missing piece of a puzzle, slotting against Kira’s own lips with such perfect precision Kira thought he might cry—

The blonde man leaned back and regarded Gin for any kind of reaction.

“Hmmm,” Gin chuckled, smiling wide again. “You give the best welcomes, Kir—”

Before he could finish, Kira slapped Gin across the face with a resounding smack. The warrior’s smile broke and his eyes opened slightly into surprised slits.

“You bastard!!” Kira cried. Tears really were streaming down his face now. “How can you do this to me? Disappear for two years then…rejoin me here…now…after all this time?!” 

Gin held a stunned hand to the side of his face where Kira hit him. He felt the reddening mark and broke out into another smile—this time an almost sheepish one. 

“Alright…” the warrior admitted. “Maybe I deserved that…”

Kira’s green eyes, including the one that was barely visible underneath his curtain of hair, shone with pure rage.

Gin held up his other hand in surrender. “Okay, okay. I definitely deserved that. But, hey, come on…give yourself some credit, Kira-bou! Look how great you’re doin’!” 

Kira took a deep breath and sighed. He tried to let out all his pounding rage in that breath, but his body was shaking with uncontrolled emotion. Anger, love, happiness, excitement, frustration…all the things he knew how to feel.

“Get in here,” Kira demanded, pulling on the folds of Gin’s yukata to drag him in.

Gin shot a glance over his shoulder, then complied, climbing into Kira’s window like a well-balanced cat. Once inside, Kira pulled him into the middle of the room and regarded him fully.

The warrior was wearing a black, casual-looking yukata. His bare white limbs peeked out from underneath the hem and from the billowy sleeves in stark contrast to the dark black of the garment. On top of that, Gin was wearing a bright red, silken _obi_ around his waist to tie the whole thing together. A small wakizashi hung at Gin’s hips, with a bright green and blue hilt. It stood out and painted the picture of Gin for what he surely was.

An assassin. No one else would dress like that, carry around a blade so obviously. (Even Kira knew to hide Wabisuke in the folds of his clothing.) 

But Kira could hardly care any less. He wrapped his arms around Gin and kissed him again, wiping his tears against Gin’s face in the process. This time, Gin returned the kiss and embraced him in return. They licked each other’s lips, tongues pushing harshly against each other, sucking and biting into the kiss to get a good taste of one another.

“You’re, uh…” Gin said, speaking in that rumbling tone that lit a fire in Kira. “A little more aggressive now, aren’t ya?”

“Ngh.” 

Kira said nothing and instead forced Gin into another rough kiss, running his hands all over Gin’s broad back. He could feel the muscles there, in the same places he remembered so well, and they drove him wild. He pawed at the partings of Gin’s yukata, pulling the garment open as far as he could. With ease, Kira undid the silk red tie and sent it fluttering to the ground. Wasting no time, he slid the black robe off Gin’s shoulders, exposing all of Gin’s pale white body to the moonlight.

Kira ran his fingers over Gin’s skin in reverence. He could make out the scars leftover from Gin’s close encounter with the Espada. The servant kissed each one in return, delighted at how well those wounds had healed, even if they did mar the man’s beautiful body. 

The blonde man could feel Gin’s pulse underneath his lips as he kissed the warrior’s neck. It made his soul quiver in happiness to realize, once again, that Gin was alive.

He inhaled Gin’s scent deeply, burying his nose in the hairs at the back of Gin’s neck. “Oh, my love,” he moaned, fully aroused to be so immersed in Gin once more.

Wrapping a leg around Gin’s waist, Kira pushed his hips into Gin’s firm body so that the warrior could feel how instantly hard he had gotten. Gin moaned under his breath at the feeling, shoving a hand in between their bodies to rub Kira’s clothed member.

It was nothing like the soft, sensual sex of Kira’s dreams, but there was hardly any time for that. Every nerve in Kira’s body demanded that he touch Gin, be touched by him, obtain release in close proximity to this damned fool of a man who reappeared as easily as he disappeared. 

“Alright, wait a sec,” Gin managed to say, in between groans as Kira dry humped him for all he was worth. 

Squirming out of Kira’s hold a little, Gin pushed the rest of his yukata to the floor and began working on Kira’s own clothing. He had the blonde man naked in record time, pulling at all the ties in his robes and _fundoshi_ seemingly at the same time. Kira gasped when he felt himself suddenly bare, but he paid no mind to the feeling and instead re-wrapped his legs around Gin, pushing the man on top of his futon.

Kira kissed the side of Gin’s face again and again. His lips made harsh contact with the uneven skin of his burn mark, but Kira loved the feel of it. He licked that scarred flesh like it was some sensitive part of Gin’s body—and indeed, the warrior moaned underneath the attention. 

“Ah, Izuru,” Gin muttered, digging his nails into the flesh on Kira’s back.

It was the first time Kira had ever been on top, and the strangeness of that was a little too much just then. They both stopped for a moment and regarded each other with panting breaths.

Kira bent down and kissed Gin softly on the lips. Then he rolled over onto his side so that Gin could straddle him. The warrior smiled and took up his usual position astride Kira’s hips.

Successfully back in control, Gin stroked Kira’s chest softly, kissing and licking the younger man’s flesh worshipfully. Kira moaned, thrusting his hips upward in need. He so loved the way Gin’s lips and tongue—oh, fuck yes, that tongue, finally—felt on his body…

“Mmm….” Gin grumbled, finding Kira’s hard cock again and wrapping his hand around it. “What happened to your hair, Kira-bou? It’s so…short.”

It was the first comment about something different between them, and Kira smiled at the remark. He had indeed changed his hair since they last saw each other, for convenience. Now his blonde mane was rather short in the back and on the sides, but still just as long in the front. Rose assured Kira that they look made him appear more manly, but Kira sometimes felt it made him look like a kid. Still, the shorter hair was cool in the summertime and he had no complaints there.

Gin tangled his fingers in the short hairs on the back of Kira’s head. “Hmmm…you look so fucking adorable like this. You know that, don’t you?”

Kira laughed a little at that, forcefully rubbing his cock into Gin’s hand to get some relief. 

“And this…” Gin squeezed Kira’s member, making the younger man cry out. “This is much more insistent than I remember.”

“It’s been…I mean, I’ve missed you, Gin-sama,” Kira said, holding onto Gin’s shoulders. 

“Mmmm…” Gin drawled. Then, he shifted himself to sit between Kira’s legs, bending his head towards Kira’s leaking cock. “I’ve missed you so, so much, Izuru. More than I can tell you.” 

With that, he ran his tongue along Kira’s dick, reveling in the taste like it was a meal he had not sampled for ages. Pleasure tingled along Kira’s skin as he withstood the feeling, throwing his head back and bucking his hips forward for more. Gin lapped Kira’s length for quite some time, bringing Kira closer and closer to the edge.

“I don’t want you to cum yet,” Gin explained, pulling off Kira’s cock. He got himself into position, Kira’s ankles on the warrior’s own shoulders. “Not until we get to this part.”

Gin licked his own fingers to get them wet, then slid them across Kira’s exposed entrance. He grinned at the way Kira shivered in response, spreading his legs wider. Then he plunged his fingers into the younger man with an unusual amount of impatience.

An impatient Gin was a wonder, Kira realized. Never before had Gin prepared him so forcefully, so quickly. He was pulled open, moaning in pleasure from the feeling, before he even had time to register that Gin’s fingers were inside of him. Just as quickly, Gin thrust his cock inside Kira’s ass and started to fuck him.

“Ah!!” Kira screamed, both in pain and pleasure. He had gone untouched in that place for years, so it was rather a shock to have all of Gin’s sizable member in there again.

But oh, it felt so wonderful. Gin was as long and unyielding as Kira remembered, piercing him to the core with each thrust. If this were a dream (and please, no, for the sake of everything, let it not be a dream), Kira knew he did not want to wake up. He wanted to remain impaled on Gin’s glorious cock for as long as possible, forever maybe, if Gin would let him…

“Oh…” Gin moaned, eyes fully open, watching Kira taking him. “Fuck yes, Izuru…this…you’re so tight right here…” 

He punctuated his remark with another harsh thrust. Kira cried out in response, beyond words.

“Don’t tell me…” Gin groaned, fisting the futon around Kira’s head as he restrained himself. “Don’t tell me you haven’t…with anyone…except me?”

Kira smiled and shook his head. “I haven’t, Gin-sama. I haven’t been touched in two years. You’re the only one…the only one who has ever done this to me—”

“Oooh…” Gin moaned and collapsed on top of Kira’s chest. He began fucking Kira in short, quick thrusts, unable to control himself anymore. 

“You’re a goddamn idiot…” Gin whispered, between gritted teeth. “How could you not…why would you stop yourself…?”

“Oh, Gin!” Kira cried, wrapping both his arms and legs around Gin, entangling their bodies to the point where it was impossible to tell them apart from each other. “I never wanted to…all I ever wanted was you, was this…oh, yes, please, don’t stop fucking me…!” 

“Nnn.” Gin fucked Kira with everything he had. “That’s crazy, _kirakira_. That’s so fucking crazy not to be with anyone else. …Were you waiting for me? What if…I never came back…?”

“I didn’t care!” Kira cried, arching his back as Gin started ramming into his sweet spot. “I couldn’t bring myself to be with anyone else! I was never…attracted to them…not like I was to you…I could never—ah, yes, right there! Please!”

“I’ve got you, Izuru,” Gin whispered, continuing to assault Kira’s sweet spot just like the younger man wanted. “If this is what you want, then here, take it…take it all, I’ll give you whatever you need—”

Hearing that, combined with Gin’s relentless hammering of his prostate and the way his cock rubbed against Gin’s silken abdomen, Kira climaxed helplessly. He squeezed himself closer to Gin, wishing at the moment of orgasm that his body would phase into Gin’s so that they could be one, completely. Then they would never to be alone again…

Gin growled low in his throat and released as well, shivering hard in Kira’s arms. The blonde man could feel every desperate spurt of his lover’s climax, harsher than he remembered. He held Gin as he rode out his orgasm, clenching around the dick inside him with loving squeezes.

By the time he was done coming, Gin was a mess. He lay on top of Kira, devoid of energy, face buried in the crock of the servant’s neck. Kira combed his fingers through Gin’s downy silver hair soothingly. He waited while Gin regained control of his breath.

Kira saw Gin’s state and put the pieces together himself. “So, I suppose you haven’t been with anyone else either since we’ve been apart. Have you, Gin-sama?”

The warrior paused for a moment and sat up on one elbow. “…No,” he admitted. “I’ve been…busy.”

At that, Kira broke out into a quick laugh. “Too busy for this?” To clarify, he clenched around Gin’s dick, which was still buried in his ass.

“Ah!” Gin cried. Kira felt the other man hardening again and he smiled, more than ready for another round. 

“Well, yeah,” Gin asserted, righting himself into a kneeling position above Kira. “I’ve been, you know, real busy. …And maybe I didn’t want anyone else, either.”

Even though Gin’s face loomed above him with that omnipresent fox grin, Kira knew the warrior was not lying. After all, Gin’s lies never sounded so strained. 

Kira nodded and let Gin fuck him again. This time, the warrior went slowly, moving in and out of the younger man with finesse and care. It was the kind of sex Kira remembered—tense and hungry, like Gin was trying devour Kira from the inside. And was succeeding. Sure enough, Gin coaxed Kira into another climax of his own, making swift work of the servant’s cock and angling his hips just right. Gin made love to him patiently, making sure to bring Kira off before he let himself release once again.

By the time it was all done, Kira’s ass was absolutely ruined. When Gin pulled out, he felt physical pain from the separation (as well as emotional pain, hit full force with a sudden emptiness).

Gin looked around for a towel while Kira lay incapacitated. He found one in Kira’s cupboard and cleaned them both off perfunctorily. Then he laid down next to the servant with a quiet huff, wrapping their limbs together again.

It really had been a long time, Kira mused. And, in truth, it was not as though Kira had been lacking any other offers. Far from it. Rose had proposition Kira numerous times, in varying degrees of promiscuity, in both drunk and sober states. But each time, Kira turned the minister down respectfully, sometimes carrying him to back to Rose’s own room and depositing him on his futon fully clothed. He was not blind; he knew Rose was a very attractive man. But he harbored no internal desire for the minister. When he masturbated at night, it was only Gin in his mind’s eye. He tried to think of Rose in a sexual way, naked perhaps, with a cock that was surely long and grand. But that never aroused any excitement in Kira. His lust deflated upon each vision. 

Even Kensei…Kira was sure Kensei would have agreed to fuck him at some point, had Kira asked. But Kira never did because he was not drawn to Kensei beyond a point of friendship.

Rose and Kensei simply were not Gin. Kira had come to accept that Gin’s was the only cock he could come to experience true pleasure with. Anything else felt wrong, dirty in a way, like he was submitting to some unseemly lie.

It seemed, perhaps, that Gin felt the same way. Kira’s heart fluttered happily when he thought about Gin, refusing propositions from anyone else. He imagined Gin pining for him just as much as Kira himself pined—that painted a lovely grin on the blonde man’s face.

“What are you smilin’ about?” Gin asked lazily, propping himself up again.

“I’m imagining you touching yourself and thinking about me,” Kira said honestly.

“Whoa!” Gin cried, sitting up completely. “Where…where the hell did you learn to talk like that, huh? So dirty, Kira-chan…”

But Gin was smiling, rather wide, so Kira knew his lover was pleased. 

“Have you seen me, Gin-sama?” Kira asked with mock innocence. “Have you been watching me from the window? Because I’ve certainly been attending to my own needs lately…”

Gin’s eyes opened into slits in surprise. His laughter paused. Then he said, “…Only for the past few days, I swear.” 

Kira smiled and nodded. As soon as he saw Gin in the window, he had expected as much. Stalking was in Gin’s nature after all. And it proved that Kira’s instincts had been correct! Gin really had been watching him masturbate some nights, just as the servant sensed. 

It felt good to be right about some things. 

“Why did you ever leave me, Gin?” Kira asked suddenly, a wave of sadness washing over him as he realized they could have been enjoying each other’s company this whole time.

“Because.” Gin’s face turned serious. “I wanted you to figure out what you wanted for yourself, Izuru. Without me getting in the way.”

“Did Kensei tell you to do it?” Kira asked honestly.

“He did,” Gin admitted, “But I had decided to leave long before that guy said anything. I didn’t…” the warrior sighed and looked away. “I didn’t want you to feel like you had to be with me, just because we got banished together. And I didn’t want you to get hurt…”

As Gin trailed off, Kira realized the extent of Gin’s plans. How much Gin had truly thought about doing the right thing by Kira and letting him stand on his own two feet. He also figured out where exactly Gin had been these past two years. With that, he sat up and cupped Gin’s face in his hands.

“You should have asked me first,” Kira explained. “If you had only talked to me, you would have realized that all I ever wanted was to be with you. Through anything. No matter what.”

Gin smiled for a moment—a genuine, legitimate smile that stopped Kira’s heart. Was this…breaking through the mask, finally? Then the warrior frowned and looked away once more.

“No you don’t, Kira. Not where I’m goin’.” 

Kira let go of Gin’s face and held his own hands in his lap. A surge of pure anger floated to the surface inside of him. He dug his fingernails into his own palms to keep calm.

“You’re…going to try and kill Aizen again, aren’t you.”

It was not a question.

“Yeah.”

Kira sat in silence, pushing against his palms hard enough to leave small indents for some time afterward. Then, he looked at Gin, who was staring up at the moonlight with his mask firmly in place. It angered Kira to no end and all the dams inside him burst at seams.

“Why?!” Kira cried. “Why must you? Why not leave that man to his own fate—karma is sure to catch up with him eventually, probably sooner rather than later with what Aizen puts out into the world. So why…why bring yourself into harm’s way, again, Gin-sama? Just tell me why…”

The warrior looked back at his lover. His smile faltered and he looked just plain serious for a moment. “Because. He needs to die, Kira. And I can stop him.”

“Can you?” Kira spat out indignantly.

It was a hurtful thing to say in light of Gin’s previous failures, but the warrior just shrugged in response.

“Even if I can’t, it’s worth dying to try.”

“But why should you be the one?” Kira demanded, grabbing Gin’s shoulders. “Why should you be the one to chase this man to ends of the earth, for no reason?”

Gin shook his head. “I swore to myself that I would do this. And I swore to…”

“To Rangiku.” Kira finished the sentence for him.

Gin flinched in surprise, but then slowly nodded. “Yeah. I swore on her grave.” 

Kira shook his head again and again. He wanted to explain what Rangiku had said about how she did not care about the circumstances of her death…but right then, a spiritual encounter sounded crazy even to Kira’s ears. He was not ready to explain everything he had learned from Rangiku. Not yet, anyway.

“But what if that’s not what she wants?” Kira said, instead. “What if she does not want you to avenge her?”

“It’s not about revenge,” Gin explained. “It never was. It’s about changing this whole fucked up world to be a place where good people never have to cry again. Rangiku was good, Kira. You’re good. I don’t want you to get hurt…to die for no reason…” 

“I cried a lot when you left, Gin,” Kira said. “What about that?”

“But you lived. And you’re stronger now. Way stronger, I can tell.” Gin slowly broke out into a smile.

For a moment, Kira had nothing to say to that. He looked away. It was just as Rangiku said; Gin was programmed to be a hunter, a predator of sorts. But it was his wish to erase some of the evils of the world by using what he could. 

Kira nodded, finally. “Yes. I survived, Gin. And now I’ll never let you out of my sight again.”

When Kira spoke, there was such determination in his eyes that Gin was taken aback for a moment. His lips parted in surprise. Then he shook his head, coming back into his typical demeanor—eyebrows creased, frowning. 

“Don’t you get it?” Gin asked. “I’m out there doin’ what I need to do. Some fucked up shit, yeah? I joined this group—” He picked up the red sash on the floor and showed Kira the snake-like insignia sewn into one corner. “It’s a band of assassins. We kill people when we’re asked to. Mostly for money, but for me I get other things. I’m one of the better ones, so I get to kill the wealthier people, the ones with more power who are harder to get to. But I do it. I kill them, I get it done. I know how. And every time I kill one of those fuckers, I get a little more information, another step closer to the people who really want Aizen dead, another way to get to him…”

Gin’s eyes had opened into half-moon crescents as he spoke of his assassination scheme. Kira watched his lover, unmoved by the objectively unsettling picture Gin made when he was speaking about murder. Instead of gasping or moving back, Kira merely nodded his head.

(He had been prepared, after all. Rangiku already told him Gin was killing. To have proof of that fact solidified Kira’s feelings into acceptance. This was Gin. Make no mistake.)

“So you’ll kill whoever it takes until you get to Aizen,” Kira stated. “Is that it?”

“…Yeah, that’s pretty much it.” Gin’s frown eased up somewhat.

“Then why did you come find me, Gin-sama? To tell me goodbye in person, finally?”

Gin smiled wide. “Well, I wanted to see you. So I tracked you down, followed you to Nara and found out where you were livin’. When I saw you, Kira…” Gin sucked in breath through his teeth. “I was so proud. Here you are, making a life for yourself. So strong. Earnin’ your own money, doing as you please. It made me so happy, Kira-bou. But you looked…”

There was a grand pause as Gin waited several moments to finish his sentence.

“….lonely. I thought you looked lonely and I started feeling this crazy amount of guilt…and need, I’ll admit it. So I had to see you. To come talk to you again, after these couple of years."

Kira allowed himself a small smile. So Gin was perceptive enough to understand how Kira was feeling, and he was proud of him for achieving what he had. It rekindled a sense of affection for Gin—who was as misbegotten as possible in his wants to ensure Kira had a better life. But Gin had not been entirely wrong in one respect: Much had changed.

“Well, you’re right, Gin-sama,” Kira said at last. “I’ve learned how to live on my own, I’ve seen what life is like without you, without anyone. And now I can make my own decisions.”

Kira held fast to Gin’s shoulders, staring him dead in the face. “And I chose to be with you, Gin. Through whatever you need to do. If you’re part of this…group, then…I suppose I have no choice but to follow you there. I can work alongside you, I can be there to heal you when you get hurt, I can fight—”

“Whoa, whoa, Kira-kun…” Gin clapped Kira on the shoulder, fighting back a laugh. “What are ya sayin’, huh? You want to be a killer now, too?”

“If that’s what it takes to keep you safe, to stay by your side…then yes.” 

There was a long pause, then Gin burst out laughing. Kira waited politely for Gin to recover, the warrior holding his sides in mirth. “Alright, alright, good one, Kira, but let’s be serious for a minute—”

Kira reached for his wakizashi, which he had stashed under the futon as soon as he saw Gin. He pulled it out and bared the blade to Gin’s throat in one fluid movement. Gin, who had let his guard down completely, found himself at the mercy of Kira’s knife. He stopped laughing, frown returning to his face.

“I’ve been training, Gin-sama,” Kira explained, backing off. “I know how to fight.”

“How to fight, sure,” Gin offered. “How to kill is something else.”  


At that, Kira nodded. “True. But when it comes to learning how to take a life…I assume I can learn from the master in that respect.” 

He smiled back at Gin and the warrior opened his eyes fully. He took in all of Kira’s unmoved face, shaking his head in calm disbelief. 

“Holy shit, you’re serious about this, aren’t you?” Gin asked finally.

“Yes.” 

“Well…it’s not like I can just drag you along and pull you into some situation where you’re bound to get killed…”

“What makes you think you can stop me?” Kira asked.

Before giving that a chance to sink in, Kira rounded on Gin with a jab to the side, which Gin only barely managed to dodge. Falling for Kira’s feint, the servant pulled Gin into a grappling move, locking Gin’s naked body underneath him. Snarling in frustration, Gin undid the lock with a roll of his legs. He reached for his own wakizashi and the two of them sparred for briefly.

It was close quarters combat, short blade against short blade. Kira could not have been more in his element.

“If I win, will you let me join you?” Kira asked, holding Gin’s blade in a fierce parry.

“Yeah, sure,” Gin said, smiling wider than ever. “I’ll consider it.”

So, Gin and Kira fought in the same area of Kira’s bedroom. They toppled over Kira’s nightstand at one point, absolutely ruining Kira’s futon where it lay, upturning his barely used pillow book. Kira worried about Rose hearing them and coming to investigate—but sure enough, the banished minister was out cold in his room. The two lovers were able to finish their fight with as many high-handed parries and low fighting grappling moves as they could.

It ended, finally, when Kira saw through one of Gin’s many false strikes and was able to counter with a twist of his hilt into Gin’s stomach. It felt kind of good to actually hurt Gin a little (with how much he had hurt Kira himself after leaving him for so long), and he put a decent amount of effort into the strike. Gin doubled over in surprise and Kira jumped behind him, locking him into a fierce hold. He pressed Gin’s face into the ground, holding Wabisuke against the warrior’s bared throat.

Both of them panting, Gin rolled his eyes to stare back at Kira. He smiled wide, even in his own defeat.

“Good thing we’re not here to kill each other,” Gin threw out as Kira ambled off of him. “But yeah. You’re a hell of a fighter, Izuru.” 

“So, you agree to let me join you.” Kira slid Wabisuke into his sheath. He was elated that he had actually won, but he knew it was only because Gin had not used his full strength nor had they actually been fighting to kill, as the warrior suggested. 

Gin sighed, looking dismayed. “Well, a deal is a deal. But I still think you should reconsider. You have a shot at a real life here, Kira-kun, don’t ya see? Why would you throw that all away—”

“But my life belongs to me, doesn’t it?” Kira demanded, pushing Gin to the ground again. “Don’t I get to decide how to use it?”

“…You do…” Gin admitted.

“Then I’ve already made my choice.” 

As far as Kira was concerned, this was the easiest choice of his life. He had decided to do this long ago—back when he first stood up to Aizen and refused to kill Gin on request. From that moment on, Kira knew his path was going to be a difficult one, one that probably required a fair amount of bloodshed. 

If you were throwing your lot in with Gin, that was only to be expected.

But Kira had had years to make his peace with such a fate. He learned from Rangiku that the bloody path was Gin’s life. Even then, he had learned how to accept such a thing. Making the switch and beginning to fight for himself seemed like the natural order of things after that. (In truth, Kira liked fighting. It made him feel like he was in control of things, for once, after a lifetime of servitude and placid acceptance.) 

“Hmm…” Gin said thoughtfully. “I guess there’s no talking to you, Kira. You seem like you really want to do this. …I suppose I could just leave you here on your own again, like before, but it just seems so cruel when you take into account _kirakira’s_ steadfast determination…”

“If you leave me…” Kira began, holding Gin down. “Then I’ll…I’ll chase you down, find you wherever you are, and then…I’ll kill you myself!”

Overcome with emotion, Kira smashed his lips against Gin’s. He kissed him hard, clashing their teeth together, splitting open one of their lips in the process. The kiss merged with the tangy taste of blood. Gin kissed back on his own, wrapping his arms around Kira’s naked body. Before long, they were both hard again.

In all fairness, naked grappling was nothing short of erotic. They both hoped to do it again, someday.

“Hmmm…” Gin groaned. “Kira-san is so forceful with me…it’s so very arousing…” He chuckled deeply, then said, “Well, I guess it is your turn.”

With that, Gin flipped himself over onto his stomach. Without any hint of shame, the warrior bared his ass to lover, presenting himself on his knees, forearms pressed to the floor. A picture of complete submission.

“Go ahead, Izuru,” Gin said while Kira’s heart began to beat wildly in his chest. “You can fuck me if you want. I’ll take it, like a good boy…mmm, yeah…”

Gin wagged his ass back and forth teasingly. Kira swallowed hard, unable to believe he was seeing this. He had never dreamed of turning the tables and being the one on top…but now that he was faced with such a prospect, Kira found himself rock hard and dripping with anticipation. 

Oh yes, he wanted to fuck Gin—he wanted to know for himself what it felt like to be buried within his lover…!

Wasting no time, Kira prepared Gin like he had been taught. It was even less time before he was fucking Gin inside out, dominating the warrior on his cock. Gin cried out in pleasure, switching between laughing wildly in amusement and moaning in the intense feelings of bliss Kira was giving him. It was a crazed, bizarre affair, but Kira loved it.

Thrusting in and out of Gin felt like heaven. This was heavenly, divine in its own right. Kira could ask for nothing less. He would fight to keep Gin between his thighs, underneath him, wanting for nothing other than Kira’s own cock…

If this was a way to please Gin, Kira would do it as many times as he could.

They both found release from Kira’s quick, shallow thrusts, his hands around Gin’s aching member. 

It was quite the night to remember. A turning point in both their lives.

_____________________________________________________________

They left that very night. Kira wrote a note to Rose apologizing profusely for leaving without warning, but he assured the minister that he would send for Renji and Shuuhei to check up on him from time to time, to make sure Rose was taking care of himself. Kira did feel incredibly guilty for leaving Rose behind in all this, but somehow, he knew Rose would approve.

Rose was a hopeless romantic, after all. Reunited with a long-lost lover? Rose would be writing poetry about it for years.

Meanwhile, Kira told Gin they needed to stop and see Renji and Shuuhei before they left. Once at the blacksmith’s shop, Kira explained everything to them in short, hurried whispers. Neither Renji nor Shuuhei seemed to understand fully why Kira needed to leave, but they respected his wishes.

“Leaving to fight the establishment, huh?” Renji asked with a grin. “Kind of a weird move for our little Kira-chan, but…have to say, I’m kind of jealous!”

Shuuhei ignored him and pulled Kira into a tight hug. “You be careful out there, Kira. Remember everything we taught you and don’t do anything dangerous—”

“Dangerous?” Renji sputtered. “He’s leaving to become an assassin. How is anything after that considered dangerous?”

Pushing his lover away in frustration, Shuuhei held on tightly to Kira. “Just be safe. Please. If you need anything, you know where to find us.”

“I do.” 

Kira bowed to his friends with as much respect as he could muster, partially to create some distance between them. Anything else was too painful. “Thank you for everything.”

With that, Kira slipped away into the night, Gin at his side.

__________________________________________________________

And so, Gin dragged Kira down into his world of darkness. Or, perhaps it is more accurate to say, Kira jumped down on his own to be with Gin. Either way, such was their fate.

Gin introduced Kira to his group of like-minded assassins. Far from being a painful process, the band was more than happy to have another member—especially one who came recommended by Gin, one of their strongest. So Kira was able to join right away.

Once he donned his own black yukata with a red silk _obi,_ snake stylishly embellished on the tip, Kira descended into the life of a true assassin. He rarely ever actually killed—that was mostly Gin’s job, and they worked together, always—but he was at Gin’s side through each one of the warrior’s murders. He watched Gin take the life of countless people, and he was there to tend his lover’s wounds afterwards. To cover his back whenever Gin needed cover.

It was their way.

They moved under cover of night, almost always. Kira got used to the darkness after a while. After a kill, he would hold Gin’s hand and they would retreat back to their shanty (what served as their hide-out, their home) as one.

Kira kept his pillow book with him and wrote down very accurate details of each one of their hits. Gin, amazed that his lover could actually read and write, was in awe of Kira’s exactitude and praised him endlessly for doing so.

In truth, Kira was tracking a way to get to Aizen. Each new kill created another branch in that man’s direction, another step closer…

But they were far enough away that Kira did not have to worry about that encounter just yet. Sometimes, he hoped that perhaps they never would. Other times, Kira dreamed of dragging his knife through Aizen’s throat himself. 

Kira was never sure which dream he wanted more.

He was sure however, laying beside Gin at night after cleaning them both of any lingering bloodstains, that he had made the right choice. For him, for both of them, it was the only choice.

On nights when the natural darkness of the night was cut by the light of stars, Kira felt an affirming presence around him. He would stare into the darkness of the woods on the outskirts of Fukuhara where he and Gin and lived. He would look up into the unending blackness of the night sky that was marred by tiny pinpricks of light. …And he would think he saw a woman staring back at him. Some orange-haired woman with yellow roses in her hair.

She looked happy. If she was even there at all.

 

 

 

 

The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wahhh! That's it! *cries* This story ended up being one of the longest things I've ever written.
> 
> Anyway, I wanted the last few parts to feel kind of like an epilogue. I didn't want to go into too much detail about Gin and Kira's lives as assassins, think all that is better left to the imagination. You can imagine Gin and Kira running around in their little assassin's uniforms, stealing into people houses at night or infiltrating some grand Heian-era estate through tactical espionage...it's great stuff, really. 
> 
> As for Aizen, it's totally open-ended what happens to him here. Choose your own adventure! 
> 
> Anyway, thanks for the extended read, Gin/Kira fans! This pairing, and this story, mean a lot to me at this point and I hope reading this tale brought you some joy. I'm so sorry to see it end, but at the same time...it feels so well-earned. 
> 
> As Gin would say, "Skewer those punks!!" No I mean, "Bye bye." :) 
> 
> (See you in the next installment of "Jidaigeki" sometime soon, hopefully! The fun never ends around here.)


End file.
